Author Archives: Jedadiah Leland

Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (2000, directed by Ron Ford)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Warlock-turned attorney-turned-police consultant Will Spanner is back for the 11th Witchcraft film.  This time he’s played by James Servais.  Working again with Lutz (Stephanie Beaton) and Garner (Mikul Robins) of the LAPD, Will is investigating yet another attempt to perform a ceremony that will bring Satan back to Earth.  Why is every Satanic ceremony so elaborate that it always gives Will, Lutz, and Garner time to investigate and disrupt it?  That seems short-sighted on Satan’s part.

This time, the head Satanist is a drama professor who is putting on a production of MacBeth and who convinces the three actresses playing the witches to really get into their roles by performing a “fake” magic ritual.  Unfortunately, the ritual is real and the actresses are possessed by the spirits of three actual witches.  Because they have to find a stone that will help to bring a demon into the world who will then bring Satan into the world as well (See what I mean about foolishly complex rituals?), the three actresses are soon going on a sex-fueled murder rampage across campus.  One of the possessed actresses is also the sister of Will’s long-suffering girlfriend and now-fiancée, Kelly (Wendy Blair).  That makes it even more important than usual that Will prevent Satan from coming into the world.

As easy as it is to make fun of the Witchcraft films for their grade-Z production values and the often less than impressive performances of the actors involved, it’s hard not to appreciate their loyalty to the idea behind the entire franchise.  With only a few exceptions, every film has dealt with Will coming to terms with being a warlock.  Even though the actors change frequently, just the fact that nearly every Witchcraft installment features the same characters does a lot to distinguish Witchcraft from other direct- to-video horror franchises.  Will and Kelly finally getting engaged would probably be more meaningful if they had been consistently been played the same actors over the last several films (and if Witchcraft XI spelled Kelli’s name correctly) but it still rewarded the viewers who had stuck with the franchise up to its eleventh installment.  (Unfortunately, this movie would also be Kelly’s final appearance in the series.  The character is never mentioned in any of the films following this one.)

Otherwise, Witchcraft XI features some of the worst acting in the series up to this point and the plot is incoherent even by Witchcraft standards.  Supposedly, this was one of the most financially successful of all the Witchcraft movies, probably because of three possessed and often topless co-eds.  Will Spanner would return, though unfortunately without Lutz, Garner, or Kelly, in Witchcraft XII.

Game Review: The Shadow In The Snow (2020, Andrew Brown)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The game is an entrant in the 2020 Interactive Fiction Competition.  All of the games can be played here.

You’re in a dicey situation.  You’ve been driving through the middle of the blizzard, simply trying to find your way back to the main road.  After you crash into a snowdrift, your engine dies.  It doesn’t matter how many times you turn the key in the ignition, the car is not going anywhere.  It’s cold.  It’s snowing.  You haven’t seen another car for hours.  What do you do?

You can stay in your car.  I tried that a few times.  I don’t recommend it.

Your only other option is to get out of the car and wander through the wilderness in search of help.  Move in the right direction and you might find a cabin or a motel.  But be aware that you’re not alone in the wilderness.  There’s a shadow in the snow and it’s coming for you.

This Twine game is perfect for Halloween.  The story plays out like a horror movie and I was impressed by the number of ways that I ended up dying.  Right when I thought I had figured out the right way to kill the beast, I discovered that there was more to the monster than I originally considered.  The Shadow in the Snow is an enjoyable challenge and one that makes good use of the Twine format.

You can play it here. 

Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1998, directed by Elisar Elisar Cabrera)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

In the tenth entry in the ludicrously long-running Witchcraft series, conflicted warlock Will Spanner does not appear.  Fortunately, it’s not because he’s dead again.  Instead, it’s just because Will lives in New York and Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft takes place in London.

Instead, Witchcraft X focuses on Detective Lucy Lutz (Stephanie Beaton, returning to the role after playing it in the previous film).  Focusing on Detective Lutz actually makes sense, just because Stephanie Beaton was one of the better actresses to regularly appear in direct-to-video horror movies and she was also probably the main reason why many people were watching the Witchcraft films to begin with.  It certainly wasn’t for the special effects or the plots.

In this film, Detective Lutz has been summoned to London because a cult leader named Hyde (Kerry Knowlton) has been arrested by Interpol.  Hyde is wanted for a series of murders in Los Angeles and the London police cannot wait to send him back to the United States where he’ll be executed for sure.  (Jokes on them.  California has one of the slowest death rows in the country.)  But before Hyde can be sent back to L.A., they need to fly Lutz over so she can brief them on Hyde’s crimes.  I guess email was still a luxury in 1998.

No sooner has Lutz arrived than a vampire named Raven (Eileen Daly) is breaking Hyde out of custody so that Hyde can help her conduct one of those occult ceremonies that every single Witchcraft film seems to revolve around.  Raven has an army of frequently naked female vampires to help her out.  Lutz only has Interpol agent Chris Dixon (Sean Harry) and paranormal expert Celeste (Wendy Cooper) to help her out.

I liked that this movie tried to do something different with the franchise without totally abandoning the characters.  Even though neither Will nor Garner appears in Witchcraft X, they’re mentioned by Lutz so it’s not like Witchcraft VIII where Will’s existence was totally ignored.  Detective Lutz is a good heroine and Stephanie Beaton is an appealing actress.  I also liked that the film took place in London and that, like Witchcraft VII, it involved vampires instead of the usual shady warlocks.  The dialogue is really clunky, none of the other actors are as good as Beaton, and the film looks like it was shot with a camcorder and then edited by someone using a VCR  but that’s pretty much par for course for a Witchcraft film.

It’s easy to imagine the Witchcraft series going forward with just Detective Lutz as the lead character.  That didn’t happen, though.  Will Spanner would return for Witchcraft XI.

Game Review: You Couldn’t Have Done That (2020, Ann Hugo)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

You Couldn’t Have Done That is an entrant in 2020 Interactive Fiction Competition.  All of the entries can be played here.

In You Couldn’t Have Done That, you are a teenager named Theodora, “Theo” for short.  It’s your first day working at Lydia’s, a trendy clothing store in the mall.  The first day on a new job is difficult for anyone but, along with being nervous and wanting to make a good impression on the boss, you are also autistic.  Throughout the game, you’re forced to deal with people.  There’s a janitor in the mall.  There’s a customer who you recognize from school.  You have two very different coworkers.  Many of the things that many people do automatically, like smiling back at someone, are things that you have to think about and make a conscious decision to do.  Some people you meet are empathetic.  Most are not.

Throughout You Couldn’t Have Done That, you are given options for how to deal with the situations that arise through the day.  Often times, I would pick the option that, to me, made the most sense just to be told that “You couldn’t have done that.”  Even though you may want to and you may know it’s what most people would expect you to do, you simply cannot do it.  It was frustrating but that was the point.  Every time the story says, “You couldn’t have done that,” you experience the frustration that Theo experiences every day.  The game puts you directly into Theo’s head and you see the world through her eyes and, by the end of this short story, you are hopefully a more empathetic person than you were before the story began.  Theo’s day is not easy but the story at least ends on a note of hope.  It can get better.

You Couldn’t Have Done That can be experienced here.

Music Video of the Day: Freedom by Alice Cooper (1987, directed by ????)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Alice Cooper singing about freedom is exactly what we all need to hear today.

This song was the first and only single off of Alice Cooper’s seventeenth solo album, Raise Your Fist and Yell.  Despite celebrating freedom and being promoted by the music video above, the single failed to chart in the United States.  However, in the UK, it reached #50 in the charts.  Maybe across the pond, it was better appreciated that the video featured Rambo on guitar.  (That’s actually Kane Roberts on guitar.  Roberts co-wrote this song and is a legitimate rock and roll great.  The presence of Roberts makes it easier to forgive the fact that Kip Winger played bass on Freedom.)

This song came out at around the same time that the Senate was investigating rock music and there was a strong push for warning labels to be put on albums.  This song was Cooper’s response to the Tipper Gores of the world.  “Stop pretending you’ve never been bad,” the lyrics say before going on to take a stand for freedom of speech.

Enjoy!

Witchcraft IX: Bitter Harvest (1997, directed Michael Paul Girard)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Will Spanner (played, for a second time, by David Byrnes) returns in Witchcraft IX!

Will is still the son of a warlock, he’s still dead, and his girlfriend is still named Kelli (she’s played, this time, by Leah Kourtne Ballantine) but otherwise, the continuity of the entire franchise gets seriously twisted in Witchcraft IX.  Witchcraft VII ended up with Will dead and everyone knowing that Will was dead.  This was followed by Witchcraft VIII, which was a stand-alone film about a different warlock.  Witchcraft IX then begins with no one knowing that Will is dead and an imposter Will living with Kelli and regularly choking her during sex.  Will’s ghost roams the city, trying to get anyone to listen to him.  Though Will was clean-shaven when he died, ghost Will has a beard.

While Will is trying to find someone who can hear him, Detective Lutz (Stephanie Beaton) and Garner (Mikul Robins) are investigating yet another series of ritualistic homicides.  This time, the homicides are connected to an Egyptian cult as opposed to a Satanic one.  Usually, Lutz and Garner would turn to Will for help but, because imposter Will is a jerk, they don’t want anything more to do with him.  Of course, in Witchcraft VII, Lutz and Garner saw Will die but apparently, they’ve forgotten about that and think that he’s still alive.  See how confusing this is?

Will finally does find someone who can hear his voice.  She’s a prostitute named Sheila (Landon Hall) and soon, Will is using her to deliver messages to Lutz, Garner, and Kelli.  He even enters her body at one point.  Witchcraft IX is basically a softcore version of Ghost, with an Egyptian cult thrown in for good measure.

Whatever other flaws they may have had, the previous Witchcraft films all did try to maintain a recognizable continuity.  That’s what made them stand out when compared to other direct-to-video franchises.  Even though the actors changed, Will always remained the same character with the same problems.  In Witchcraft IX, all of that continuity gets tossed out the window.  The one emotionally effective moment of the entire franchise, Will dying and being mourned by everyone who cared for him, is retconned into nothing.

Witchcraft IX suffers from its low budget and its impossible to follow plot but Landon Hall and Stephanie Beaton are surprisingly good as Sheila and Lutz and David Byrnes is a passable hero.  Though Will does come back to life at the end of this one, he would still be absent in the next film.  In Witchcraft X, Detective Lutz would finally get a story all of her own.

Game Review: What the Bus (2020, E. Joyce)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This game is an entrant in the 2020 Interactive Fiction competition.  All of the entrants can be played here.

This game starts off with a premise that anyone has ever had to rely on mass transit can relate to.  You’re waiting for the #44 Bus so that you can ride it to the station where you have to catch your train.  However, while you’re waiting, you get a notification telling you that your bus is running 40 minutes behind schedule!

Do you try to catch another bus?  Do you try to catch a different train?  Or do you just suck it up and wait for your bus to arrive?  Choose carefully because the world is strange and who knows where all of these buses and trains could be going.  I consistently failed to pick wisely and I ended up more lost than I was before.

There are 10 different endings that you can get at the end of this game, depending on which bus or train you decide to take.  Among the endings I’ve gotten, I’ve found myself trapped in a train station and I’ve also entered into a strange parallel dimension.  I have yet to actually get to where I needed to go.  Anyone who has ever had to deal with MTA Maryland or tried to navigate the subways in New York or the Underground in London will be able to relate.  It’s a universal game, one to which we can all relate and which everyone should be able to enjoy.  We’ve all been there.

You can play it here.  Good luck!

 

Witchcraft VIII: Salem’s Ghost (1996, directed by Joseph John Barmettler)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Having killed off long-suffering hero Will Spanner in the previous installment, the Witchcraft franchise attempted to chart a new course with Witchcraft VIII: Salem’s Ghost.

In this movie, we meet an entirely new group of people who manage to raise the spirit of another dead and pissed off warlock.  Trying to repair their strained marriage, Sonny (Lee Grober) and Mary Anne (Kim Kopf) have moved to Massachusetts and have purchased a house that’s existed since colonial times.  Sonny and Mary Anne celebrate their first night in the house by getting covered in chocolate.  That’s one way to fix a marriage, I guess.

They soon meet their pushy new neighbors, Mitch (David Wells) and Gayle (Anthoni Stewart).  Mitch is so helpful that he even takes it upon himself to try to fix a leaky pipe in the basement.  However, when Mitch busts a hole in the wall, it not only leads to the basement getting flooded by a strange red light but Mitch also ends up possessed by the spirit of the warlock who previously owned the property.

Other than the presence of a dead warlock and all of the usual softcore sex scenes (which, in the 90s, were pretty much a mainstay of any direct-to-video horror film franchise), there’s nothing in Witchcraft VIII to really link it to any of the previous Witchcraft films.  (I did read that the house in Witchcraft VIII also appears in one of the other films but I’m too lazy and too sick of the Witchcraft films to go back and look for it.)  There’s no Will Spanner and no Detectives Lutz or Garner.  Instead, the entire film owes more to the Amityville franchise than the previous Witchcrafts.  Apparently, when the film went into production, it wasn’t even intended to be a Witchcraft film but instead, it was added to the franchise after filming was completed.

With all that in mind, Witchcraft VIII is not that bad, especially as far as low-budget, direct-to-video horror is concerned.  It doesn’t waste any time getting the action started and the actors actually do the best that they can with the material they’ve been given.  The dead warlock is played Jack van Landingham, who comes across as if he’s auditioning for a role in a pirate film, which is exactly the right approach to take when you’re appearing in a film like this.  Even the terrible special effects are more likely to inspire nostalgia than contempt.  Witchcraft VIII is dumb fun, even if it doesn’t include Will Spanner.  In fact, it’s nice to watch people deal with a warlock without having to listen to Will complaining all the time.

Financially, Witchcraft VIII failed to do as well as the previous Witchcraft films, which led to the end of plans to continue the franchise with a series of stand-alone films.  Instead, despite being dead, Will Spanner would return for Witchcraft IX.

Game Review: Minor Arcana (2020, Jack Sanderson Thwaite)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This game is an entrant in 2020 Interactive Fiction Competition.  All of the entries can be found here.

Minor Arcana is probably not the first game to center around Tarot cards but it is probably the first one to actually be written from the point of view of the cards themselves.  You are the cards and, as you wait to reveal your next fortune, you think about your past and maybe your future.  Who created you?  Who gave you power and why?  Are you going to help the people who seek your insight or are you going to destroy them?  Are you a force of chaos or a force of peace?  These are the decisions that you, as the player, can make as you point and click your way through the story.

Like a lot of works done with Twine, Minor Arcana is more of a short story than a game.  While it’s true that you control several elements of the story and that your decisions will determine the type of story that’s told, it would be a mistake for anyone to play Minor Arcana thinking that it’s going to be a traditional IF game where you solve puzzles and examine rooms and decide whether to move north, west, or, if you’re really lucky, northeast.  Instead, Modern Arcana is more of a well-written mood piece, designed to make the player meditate on issues of fate, fortune, and the future.

Minor Arcana can be played here.

Cinemax Friday: Witchcraft VII: Judgment Hour (1995, directed by Michael Paul Girard)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Warlock-turned-attorney-turned-police consultant Will Spanner is back for the 7th time in Witchcraft VII.  However, the usual witches and warlocks are nowhere to be seen.  Instead, this installment finds Will and the gang battling a vampire businessman who wants to take over the world’s blood supply.

As is typical of the Witchcraft films, all of the usual characters are present but they’re all played by different actors.  Will is now played by David Byrnes while April Breneman steps into the role of Will’s girlfriend, Kelli.  Detectives Garner and Lutz also return.  However, Garner (John Cragen) is now much younger and, as opposed to the previous film, has a full head of hair.  Meanwhile, Lutz, who was a man in the previous film, is now played by Alisa Christensen.  (In a later movie, it would be explained that this Lutz is supposed to be a relative of the original Lutz but that’s never mentioned in Witchcraft VII.)

Will is still tortured by his past and his powers but it’s less of a problem in this film because he’s not battling a warlock.  Instead, while he’s visiting friends in the hospital, he just happens to spot Rachel (Ashlie Rhey) coming back to life.  Rachel, who was the latest victim of vampire Martin Hassa (Loren Schmalle), is now a vampire who preys on joggers but only after having sex with them because this is a Witchcraft movie, after all.  It won’t be easy for Will to defeat Hassa because Hassa has a mansion full of frequently naked vampires.  In fact, it’s so difficult that Will ends up dead.

That’s right, Witchcraft VII was originally meant to be the end of the series.  Realizing that there was nothing left to do with Will Spanner, Witchcraft VII had him battle a vampire and then killed him.  The next Witchcraft film would not feature Will in any way.  However, you can’t keep a good warlock down so Will would eventually return in Witchcraft IX.

Witchcraft VII would not have been a bad film to go out on.  Even with its low budget and its softcore aesthetic, Witchcraft VII is better than the previous few Witchcraft films.  David Byrnes is the best Will Spanner since Charles Solomon and Loren Schmalle is a good villain.  Though it may seem strange that a film called Witchcraft wouldn’t actually feature any witches, the vampire angle actually brings some new energy to the franchise.  Will gets to go out a hero and the world is a little bit safer for joggers.

Unfortunately, nothing ever truly ends in the world of direct-to-video.  Witchcraft would return with Witchcraft 8, albeit temporarily without the character of Will Spanner.