Monthly Archives: May 2024

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.9 “Movie Madness”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, things get really, really silly.

Episode 3.9 “Movie Madness”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on March 3rd, 1990)

Fritz and Nobby are back!

Who?

Fritz (Dominic Cuzzocrea) and Nobby (Avery Saltzman) are two criminals who appeared in two episode of the second season of T and T.  The first time they appeared, they pulled a gun on T.S. Turner and threatened to kill him,  The second time, they were portrayed a bit more comedically as lovable bunglers.  This third episode finds Fritz and Nobby at their most cartoonish.

Fritz wants to rob a Chinese jewelry store that happens to be right next to Decker’s gym.  So, he and Nobby walk into the gym and tell Decker that they’ve reformed and they want to shoot a boxing movie starring him.  Decker agrees to act.  (“I could have been a contender!” he announces.)  Then Terri shows up and demands to know what Fritz and Dobby are doing at the gym so they ask her if she wants to be the female lead.  (“I have always depended on strangers being kind,” she says.)  The boxing movie becomes a love story.  Then, when the gym starts shaking due to the efforts to break through the wall that the gym shares with the jewelry store, Fritz explains that they’re testing the special effects for the big earthquake scene.  It’s a boxing love story disaster film!

Where is T.S. Turner during all of this?  Well, he doesn’t show up until the final 10 minutes of the episode.  He immediately suspects that Fritz and Nobby are up to no good.  “I’m going to pull the plug on your permanently!” he growls.

One would think that Fritz and Nobby would be smart enough to get out of the gym but they still try to blow up the wall, even with Turner nearby.  That’s a big mistake as Turner proceeds to grab them and turn them over to the police.

What a weird episode.  First off, Decker has been dumb in the past but he’s never been this dumb.  Secondly, Terri apparently knows Fritz and Nobby despite the fact that she wasn’t around during the second season.  Not only has this show failed to explain why Amy is no longer on the show but it also continually acts as if Terri has always been present despite not showing up until the start of third season.  We’re just mean to accept that Teri has always been the second T in T and T.  (How Orwellian.)  Finally, T.S. Turner is absent for most of the episode.  Why would you go to the trouble to build a show around Mr. T and then not use him?

This was all pretty silly and pretty dumb, even by T and T standards.  Remember when this show at least pretended to be a crime drama?

Oh well.  There’s only a handful of episodes left!  We’ll make it.

Scenes I Love: Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt In Twister

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Bill Paxton would have been 69 years old today.  As a lover of both films and eccentric Texans, I still miss Bill Paxton.

Today’s scene that I love comes from Twister and it features Bill Paxton showing off some wonderful chemistry with Helen Hunt.  One of the great things about Bill Paxton is that he was equally at home in both big blockbusters like Twister and Titanic and low-budget indies like Near Dark.  He was an artist who also happened to be a star.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Dennis Hopper Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Dennis Hopper (1936–2010)

4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films is just what it says it is, 4 (or more) shots from 4 (or more) of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films lets the visuals do the talking.

88 years ago, Dennis Hopper was born in Dodge City, Kansas.

It seems rather appropriate that one of America’s greatest cinematic outlaws was born in a town that will be forever associated with the old west. Dennis Hopper was a rebel, back when there were actual consequences for being one. He started out acting in the 50s, appearing in films like Rebel Without A Cause and Giant and developing a reputation for being a disciple of James Dean. He also developed a reputation for eccentricity and for being difficult on set and he probably would have gotten completely kicked out of Hollywood if not for a somewhat improbable friendship with John Wayne. (Wayne thought Hopper was a communist but he liked him anyways. Interestingly enough, Hopper later became a Republican.) Somehow, Hopper managed to survive both a raging drug addiction and an obsession with guns and, after a mid-80s trip to rehab, he eventually became an almost universally beloved and busy character actor.

Hopper, however, always wanted to direct. He made his directorial debut with 1969’s Easy Rider, a film that became a huge success despite being an infamously chaotic shoot. The success of Easy Rider led to the Hollywood studios briefly trying to produce counter-culture films of their own. Hopper was given several million dollars and sent to Peru to make one of them, the somewhat dangerously titled The Last Movie. Unfortunately, The Last Movie, was such a bomb that it not only temporarily derailed Hopper’s career but it also turned Hollywood off of financing counter culture films. Hopper spent a decade in the Hollywood wilderness, giving acclaimed performances in independent films like Tracks and The American Friend, even while continuing to increase his reputation for drug-fueled instability. Hopper would eventually return to directing with his masterpiece, 1980’s Out of the Blue. (Out of the Blue was so controversial that, when it played at Cannes, Canada refused to acknowledge that it was a Canadian production. It played as a film without a country. Out of the Blue, however, is a film that has stood the test of time.) Unfortunately, even after a newly cleaned-up Hopper was re-embraced by the mainstream, his directorial career never really took off. He directed 7 films, of which only Easy Rider and Colors were financially successful. Contemporary critics often didn’t seem to know what to make of Dennis Hopper as a director. In recent years, however, Hopper’s directorial efforts have been reevaluated. Even The Last Movie has won over some new fans.

Today, on his birthday, we honor Dennis Hopper’s directorial career with….

4 Shots From 4 Dennis Hopper Films

Easy Rider (1969, dir by Dennis Hopper, DP: Laszlo Kovacs)
The Last Movie (1971, dir by Dennis Hopper, DP: Laszlo Kovacs)
Out of the Blue (1980, dir by Dennis Hopper, DP: Marc Champion)
The Hot Spot (1990, dir by Dennis Hopper, DP: Ueli Steiger)

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Run, Lola, Run!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, we’ve got 1998’s Run, Lola, Run!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Run, Lola, Run is available on Prime!  See you there!

Music video of the Day: We’re In This Together by Nine Inch Nails (1999, directed by Mark Pellington)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This video was shot in Guadalajara and a dry lake in Sayula.

This video was directed by Mark Pellington, who was one of those directors who worked with everyone who was anyone.  Pellington went on to direct films like Arlington Road and The Mothman Prophecies.

Today is Trent Reznor’s birthday.  Getting older is never fun but Reznor has said that he is happier now than when he first started his career.  Reznor has gone from being the poster child for excess and dark tendencies to being one of the film industry’s most acclaimed and in-demand composers.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.10 “The Monster: Part One”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

Scottie returns!  Unfortunately, he’s a drunk now.

Episode 2.10 “The Monster: Part One”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on December 4th, 1985)

It’s another week and another visit to a small town for Jonathan and Mark.

This time, Mark thinks that they are only in town to visit his cousin, Diane (Margie Impert), and her husband, Scottie (James Troesch), the quadriplegic attorney who appeared in a few episodes during the first season.  Mark tells Jonathan that, when he last spoke to Diane, she said that she had something important to talk to him about.  Mark assumes that Diane is pregnant but actually, it turns out that Diane and Scottie’s marriage is in trouble.  Scottie may be an attorney but he has no clients and Diane has gone back to work to help pay the bills.  Feeling like a failure, Scottie has taken to drinking.

While Mark deals with Diane and Scottie, Jonathan has an assignment.  He working as a handyman for Ella McCullough (Barbara Townsend) and her blind daughter, Rachel (Annabella Price).  At first, Rachel is bitter and stand-offish but Jonathan wins her over by encouraging her to leave her little cottage and explore the world.  While relaxing at a nearby creek, Rachel meets a man (Jeff Kober) who is out for a walk.  Rachel tells the man that he startled her and then mentions that the neighborhood kids talk about a monster named Julian.  Julian lives in the woods and drags off bad kids.

“My name’s Clark,” the man lies.

Actually, the man’s name is Julian but you can understand why he might not want to admit that after listening to Rachel describe him as being a monster.  Julian is not a monster, of course.  He’s a sensitive sculptor who just happens to have a very large birthmark covering half of his face and neck.  Having been ridiculed all of his life, Julian lives with his mom (Ann Doran) and rarely talks to anyone.  Still, Julian falls in love with Rachel and Rachel falls in love with …. Clark.

Julian finally finds the strength to visit Rachel at her cottage.  However, when she tells him that she will be having an operation to resort her sight, Clark yells that he’s Julian and then he runs back into the woods.  Rachel chases after him.  When she trips and hits her head on a rock, Julian runs over to her and tries to help.  Unfortunately, that’s when the police arrives and promptly arrest Julian for assault.

Julian’s going to court!  Hey, does anyone know an attorney who needs a shot of confidence and who has a unique understanding of what it’s like to be an outsider?  We’ll find out next week because this is a two-part episode!

Reviewing a two-parter is always difficult.  Tonight’s episode ends with the story nowhere close to being finished.  I can’t judge the overall story but I can say that Jeff Kober gave a touching performance as Julian and he was the best thing about the first part of The Monster.  As for Scottie, he needs to stop blaming everyone else for his own lack of confidence.  Hopefully, that’s a lesson he’ll learn during the second part of this episode.

We’ll find out next week!

The Films of 2024: The Painter (dir by Kimani Ray Smith)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Painter tells the rather predictable story of Peter.

Orphaned by a terrorist attack when he was a child, Peter (Charlie Webber) was raised by a CIA agent named Byrne (Jon Voight).  Realizing that the attack had left Peter with superhearing, Byrne raised Peter to be a CIA assassin.  But after a failed mission led to the shooting his pregnant wife, Elena (Rryla McIntosh), an embittered Peter retired from the agency.  Now, going by the name of Mark, he paints!

Why do retired CIA agents always end up living in a cabin and obsessively pursuing only one hobby?  This feels like the 100th film that I’ve seen about a former assassin living in a cabin.  Some retired agents keep bees.  Some become bricklayers.  Some become painters.  Oddly, none of them seem to become both bricklayers and painters.

Anyway, Peter is happy with his isolated life but then, everything is upended when a 17 year-old girl named Sophia (Madison Bailey) follows him to his cabin and claims to be his daughter.  She says that Elena has vanished and she needs Peter’s help to find her.  Peter insists that his name is Mark until his superhearing picks up the sound of heavily armed men gathering outside of his cabin.

This is another one of those action films where the main character is someone who kills without the slightest hesitation and who has trouble showing his emotions.  Naturally, there’s a conspiracy inside the CIA and this leads to several scenes of people saying stuff like, “Copy that.”  The only fictional character who ever sounded cool saying, “Copy that,” was Kiefer Sutherland on 24.  All the rest of these people are just pretenders.

The Painter is pretty stupid.  It won’t take you long to guess who the main villain is going to turn out to be and it also won’t take you long to guess how the final showdown is going to go.  The action scenes are so haphazardly edited that it’s difficult to keep track of who is actually fighting who and, even if you did know who was fighting who, you wouldn’t really care because none of these people are particularly compelling.

In general, if your main character is going to be remorseless killer, it’s a good idea to cast a charismatic actor in the lead role.  Audiences will forgive a lot as long as their watching someone with a compelling screen presence.  Unfortunately, both Charlie Webber and Madison Bailey give rather bland performances and neither Peter nor Sophia are particularly likable characters.  In particular, Peter drags one innocent computer store owner into his mess and then doesn’t seem to be particularly upset when the poor guy ends up with a bullet in his brain.  It’s one thing to be an assassin.  It’s another thing to be a jerk about it.

On the plus side, Jon Voight is enough of an old pro to understand that this is a movie that does not reward subtlety and he gives a performance that is totally over-the-top but which is also more than appropriate for the material with which he’s working.  (Voight is still a talented actor and it’s a shame that, due to voting for different candidates than the majority of Hollywood, he’s pretty much going to end his career appearing in movies like this.)  As well, Max Montesi gives such a cheerfully bizarre performance as a rival assassin that he actually bring the movie to life whenever he’s on the screen.

Unfortunately, the lunacy of Voight and Montesi is not enough to save The Painter.  At one point, someone dismisses Peter’s paintings as being “derivative.”  They could have been talking about this film as a whole.

Gunning For Vengeance (1946, directed by Ray Nazarro)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Steve Landry (Charles Starrett) rides into another town and is once again named the new sheriff.  Luckily, Steve’s old friend Smiley Burnette is working as the town’s blacksmith.  Steve makes Smiley his deputy and then sets about trying to break up a gang of cattle rustlers.  When Steve learns that his jurisdiction does not extend beyond the city limits, he dons the disguise of his alter ego, The Durango Kid, to go after the outlaws.

Has Steve met his match in Belle (Phyllis Adair), the saloon owner who is the secret leader of the outlaws?  She notices that The Durango Kid’s boot tracks are the same as Steve’s boot tracks.  I’m surprised that no one has ever noticed that before.  Steve went through a lot of trouble to disguise himself as Durango but he never bothered to change his boots.

This entry in the Durango Kid series features a lot of Smiley Burnette so your enjoyment on the film will depend on how much tolerance you have for Smiley’s songs and his style of humor.  Each film featured Smiley being followed around by a different group of musicians.  In this one, Smiley is accompanied by The Trailsman.  When Smiley accidentally locks himself in a jail cell, the Trailsman stand on the other side of the bars and sing a song about how Smiley can’t get out of the cell.  Smiley does eventually get out but, later on, he’s knocked out cold during an attempted jail break.  Smiley’s not much of a help in this one.

This has all of the typical Durango Kid elements, including the stock footage of the stampeding cattle that appeared in nearly all of his films.  There’s another saloon fight and a gunfight towards the end.  Durango rides out of town alone, leaving Smiley behind, but we know they’ll soon be reunited in another adventure.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.3 “Miss Malibu”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I was warned about this episode.

Episode 1.3 “Miss Malibu”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 25th, 1998)

Wow, check out these two douchebags!

On the left, we’ve got Scott, who is supposed to be the studious brother.  On the right, we’ve got Jason, who is supposed to be the cool brother.  It can be difficult to keep the two of them straight, even though they don’t really resemble each other physically.  The problem is that neither really has much of a personality, beyond taking off their shirt and staring at girls.

Their father is going to convention in Las Vegas so he leaves the twins in charge of the restaurant.  Why would he do that?  We’re only three episodes in Malibu, CA but every episode so far has featured these two idiots doing something stupid with the restaurant.  Does the restaurant not have an assistant manager who could run the place?

Before leaving, their father tells Scott and Jason to be sure to feed the fish in the restaurant’s aquarium.  Dumbass Scott (or maybe it was Jason) is so distracted by Samantha and her friends that he accidentally dumps a bunch of bacon bits into the aquarium and kills a goldfish.  Scott and Jason assume that they’ve killed their father’s favorite fish, Goldie.  They’re worried that their father is going to be mad at them.  Personally, I think they should think about the fact that they killed an animal that was depending on them to do the bare minimum to keep it alive.

Maybe they can buy a new fish!  The only problem is that the goldfish was an extremely rare breed and it will cost them $500 to get a new one.  How can they raise $500?  Maybe they should take it out of the restaurant’s cash registers.  Maybe they should pawn some of their expensive belongings.  Maybe they should ask their rich friend Murray for a loan.  Maybe they should just tell their Dad the truth because, sadly, fish do die.  They can leave out the fact that they murdered the fish, if they want.

Instead of doing any of that, they decide to throw a fake beauty contest.

WHAT!?

They’ll charge every one an entry free and advertise the contest as coming with a $500 prize.  But, since Jason, Scott, and Murray will be the judges, they’ll just announce that Sam is the winner and then Sam will give them back the prize.  Seriously, this is the plan they come up with.  Out of everything that they could have done, this is what they do.

Here’s why this is a dumb plan.  To let people know about the fake Miss Malibu contest, they have to print up signs.  They have to find time to hang up the signs around town.  They have to print up entry forms.  In fact, if they’re going to get enough people to enter to raise $500, they’re going to have to print up and copy a lot of entry forms.  They’re going to have to rent out a spot on the beach to hold the contest.  They’re going to have to install a lighting and sound system for the pageant.  It’s going to cost them way more than just $500 to hold a fake beauty contest.  If they have $500 for this, why don’t they have $500 for a new fish?

Sam is reluctant to go along with the plan so Scott and Jason, as if they weren’t already unlikable enough, lie to her and tell her that their father is a recovering alcoholic and losing the fish will cause him to start drinking and driving again.  Seriously, what the Hell?  Sam agrees to enter the pageant but then the plan hits another snag when Sam has an allergic reaction to her tanning lotion and her face turns orange.  Jason and Scott decide to asks Stads to enter as their ringer.  When Stads says she doesn’t like the way beauty pageants demean women, Scott removes his shirt and shows off his muscles until Stads agrees to help.  Wow, Scott — way to take advantage of the fact that a really nice person has a crush on you.  WHAT A DOUCHEBAG!

Anyway, I feel like I’ve already wasted too much time on this so I’ll cut to the chase.  The pageant does not raise enough money to pay for the new fish but Stads once again demeans herself and pretends to be Jason and Scott’s younger sister when she asks the fish salesman to give them the replacement fish at a lower price.  (Does Stads have any self-respect?)  Scott and Jason put the new fish in the aquarium but then it turns out that Goldie wasn’t the fish that died.  Instead, Goldie is a big gray fish that their father named after Goldie Hawn.

Wow, funny.

You may have guessed I did not care much for this episode.  The main problem is that Jason and Scott are so incredibly unlikable that it’s impossible to root for them.  They did the wrong thing, they exploited their friends, and they didn’t even really seem to appreciate the fact that Stads abandoned her principles to help them out.  Zach Morris and even California Dreams’s Sly Winkle would have at least felt a smidgen of guilt.  But Jason and Scott are just jerks.

Ugh, what a terrible 23-minute viewing experience!

Will next week be better?  Probably not.