Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.25 “Horshack and the Madame X!”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

I guess it’s time to get back to reviewing those Sweathog antics!

Episode 3.25 “Horshack and the Madame X!”

(Dir by Al Schwartz, originally aired on February 23rd, 1978)

So, I’m finally ready to start reviewing Welcome Back, Kotter again and …. OH NO!  It’s a Horshack episode!

Listen, don’t get me wrong.  Ron Pallilo, despite what some critics have said, did not give a bad performance as Arnold Horshack.  Consistently, he gave the best performance that he could with the material that he was given.  It’s just that, as the series progressed, the character was written in a way that was more and more cartoonish.  By the time the third season rolled around, a little bit of Horshack went a long way.  If the first season present Horshack as being a relatively believable class clown, the third season Horshack was the type of weirdo who made you want to take out a restraining order.

This episode finds Horshack depressed because he can’t get a girlfriend.  The Sweathogs try to help but the truth of the matter is that no one wants to date Horshack.  (Not be mean but would you want to date Horshack?  Especially when Barbarino, Epstein, and Washington are right there?)  When Gabe mentions that he’s going to be teaching a night class at NYU, the Sweathogs announce that they’ll go over to his apartment to keep an eye on Julie.  Gabe agrees to this, mostly because he secretly hates Julie.

At the apartment, Julie tries to give Horshack some encouragement and makes the mistake of allowing him to show her how he asks a girl out on a date.  Horshack falls in love with Julie and he decides that she’s in love with him.  As I said, restraining order time!

The next night, Julie invites Horshack to dinner so she can let him down easy.  Unfortunately, Horshack shows up early and Julie has to try to talk to him with wet hair and wearing a bathrobe.  Then the other Sweathogs shows up and assume that Julie is leading Horshack on.  This episode did the impossible, in that it made me feel sorry for Julie.  Usually, Julie comes across like someone who is just permanently in a bad mood but this episode really drove home just how unfair it is that she has to continually play hostess to her husband’s students.  To be honest, Julie has the patience of a saint in this episode.

Travolta made me laugh a few times but otherwise, this was one of those episodes where I just wanted the Sweathogs to leave the apartment and leave the Kotter family alone.  Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that Gabe was barely in it.  Reportedly, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along and it’s easy to sense that during the third season.

As for this episode’s opening joke, Gabe told Julie about his uncle who became a mailman and then bit himself because he thought he was a dog.  Gabe’s family is just wacky!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Don’t Look Away With #ScarySocial!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Deanna Dawn will be hosting 2023’s Don’t Look Away!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime, Tubi, and a host of other streaming sites!  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 2.8 “Read My Lips”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Oscar will haunt your nightmares….

Episode 2.8 “Read My Lips”

(Dir by Francis Delia, originally aired on November 21st, 1988)

When you watch as much horror as I do, you automatically assume that anyone who is a ventriloquist is going to have an unhealthy relationship with their dummy.  Sometimes, the dummy is alive.  Sometimes, the dummy is possessed.  Sometimes, the dummy is just a dummy but the ventriloquist has decided that it’s alive and urging him to kill.  (For some reason, evil ventriloquists are always male.)  I’ve seen a lot of creepy ventriloquist dummies but nothing quite compared me for Oscar….

AGCK!  I mean …. LOOK AT THAT THING!

Oscar is at the center of this week’s episode of Friday the 13th.  Oscar is wearing a boutonniere that once belonged to the noted ventriloquist, Adolf Hitler.   The boutonniere not only brings Oscar to foul-mouthed life but it also inspires whoever owns Oscar to commit countless murders.  When we first see Oscar, he is owned by Edgar Van Horne (played by a youngish Billy Drago).  After Edgar attempts to break his bond with Oscar, Oscar drives Edgar crazy and then invites another ventriloquist, Travis Plunkett (John Byner), to be his owner.  Things don’t turn out well for Travis either.

Sadly, Jack is not in this episode.  With its emphasis on desperate nightclub performers and Oscar’s corny sense of humor, it’s hard not to feel that this storyline would have been right up Jack’s alley.  Instead, it’s left to Micki and Ryan to deal with Oscar and the ventriloquists.  Micki’s best friend from high school, Gabriella Montrose (Linda Griffiths), is planning on marrying Edgar but, needless to say, that all goes out the window once Edgar loses his mind and end up in a mental hospital.  For the most part, Micki and Ryan are largely bystanders in this episode.  All of the action revolves around Oscar and his unfortunate owners.

Billy Drago gives a wonderful performance as Edgar, making him both frightening and, in the end, surprisingly sympathetic.  Edgar is desperate to escape the clutches of Oscar but, in the end, it turns out that he’s grown addicted to performing with Oscar and the attempt to quit cold turkey leads to him losing his mind.  (Many episodes of Friday the 13th feature storylines that felt as if they were meant to be a metaphor for drug addiction and that’s certainly the case here.)  John Byner plays his role a bit more broadly than Drago but still, it’s hard not to feel bad for Travis as he comes to realize that he’s in over his head with Oscar.

This was an effectively creepy episode, even if it did owe an obvious debt to the 1978 film Magic.  Oscar makes for a memorable monster.  Hopefully, he’ll never be seen again.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.13 “The Curse”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

So, after two months, I guess it’s time to finish up reviewing T and T.

I have to admit that I had to remind myself just what exactly this show was about before I watched the 13th episode of the third season.  It’s not a show that really sticks in your mind when you’re not watching it.  In case you need a refresher, the third season of T and T finds T.S. Turner (Mr. T) working for lawyer Terri Taler (Kristina Nicoll), who is apparently the sister of Amy Taler, the crusading lawyer that Turner worked with for the previous two seasons.

Episode 3.13 “The Curse”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on March 31st, 1990)

When T.S. demands that Alfredo (Sam Malkin) pay an outstanding bill for Terri’s legal services, Alfredo reacts by putting a gypsy curse on T.S.  T.S. does what anyone would do.  He fakes his death and has his friends hold a fake funeral in order to guilt Alfredo into paying the bill.

What?

Again, it’s been nearly two months since I last watched this show.  When I was taking care of my Dad, the last thing that I was thinking about was an obscure Canadian comedy/action show from the late 80s.  So, I guess I had forgotten just how silly T and T actually was.  And really, I can’t fault the show for being silly.  I mean, it’s a show that stars Mr. T.  Of course it’s going to be silly!  That said, you know that a show is running out of ideas when they trot out a gypsy curse.  The idea of T.S. Turner faking his own death had potential but the episode itself just kind of fell flat.  By the third season of T and T, it was obvious that Mr. T was so bored with the show that there really wasn’t much difference between Turner pretending to be dead and Turner being alive.

The majority of the episode is taken up with Turner’s “funeral,” which is held at Decker’s gym.  It’s a bit of a missed opportunity, especially when you consider that T and T was in its final season.  Joe Casper returns and so do three of the show’s recurring crooks.  But not present are Turner’s Aunt or his niece, both of whom were key characters during the show’s first season.  And, needless to say, Amy Taler does not attend the funeral of the man she got out of prison and worked with for two full seasons.  It really does leave the viewer wondering, once again, just what happened to Amy’s character and why the show’s third season insists on acting as if Terri has always been Turner’s partner.

Anyway, the scheme works.  Alfredo pays his bill.  Turner reveals that he’s not dead.  The funeral turns into a party.  That’s kind of nice.

I’m nearly done with this show.  That’s nice, too.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For The Third Man!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has a film that all good people love, 1949s The Third Man!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

The Third Man is available on Prime and Tubi!  See you there!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.15 “Change of Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, things get freaky, as in Friday.

Episode 2.15 “Change of Life”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 29th, 1986)

Once again, Jonathan and Mark find themselves in Hollywood.  It’s interesting just how many of Jonathan’s heavenly assignments involved helping a film or television star feel better about life.  Given that Michael Landon was heavily involved in the show as a producer, director, writer, and star, I’ve usually assumed that the Hollywood episodes were his way of dealing with his own possibly conflicted feelings about being a part of the entertainment industry.

(Interestingly, the Hollywood episodes always seem to take place in a sort of old-fashioned fantasy of Hollywood, where anyone can become a star and where westerns and historical epics were still being shot on studio backlots.)

This time, Jonathan and Mark find themselves assigned to work with actress Linda Blackwell (Anne-Marie Martin).  Jonathan is her new bodyguard and Mark is her hairdresser.  Mark totally freaks out when he discovers that he’s not only going to have to cut hair but that God has lied and provided him with a fake beauty school diploma.  Everyone, including Linda and head of studio security Sam Quigley (Greg Mullavey), assumes that Mark and Jonathan are a couple.  Jonathan is amused by it but Mark freaks out.

(Seriously, though,  Mark and Jonathan are two single, middle-aged men who drive around the country and regularly rent apartments together.  What does Mark think everyone’s been assuming for the last years and a half?)

Anyway, Mark thinks that being a woman is easy.  Linda thinks that men spend all of their time being pigs.  No sooner can you say “Freaky Friday” then the lights have switched on-and-off and Mark and Linda have switched bodies.  Mark discovers what it’s like to be objectified and Linda discovers that Sam isn’t a jerk but instead, he’s a sensitive guy who wants to marry her.

It’s a pretty simple episode, even by the standards of Highway to Heaven.  There’s a bit too much gay panic humor, with Mark overreacting to such an extent that it’s hard not to wonder if maybe there’s some truth to what everyone is assuming.  But, on the plus side, both Victor French and Anne-Marie Martin do a good job portraying Mark and Linda, both before and after they switch bodies.  There’s nothing at all subtle about Victor French’s performance here but, considering that his usual role on Highway to Heaven was to be kind of gruff and stoic, it’s a nice change-of-pace to see him not only doing physical comedy but also showing himself to be fairly adept at it.

The episode ends with both Mark and Linda back in their original bodies.  Linda marries Sam.  As for Mark, he mentions that cows never have to worry about any of the stuff that humans do.  Uh-oh, Mark, don’t give God any ideas….

TOO LATE!

The episode ends with Mark, who is driving, mooing while a cow chases after Mark and Jonathan’s car.  God apparently enjoys playing little tricks on Mark.  Hopefully, the car didn’t end up crashing.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh.  I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up.  The grand prize is a jet ski!  Woo hoo!  Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina).  In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament.  (Why Scott’s tip money?  Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money.  God, this show is freaking stupid.)  It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT!  NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell?  Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money.  He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl.  Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date.  Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski.  Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament.  (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.)  At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator.  It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse.  They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams.  As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are.  One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat.  I hope their jet ski sinks.

Music Video of the Day: Something To Believe In by Ramones (1986, dir by Preacher Ewing and Bill Fishman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Wow, I had know idea that the Ramones were in it.

This video, obviously, is a parody of star-studded charity events, which were apparently as big a deal in the 80s and they are in the 20s.  Amongst those supporting the band are Toni Basil, X, Weird Al Yankovic, Ted Nugent, Penn and Teller, Harry Shearer, and the band’s Rock and Roll High School co-star, Mary Woronov!

(Do you all remember the whole U.S. Red Nose Day fiasco?  I know it’s a big deal in the UK but it’s never really caught in here in the States.  For the first American Red Nose Day, all three networks surrendered prime time to Red Nose Day and the ratings reflected the fact that 1) most Americans, despite all of the very aggressive advertising, still had no idea what Red Nose Day was and 2) gone were the days when people would watch anything as long as it was on the “major” networks.)

Enjoy!