Cruella’s Castle (2010, directed by Fred Olen Ray)


Dr. Bikini Jones (Christine Nguyen) is a world-famous adventurer and archeologist who is willing to brave any danger and sleep with any security guard or spy in her hunt for treasure.  She has just recovered a golden idol that contains a code that will lead to the Temple of Eros and a tiara that, when worn, makes the wearer the Empress of Moronica.

Evilla Cruella (Heather Vandeven) may have born in Hoboken but her family came from Mornica and she is determined to be Queen of the Morons.  She sends her lover Drago (Frankie Cullen) and her other lover, Carol (Rebecca Love), to steal the idol.  Working with CIA agent Mark X (Tony Marino), Bikini must keep Cruella from being the first to find the Temple of Eros.  It won’t be easy because the Temple itself is guarded by a hungry dinosaur!

Cruella’s Castle started life as an 82-minute softcore film called Bikni Jones and The Temple of Eros.  When the film moved to streaming, it was edited to remove all of the explicit sex and most of the nudity and renamed Cruella’s Castle.  (Without the sex and boobs, Cruella’s Castle is only 40 minutes long.)  I imagine many would say that the editing took the main reason why anyone would want to watch this movie in the first place but, even in edited form, Cruella’s Castle has got enough double entendrees and intentionally dumb jokes to be entertaining.  The dinosaur is surprisingly effective, considering that the budget for this movie was undoubtedly not high and Christine Nguyen has so much energy and enthusiasm as Bikini Jones that it’s hard not to mourn that she hasn’t had any more adventures.  This is a typical Fred Olen Ray joint, dumb but inoffensive and even a little fun if you’re in the right mood.

Music Video of the Day: Prime Mover by Zodiac Mindwarp & The Love Reaction (1988, directed by ????)


In this music video, the members of Zodiac Mindwarp & The Love Reaction fly their mechanical airship to what appears to be a church school.  It’s ever parents worst nightmare.  The lyrics of the song features references to X-ray specs.  Zodiac Mindwarp, as far as their lyrics were often concerned, was not necessarily meant to be taken seriously.

Enjoy!

Fan Base (2021, directed by Curtis Everitt)


Cray (Blair Kelly) has spent his entire life convinced that his father is a famous horror actor.  When he sees the actor sitting on a bench and reading a newspaper, Cray introduces himself as the actor’s son.  The actor politely explains that he was rendered sterile in a motorcycle accident and cannot be Cray’s father.  Cray beats the actor to death and then heads over to another movie site so he can stalk the actor’s former co-star, Janey Romero (Carol Lynn Fortin).

This low-budget, straight-to-video horror film tries to make fun of the whole process of making other low-budget, straight-to-video horror films but the dialouge is never as funny as the movie seems to think and none of the actors appear to have a semblance of comedic timing.  There have been many instances of horror stars, especially women, getting stalked by obsessive fans so the story does have some root in reality.  It is something that particularly seems to happen to the final girls from the Friday the 13th films, with Adrienne King literally putting her career on hold because of an obsessed stalker.  Some people really do take their fandom too far.  But Fan Base doesn’t do much with the idea and never finds a way to balance both the bad comedy and the bad horror.

Music Video of the Day: Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees (1981, directed by Clive Richardson)


Spellbound was the lead single off of Siouxsie and the Banshee’s fourth studio album, Juju.  In later interviews, Siouxsie would describe Juju as being an accidental concept album as all of the songs dealt with dark themes and subject manner.  Juju was a horror-themed album but the horror was psychological and not supernatural.  As a sign of that theme, Spellbound was named after an Alfred Hitchcock film about a man who is troubled by disturbing dreams.

Clive Richardson directed several videos from Siouxsie and the Banshees.  He also worked with Depeche Mode, Steve Winwood, Big Country, and Tears for Fears.

Enjoy!

Corbin Nash (2018, directed by Ben Jagger)


Corbin Nash (Dean S. Jagger) is a New York cop who has been suspended for shooting a rapist.  While he and his stepfather (Bruce Davison, making a cameo appearance) sit in a bar and talk about how much the world sucks, they are approached by a mysterious man (Rutger Hauer, also making a cameo appearance) who explains that Corbin’s father was not just a minor league baseball player but he was also a demon hunter who was murdered by his enemies in Los Angeles.  Jack confirms that what the stranger says is true.

Corbin does what anyone would do.  He moves to Los Angeles, joins the LAPD, and starts to investigate cases of missing children.  This leads to Corbin being captured and held prisoner by two vampires, a drag queen named Queeny (Corey Feldman, camping it up to a cringe-worthy degree) and Queeny’s lover, Vince (Richard Wagner).  Queeny and Vince force their prisoners to participate in cage matches until finally feeding on them.  Corbin escapes but, as the Blind Prophet (Malcolm McDowell, collecting a paycheck) reveals, Corbin is now a vampire.  Like a less memorable version of Blade, vampire Corbin sets out to battle evil.

The film’s overall tone is grim and serious, which makes Corey Feldman’s mincing performance as Queeny feel all the more out-of-place.  Watching him in films like this, it can be easy to forget that Feldman was actually a fairly good actor before his career went off the rails in the 90s.  As a child, he appeared in some classic films and, as a teenager, he often redeemed otherwise subpar material.  But he never made the transition into adult roles.  Being one of “The Two Coreys” didn’t help and he had the misfortune of struggling with drugs before Robert Downey, Jr. made rehab cool.  Well into his 20s, he was still playing high school students and, even today when he’s in his 50s, Corey Feldman still comes across as being the world’s oldest teenager.  That’s certainly the impression that I got from Corbin Nash, where Feldman seems like a high school theater student who is more interested in showing off than actually acting.

Of course, Feldman’s self-indulgence is still more interesting than the rest of the film, which feels like an origin story for a super hero who never really took off.  There are a few interesting idea to be found in the film but mostly, it just feels like a cut-rate version of Blade and a dozen other recent vampire films.  Corbin Nash never creates an identity of its own.

Music Video of the Day: If Darkness Had A Son by Metallica (2023, directed by Timothy Saccenti)


Today’s music video of the day is the third single from Metallica’s 11th studio album (and the second Metallica album to be released by their own label), 72 Seasons.  This video finds the band performing in front of what appears to be a tank that is full of both water and flames.  This song marries the hard sound of Metallica with some of the most serious and introspective lyrics that James Hetfield has ever sung.  If darkness had a son, who would that son be?

Along with directing several other videos from 72 Seasons, Timothy Saccenti has worked with Korn, Phantogram, Franz Ferdinand, Depeche Mode, and the Animal Collective.

Enjoy!

Scary Bride (2020, directed by Dan Grin)


Anthony (Vitt Ray) is a loser living in Minnesota who cannot get over his ex-girlfriend.  He decides to do what his neighbor did and fly over to Russia so he can search for a woman who is desperate to get married.  Anthony’s trip to Russia starts out promising enough, with a meeting with a helpful cab driver and a trip to a dance club where Anthony meets the beautiful Nina (Evgeniya Yarushnikova).  But then Nina turns out to be a witch who literally wants to take way Anthony’s balls.  After putting a curse on him, Nina chases Anthony through Moscow, while Anthony searches for anyone who can remove the curse.

This film’s plot is pretty much a one-joke premise.  Anthony even breaks the fourth wall and says, “Sometimes, it’s better to look for a bride in your own country.”  The movie plays with the stereotype that you can get anything you’re looking for in Moscow, if you know the right people.  (Needless to say, this film was made before Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.)  What’s interesting is the film itself is a Russian film so the humor is less about Russia being a dangerous place and more about how stupid Americans like Anthony are for coming over in search of a bride.  This is a Russian film that tells the rest of the world to stay out of Russia.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for that one-joke premise to get old.  Anthony is not a likable hero.  The witch could have done better.  The version that’s on Tubi is dubbed into English and it is some of the worst voicework that I’ve ever heard, with Anthony in particular getting a deep voice that does not at all go along with his character.  Even though they were supposed to be residents of Minnesota, Anthony’s neighbor is dubbed with a British accent and keeps calling everyone “mate.”  Evgeniya Yarushnikova is beautiful enough that it is easy to believe that any man would fall under her spell but the rest of the movie is just the same joke told over and over again.

Music Video of the Day: Mirror Man by The Human League (1982, directed by Brian Duffy)


In the music video for Mirror Man, Philip Oakley plays a ghost who is haunting a theater.  A few years after this video came out, Oakley mentioned in an interview that the song wasn’t actually about a ghost but was instead about Adam Ant.

Director Brian Duffy was best-known for his work as a fashion photographer.

Enjoy!

The Devil’s Mistress (1965, directed by Orville Wanzer)


In the Old West, four outlaws are trying to keep one step ahead of the posse when they comes across an isolated cabin sitting the middle of nowhere.  The oldest of the outlaws say that they should stay away from the cabin because it is too far away from civilization and whoever lives there is trying to hide something.  He is outvoted by the other outlaws, who are hungry and hoping the cabin will have some food.

It turns out that cabin belongs to a bearded man who claims to be a pilgrim of some sort.  He lives with his mute wife.  He welcomes the men and gives them food.  Two of the outlaws repay him by murdering him and then raping his wife.  They decide to take the wife with them as they make their way to Mexico.  The wife silently follows but the men soon start to die, one-by-one.  Are the men unlucky or is the woman they kidnapped somehow causing it all to happen?  Given the film’s title, it’s not hard to guess.

The Devil’s Mistress is a mico-budget, independently-produced mix of the western and horror genres.  The film looks cheap and the actors playing the outlaws are all pretty inexpressive but Joan Stapleton’s otherworldly beauty is perfect for the role of the abducted woman who turns out to be far more clever and dangerous than the outlaws assumed.  With a good deal of philosophical dialogue about life, death, and guilt, the film has a lot more on its mind than the average indie western, with each outlaw forced to confront their own mortality as they are punished for their sins.

Music Video of the Day: Preacher Man by Fields of Nephilim (1987, directed by Richard Stanley)


A cemetery, an atomic wasteland, a chainsaw, a preacher with a bunch of mutant worshippers, it doesn’t get more 80s gothic than this.

Director Richard Stanley directed several gothic music videos but he’s best-known for his feature films, including Hardware and Dust Devil.  (In many ways, the video for Preacher Man feels like a dry run for both Hardware and Dust Devil.)  He was also the original director of the infamous The Island of Dr. Moreau until his conflicts with both the studios and actors Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer led to him being replaced by John Frankenheimer.

Enjoy!