Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.19 “The Proxy Billionaire/The Experiment”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, things get weird.

Episode 4.19 “The Proxy Billionaire/The Experiment”

(Dir by Richard Benedict, originally aired on March 21st, 1981)

This week’s episode is a bit of an odd one.

The first fantasy is fairly typical for the series.  Playing two roles, Robert Goulet is cast as both a billionaire and as Frank Miller, a Wall Street analyst who wants to be a billionaire.  The real billionaire agrees to allow Frank to live his life for the weekend.  Frank soon discovers that being a billionaire is …. well, actually, it’s pretty cool.  Except, of course, Phyllis Davis and Troy Donahue are plotting to poison him at a luau so that they can steal all of his money.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke shows up at the luau in time to catch the vial of poison as Davis and Donahue attempt to toss it away.  Frank learns that being a billionaire is fine as long as no one wants to kill you.  Still, he has to return to his normal life at the end of the weekend.  Fortunately, the millionaire’s administrative assistant (Britt Ekland) has fallen in love with Frank and she decides to leave the Island with him.

As I said, this story felt pretty typical of Fantasy Island.  Probably the highlight was Mr. Roarke walking in on Tattoo badgering Frank for financial advice.  Roarke responded by giving Tattoo a strong glare that, if nothing else, reminded the audience that Tattoo and Roarke absolutely despise each other.

The other fantasy was …. well, it was weird.  Dr. Lucas Bergmann (James Broderick) and his daughter,  Lisa (hey!), come to the Island.  Each has a fantasy.  Lisa (played by Laurie Walters) says her fantasy is for Lucas to relax and enjoy himself and to stop obsessing over bringing the dead back to life.  Lucas’s fantasy is to bring the dead back to life.  Roarke sets Lucas and Lisa up in a bungalow that once belonged to another scientist who also wanted to play God.  Roarke warns Lucas that the local Islanders are superstitious and they might not appreciate him tampering in God’s domain.

(If the Islanders are that superstitious, how are they handling living on a magical island that is ruled by a mercurial demigod?)

Soon, the Islanders are beating their drums and Lucas’s mute assistant (Woody Strode) is looking concerned.  Lucas steps outside and discovers that Lisa has apparently drowned in a nearby lake.  Lucas decides that she’ll be the subject of his experiment.  Can he bring her back to life?  Lucas doesn’t find out because the Islanders storm his bungalow and Lucas runs into the jungle, fleeing until he eventually runs into Roarke, Tattoo, and …. LISA!

It turns out that Lisa was only pretending to be dead in order to teach her father a lesson.  And it also turns out that the Islanders were in on it and Woody Strode can speak.

WHAT!?

Seriously, was there not a simpler and perhaps less traumatic way to teach Lucas a lesson?  This seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to.  Lucas does realize that he doesn’t need to raise the dead to be happy so that’s good.  Still, this whole thing just feels weird.

Of course, weird is good when it comes to Fantasy Island.  With Roarke and Tattoo barely on speaking terms, it’s even more important for the fantasies to be memorable.  And I will never forget about the time Mr. Roarke tricked a scientist into believing his only child was dead.  Seriously, I’m stunned Mr. Roarke was never sued.

Next week, we meet Mr. Roarke’s goddaughter!

Here’s The Exclusive IMAX Trailer For Kingdom of the Planet Of The Apes


Another Planet of the Apes film?

Indeed!  And here’s the exclusive IMAX trailer for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes which …. I mean, it might be good.  The trailer is effective.  The other Planet of the Apes films have largely been good, except for the one Tim Burton did.  (Even the bad ones — like Battle For The Planet of the Apes — have been oddly entertaining.)  That said, Andy Serkis was really the heart and soul of the whole reboot and he’s not in this one.  On the plus side, the great Kevin Durand is in this film and if anyone was ever meant to be play a tyrannical warlord who takes over a post-apocalyptic Earth, it’s Kevin Durand.

Anyway, here’s the trailer!

Scenes That I Love: Alec Guinness In The Bridge on The River Kwai


The great Alec Guinness, one of the best actors of all time, was born 124 years ago on this date.

Today’s scene of the day comes from the film that won Guinness the Oscar for Best Actor, 1957’s The Bridge on the River Kwai.  In that film (which was one of many that Guinness made with director David Lean), Guinness plays Col. Nicholson, a British POW who is tasked, by the Japanese, with building a bridge.  Though many of his men claim that it will mean collaborating with the enemy, Col. Nicholson feels that the bridge should be a symbol of British ingenuity.  As Nicholson explains it, the bridge will show what the British are capable of doing, even under the most trying of circumstances.  Eventually, Nicholson’s obsession with showing up his captors by constructing the perfect bridge blinds him to everything else that is going on.

In this scene, Nicholson reveals just how obsessed he has become.  It’s a phenomenal piece of acting from Guinness, an actor who — up until the film — was largely known for his comedic performances.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.20 “Rainy Day”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

What would CHiPs be like without motorcycles?  We’re about to find out.

Episode 1.20 “Rainy Day”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on March 2nd, 1978)

While riding his motorcycle on the California highway, Baker groans as he feels a drop of water.  He tells Ponch that it’s going to rain and the two of them are going to end up getting stuck in a patrol car.

“It’s only sprinkling!” Ponch replies.

One jump cut later and Ponch and Baker are trapped in the middle of a downpour.  Despite the heavy rain and the fact that they’re getting soaked, they still manage to save a teacher after a car swerves on the slick road and hits her school bus.  (Apparently, in 1978, teachers also had to drive the school buses.)  The teacher is young and attractive so, of course, Ponch tells her that she and her students can drop by the station and see him any time that they want.

As for the rain, it turns out that Baker was right.  After giving them a hard time about their wet uniforms (and not even bothering to acknowledge that those uniforms got wet while Baker and Ponch were saving someone’s life), Getraer assigns them to a patrol car for the day.  It’s a new patrol car so Getraer warns them not to get a scratch on it.  Usually, I can kind of understand why Getraer is a bit weary of Ponch but, in this episode, the guy’s just a jerk about everything.

You can probably already guess what the main problem with this episode is.  The appeal of CHiPs, at least from what I’ve seen so far, is that it features a lot of exciting motorcycle stunts.  Chase scenes involving motorcycles are fun to watch because motorcycles can go extremely fast and they can weave in-and-out of traffic.  The show works best when Ponch and Baker are on their motorcycles.  This episodes put them in a bulky, slow-moving squad car.  Even stuck in the car, Ponch and Baker manage to catch a car thief and they put an end to an illegal gambling casino that’s been hidden inside of an RV.  But it really doesn’t matter because they’re in a squad car.  There’s nothing exciting about a squad car.

And yes, the squad car does get trashed, specifically while Ponch and Baker are chasing a degenerate gambler (Herb Edelman) who was seeking revenge against the RV casino.  Getraer is not happy about the damage to the car, despite the fact that there really wasn’t any way to avoid it and Ponch and Baker managed to prevent a lot of people from getting injured.  Fortunately, Officer Grossman (Paul Linke) accidentally backs into the squad car, leaving it ambiguous as to who is responsible for what damage.  Getraer will just have to get mad at everyone, I guess.

I love the rain so I did appreciate the fact that this episode featured a lot of it.  But otherwise, the whole thing just felt off.  I don’t care how wet it is outside.  Baker and Ponch just do not belong in a car.

Film Review: Conspiracy (dir by Frank Pierson)


The 2001 film, Conspiracy, takes place at a villa on the outskirts of Berlin.  It’s a lovely villa and, as we can see during the film’s opening moments, it’s about to play host to a meeting of very important people.

The date is January 20th and the year is 1942.  Having conquered much of Europe, Nazi Germany is now at war with the Allies.  Reinhard Heydrich (Kenneth Branagh), the young chief of the Reich Security Main Office and the man who many feel will eventually succeed Adolf Hitler as the leader of the Third Reich, has been directed to call a conference so that he and his deputy, Adolf Eichmann (Stanley Tucci), can “discuss” ways to solve “the Jewish question.”  One-by-one, representatives of the Reich’s bureaucracy show up at the villa.

At the start of the meeting, the men discuss various ways to force the Jews out of Germany and all of the occupied territories.  The men chose their words carefully, speaking in euphemisms and doing their best to sound like concerned government officials.  The men know what they’re talking about but they still seem to feel the need to avoid coming right and saying it.  As they talk, it becomes clear that everyone is trying to stay in Heydrich’s good graces while, at the same time, avoiding the fact that they understand the truth about what Germany is doing.  It’s not until halfway through the meeting that Heydrich and Eichmann reveal that Germany’s policy has already been determined and that concentration camps with gas chambers have already been designed and built.  The meeting is less about discussing the policy and more about getting each man at the meeting to sign off on it.  The unspoken subtext is that each man is being tested to determine who will support (and, if need be, help to cover up) the Final Solution and who will have to be otherwise dealt with.

Based on the actual minutes of the meeting, Conspiracy is film that is perhaps even more important now than when it was first released.  It’s a film that explores not only the banality of evil but also seeks to answer the question of why no one in Hitler’s government forcefully objected to the Final Solution.  (Many, of course, claimed not to know what was going on.  This film reveals just how little credibility that claim had.)  Some of the men go along because they understand not going along would mean the end of their careers and maybe their lives.  Some of the men agree because, as members of the military, they believe in supporting their country’s leadership, regardless of what that leadership represents.  Some of the men agree because they want to stay in Heydrich’s good graces.  These men represent a society where anti-Semitism is so normalized that it is accepted as a given and, while some of the men are not as outspoken in their prejudice as the others, it’s clear that all of them view the Jewish people as being a unique problem.  Those who do raise concerns do so only out of worry of what will happen to them if the rest of the world discovers what Germany is planning.  Heydrich insists that there is no need to worry because Germany will win the war.  Some of the men at the Conference are clearly not convinced of Germany’s pre-destined victory but not a single one has either the morality or the courage to refuse to endorse the Final Solution.  The film ends with a series of title cards, letting us know what became of the men who attended the Wannsee Conference.  Heydrich was assassinated during the war.  Eichmann fled to South America and hid there until he was captured by Israel in 1960.  Many of the men were executed for war crimes but a surprising number of them were either acquitted or never put on trial and went to live peacefully after the war.

Well-directed by Frank Pierson, Conspiracy has a distinguished cast who brings the historical characters to terrible life.  It’s one thing to read about what was said and planned at the Conference.  It’s another thing to actually hear those words spoken aloud and it’s a reminder that the evil of the Holocaust was not an accident nor was it something that took its perpetrators by surprise.  It was something that meticulously planned by human beings who were fully aware of what they were doing.  Kenneth Branagh makes for an arrogant and intimidating Heydrich while Stanley Tucci plays Eichmann as being the type of bureaucratic robot who is incapable of seeing human beings as anything more than just dwindling numbers on a report.  Colin Firth and David Threlfall make strong impressions as two of the more weary members of the Conference, as does Ian McNeice in the role of the type of crude, career-driven government functionary who has survived by pretending to be dumb.

At a time when anti-Semitism is on the upswing and Holocaust denialism is being mainstreamed, Conspiracy is an important film.  When others say that the Holocaust didn’t happen or that it doesn’t matter, Conspiracy defiantly says, “Yes, it did and yes, it does.”

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.8 “Tale of the Goat”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, things get weird.

Episode 2.8 “Tale of the Goat”

(Dir by Michael O’Herlihy, originally aired on November 15th, 1985)

It’s hard to know where to begin with this one.

Legba (Clarence Williams III) is a drug lord that Sonny has been trying to take down for three years.  While hiding out in Haiti, Legba reportedly dies.  When his body is flown back to Miami, Crockett and Tubbs are waiting in the airport so that Crockett can snap a picture of Legba in his casket.  Legba does indeed appear to be dead.  But, at his voodoo-themed funeral, a man on a motorcycle riddles the casket with bullets.  When Crockett and Tubbs (who were staking out the ceremony) open up the casket, they discover only a dead goat.

“Zombie!” a priest exclaims.

Legba has come back, though not as a member of the undead.  Instead, while in Haiti, he ingested a toxin that put him in a 48-hour coma.  Unlike a lot of people who take the toxin, Legba survives.  However, when he is revived, he has suffered brain damage and is now walking and talking slowly.  That doesn’t stop Legba from getting his old gang back together (including a dwarf who carries a pickaxe) and going after everyone who he feels has betrayed him.  This includes his former lieutenant (Mykelti Williamson) and an obnoxious money launderer (Ray Sharkey) who owns a used car lot.

Tubbs doesn’t believe in voodoo, despite Crockett warning him of the dangers.  Tubbs is more interested in Marie (Denise Thompson), Legba’s ex-girlfriend.  Looking to keep Marie safe from Legba, Tubbs attempts to infiltrate a voodoo ceremony.  You might think this would give Tubbs the perfect excuse to trot out the fake Caribbean accent that he occasionally used during the first season but instead, Tubbs is captured before he can even utter a word.  He’s injected with the toxin and spends 48 hours in a coma, haunted by visions of Legba staring at him!

Eventually, Tubbs does come out of his coma and, amazingly, it takes him about five minutes to fully recover.  The episode ends with another raid on a yacht.  This time, Tubbs manages to kill the villain, shooting him in the back!  In Tubbs’s defense, he was still having visions and he thought Legba was facing him.  Legba dies and Marie is found in a coma but alive.

This was a weird episode, one that had enough plot for a two-parter.  As it is, the story felt rather rushed.  No sooner had Mykleti Williamson and Ray Sharkey made their appearances as criminals then Legba was doing away with them.  No sooner had Marie stepped onto Crockett’s boat then she was being kidnapped by Legba’s men.  No sooner had Tubbs decided to infiltrate Legba’s cult then he was getting injected with the voodoo toxin.  And no sooner had Tubbs woken up from his coma then he was preparing to raid the yacht.  Add to that, Clarence Williams III gave a performance that was without a hint of subtlety, speaking in accent that was impossible to describe.  This wasn’t really a good episode but it was so weird that it was undeniably entertaining.

Next week, Dean Stockwell appears as an old friend of Castillo’s!  Hopefully, he won’t be a voodoo priest.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Desperately Seeking Susan!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

After we finish up this week’s #MondayActionMovie on Mastodon, we will be hopping over to twitter where #MondayMuggers will be showing 1985’s Desperately Seeking Susan!  The film is on Prime and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Starship Troopers 3 on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then switch over to twitter, pull Desperately Seeking Susan up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! 

Enjoy!

Concert Film Review: ABBA: The Movie (dir by Lasse Hallstrom)


The 1977 film, Abba: The Movie, is really two movies in one.

One of the movies, and the one that will probably most appeal to fans of the group, is a cinema verité-style look at ABBA touring Australia.  This part of the movie not only features the band playing their best-known songs in concert but it also features some behind-the-scenes footage of the members of ABBA trying to enjoy their time Australia.  They struggle to adjust to Australian culture and the English language.  Agnetha Fältskog complains about the way the tabloids focus on her body as opposed to her singing.  The emphasis is on the members of ABBA being down-to-Earth and friendly professionals who love making music but who, even more importantly, love hanging out together and making their fans happy.

The second movie is about an Australian DJ named Ashley Wallace (Robert Hughes) who is ordered to get an interview with ABBA before they leave the continent.  It won’t prove easy.  For one thing, Ashley really isn’t sure who ABBA is, beyond knowing that they’re a famous pop band.  (Ashley’s musical tastes seem to learn towards country and western.)  Secondly, ABBA is always surrounded by a mob of fans and bodyguards and it’s very difficult to get close enough to even ask them for an interview.  Third, ABBA distrusts reporters, especially after the tabloids print a bunch of salacious articles about Agnetha.  Fourth, Ashley is an idiot.

Seriously, Ashley is his own worst enemy.  If ABBA heads to the west, you can be sure that Ashley will catch the next train heading east.  Even when Ashley does finally manage to talk to ABBA’s manager and schedule an interview, he ends up oversleeping and missing his appointment!  Seriously, just think about this.  Ashley has been told that his entire future depends on getting an interview with ABBA, a task that soon proves to be nearly impossible.  Then, when Ashley finally manages to get a chance to conduct this all-important interview, it doesn’t occur to him to set his alarm to wake him up early.  There’s a word for that type of behavior and that word is “stupidity.”

As he struggles to get some time with ABBA, Ashley also takes time to interview people on the street about the opinion of ABBA.  Surprise!  Almost everyone loves ABBA!  I guess that’s to be expected, considering that the movie is named after them.  It would probably be counter-productive to have Ashley interview a bunch of people who can’t stand ABBA and would rather be listening to Led Zeppelin.  (There are a few people who tell Ashley that they don’t like ABBA but they’re all losers.)  Ashley spends so much time talking to people who love ABBA that he soon comes to love ABBA and appreciate their music as well.  He even has a series of fantasy and daydreams.  He imagines that the two men in ABBA are his best friends.  He dreams of being loved by the two women in ABBA.  Through Ashley, the audience is provided a view of how one goes from being indifferent to being a fan.

But most viewers won’t care about Ashley.  They’ll be watching for ABBA.  The performances are strong.  The members of the band seem to truly enjoy being on stage and interacting with their fans.  Interestingly, the members of ABBA are likable but a bit bland off-stage.  They’re people who truly come alive when they’re performing but who are much more subdued and down-to-Earth offstage.  Indeed, it almost seems as if Ashley is wasting his time trying to get an interview.  In this film, to watch ABBA perform on stage is to know all that you need to know.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join us for Starship Troopers 3!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 2008’s Starship Troopers 3, selected and hosted by Sweet Emmy Cat!

 It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Starship Troopers 3 on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy. 

Scenes That I Love: “Good Mornin'” from Singin’ In The Rain


Today would have been the 92nd birthday of the great Debbie Reynolds.

Today’s scene that I love comes from the 1952 classic, Singin’ In The Rain.  In this scene, Debbie performs the song Good Mornin’ with Gene Kelly and Donald O’Connor.