Author Archives: casewright

Whisper in the Woods, AI Short Review by Case Wright

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There’s the Summer of the Shark; so, this is the Horrorthon of the Terrible AI shorts. Technically, I don’t need to review these things, BUT I feel like we at the beginning of a new way to tell stories and if the technology gets better and it will, maybe it will attract some people who are good at things? Maybe?

I’m not saying that the people who create these films should be parachuted into an actively shark-infested section of the ocean wearing a meat-based wetsuit and slathered in a blood-based suntan oil, but if you’ve already left with these people and you had parachutes, the suits, and lotion ready; then, I’m not getting in your way. Who knows? Maybe stopping bad AI art could bring us together? Also, the market share for meat wetsuits is wide open for the taking!

So, let’s determine if “Whisper in the Woods” is cause for shark-time!

There is a car driving in a haunted forest. A woman sees a spooky woman standing in the road. The driver investigates. Then, a hooded figures presumably kill her. Technically, it had a beginning, middle, and an end. So, it’s as good as anything Alex Magana ever made, but I’m Team Shark!

No Title (how cute), AI short film review by Case Wright

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Ok, no title, but in the description it is In The Mountains of Madness. We are going to see some Cthulhu? Some revelations? Some Necronomicon? I’m not hopeful, but I’m also usually right.
Is it a trailer?

There is a British Person telling us about the expedition to Antarctica. They uncover the structures of the Old Ones. The crew finds a laboratory of weird creatures and then they become one with the gross things. As a trailer, it would’ve been excellent. The imagery is quite good and it does capture what these creatures might look like and how they possess the expedition crew.

Is it a short? There is a beginning a middle, but there is not really a clear ending. It could just be that I’m so used to seeing the absolute worst garbage AI films that I’m unable to tell what is good or bad anymore because nothing matters. However, I think this short might be – ok. Not great, but it is ok and I suppose that you could do worse things with 90 seconds of your life.

Grim Reaper, Scary Ad Review By Case Wright

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Case’s Confessions: I am not scared of werewolves, vampires, or climate change. I am scared real things: serial killers, disease, and big government.

This ad for Australian AIDS prevention was before my time, but I saw it in the 90s when it was shown as a compilation of the scariest ads ever. The ad featured a grim reaper knocking people over like pins. The randomness and the victim’s helplessness gave me nightmares for weeks.

The ad’s message was terrifyingly clear: do NOT have sex with Australian women because they will give you AIDS. The ad worked because, TO THIS DAY, I have never slept with an Australian girl. When I went to Australia, I never had even a slight temptation to have any congress with any Australian lady or as they are also called there- Sheila, which I suppose is a common name there like Jenny is in a normal country like America that is not ravaged with disease.

I knew that as long as I avoided those women, I could engage in all kinds of debauchery. Whether I did or not I think I will save for my exclusive patreon blog (if I make one).
You can see the ad and an interview of the creators of the ad below.

I Heard It Too, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright

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I’m not surprised that there are AI short films, but why so many? Every hack with a computer and no imagination just decided to make something awful. They don’t get a lot of views and the creator knows he or she made this steaming pile of bleh.

We open to 1970s America and some really bad big band jazz (shouldn’t it be The Allman Brothers?!). We are inside a suburban home. The mom is cooking and the daughter goes to look for her mom, but there’s some sort of fart demon sound. Again, I have no idea what actually happened in this story. This is a theme with AI shorts- they are terrible and stupid. I need to find something better to watch. Life is short and I am a fairly good person.

Trepidation, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright

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Wow, only 6 days left! I can’t believe it, until I need to review another horrible AI short. Why am I reviewing these universally terrible films? It’s the new thing and someone needed to catalog the beginning. Of course, it had to be me; yes, I am martyring myself, but come on… you don’t want to have to watching this waste of a perfectly good two minutes of your life.

Here we go…there’s a lot of hotties with cleavage in a museum and a number of priests. I’m not sure what’s going on, but there is cleavage; so, you can ignore the terrible film that way. A strange cleavage-showing lady asks odd museum goers to look at a painting and imagine God. I would say, “Lady, I already paid to get in here can you just get out of the way of the exhibits?! Do you even work here?! Where did you get that desk/podium?! Security!!! Security!!!” Sadly, no one made this choice to call security and the film continued.

It turns out it’s a Spirit Halloween skull face that giggles, even though it does not have an obvious respiratory system. This was really dumb. I wonder if when AI gets smart, it will tell these “creators” – “you’re really bad at this….just stop and do something else.”

Tide of Terror, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright

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Clowns scare me and AI used to scare me, but I just don’t think it’s gonna be all that bad. I wasn’t going to review another AI short because…. well, they are terrible, BUT just as I was about to move on to real people- I saw this:

Lisa knows that I can’t turn down a shark movie or Torchy’s Tacos. A shark movie is like Torchy’s Tacos because even if they made mediocre taco- it’s still EXCELLENT. Furthermore, you are still eating a taco; so, how bad could your life really be?!

The short opens with a terribly flooded New York City. Uh oh, here comes a tidal wave and if that isn’t bad enough…. sharks…wait…no a lot sea creatures appear, which are kinda scary… to someone. I got halfway through and there’s something shark-like.

They cut away from the shark to a large squid; so, I’m like who brought the peanut oil? It’s time for some calamari!!! Finally, there is a shark again sort of… and zombies? Is it good? No, but there is a shark… so, fine. The short was all over the place and really tested the depths of punishing me. Then, Adele showed up because she’s….

If you want to check this short out….

Evil Cassette Tape, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright

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I know camel spiders are gross, but there wasn’t a title card made for this short; so, I decided to add something scary for them. This short is only 1 minute- YAY.

A woman listens to a tape that ask them to thing about death. The voice has her do some light neck stretches and wham she sees a ghost. I suppose that this is scary.

There is a beginning, middle, and an end. Also, it is just a minute long. Is it better than the Progressive don’t turn into your parents ads? NO! However, it is better than…well…I had a crown put on recently; so, better than that FOR SURE!

Mother, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright

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I suppose this is becoming the October of AI. I wanted see if there was ANYTHING good being churned out. They are quite terrible usually. I think it’s fair to say that they are all bad, but some flirt with a D+.
Mother is haunted house story. A pregnant mother decides to go exploring in her own home …. for some reason. It did not look like she just moved in; so, exploring your home is kinda nuts. So, she explores and hears children giggling and goes into a room that looks like a grenade exploded in it. She decides to touch a wall, which opens to a sewer tunnel and decides to go spelunking… as you do.

She’s going through the home sewer and find a ghost child and evil spirit. There was no reason at all for her to do the things she did. I supposed we assume she drunk on stupid juice and turned into a ghost hunter.

What positive things can I write? It was a film. It had a beginning, middle, and an end. There were scenes and the color yellow, which is maybe not positive, but I’m really trying. Also, the sewer was pretty clean, if you’re into that- this is the film for you!

Gelien, Short Film Review, by Case Wright

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Yes, this is their online poster. Yes, there is no title. Yes, the robot apocalypse will be boring.
I don’t know what jobs AI is going to take away, but it will definitely bore us more quickly. Do we really need to make the Alex Magana’s of the world make more film gonorrhea? What would the penicillin be for an Alex Magana film?

However, Alex Magana did not make this steaming pile of jelly garbage, it was Dark Dabs Horror. The world gets attacked by an extraterrestrial jellyfish that covers the earth in goo and kills everything. Why? Who knows? Is it gross? Not really. Nobody dissolves; instead, they all look like they took a swim in jell-o. I wouldn’t call it horror as much as I would call it unintentionally kinda fun in a very sad way. The future is boring.

Don’t Look Behind You|Pale Lady Short Film

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This short film was not on IMDB; so, I used a graph from my amazing post on Alien Earth. Wasn’t that a great review? The math was perfect!
This another AI short film, but you have to dig around to determine that a robot made it. I gotta say, it looks good. Maybe this will be how films are going to be made from now on?

A pale lady is walking down a hallway and then the wall starts bleeding…. motor oil? Maybe, they’ll ask me to drill a well there? I WOULD! The motor oil starts rippling and the pale lady is about to put her hand in it… for some reason. Then, a hand reaches from the motor oil puddle. She runs to an …. apartment? I can’t tell what is going on. Without any lead up, a monster appears out of nowhere and nothing happens.

This is NOT good. I have no idea what is going on and I don’t care. Maybe AI will takeover, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to have a story. You will still need a story or your short will be terrible. What else can I say about this short?

I don’t care.