Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe is really poor and Epstein has a chance to get really rich!

Episode 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Aunt Brenda, who believed in reincarnation.  Brenda went to a psychic to find out what had happened to her late husband, Sidney.  Sidney’s spirit informed Brenda that he woke up every morning and made love.

“Are you in Heaven?” asked Brenda.

“No,” Sidney said, “I’m a bull in Montana.”

Welcome back….

Continuing this season’s weird thing of keeping Barbarino separate from his fellow Sweathogs, this episode finds Barbarino in the hospital.  It’s nothing serious.  He’s just getting his tonsils out.  However, since Barbarino is not in school (and not even in the 11th Grade until he passes that makeup exam), he is not around to contribute his weekly quarter to the Sweathogs’s lottery fund.  Gabe reluctantly contributes a quarter in Vinnie’s name so that Epstein can buy a ticket.

Gabe’s reluctance turns to frustration when the ticket turns out to be a winner!  The Sweathogs split the money amongst themselves but all Gabe gets is a quarter from Barbarino.  As the father of newborn twins, Gabe could really use some of that money.  Finally, after Julie basically calls him a wimp to his face, Gabe heads down to the hospital to demand his share of the money.  As Gabe puts it, Barbarino gave him his word about sharing the money.

“My word ain’t worth nothing,” Barbarino says but we all know that Vinnie Barbarino isn’t as tough as he pretend to be.  Barbarino does the right thing and agrees to split his share with Gabe, 50/50.

(Except, of course, I think it’s debatable whether it was the right thing because Gabe only put in a quarter because Barbarino wasn’t there to do it himself.  He essentially loaned Barbarino the quarter and Barbarino paid him back.  So, really, Gabe should stop whining.)

Because his ticket won, Epstein is entered into a million dollar lottery.  Epstein and Horshack go to Gabe’s apartment to watch the drawing.  The million dollars is won by Juan Ep — EVERYONE GOES CRAZY! — uh oh, the announcer can’t make out the handwriting!

“Epstein!” everyone yells at the TV.

“Juan Eppinger!” the announcer says.

Congrats, Juan Eppinger!  Unfortunately, Juan Epstein is not Juan Eppinger.  Esptein looks like he’s about to cry, making this kind of a depressing ending.

Fortunately, Juan’s misfortunate does not keep Gabe from telling a stuffed animal a joke about his Uncle Eddie, the bank robber.

This episode felt a bit off, just because Barbarino belongs with the Sweathogs and the Sweathogs belong with Barbarino and keeping them all separate throws off the chemistry that made the first two seasons so successful.  I’m going to assume this was due to Travolta also doing Saturday Night Fever while working on Welcome Back, Kotter.  I imagine the show had to work around Travolta’s suddenly very busy schedule and this was not an easy task.  But still, without Barbarino, the Sweathogs are just lacking something and turning Horshack’s weirdness up to 11 is not substitute.

Next week …. Barbarino finally takes his makeup exam!

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Julie gives birth and Woodman shares a story from his past!

Episode 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

After a recap of what happened in the previous episode (i.e., Julie went into labor and Barbarino was held back a grade), this episode picks up with the story already in progress.  In other words, we don’t begin with any stories and jokes about Gabe’s family.  Instead, we open with Barbarino checking Julie into the hospital.

While Julie is taken to the labor room, the admitting nurse asks Barbarino for some information.

“Name?” the nurse asks.

“Vinnie Barbarino,” Vinnie replies.

No, Vinnie!  She wants Julie’s name and it turns out that Barbarino’s not sure.  The nurse then asks, “What month?”  When Barbarino struggles to remember the current date, the nurse clarifies, “How long has the mother been pregnant?”

“Who said my mother’s pregnant!?” Barbarino snaps, “I’ll break his face!”

This entire exchange reminds us of why Barbarino was left back.  That said, John Travolta’s earnest delivery and vulnerable eyes makes it impossible not to feel at least a little love for Vinnie Barbarino.

Gabe shows up at the hospital, accompanied by the other Sweathogs.  The rest of the episode is pretty much a collection of scenes of Gabe, the Sweathogs, and eventually Mr. Woodman saying and doing strange things while waiting for news about Julie.  Yes, Mr. Woodman does show up.  As he explains it, “I like to be around when a new delinquent is brought into the world.”

Seeing that Gabe is nervous, Woodman tells him a story about a time that Woodman “got a girl in trouble.”  Woodman explains that he was dating a girl who was obsessed with feet so they naturally spent all of their time shopping for shoes.  One night, while out on a date, they stopped by a shoe store and Woodman’s girlfriend fell for a shoe salesman who appreciated feet just as much as she did.  They ran off together and one thing led to another.

Gabe points out that Woodman wasn’t the one who got the girl in trouble.

“I’m the one who took her to the shoe store,” Woodman explain.

Gabe considers Woodman’s words and then says, “Don’t ever tell that story again.”

Meanwhile, Horshack is scandalized to hear that Julie is in “the labor room.”  “They’re making her work at a time like this!” Horshack declares.

Freddie steals some flowers from a guy who has kidney stones and gives them to Julie, explaining that she deserves the flowers more than some dude who “got his kidneys stoned.”  When Julie’s doctor asks Freddie if he’s a relative, Freddie replies that “I’m the cousin they don’t talk about.  I’m the …. white sheep on the family.”

As for Barbarino, he and Epstein try to figure out which train to take to get to Burma, which they assume is somewhere near the Bronx.  Gabe says that he thinks that he can talk Woodman into letting Barbarino enter the 11th Grade.  So, I guess that’s the end of that story.

Anyway, eventually, Gabe is informed that he’s the father of twin girls.  TWINS!  Gabe will have to double up on the jokes.  Gabe goes to see Julie, who smiles beatifically because she now knows there will be someone else around to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Max.

This was an okay episode, in that every member of the cast got a chance to get some laughs and, unlike a lot of sitcom episodes featuring someone giving birth, the show avoided any cheap melodramatics.  For me, the worst “birth” episode of any sitcom was the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory throws a fit because his mother has the nerve to go into labor on Valentine’s Day and ruin Cory’s plans with Topanga.  Seriously, Cory Matthews was a little creep.

Next week: Julie’s parents come to visit!

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

It’s time for a new school year and a new addition to the Kotter family!

Episode 3.2 “And Baby Makes Four, Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

This episode opens with the sad scene of Gabe Kotter staring at himself in the bathroom mirror and telling himself a joke about his Uncle Charlie.  Even Gabe is not impressed with the joke and tells himself that he needs to be more funny.  Poor, Gabe!

Watching this scene, I was reminded of all the stories I’ve read about how much Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman disliked each other and how Strassman apparently really couldn’t stand having to listen to and laugh at Kaplan’s jokes.  Apparently, by the time the third season rolled around, the hostility between Kaplan and Strassman was so pronounced and obvious that even the actors playing the Sweathogs were forced to take sides, with Ron Pallilo siding with Strassman, Robert Hegyes and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs siding with Kaplan, and John Travolta trying to get along with everyone.  On the one hand, the opening scene here once again reminds us that Gabe is compulsive joke teller.  On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel that it was written to give Strassman a break from Kaplan.

Of course, the very next scene features Gabe and Julie awkwardly interacting, as Gabe tells the very pregnant Julie everything that she should do if she goes into labor while Gabe is at school.  Gabe tells Julie to call a cab, call the school and tell Woodman and then Gabe will call Dr. Melman and they’ll all meet at the hospital.  Julie assures Gabe that she’s not due for another week but Gabe says that he’s not sure that the baby knows that.  He then tells a joke to the baby while Julie grimaces.

It’s the first day of school!  Horshack is super excited while Epstein and Washington are still thinking about the fun they had during the 1977 New York City blackout.  (Epstein gave lemonade to “people running with a TV set.”  Washington “ran with a TV set.”)  Barbarino is not at all excited because, just before school began, he received a letter telling him that he was going to have to repeat the 10th Grade.  Barbarino explains that he skipped the exam that all the students were required to take to be promoted into the next grade but he thought that Mr. Kotter was going to handle it for him.

(Myself, I’m just shocked to learn that the Sweathogs were only supposed to be in the 10th Grade when the show began.  Considering that Horshack and Epstein both appear to be in their 30s, Washington appears to be in his mid-twenties, and Barbarino looks like he’s around 20, I’m going to guess that getting held back is not necessarily a new experience for this group.)

Determined not to be held back, Barbarino decides to sit in the classroom as if nothing has happened and he’s been promoted with the rest of the Sweathogs.  When Gabe arrives, he’s not surprised to see Barbarino in his classroom, mostly because Gabe doesn’t know that Barbarino was held back.  It’s not until Woodman, ordered by Principal Lazarus to personally welcome back each class, steps into the room that Barbarino’s status at a 10th Grader is revealed.

Gabe is shocked to hear that Barbarino was held back.  Barbarino says that Gabe was supposed to take care of it.  Gabe says that he did when he arranged for Barbarino to take a makeup exam.  But Barbarino thought that, when Gabe said he would take care of it, Gabe would sneak into the principal’s office and fix the records  Barbarino didn’t realize he still actually had to take the test and now, his dreams of being “a doctor …. or a longshoreman” have been put at risk.

Woodman laughs maniacally as Barbarino leaves the classroom.  Hitting his breaking point, Gabe kicks Woodman out of the classroom and tells him to stop interrupting his class.

Rather than go to his new classroom, Barbarino goes to the Kotter apartment, where he tells Julie about his problems.  Julie is a bit more concerned with the fact that she’s having contractions.  When she gets out her suitcase and calls for a cab, Barbarino worries that she’s leaving Gabe.  When she says she’s going to the hospital, Barbarino worries that his story made her sick.

Meanwhile, Woodman — banned from entering Gabe’s classroom — uses the PA system to let him know that Julie has gone into labor.  Gabe rushes from his classroom, accompanied by Horshack, Washington, and Epstein.  I kind of doubt Julie is going to be happy to see the Sweathogs at the hospital but whatever.  Julie’s stuck with them in her life.

And so ends Part One of this special three-part episode!  This episode was a bit uneven.  The scene between Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman felt a bit strained, largely due to the fact that the two of them could obviously barely stand to look at each other while delivering their lines.  John Travolta was charming as Barbarino but his co-stars were all obviously getting a bit old to still be playing high school students.  As always, John Sylvester White made me laugh with his portrayal of Woodman’s growing insanity.  The studio audience was very loud as they went out of their way to make sure that anyone watching knew how much they loved John Travolta.

Next week, Julie gives birth!

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 3 begins!

Episode 3.1 “Sweathog Back to School Special”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 10th, 1977)

A new school year approaches and the Sweathogs have decided to throw a surprise party for their favorite teacher!  Julie and Woodman (who makes it a point to say that he was against the party) lead Gabe to his classroom and surprise!  The Sweathogs even spent $5.75 to get Gabe a new watch.

Gabe and the Sweathogs talk about everything that they’ve been through over the past year and….

Yep, it’s a clip show.

Usually, I skip over clip shows but I did watch this one, just because the first season and the first half of the second season of Welcome Back, Kotter were both pretty good.  Unfortunately, the first half of this clip show was more devoted to catch phrases than sharing classic scenes.  As such, we got a lot of clips of Horshack laughing, Freddie saying “Hi there,” Epstein handing over notes, and Barbarino dancing.  It allowed all four of the main Sweathogs to show off their trademarks but it also made the overall series seem even more gimmicky than it was.

It was only during the second half of the episode that the show offered up some clips from the first season in which Gabe helped each Sweathog find their confidence.  Gabe encouraged Barbarino to get tutoring.  He played a game of basketball with Freddie and, even though Gabe lost big time, Freddie still agreed to take a makeup exam.  Gabe told Epstein that he knew there was a sensitive soul underneath Epstein’s fierce exterior.  And Gabe listened as Horshack talked about the reality of being the class weirdo.  I was glad these clips were included because they served as a reminder that the show started out as an earnest series about a teacher trying to help kids who had been written off by the system.  John Travolta, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Robert Hegyes, and Ron Palillo all showed, in those early episodes, that they were capable of more than just delivering jokey one-liners.

The best part of the episode was when Gabe said, “Remember that time I nearly got fired?” and Woodman replied, “That was a wonderful day.”  John Sylvester White could do a lot with a one-liner and one of the pleasures of the show was discovering just how truly out there Woodman could be.

As for Julie, she remembered the time the Sweathogs destroyed the apartment while trying to clean it.  She still didn’t appear to have forgiven the Sweathogs but that could just be because, as always, Marcia Strassman came across as if she would rather be doing anything other than co-starring on Welcome Back, Kotter.

Once all the clips have been shown, Gabe asks everyone if he’s ever told them about his Uncle Morris, bringing the party (and the episode) to an abrupt end as everyone flees the classroom.

Next week, Julie gives birth and Barbarino drops out of school!