Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Ms. Noble is finally retiring!

Episode 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

Here’s this episode’s plot description, via Wikipedia:

The time for Ms. Noble’s retirement and the gang’s graduation is drawing near and everybody is excited, except for Dawn. Witnessing the preparation for next year and the new changes being made at the school makes Dawn uneasy. She begins to become anxious about moving on from Manny High and the thought of being apart from her friends when they all go their separate ways in the fall.

Ms. Noble’s retiring?  It’s about damn time!  I mean, I understand that Ms. Noble didn’t have much of a life outside of telling people who to do but still, it seems like it would get boring after a while.  Then again, maybe she was just retiring so she could follow the Chris and Jamal to college and continue to yell at them for not devoting more time to church and charity.  As for Dawn’s feelings, I can relate.  I felt the same way when I graduated high school.

Unfortunately, there are many season 5 episodes that are not available to stream and this is one of them.  So, this is as good a review as this episode is going to get.  Let’s move on to an episode that actually be reviewed.

Episode 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

No, your eyes are not deceiving you!  Because Ms. Noble is retiring, the graduating class of Manny High decided to pool their money and put a cheap-looking bust of her in front of the school.  Ms. Noble is certainly excited but seriously, in what world would this happen?  Graduation is coming up.  People are making plans to either go to college or get a job.  Everyone should be moving on from high school and instead, the students are spending their money on a statue of their principal?  Who, in the world, loves their principal this much!?

Now, it should be noted that someone does immediately starts vandalizing the statue, which is perhaps the most realistic thing that has ever happened on City Guys.  At first, the statue is covered in clown make up.  Then someone puts an Abraham Lincoln beard on it.  Finally, Ms. Noble spends the night in the courtyard, pretends to be her own statue, and discovers that Al and L-Train are behind the vandalism because, of course, they are.  It’s not like there’s any other students at the school.

As dumb as the whole statue subplot is, it’s nowhere near as bad as this episode’s A-plot.  Ms. Noble tells Chris and Jamal that there is an opening to produce a television show for Manny High.  (Manny High has a television studio?)  Chris and Jamal both say that they don’t need to be on TV as long as they have their radio show.  Instead, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train end up producing an abomination called Muffy The Werewolf Slapper.

Yes, Muffy is meant to be a parody of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  And yes, everyone at Manny High loves it even though it’s not that funny.  (Dawn and Cassidy plays cheerleaders who love Freddie Prinze, Jr. and fighting werewolves.  L-Train and Al are the werewolves who just want to date Dawn and Cassidy.)  Unfortunately, since Muffy airs at the same time as Chris and Jamal’s radio show, Chris and Jamal lose all of their listeners.  (I’ve always been stunned at the idea of anyone setting their schedule around Chris and Jamal’s tired radio schtick.)  Feeling jealous, Chris and Jamal sabotage the recording of an episode of Muffy.  Feeling guilty, they confess on the radio and then appear on the next episode of Muffy, playing two cheerleaders who try to steal Al and L-Train away from the werewolf slappers.

It was dumb.  The whole thing was just mind-numbingly dumb.  Watching these final episodes of City Guys, one gets the idea that everyone involved in the show mentally checked out long before shooting their final episode.

Speaking of final episodes, it’s only two weeks away!  Finally, some good news.