Book Review: Trejo: My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood by Danny Trejo


As I sit here, preparing to write a few words about Danny Trejo’s autobiography, I find myself tempted to refer to him as being a “horror star.”

That’s just because it’s October and I’m in a horror mood.  The truth of the matter is that Danny Trejo has appeared in all sorts of films.  He’s done comedy.  He’s done action.  He’s done drama.  Not surprisingly, given his background, he’s appeared in a ton of crime films.  He guest-starred on two episodes of Baywatch.  On King of the Hill, he lent his voice to the character of Enrique.  He starred as Machete in two movies.  And yes, he’s done his share of horror.  He was killed by a giant snake in Anaconda.  He was killed by Michael Myers (or “Mikey” as Danny’s character called him) in Rob Zombie’s Halloween.  He battled both a multi-headed shark and a murderous ghost for SyFy.  Danny Trejo has appeared in all sorts of films, to the extent that you never really know where or when he’s going to show up.

That’s something Trejo addresses in his autobiography, which is itself simply called Trejo.  He writes about getting asked whether or not he minds appearing in so many B-movie and his reply is that even a B-movie will give people jobs, put food on the table, and perhaps provide some joy to someone who watches it.  In another passage, he points out that one bad day on a movie set is still better than the best day in prison.  He makes a good point.  A lot of movie snobs could learn a lot from Danny Trejo’s attitude.

As for the book, it’s as straight-forward as the actor himself.  Trejo talks about his early life of crime, the time he spent in prison, his struggle to get off drugs, his career as a no-nonsense drug counselor, and finally, his current status as a pop cultural icon.  Trejo doesn’t hold much back, discussing not only the crimes that he committed when he was young and incarcerated (A lot of the people who love Danny Trejo the character actor would have been terrified of Danny Treo the violent criminal, including myself) but also his subsequent struggles to be a good and responsible father.  Maturing is a theme that run through the entire book and Trejo admits that, even as he closes in on his 80th birthday, he’s still learning and growing.  What makes the book truly effective is that Trejo never avoids responsibility for his mistakes nor does he attempt to deflect blame.  He’s as honest about his sins as he is about his subsequent redemption and it’s that honesty that makes his story so inspiring.

If you’re hoping for a lot of Hollywood gossip, this book might disappoint you.  With a few notable exceptions involving Edward James Olmos’s attempts to make a movie about the Mexican Mafia, Trejo focuses on the positive when he discusses his film career.  One gets the feeling that he loves his life and he loves his unique place in the entertainment universe.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Trejo takes a great deal of joy out of the fact that he’s survived and it’s hard not to share that joy.  It’s also hard not to be touched by Trejo’s efforts to keep others from making the same mistakes that he made.

Trejo is a good and inspiring read.  Check it out and give thanks for Danny Trejo.  He’s a survivor and the world is better for it.

Horror Book Review: Who Killed The Homecoming Queen? by R.L. Stine


This 1997 YA novel from R.L. Stine tells the story Tania, Eva, and all of their friends at Shadyside High!

Tania, as we learn in the book’s opening pages, is having the best year of her life! She’s got a hunky stepbrother. She’s got a football player boyfriend. Her movie career is about to be launched because she’s been cast in a high school student film. (Yeah, that didn’t make sense to me either but just go with it.) And, at the big pep rally that starts the book, it’s announced that she’s going to be the homecoming queen! Meanwhile, Eva apparently has psychic abilities that allow her to know if something bad is going to happen. That may sound impressive but the book doesn’t really do much with it.

Of course, life is never as perfect as it seems. Tania may be the most popular girl in school but that doesn’t mean that everyone likes her. In fact, Leslie, one of the defeated homecoming queen finalists, even attempts to push Tania down some stairs! OH MY GOD! Leslie says it was an accident but was it? Later on, when Tania mysteriously disappears, Eva and her friends wonder …. who killed the homecoming queen!? (Of course, that’s assuming Tania is dead. She’s actually just missing so it could be that Eva is getting ahead of herself.) Leslie seems like the obvious suspect but …. OH MY GOD AGAIN, is that Cherise Colby making out with Tania’s boyfriend!? And seriously, why would anyone trust their boyfriend with someone named Cherise Colby?

I love the old R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike books and I’m planning on reading and reviewing a lot of them for October. The main reason I read this particular book was because of the title. I mean, Who Killed The Homecoming Queen is the type of title that you would come up with if you were challenged to come up with the perfect R.L. Stine title. That said, the book itself is pretty anti-climatic. There’s only one death in the book and — surprise! (and spoiler alert, I suppose) — it’s not the homecoming queen! So, as perfect as the title is, it’s kind of a lie. Stine used the title but he didn’t actually use it as the plot of the book, which is strange.

To be honest, though, this book feels like R.L. Stine on autopilot. This is one of the last of the original Fear Street books (though Fear Street itself is not really mentioned in the book) so one gets the feeling that Stine was a bit bored when he wrote it. I was a bit bored when I read it, though I did have to laugh at the obnoxious student filmmakers who insisted on making Eva’s life awkward. Never have a group of supporting characters felt more true to life.

Anyway, fear not! This particular R.L. Stine book may be disappointing but he wrote a lot of books and I’m planning on reading and reviewing a few of the better ones this October!

I mean, who can resist a trip to Fear Street, right?

Horror Book Review: Fright Favorites by David J. Skal


Happy October!

Now, if you’re like those of us here at the Shattered Lens, you’ve already got your list of movies set up to go. You know exactly which horror movies you’re going to watch this year and you’re ready for a great Halloween! Good for you! However, for everyone else, David J. Skal’s Fright Favorites is a good place to start when it comes to making out your list.

The book is subtitled 31 Movies To Haunt Your Halloween and Beyond and that’s pretty much the perfect description. Skal writes about 31 classic horror films, analyzing both their content and discussing their historical importance and making a pretty good case why these should be the films that you watch this Halloween. (Actually, since there’s 31 films, you could easily watch a film a day.) Going in chronological order, Skal starts with silent classics like Nosferatu and The Phantom of the Opera and then goes all the way to modern classics like Get Out. Along the way, Skal discusses Universal classics like Dracula and Frankenstein, the Hammer films, the Corman Poe films, and, of course, films like The Exorcist, The Shining, Halloween, Beetlejucie, Scream, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and many more. He also recommends Hocus Pocus but we won’t hold that against him. He also devotes a chapter to Black Sunday (with a little mini-section about Surpiria) so Italian horror does not go unmentioned!

It’s a fun read, for both horror and non-horror fans. It’s a good starter for those who might not know much about the genre but, at the same time, there’s a lot here for those of us who already love the films. Skal’s appreciation of the genre comes through and, even if you’ve already seen the films that he recommends, it’s still interesting to consider his thoughts on them. This is one of those books that will remind you of why you fell in love with the horror genre in the first place.

Book Review: Dolls! Dolls! Dolls!: Deep Inside Valley of the Dolls, the Most Beloved Bad Book and Movie of All Time by Stephen Rebello


Do you want to read a very good book about a very bad film?

If the answer’s yes, Stephen Rebello’s Dolls! Dolls! Dolls!: Deep Inside Valley of the Dolls, the Most Beloved Bad Book and Movie of All Time tells you just about everything you could possibly want to know about the production of the 1967 cult classic, Valley of the Dolls. Starting with the Jacqueline Susann and her decision to write the book that scandalized America and caught Hollywood’s imagination, Rebello offers up information on every bit of the process that brought Valley of the Dolls to cinematic life. From the search for the right director to the effort to turn Susann’s novel into a filmable script, it’s all here. Everything from casting to recasting to the costumes to the music to the release to the film’s subsequent status as a camp classic, none of it is left out.

Perhaps not surprisingly, to anyone who knows me, my favorite part of the book were the two chapters that dealt with the casting of “the dolls” and “the dopes.” A truly impressive number of performers were considered for the roles that were eventually played by Barbara Parkins, Patty Duke, and Sharon Tate and, as I read about the casting process, I found myself thinking about all of the alternate casts that could have been assembled. Some of the possibilities feel inspired. Others boggle the mind.

Imagine, if you will, the famous fight scene between Patty Duke and Susan Hayward if the roles had been played by Barbra Streisand and Bette Davis. It could have happened! Imagine Raquel Welch as the tragic Jennifer North and Elvis Presley as her talented but simple-minded lover. Again, it could have happened. Among those who make appearances — some extended and some just as cameos — in the casting chapters: Candice Bergen, Ann-Margaret, Debbie Reynolds, Natalie Wood, Lee Remick, Mary Tyler Moore, Marlo Thomas, Shelley Winters, Jane Fonda, Julie Christie, Faye Dunaway, Angela Lansbury, Millie Perkins, Tony Curtis, Christopher Plummer, James Garner, Adam West, James Caan, Martin Sheen, Tom Selleck, James Brolin, Robert Reed, Richard Beymer, Alain Delon, Richard Chamberlain, Anthony Perkins, Kevin McCarthy, and hundreds more. That’s quite an impressive list for a film that no one was apparently expecting to be very good!

The book devotes quite a bit of space to Judy Garland’s casting as Helen Lawson, a character who may have very well been based on her. Garland was infamously fired from Valley of the Dolls and replaced with Susan Hayward. The book explores all of the conflicting accounts about what led to Garland’s firing. On the one hand, if you’re into old Hollywood gossip, you’ll find a lot of it here. At the same time, Rebello shows a good deal of empathy and sensitivity in describing the situation that the phenomenally talented but emotionally insecure Garland found herself in when she was cast as Helen. For all the space that this book focuses on the sometimes unbelievable drama that went on during the shoot, Stephen Rebello is never less than sympathetic to the performers who worked on Valley of the Dolls. Barbara Parkins, Patty Duke, and Sharon Tate are all brought to vibrant life in Rebello’s account. (Rebello is especially to praised for reminding readers that Sharon Tate was more than just the tragic victim of a terrible crime. She was also an actress of great promise and, from everyone’s account, a wonderful human being as well.) In fact, perhaps the only person who really comes across badly in the book’s account of the production is director Mark Robson, who is portrayed as being the type of manipulative showbiz hack that you would expect to find in a sordid, Hollywood roman à clef. Perhaps one like Valley of the Dolls!

Along with telling you everything you could possibly want to know about Valley of the Dolls, the book is also a sometimes humorous and sometimes thought-provoking portrait of Hollywood at the end of the studio system. Trying to keep up with the popularity of television and the permissiveness of European cinema, Hollywood tried to prove that it wasn’t culturally out-of-touch with its version of Valley of the Dolls. Of course, the end result was a film that showed just how out-of-touch Hollywood actually was. That’s one reason why Valley of the Dolls continues to be such a beloved bad film. Stephen Rebello’s informative book tells you everything you could want to know about it. Dolls! Dolls! Dolls! is a must-read for anyone who loves movies or who is interested in the history and development of American trash culture.

Book Review: One Lonely Night by Mickey Spillane


As you may have heard, we’ve had a bit of inclement weather down here in Texas.  Tuesday morning, around one a.m., the house was surrounded by six inches of snow.  The temperature outside was 3 degrees.  Because the power was down (not due to the rolling blackouts that had paralyzed the rest of the state but instead because some idiot drove into a substation) it was about 40 degrees inside of the house.  It was cold, I was shivering, and I couldn’t sleep.  So, I decided to sit in bed and read a book.  Even though I had a flashlight with me, I quickly discovered that I didn’t need it.  The snow outside was so bright that it actually generated enough light that I was able to read by it.  That was actually kind of nice.

As for the book that I decided to read, it was an old paperback detective novel that I purchased at Half-Price Books a few years ago.  (Half-Price Books has a wonderful vintage section.)  Originally published in 1951, Mickey Spilliane’s One Lonely Night is one of the many books that Spillane wrote about the adventures of a tough New York-based private investigator named Mike Hammer. Many of those books were later adapted into films.  1955’s Kiss Me Deadly is probably the best-known.  (And, of course, the much-missed Gary Loggins was quite a fan of Mike Hammer and the author who created him.)

One Lonely Night opens at night and with Mike Hammer in a bad mood.  Earlier in the day, a judge scolded Hammer for being too quick to kill people, leaving Hammer to feel as if he was being portrayed as being some sort of blood-thirsty monster.  When night comes, Hammer is still wandering around Manhattan and obsessing on the fact that he’s somehow developed a reputation for being violent and quick to kill.  It’s interesting because, on the one hand, it’s hard not to feel bad for Hammer.  His feelings have obviously been hurt and, as he explains in his hard-boiled narration, he only kills people who have to be killed.  He doesn’t necessarily do it for fun though, at the same time, he doesn’t make any apologies for doing what he feels needs to be done.  On the other hand, as you read the book, you can’t help but notice that Hammer really does kill a lot of people.  When he’s not killing, he’s thinking about killing.  He’s obsessed with violence and, even if he’s found a way to justify that to himself, it’s still hard not to be slightly disturbed by such a one-track mind.  Hammer knows that he will never be able to escape his fearsome reputation and he also know that most people will never see him as being anything more than a murderer.  But, at the same time, he also understands that important role that he, in his own ruthless way, plays in maintaining the proper balance between good and evil.  He’s a former soldier, a World War II vet who one took as much pleasure in killing Nazis as he now takes in killing criminals.  He’s frightening but he’s necessary.

As for the book’s plot — well, it’s hard to know where to even begin.  It all starts with Hammer wandering around Manhattan and running into a mysterious woman being pursued by a male assassin.  The woman, apparently thinking that Hammer is another assassin, jumps off a bridge rather than accept Hammer’s help.  Hammer, who has just told us in glorious detail about how much he resents being called a killer, proceeds to kill the other man and then toss his body off the bridge as well.  Before Hammer throws away the dead man, he uses the pavement to scrape off the man’s fingerprints because …. well, he’s Mike Hammer and he does stuff like that.  (What’s interesting is that Hammer informs us about destroying the man’s fingerprints rather casually, as if it’s something that anyone would do under the circumstances.)  Through a convoluted series of events, this all leads to Hammer investigating a politician who is being blackmailed by his twin brother and also uncovering a secret communist spy ring and a plot to steal a lot of very sensitive documents.  Everything’s connected in its own strange way.  Hammer seduced two communists, kills a lot of people, and spends a lot of time talking about how much he hates the weaklings who, in his opinion, are destroying American society.  Hammer may not believe in much but he definitely believes in America.

The story is next to impossible to follow.  One gets the feeling that Spillane simply made it up as he was writing it, without really worrying about whether or not everything really added up.  When Spillane can’t come up with a logical way to connect the various elements of the story, he resorts to coincidence.  Mike Hammer has a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And yet, the story’s incoherence is actually one of the reasons why One Lonely Night works.  The narrative messiness, mixed with Hammer’s unapologetically over-the-top tough guy narration, makes the story feel like almost a fever dream.  Hammer walks through an increasingly surreal version of New York and only he seems to understand just how ludicrous the world has become.  He’s neither as idealistic as his allies nor as cynical as his opponents.  Instead, he’s an untouchable avenger, moving through the chaos and simply accepting that nothing makes sense beyond his own primal instincts.  Hammer is the ultimate individualist, worrying only about himself and occasionally his secretary, Velda.

One Lonely Night is definitely a product of its time.  One can only imagine the howls of rage that would greet the book if it were written today.  In 1951, one could presumably get away with writing a novel about a private detective ruthlessly killing a bunch of political subversives.  Today, of course, the book’s storyline would probably lead to an angry twitter hashtag campaign.  Of course, what those readers would probably miss is that Spillane clearly doesn’t mean for us to take Mike Hammer all that seriously.  At it’s best, the book is almost a parody of the classic tough guy posturing that we associate with pulp fiction.  Hammer is so ruthlessly determined and his enemies are so incredibly weasely that it’s obvious that Spillane was having a bit of fun with both his readers and at the expense of his critics.  Just as Hammer spends the book complaining about a judge who accused him of being too quick to kill, Spillane seems to saying to the critics of his style of writing, “You think pulp detective stories are sordid?  I’ll show you sordid!”

I enjoyed One Lonely Night.  It kept me entertained during one very cold night.

Lisa Marie’s Top 8 Novels of 2020


As I said earlier today when I posted my top 8 non-fiction books of the year, I’m disappointed in myself.  Considering how much time that I spent at home in 2020, I should have read more books.  I should have read every book that I have in the house.  That was certainly what I was expecting to happen but, as the lockdown went on and on, a combination of frustration and depressing kicked in and I basically totally lost focus.

So, I didn’t read as much as I should have.  But, at least I can say that I did read.  To be honest, I imagine that’s more than a lot of other people did.  Language is a wonderful thing and it’s dying.  Though I may not have read as much as I wanted to, I still read some very good novels over the course of 2020.  Listed below are eight of my favorites.

  1. Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia — This was a wonderfully atmospheric book, one that took all of the traditional gothic elements and imagined them through the prism of Mexican culture and history.  This was a wonderful read, both entertaining and thought-provoking.  Apparently, it’s being turned into a miniseries for Hulu and I’ll definitely be watching.
  2. The Swap by Robyn Harding — Swapping partners leads to chaos!  (Well, yeah.)  This is an enjoyable thriller about a drunken night and the drama that follows. The characters are all sharply etched, especially Low, a the manipulative teenager who you’ll kind of sympathize with even when you know you shouldn’t.
  3. The House on Fripp Island by Rebecca Kauffman — Two families share a vacation house on Fripp Island.  One family is rich and one family is poor and both families are full of secrets and lies.  The House on Fripp Island is the literary equivalent of a good Lifetime film and, if you know how I feel about Lifetime films, then you know that’s a huge compliment.  I will also admit that I another reason why I liked this book was because it featured a character named Lisa.
  4. The Sister-in-Law by Sue Watson — Speaking of books that would make a good Lifetime film, The Sister-in-Law is another book about a family at a vacation home.  Once again, it’s all about secrets and lies and melodrama and it’s an incredibly fun read.
  5. Regretting You by Colleen Hoover — This book is an examination of the relationship between a overprotective mom and a rebellious daughter.  It rang true in all the best ways.  I could relate.
  6. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig — Nora is given a chance to see how her life would have turned out if she had made a few different choices.  This book made me laugh, it made me cry, and it made me think.  This is a perfect read for anyone struggling with regret.
  7. Wild Child by Audrey Carlan — What happens when you combine a serial killer thriller with a romance?  You get this well-written and fast-paced book about how Simone goes from nearly being a victim to falling in love with a handsome FBI agent.
  8. Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth — Though this book may be a bit overlong at 640 pages, this epic and sprawling novel about love, history, and yellow jackets still held my interest.  It’s a challenging and well-written book by the author of The Miseducation of Cameron Post.

TSL Looks Back at 2020:

  1. Lisa Marie’s Top 8 Non-Fiction Books of 2020 (Lisa Marie Bowman)
  2. Lisa Marie’s 20 Favorite Songs of 2020 (Lisa Marie Bowman)
  3. Lisa Marie’s 16 Worst Films of 2020 (Lisa Marie Bowman)
  4. My Top 20 Albums of 2020 (Necromoonyeti)
  5. 25 Best, Worst, and Gems That I Saw In 2020 (Valerie Troutman)
  6. Top 10 Vintage Collections (Ryan C)
  7. Top 10 Contemporary Collections (Ryan C)
  8. Top 10 Original Graphic Novels (Ryan C)
  9. Top 10 Ongoing Series (Ryan C.)
  10. Top 10 Special Mentions (Ryan C.)
  11. Top Ten Single Issues (Ryan C)

Lisa Marie’s 8 Top Non-Fiction Books of 2020


I have to admit that I’m a little bit disappointed in myself.  Considering that I pretty much spent 9 months on lockdown, I didn’t read anywhere near as much as I should have in 2020.

Certainly, when I was first told that I’d be working from home, I thought to myself, “Finally!  I can work my way through my library!”  I thought I was going to read a book a day and watch 100 movies every week.  It didn’t work out that way.  To be honest, I got so frustrated with the whole endless lockdown thing that I often couldn’t focus enough to do anything productive with my time.  I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

That said, I may not have read as much as I was hoping to read but I still read some very good books.  So, without further ado, here are my top eight non-fiction books of 2020!

  1. Made Men: The Story of Goodfellas by Glenn KennyGoodfellas is one of the best films of all time and Glenn Kenny’s examination of both the movie and it’s place in pop culture is perhaps one of the best film books of all time.  Kenny not only details the true story behind Goodfellas but he also examines the film scene-by-scene.  This book is full of unexpected insight and behind-the-scenes trivia.  It’s everything you could want from a film book.
  2. Alright, Alright, Alright: The Oral History of Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused by Melissa Maerz — This is a frequently fascinating oral history about one of the greatest Texas films of all time, Dazed and Confused.  Maerz was able to interview almost everyone involved with the film and the end result is funny, touching, and thought-provoking look at a classic film.  This is worth it just for the chapters on Shawn Andrews.
  3. Dolls! Dolls! Dolls! Deep Inside Valley of the Dolls, the Most Beloved Bad Book and Movie of All Time by Stephen Rebello — This fun book details everything you could possibly want to know about the film version of Valley of the Dolls.  Especially interesting are the chapters that deal with the actresses and actors who were considered for the film.  There are indeed some surprising names to found.
  4. Taking Shape II: The Lost Halloween Sequel by Dustin McNeill and Travis Mullins — Probably the only thing I like more than a good book about the production of a film is a good book about a film that didn’t go into production.  Taking Shape II is an exhaustive look at all of the sequels that have been proposed for Halloween over the years.  The book not only details what each film could have been but also why they ultimately weren’t produced.  If you’re a horror fan, this is essential reading.
  5. Cinema ’62: The Greatest Year at the Movies by Michael McClellan and Stephen Farber — Was 1962 the greatest year in film?  This book makes a good case that it may have been.
  6. The Big Goodbye: Chinatown and the Last Years of Hollywood by Sam Wasson — This is another fascinating behind-the-scenes look at a classic film.  The Big Goodbye not only tells you everything you could want to know about Chinatown but it also places it in its correct cultural and historical context.
  7. The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s: An Oral History by Andy Greene — This oral history of my favorite sitcom is both a funny tribute to a great show and also a rather sad look at how The Office was often screwed over by NBC.  The only thing keeping this book from being ranked higher is the lack of fresh interviews with Steve Carell, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, and some of the other principles.  Indeed, much of the “oral history” is lifted from various DVD commentaries.  Still, Greene does a good job of organizing the information and the book will definitely make you want to sit down and rewatch the show.
  8. Gone at Midnight: The Tragic True Story Behind the Unsolved Internet Sensation by Jake Anderson — This is a thought-provoking examination of the mysterious death of Elisa Lam and the internet culture that sprung up around the video of her final hours.

 

TSL Looks Back at 2020:

  1. Lisa Marie’s 20 Favorite Songs of 2020 (Lisa Marie Bowman)
  2. Lisa Marie’s 16 Worst Films of 2020 (Lisa Marie Bowman)
  3. My Top 20 Albums of 2020 (Necromoonyeti)
  4. 25 Best, Worst, and Gems That I Saw In 2020 (Valerie Troutman)
  5. Top 10 Vintage Collections (Ryan C)
  6. Top 10 Contemporary Collections (Ryan C)
  7. Top 10 Original Graphic Novels (Ryan C)
  8. Top 10 Ongoing Series (Ryan C.)
  9. Top 10 Special Mentions (Ryan C.)
  10. Top Ten Single Issues (Ryan C)

Horror Novel Review: Bad Moonlight by R. L. Stine


Before I say anything else, I have a confession to make.  I read this book really quickly.  I mean, I basically sat down, and skimmed over every page and didn’t write out a single note about the book.

Why was I reading it so quickly?  Bad Moonlight is a book that I ordered off of Amazon last month with the intention of reviewing it for October but then I changed my mind.  As often happens, I ended up running behind and, with Halloween approaching, I decided to set aside all of the Stine books that I hadn’t yet read and reviewed because I wanted to review a different (and, to be perfectly honest, adult) horror novel for Halloween.

Unfortunately, the book that I was planning on reivewing turned out to be really bad, despite the fact that it was co-written by one of my favorite filmmakers.  I didn’t feel like getting all negative on Halloween, especially when it would involve being negative about a filmmaker who I adore and who is no longer with us and whose legacy pretty much defines modern horror.  So I decided to put off reviewing that book (I’ll write about it in November).  Needing something for today, I grabbed R.L. Stine’s Bad Moonlight and I quickly read it.  Fortunately, R.L. Stine wrote books that are pretty much designed to be a quick read.

Bad Moonlight was first published in 1994.  It tells the story of Danielle.  Danielle is 18 but, in a rather creepy aside, we’re told that she looks like she’s closer to 12 because she’s not as developed as the typical 18 year-old.  She’s the lead singer in a band.  The band’s struggling but at least they have a totally hot roadie named Kit.  Anyway, one night, Danielle is inspired to write a song called Bad Moonlight and then she bites Kit’s lower lip until it bleeds.  The band’s fans love the new song and Danielle goes onto write several other songs that all deal with moonlight.  She also writes a song that may or may not be about the death of Joey, “the sound guy.”  Joey was murdered but who killed him?  Everyone thinks it was Danielle, mostly because Danielle is always having these weird hallucinations.  Since this is a Stine book, Danielle is also an orphan with a mysterious background.  She lives with her Aunt Margaret and she sees a psychiatrist named Dr. Moore.  Dr. Moore likes to hypnotize her.  That’s never a good sign.

Anyway, you can probably guess, just based on the title, that this book has to do with werewolves and a big conspiracy to make Danielle into a werewolf bride.  It’s actually kind of a fun book, because you can tell that Stine actually wanted to focus on all of the band melodrama but, because he’s R. L. Stine, he also had to toss in a bunch of werewolves.  The effort to bring the band drama and the werewolf mythos together is a valiant one and it kind of comes out of nowhere and you have to appreciate just how weird Stine allows things to get.  It’s an entertainingly silly book.

If nothing else, it shows how strange the world can look when it’s illuminated by …. BAD MOONLIGHT!

Horror Novel Review: Blind Date by R.L. Stine


First published way back in 1986, Blind Date represents a significant moment in YA horror literature.  This is the first “horror” novel to be written by R.L. Stine!

Blind Date tells the story of Kerry, who is a teenager who has a lot of problems.  A year ago, he was in a really serious car accident.  He doesn’t remember much about the accident but he does know that, as a result of the accident, his older brother is now in a mental institution and his father doesn’t talk to him much.  Poor Kerry.  One thing that I’ve noticed from reading all of these Stine and Christopher Pike books over the course of this month is that both of them always seemed to come up with plots that featured car accidents.  I guess it makes sense.  When you’re a teenager, you can’t wait to get your first car but you’re also aware that you’re eventually going to have your first accident.

Anyway, Kerry is kind of a loser but he is on the football team.  Unfortunately, he apparently injured the school’s star quarterback during practice so now he has the entire team wanting to kill him.  Perhaps the only good thing going on in Kerry’s life is that he’s been set up on a blind date with a mysterious girl named Amanda….

Except, when Kerry goes to Amanda’s house, he’s met by two bereaved parents who explain that Amanda’s dead!  OH MY GOD, IS KERRY’S DATE A GHOST!?  No, actually, it turns out Kerry’s date is actually named Mandy and apparently, Kerry misheard.  Or something.  Who knows?  The important thing is that Kerry has a girlfriend who can comfort him whenever he gets his ass kicked by the football team, which is something that is definitely going to happen because Kerry goes to a school that’s ruled by mob justice..

Mandy is a little bit vague about her past, which should be a huge red flag but Kerry has something else to worry about.  His brother, Donald, has escaped from the mental hospital!  And apparently, he has a history of trying to kill Kerry!  Can Kerry pursue a successful relationship, mend fences with the football team, and avoid getting killed by his brother?  Or is the story going to end with Kerry getting beaten over the head with a stuffed moose?

(Yes, you read that right.)

Actually, the story ends with a twist that I’m pretty sure Stine came up with at the last minute.  To be honest, the whole book kind of reads as if someone said to Stine, “We need two hundred pages and we don’t really care what’s on them.”  The story goes from one strange development to another.  It makes for a kind of weird story that doesn’t always make sense but it is compulsively readable.

And really, that’s the thing with the work of both Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine.  You don’t reread these books because they’re particularly scary or even that well-written.  You read them because they’re just so damn strange.  It’s never enough to have just one twist.  Instead, there has to be a dozen twists and if they don’t really seem to make sense or go together …. well, so what?  That’s what life’s like when you’re a teenager, right?  It may not always make sense.  It may not always turn out the way you want.  But it’s still something you miss once it’s gone.

Book Review: The Perfect Date by R.L. Stine


In this YA novel from 1996, Brady Karlin is one of the most popular boys at school.  Everyone knows him.  Everyone likes him.  He’s got a likable best friend named Jon.  He’s got a beautiful and popular girlfriend named Allie.  The only problem that Brady has is that he’s still haunted by the death of his former girlfriend, Sharon Noles.

And really, he should be haunted considering that it was all his fault!  Sharon told him that she wasn’t ready to go sledding down that hill lat summer.  Brady, however, insisted and Sharon went hurtling down the hill and eventually ended up dead and without a face.  Honestly, I don’t care how good-looking or charming you are.  If your last girlfriend lost her face because of your stupidity, you’re simply not going to be attractive to me.  Sorry.

Anyway, it’s winter again and Brady is already thinking about ending things with Allie.  There’s only so many basketball games and pizza parties that he can go to.  However, instead of just breaking up with Allie, Brady instead starts to secretly a date a new girl named Rosha Nelson.  Brady soon finds himself growing obsessed with the mysterious Rosha, who refuses to tell him anything about her past and who seems to really have a talent for getting Brady involved in dangerous, potentially life-threatening situations.

Meanwhile, there’s a mysterious “scarred girl” following Brady and Rosha around.  Soon, people are mysteriously dying and the entire books leads to a climatic fight in which bodies are literally dismembered!

So, I liked The Perfect Date.  It was as grotesque and morbid as a Christopher Pike book without any of the pretentious philosophizing that occasionally turns up in Pike’s work.  While Rosha’s secret is pretty easy to figure out, Stine deserves a lot of credit for following the story to it’s natural conclusion.  The book ends with a scene so weird that I had to read it twice.  Really, what more can you ask for?

All in all, this book made me happy that I live in Texas.  No snow equals no tragic sled accidents.  This book made me appreciate our 60-degree winters.