October Positivity: Before It Happened (dir by Andrew Jacob Brown)


It’s going to be a bit of a mini-October Positivity review tonight.  I spent today helping my neighbors move then crying because my neighbors had moved, and then trying to talk my new neighbors into not getting rid of their new house’s hot tub.  I’m tired, so I’m going to try to keep things relatively short tonight.

In 2023’s Before It Happened, Eli Jenkins (played by the film’s director, Andrew Jacob Brown) is such a hard-boiled cop and detective that, when he realizes that the Mayor of his town has been kidnapping children and holding them prisoner in his home, he literally forces his way into the house and puts that perverted public official in his place.  Now, you would think that the Mayor of reasonably-sized town being arrested for kidnapping a child would be big news and Detective Jenkins would be on all of the Fox or Newsmax shows.  Instead, Jenkins gets yelled at for not following procedure.

Uhhmm, guys — your mayor was abducting children and holding them prisoner in his home!  His wife was helping him!  Why does no one in this movie seem to think this is as strange as I do?  I mean, seriously, I know that we’re no longer shocked when a public official is arrested but this still seems like a pretty big deal.

Anyway, Jenkins is given a new assignment.  He needs to find his ex-partner, Bobby (Jason Haines), and bring him to meet with his brother, the chief of police (Brian Eberly) who happens to be dying.  Jenkins tracks down Bobby but it turns out that Bobby, who was once a good and ambitious cop, is now totally irresponsible and in debt because he sold some valuable basketball cards to a comic book store.  Jenkins has to get the cards back before he can even think of taking Bobby to see his brother.  Since the original owner of the cards is holding Jenkins’s current partner (Christopher Shane Lowry) as a hostage, it is literally a matter of life-and-death.  Bobby and Jenkins work together to try to make things right and, along the way, they confront their own demons.  This leads to an increasingly complicated series of events.   Meanwhile, almost everyone that Jenkins talks to tells him that the Biblical prophecies are coming true and that the world will soon end….

There were some good things about this film.  I did smile a bit at just how complicated Eli’s relatively simple assignment became.  He just couldn’t catch a break and no one was willing to help out until Eli did something for them first.  That part of the film had a lot of potential.  But, like so many faith-based film, Before It Happened suffers from amateurish acting and a script that often seems to be trying too hard to imitate the big budget blockbusters that inspired the film.  Sometimes, you just have to be willing to admit that you don’t have the budget or the experience necessary to make a Hollywood-style crime drama.  Before It Happened‘s story had potential but the execution failed to realize it.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.13 “Eye of Death”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Ryan goes into the past.

Episode 2.13 “Eye of the Death”

(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on January 30th, 1989)

Atticus Rook (Tom McCamus) is an antiques dealer, one who is well-known to Jack.  No one seems to really like or trust Atticus Rook.  Everything about him seems to scream sleaze.  But Atticus has somehow managed to get artifacts from the American Civil War that no one else has ever been able to find.  His latest claim is that he will soon be selling Robert E. Lee’s sword.

How is Atticus accomplishing this?  He has a cursed magic lantern that he uses to project old pictures onto his wall.  He’s then able to step into the picture and enter the time period in which it was taken.  (Hey, that sounds like a fun cursed object to own!)  Atticus has been going into the past and telling Gen. Lee (Bernard Behrens) that he’s a spy.  However, the information that he gives Lee is just stuff that he remembers from history class.  Atticus thinks that he’s got a pretty good operation going but there are two catches.  To go to the past, he has to kill someone in the present.  To return to the present, he has to kill someone in the past.

Naturally, Ryan ends up in the past while trying to retrieve the magic lantern.  Ryan meets General Lee and tries to present himself as also being a spy but it turns out that Ryan paid even less attention in history class than Atticus did.  Ryan being Ryan, he also falls in love with a widow named Abigail (Brooke Johnson).  As we all know, having Ryan fall in love with you is pretty much a death sentence on Friday the 13th.  Abigail’s death does allow Ryan, Jack, and Micki to return to the present.  Moving the lantern allows Atticus to get trapped in his own wall, where he suffocates while trying to return to the present.

This was a surprisingly good episode.  I say “surprisingly” because you wouldn’t necessarily think that a low-budget Canadian show would do a great job of recreating the American Civil War but this episode pulls it off.  The costumes, the sets, the words used by the people encountered by Ryan and Atticus, all of them work to make the episode’s Civil War setting feel very realistic.  Tom McCamus is a great villain and Bernard Behrens is well-cast as Robert E. Lee.  Even the obviously doomed romance between Ryan and Abigail works remarkably well.

I have to admit that I’ve always assumed this show took place in Canada, largely because of all of the Canadian accents and the Canadian scenery.  This episode reveals that Friday the 13th is supposed to be taking place in the United States, despite the way that people pronounce the word “sorry.”  When Ryan ends up in the Civil War, he says that he’s from Chicago.  (It’s not necessarily a good idea to go back to the Civil War era and immediatly tell everyone that you’re a Yankee.)

Well, this show can pretend that the antique store is in Chicago if it wants to, but it’ll always be Toronto to me.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 2.5 “Night of the Kill” (dir by John Newland)


When young Davey Morris tells his parents that he’s been hanging out with a friendly Bigfoot-type creature, all of the adults in town react in the worst way possible.

This episode, from the second season of One Step Beyond, was one of the first to deal with the legend of Bigfoot.  Needless to say, it’s the adults who turn out to be the true monsters in this scenario.

This episode originally aired on October 20th, 1959.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: The Wizard of Gore (dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis)


First released in 1970, Herschell Gordon’s Lewis’s The Wizard of Gore tells the story of Montag The Magnificent (Ray Sager), a magician who has a rather macabre stage show.

After lecturing his audience about how everyone secretly wants to see blood and violence, he selects a female volunteer from the audience.  Both the woman and the rest of the audience are hypnotized.  Montag’s tricks all involve mutilating his volunteers.  One volunteer is chainsawed.  Another gets a metal spike driven into her brain.  Another is drilled by a giant punch press.  (Like seriously, how does one store a giant punch press?)  The hypnotized audience only sees Montag using his various instruments of torture but they don’t see the wounds or the blood or the intestines.  (The movie audience is a bit less lucky.)  The victim is hypnotized into not realizing that she has essentially been murdered but, when the hypnosis wears off after the show, they promptly drop dead, mysteriously mutilated in the same way that everyone saw Montag miming on stage.

Naturally, the police arrest Montag and the movie ends.

No, actually, it doesn’t.  Even though it’s obvious that Montag is the murderer and that he’s hypnotizing people, the police don’t arrest him because his hypnotized audience swears that Montag didn’t really hurt anyone during his stage act.  However, television host Sherry (Judy Cler) and her lunkhead boyfriend, Jack (Wayne Ratay), both come to believe that Montag is the killer and they try set up a plot to expose him on national television,  Montag can’t hypnotize people through the television …. can he!?  And if he can do that, who is to say that he hasn’t hypnotized the people in the theater who would have been watching The Wizard of Gore when it was first released?

The Wizard of Gore appears to have been Herschell Gordon Lewis’s attempt to comment on his own status as a director who was notorious for making gory films.  (His 1963 film, Blood Feast, is often referred to as being the first gore film.)  Montag is a monster who appeals to his audience’s desire to see something extreme and forbidden.  For all of Montag’s evil, he can only exist and get more victims because people are willing to watch him torture strangers.  Lewis was not exactly known for being a particularly artful director but the shots of Montag’s victims screaming in terror while Montag’s audience silently and unemotionally watches are about as close to a genuinely powerful moment as you’re likely to find in a Herschell Gordon Lewis film.  The Wizard of Gore, with its commentary on the gore genre that Lewis himself largely invented, is one of Lewis’s more self-referential films.  And with it’s trick ending and shots of people suddenly collapsing with their intestines literally spilling out of them, it’s also one of Lewis’s stranger films and that’s saying something when you consider just how many odd films Lewis made over the course of the 60s and 70s.  (There’s a reason why one of his better films was called Something Weird.The Wizard of Gore is definitely a Lewis film, with his trademark stiff actors and non sequitur dialogue giving the whole thing a dream-like feel.

There’s a scene in Juno where Jason Bateman tells the film’s title character that Herschell Gordon Lewis is a superior filmmaker to Dario Argento and that The Wizard of Gore is scarier than Suspiria.  As soon as I heard that, I knew his character was going to turn out to be a sleaze and I was right.  The Wizard of Gore is a historically interesting film, especially for those who love the old grindhouse films.  But it’s no Suspiria.

Alarmed (2014, directed by Matt Lofgren)


Samantha stands trial, accused of killing her father, mother, and two of her sisters.  She is acquitted.  Five years later, she’s trapped on the family yacht, stranded at sea with the ship’s onboard computer ordering her to remove her limbs and slash her face.  Every morning, she wakes up and it’s as if nothing happened.  But during the evening, she goes through the entire ritual again.  Samantha feels that she is being punished for murdering her family, except that Samantha did not murder her family.  While being tortured on the boat, she thinks back and tries to figure out who the guilty party actually was.

It’s an interesting idea but a dumb movie.  You’re stuck on a boat, far from civilization and medical help.  The only other person on the boat is your husband, who can’t help you because the boat’s onboard computer has locked him out of control room.  Are you going to chop off your finger just because a computer tells you to?  Are you going to saw off your hand, just because the computer says so?  The boat is also haunted by ghosts and I wish the movie had just focused on them instead of bringing in the computer and the time loop element.

The movie just doesn’t work.  The plot is overstuffed and the acting is terrible.  Try not to laugh when you hear the dialogue between the judges and the lawyers in the courtroom scene.  The yacht is a good location but a few long shots make it obvious that the yacht is not as far away from civilization as Samantha and her husband seem to think.

All in all, a misfire.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.18 “Suspect”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, we have yet another surprisingly serious episode of T and T.

Episode 3.18 “Suspect”

(Dir by Ken Girotti, originally aired on May 5th, 1990)

On trial for having physically abused his girlfriend, Giles (Tom Melissis) can only smirk when his girlfriend, Ally (Isabelle Mejias), takes the stand and says that she doesn’t remember who beat her.  Far less amused is Ally’s lawyer, Terri (Kristina Nicoll).

After telling Ally that she needs to recant her testimony and testify against Giles, Terri starts to receive threatening letters.  While Turner immediately suspects that Giles is the one behind the threats, it turns out that it’s actually Ally!  Ally explains that she’s actually an ex-convict named Deborah, a former client of Terri’s who got sent to prison.  This, of course, leads to a huge question — why didn’t Terri recognize Ally when she agreed to serve as her attorney?  And how did Ally manage to fool everyone into thinking she was Ally when she’s actually Deborah?  Ally doesn’t say anything about getting plastic surgery or anything like that.  She also implies that her last encounter with Terri was only a year or two ago.  (Seeing as how Terri wasn’t even on the show until the start of this season, it couldn’t have been that long ago.)  Terri immediately recognizes the name Deborah but she didn’t recognize Deborah when she was standing right in front of her.  Wow, Terry …. and I thought I was self-centered!

No worries, though!  Despite all of the threats, Terri agrees to not turn Ally into the police as long as Ally testifies against Giles.  I don’t know if I could so easily overlook a harassment campaign but whatever.  The important thing is that Giles goes to jail and Ally is free to continue leading a double life.

This episode featured good performances from Isabelle Mejias and Tom Melissis and I appreciate any show or film that ends with an abuser getting sent to either prison or the graveyard.  But the story itself felt really rushed.  This is one of those episodes that would have benefitted from a longer running time because there was a lot to unpack in just 30 minutes.  As well, it’s hard not to feel that Ally’s backstory would have had more impact if Amy was still on the show.  Season 3 (and the show itself) are nearly over and I still don’t feel like I really know how Terri Taler is supposed to be.  Amy was established, over the course of two seasons, as a whip-smart attorney who had a long history as a crusader.  Terri, on the other hand, still feels like someone who just showed up nowhere.

Like last week, this was a surprisingly serious episode of T and T.  The episode didn’t quite work but the show still deserves credit for trying.

Horror Scenes I Love: The Bleeding Hand Scene From The Wizard of Gore


Today’s horror scene that I love comes from 1970’s The Wizard of Gore.  Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis, this uniquely acted scene should be familiar to anyone who has ever watched the montage that opens most of the Something Weird video releases.

Horror Film Review: The She-Creature (dir by Edward L. Cahn)


In the 1956 film, The She-Creature, bodies are being discovered on the beach.  The murderer appears to be a bizarre, humanoid creature with gills and scaly skin.  It commits its dastardly crimes and then it disappears back into the ocean!  What could it be?  Is it a genuine monster?  Is it a psycho diver in a rubber suit?  Is it just some random murderer that hides in the shadows and stalks the night like a cat searching for mouse?

While bodies are showing up on the beach, Dr. Carlo Lombardi (Chester Morris), is trying to convince the world that his theories about reincarnation and the occult are correct.  Usually clad in a tuxedo and accompanied by his assistant, Andrea (Marla English), Dr. Lombardi swears that everyone has lived a past life and that, when under hypnosis, people are capable of reliving all of their past lives.  Dr. Lombardi theorizes that reincarnation has been going on since the beginning of time and, as a result, a hypnotized person could even relive their past life as a cave dweller or, presumably, a single-celled creature floating around in a lake.  Actually, under Lomradi’s theory, I guess it’s possible that someone could have been a dinosaur in a past life.

(It’s probably best not to give that too much thought because most people would probably be disappointed to discover that they weren’t one of the cool dinosaurs but instead, they were one of those goofy green lizards that was always running out of the way of the cool dinosaurs.  No matter how many times someone bangs a gong, not everyone can be a T-rex, sorry.  Everyone wants to be the dinosaur that eats but no one wants to be the one that got eaten.)

The scientific community scoffs at Dr. Lombardi but when he puts Andrea under hypnosis, it’s enough for Timothy Chappell (Tom Conway) to want to go into business with him.  The scientific community may scoff at Lombardi and his theories but Chappell sees him as the key to a fortune.  Who cares if his powers are real or not?  Well, Lombardi cares and he’s discovered that he can use hypnosis to cause Andrea to turn into a prehistoric monster who will kill his enemies!

(Actually, Dr. Lombardi is such a good hpynotist that he’s even able to convince a dog to kill his owner.  Then again, maybe he just offered the dog a treat for being a good boy.  Who knows how the canine mind works?)

An entertaining B-movie, The She-Creature benefits from the committed performance of veteran tough guy Chester Morris, the other-worldly beauty of Marla English (who was cast because it was correctly felt she resembled Elizabeth Taylor), and the noir-influence direction of Edward L. Cahn.  The plot makes no sense but it hold your interest and the monster is a genuinely impressive creation.

On a personal note, I’ve never bought into reincarnation but if I was anyone in a past life, I was probably either Edie Sedgwick or Alice Roosevelt.

 

4 Shots From 4 Horror Film: Special Herschell Gordon Lewis Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

Today’s director is the Godfather of Gore himself, Herschell Gordon Lewis!

4 Shots From 4 Herschell Gordon Lewis Films

Blood Feast (1963, dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis, DP: Herschell Gordon Lewis)

Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964, dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis, DP: Herschell Gordon Lewis)

Something Weird (1967, dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis, DP: Andy Romanoff)

The Wizard of Gore (1970, dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis, DP: Alex Ameri and Daniel Krogh)

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Coogan’s Bluff


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix presents 1968’s Coogan’s Bluff, starring Clint Eastwood!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Coogan’s Bluff is available on Prime and Tubi!  See you there!