Monthly Archives: April 2023

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, hearts are broken on a special 90-minute episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 4th, 1978)

What a sad episode!

Seriously, this cruise is all about heart break.

For instance, when Russian Commissar  Anoushka Mishancov (Loretta Swit) first boards the boat, Doc Bricker is upset when he’s assigned to keep an eye on her.  As has been established over the previous 32 episodes, Doc prefers to spend his time talking to women who are about twenty years younger than him and who are from capitalist countries.  Anoushka, on the other hand, is a communist (boo!) who, for some reason, is boarding the Pacific Princess so that she can learn about how Americans handle catering.  (I said it was weird.)  At first, Anoushka is so determined to do her duty that she insists on wearing her uniform at all times.

However, after Anoushka reveals that she does find old Doc Bricker to be a little bit intriguing, Julie tells her that she’s going to have to loosen up if she’s going to capture Doc’s attention.  Which, Anoushka does at dinner that night….

Eyes up, Gopher!

Doc does notice Anoushka.  In fact, he falls in love with her and, at the end of the cruise, he asks her to marry him!  Anoushka confesses to having fallen in love with Doc but then she explains that she also loves her country.  (Really?  It’s just Russia.)  Doc loves America and Anoushka loves Russia and, as a result, they cannot marry.  Anouska leaves the ship and a heart-broken Doc looks like he’s actually about to cry.  And let’s give credit where credit is due.  It’s a really well-acted scene.  Doc Bricker has always been a fairly ludicrous character but, in this episode, Bernie Kopell does a good job of suggesting that, even if he is a lecher, Doc Bricker is a lecher with a heart.

While Doc is falling in love with a commie, Captain Stubing is getting to know Vicki (Jill Whelan), the 9 year-old daughter of Captain Stubing’s former lover, the late Georgina (played, in flashbacks, by Melendy Britt).  Vicki was originally supposed to travel with her aunt, Delores (Sandra Deel).  However, something has come up and Delores will not be able to travel with her.  Captain Stubing agrees to look after Vicki and even allows Vicki to stay in his quarters.  Over the course of the cruise, Captain Stubing and Vicki bond.  Everyone agrees that they have the same eyes.  Of course, that’s because Vicki is actually Captain Stubing’s daughter!

Vicki wants to live on the ship but the Captain explains that a cruise ship is not a good place for a nine year-old to grow up.  Stubing considers retiring and living on dry land but Doc Bricker reminds Stubing that he would never be happy if he wasn’t on the ocean.  Stubing promises that Vicki can return to the boat whenever she has time off from school and he tells her that, when she gets older, she could even “be a cruise director, like Ms. McCoy.”

(In other words, don’t even think of trying to become a captain, girl!)

Now, of course, Vicki did later return to the ship.  In fact, she returned just a year later and became a regular during the third season.  I guess Captain Stubing decided that going to school on dry land wasn’t that important after all.  (We’ll find out when we reach the third season!)  That said, even with that in mind, it was undeniably sad to watch as Stubing sat in his cabin and struggled to hold back the tears after Vicki left the ship.  Much like Bernie Kopell, Gavin MacLeod gave a surprisingly heartfelt and sincere performance in this episode.

It wasn’t all sadness

Luckily, it wasn’t all heartbreak on this episode.  After getting drunk and boarding the boat by mistake, Sandy Beal (Jo Anne Worley) and Victor Marshall (Soupy Sales) fell in love for real.  And jingle writer Charlie Godwin (Robert Goulet) ran into his old song-writing partner (Richard Dawson) and the two of them saved Charlie’s marriage to June (Juliet Mills).  There were two happy endings but they were overshadowed by all the sadness.

This was a good episode.  Even The Love Boat needs a little heartbreak every once and a while.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Roger Corman Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Roger Corman in The Godfather Part II

4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films is just what it says it is, 4 (or more) shots from 4 (or more) of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Today, we wish a happy 97th birthday to the legendary filmmaker, Roger Corman!  And that means that it’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Roger Corman Films

It Conquered The World (1956, dir by Roger Corman, DP: Fred E. West)

House of Usher (1960, dir by Roger Corman, DP: Floyd Crosby)

The Masque of the Red Death (1964, dir by Roger Corman, DP: Nicolas Roeg)

The Wild Angels (1966, dir by Roger Corman, DP: Richard Moore)

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.16 “Photographs/Royal Flush”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  Especially you, Tattoo!

Episode 2.16 “Photographs/Royal Flush”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on January 27th, 1979)

After announcing the arrival of the plane, Tattoo informs Mr. Roarke that he is reading a book on hypnotism.

“Ah, it’s hypnotism now,” Roarke replies, “To what end?”

Tattoo looks at a passing native girl as the cameraman gives the viewers a close-up of her sarong-covered behind.

Okay, 1979.  We see ya.

The less interesting of this week’s two fantasies involves the Fantasy Island poker tournament.  (Fantasy Island reminds a bit of Hell’s Kitchen, in that there’s always some weird theme night.)  Johnny Court (John Rubinstein) is an up-and-coming player whose fantasy is to play against the greatest poker player of all time, Victor Holly (John McIntire).  Johnny has borrowed a good deal of money from a group of gangsters in order to enter the tournament so, if Johnny doesn’t win, guess who is getting his fingers broken?

Complicating matters is that Victor travels with his daughter, Emily (Ronne Troup).  It doesn’t take long for Johnny to realize that Emily is helping Victor cheat but Johnny has also fallen in love with Emily.  To save his own life, he has to defeat Emily’s father but, if he does so, that’ll mean Victor will no longer have the money necessary to support his daughter.

This fantasy wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t particularly interesting either.  Rubinstein, McIntire, and Troup all gave good performances but the poker scenes were a bit draggy.  Perhaps it would have been more interesting to me if I was a poker player myself.  But I prefer craps, just because you get to jump up and down before rolling the dice.

The second fantasy was a bit more intruding.  Nancy Weston (Michele Lee) is photographer who has just returned from a trip to Europe and Asia, where she took many pictures.  When she got the pictures developed, she discovered that a mysterious girl appeared in almost all of the pictures, even though it would have been impossible for the girl to have followed her all the way from Stonehenge to Thailand without Nancy noticing.  Nancy’s fantasy is to know who the girl is and why she’s following her.

The girl shows up on Fantasy Island.  Her name is Allison (Elizabeth Cheshire) and, as Roarke explains, Allison is not only the daughter of a powerful psychic but she also has the power to speak to the dead as well.  And it turns out that one of the dead has a message for Nancy….

This fantasy was really well-done and nicely creepy.  At heart, it was a pretty basic ghost story but Michele Lee and Elizabeth Cheshire both gave good performances and some of the imagery — particularly of a white horse running in slow motion through a green field — was surprisingly effective.

All in all, one mild but well-acted fantasy and one memorably creepy fantasy came together and added up to one good episode of Fantasy Island!  These are the type of episodes that we fantasize about.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.7 “Assault and Pepper Spray” and 4.8 “High Hoops”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s all about self-defense and marijuana at Deering High!

Episode 4.7 “Assault and Pepper Spray” 

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

This was a weird episode.  Kristy has a job working at the mall.  Since this is a Peter Engel-produced show, that job involves wearing an ugly outfit and selling corny dogs.  One night, when she gets off work, she’s mugged.  Despite her efforts to try to move on with her life, she still struggles with PTSD.  So far, so good.  I’ve been in similar situations and it’s not something you ever really get over, even if you do eventually manage to get on with your life.  After taking a self-defense class and discovering that she’s not good at beating people up, Kristy decides to carry pepper spray instead.  The next night, while she’s walking out to her car, someone comes up behind her.  Startled, Kristy uses the pepper spray.  OH NO, SHE JUST SPRAYED MICHAEL!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  It sucks that Michael got sprayed in the face.  I carry pepper spray myself and I’ve accidentally sprayed myself in the face enough time that I know what it can do.  (That’s one reason why I carry it.)  But Michael also knew what had happened to Kristy earlier so he should have known better than to sneak up on her.  Everyone on the show acts as if Kristy drew a gun, turned around and shot Michael but all Kristy did was spray him in the face.  (And again, it really was Michael’s fault that he got sprayed in the first place.)  Feeling guilty, Kristy says she’s going to give up the pepper spray and take another self-defense course.  No, Kristy!  The pepper spray worked!   Just because Michael ends up crying about it, that doesn’t mean that the pepper spray was a bad idea.  If Kristy had sprayed someone other than Michael, everyone would be talking about how lucky she was to have it with her.

I mean, take me for instance.  I run.  I dance.  I know how to kick.  I like to think that I’m in pretty good shape.  But if some dude who outweighs me by over a hundred pounds is coming at me, I’m going for the pepper spray.

The plot of this episode left a bad, coppery taste in my mouth and brought tears to my eyes.  Let’s move on.

Episode 4.8 “High Hoops”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

Rico is eating more than usual.  He’s laughing at strange moments.  He’s paranoid about people sneaking up on him.  He’s screwing up at practice.

OH MY GOD, RICO’S ON THE WEED!

Which weed?

THE WEED WITH ROOTS IN HELL!

Yes, this is another Peter Engel-produced television show about the dangers of marijuana.  This time, it’s Rico who is getting high and running the risk of hurting himself and his friends.  The team discovers that Rico is now a stoner when he opens up his locker and a baggie of weed literally flies out of it.  Rico says that pot is no big deal.  Hammer says that his cousin used to think the same thing but now he lives in the park and thinks that he’s a squirrel.  (I think Hammer’s cousin may have been doing something more than just marijuana if that’s the case.)  The team is scandalized and who can blame them?  Athletes doing drugs?  WHO EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING!?

(Wow, I’m doing a lot of yelling today.)

Despite knowing that Rico is now a drug fiend, Hammer still asks him to fix the brakes on his motorcycle.  Unfortunately, Rico gets too stoned to fix the brakes and Hammer ends up having a serious accident as a result.  You have to wonder why Hammer would have trusted Rico with that responsibility to begin with, especially considering that this episode has an entire B-plot about Mary Beth, Kristy, and Michael taking auto shop because they think it’ll be an easy A.

(It turns out that not only is not an easy A but Kristy manages to get trapped in the trunk of the teacher’s car while installing a radio.  It was kind of dumb but, as I’ve said more than a few times, Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto were a strong enough comedic team that they could wring laughs out of even the dumbest of situations.)

Anyway, Hammer comes back to school with his arm in a sling and looking for revenge.  He uses his one good arm to try to beat up Rico, which is all it takes for Rico to realize that he needs to clean up his act.  So, the lesson here is to beat up all of your drug-abusing friends but don’t use pepper spray if they come at you.

I’m glad that’s cleared up.