Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.6 “The Long Goodbye” and 3.7 “Trust Me”

Posted on January 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Do surf dudes still have attitude in 2023? I was going to suggest watching California Dreams to find out but, then again, today’s episodes are from 1994 so I guess that wouldn’t really answer the question.

Oh well, onward to the reviews….

Episode 3.6 “The Long Goodbye”

(Dir by Patirck Maloney, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

In a rare nod to continuity, Nikki Cox returns as Sly’s blind girlfriend, Allison!

Sly is being so nice and considerate to Allison that it leads to Lorena and Sam realizing that Tony and Jake are totally inconsiderate pigs who won’t even hold open a door for them! Instead of changing their ways, Tony and Jake demand that Sly stop being so romantic. Sly, however, is devoted to Allison and he even joins the track team so that he can give her a letterman’s jacket and ask her to be his “exclusive” girlfriend. Allison takes her to Sharky’s to pop the question and attempts to convince her that they’re at a romantic French restaurant by having Tony speak with a French accent. Tony’s accent is terrible. Allison sees right through him….

Unfortunately, Allison is moving away! She’s been accepted at a prep school in Chicago, one that will prepare her to teach blind children. Sly, as usual, acts like a jerk and all of the Dreams gang up on him for being distant with Allison after learning that she’s leaving but honestly, Sly’s reaction was realistic. That doesn’t mean that Sly wasn’t wrong for 1) refusing to return Allison’s calls and 2) trying to go on a date on the same night that Allison was having her going-away party but people do stupid things when their heart is broken. And, just like many people do in real life, Sly eventually saw the error of his ways and he had a rather sweet conversation with Allison at the party. It’s a shame that Allison left the series as Nikki Cox and Michael Cade had a far more believable chemistry than the show’s main couples.

Speaking of which, this episode featured a rather stupid subplot in which Tony and Jake attempted to be more romantic by pretending to be the lead characters of the romance novel that Tiffany is reading. Needless to say, this leads to Renaissance costumes and fencing. It’s pretty dumb (though Jay Anthony Franke and Williams James Jones deserve some credit for the extent to which they threw themselves into it) but it’s also an indication of just how different season 3 of California Dreams was from season 2 of California Dreams.

All that said, this was definitely one of the better episodes of California Dreams and, again, credit for that goes to Michael Cade and Nikki Cox and their ability to bring some much-needed reality to the show’s musical hijinks.

Episode 3.7 “Trust Me”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

Sly has entered the Dreams into a music video contest! The only problem is that Jake and Mark have yet to finish writing the lyrics for the Dreams’s newest song. Maybe they should give Matt Garrison a call and ask for his advice.

Not wanting to visit his creepy uncle, Mark spends the weekend at Lorena’s loft. He and Jake are supposed to be working on the song but Lorena would rather have fun and watch movies! Jake accuses Lorena of being a distraction. Jake and Lorena fight and later, after Jake has gone home for the night, Mark kisses Lorena. Uh-oh!

Mark, it appears, misinterpreted the fight. It turns out that Lorena and Jake fight all the time and it’s actually a huge part of what they enjoy about their relationship. Feeling guilty, Mark writes and then sings a song about how he kissed Lorena. Jake loses it and refuses to perform with Mark. Fortunately, two bullies show up at Sharky’s and try to give Jake a hard time. When Mark stands up to the bullies, it leads to a brawl and a renewed friendship. Yay!

But did the Dreams wins the contest? We never find out.

As for the episode itself, it provided a showcase for the two newest members of the cast and Diana Uribe and Aaron Jackson both did a really good job. I could relate to Lorena because I’ve had the same “You’re a distraction” line tossed at me and it definitely hurts. And Aaron Jackson totally sold the scene where he nervously sang Jake the lyrics about kissing Lorena. All in all, this was another good episode.

Way to go, Dreams!

Retro Television Review: One World 3.11 “Roots” and 3.12 “Say Cheese”

Posted on January 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

This week, with the end of the series in sight, the Blakes confront the past.

Episode 3.11 “Roots”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on December 2nd, 2000)

When Dave and Karen go out of town for the weekend, the Blake children decide to turn their house into a Bed & Breakfast. Like, how the Hell do you even do that on short notice? It’s like the Blakes decide to do it and then, an hour later, they’re full booked and Marci has a registration desk set up.

Meanwhile, a far more serious storyline is taking place. With the help of St. Neal, Cray tracks down his grandfather and is shocked to discover that his grandfather is black. Cray is so shocked that he runs out of the Warehouse. (Of course, their first meeting was taking place at Miami’s “hottest under 21 club.”) Cray explains to Neal that he’s not a racist. He was just shocked to discover that he wasn’t the same ethnicity as his adoptive parents. However, anyone who has been watching this show knows that Cray is not Caucasian because he’s clearly not. (In real life, Brandon Baker is half-Filipino.) So, it’s kind of hard to believe the Cray was that stunned to discover that he was a person of color. Fortunately, it turns out that Cray’s grandfather has the patience of a saint and forgives Cray for running away from him because of his skin color, which …. I mean, that’s really fucked up, isn’t it? Cray’s grandfather comes over for dinner and explains that Cray is a fourth black, a fourth Puerto Rican, and half-white. Again, his grandfather seems like a very nice man but again, Cray ran out of the Warehouse specifically because his grandfather has black skin. WHO IS THAT FORGIVING!? The grandfather tells Cray about his family and tells him that he’s always missed him. (“Awwwwww!” the audience says.) Cray accepts his black grandfather and says that he loves him. (“Awwwww!” the audience repeats itself.)

To be honest, TNBC was always at its worst whenever it tried to deal with racial subject matter. One World had the most diverse cast of any of the TNBC shows but the characters were still often just stereotypes. TNBC shows were required to wrap up their stories in 20 minutes and that’s not really something you can do when it comes to dealing with race in America.

Episode 3.12 “Say Cheese”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on December 16th, 2000)

Jane’s birthday is coming up so Dave wants to get a picture of the entire family together. This leads to everyone discussing the past three years and …. you got it. It’s a clip show.

I think this was originally meant to be the final episode of the show and it would have been a nice note to wrap up on. However, because TNBC always showed episodes out-of-order, there would be one more episode of One World. We’ll review that one next week and then, it will be time to move on to another show!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.11 “Marriage Go Around” and 3.12 “Movin’ On Up”

Posted on January 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

If I can turn it in tomorrow, it’ll be alright….

Episode 3.11 “Marriage Go Round”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 23rd, 1999)

It’s marriage class! The class — which, of course, includes Jamal, Chris, L-Train, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy — is divided into couples. Ms. Nobel assigns the couples and, for a few weeks, they pretend to be married and deal with any complications that come up. Ms. Nobel also decides what the complications are going to be. Why does Ms. Nobel get all this power?

Anyway, Jamal gets mad because Chris is “married” to Jamal’s previously never seen or acknowledged girlfriend. (Apparently, Jamal broke up with the white girl who had the racist father.) Jamal spends the entire show worrying that he’s going to lose his girlfriend and then he does lose his girlfriend but who cares? We’ve never seen this person before. Meanwhile, L-Train is assigned to marry a girl who thinks that she’s too good for him, Al is assigned to marry Dawn, and Jamal is assigned to marry Cassidy. Considering that Chris is supposedly in love with Cassidy, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to be jealous of Jamal than for Jamal to be jealous of Chris?

As you may have noticed, this episode was recycled from an old episode of Saved By The Bell. It wasn’t that good of an idea when Saved By The Bell did it. It’s even dumber when it gets the City Guys treatment.

Episode 3.12 “Movin’ On Up”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

Rock TV (that’s this show’s version of MTV) is holding auditions for the cast of the latest season of Reality House (a.k.a. The Real World). Chris, Jamal, L-Train, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy show up late for the auditions and then get into a loud argument about who is to blame. The producer is so impressed by their argument that he hires them on the spot! As he puts it, they’ve got “in-your-face, New York attitude!”

The Gang becomes reality stars!

They move into a loft but apparently, there’s not enough conflict and Chris and Jamal overhear the show’s producer talking about cancelling the season. Chris and Jamal decide to manufacture conflict to keep the season going. Isn’t that what the show’s producers are supposed to be doing?

Seriously, as a committed reality TV fan, this episode offended me. Why would you ever cast a reality show with an uneven number of men and women? Why would you pick people who already know each other? Why would you not toss someone in specifically to start conflict? Where’s the naïve newcomer from the Midwest? Where’s the frustrated artist with terrible personal hygiene? Where’s the girl who won’t shut up about being a virgin? Where’s the frat boy with a drinking problem? I mean, no wonder no one is watching this show!

While the gang appears on reality TV, Ms. Nobel deals with a terrible new assistant named Marcy. It was pretty dumb. Even dumber is that Ms. Nobel somehow got involved in telling Chris and Jamal how to behave on the reality show. Why does Ms. Nobel get involved in everything? Is running a high school really that easy of a job that she can just spend all of her time hanging out at the diner and the reality show loft?

The episode ended with the TV show still going and everyone still living in the Loft so I guess this reality show angle is going to be the new thing. I guess we’ll find out for sure next week!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.19 “A Very Special Girl / Until the Last Goodbye / The Inspector”

Posted on January 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Beware the Inspector! Read on and find out more about this week’s cruise of the Pacific Princess….

Episode 1.19 “A Very Special Girl / Until the Last Goodbye / The Inspector”

(Dir by Roger Duchovny, originally aired on February 11th, 1978)

Captain Stubing starts the cruise by giving the crew some potentially frightening news. The company has sent an inspector to take the cruise and observe how everyone is doing their job. The catch is that the inspector is disguised as a passenger and the crew now has to figure out who it could be!

Marvin Waterman (Jim Backus) seems like a good suspect. He’s stuffy. He always wears a suit. He carries around a notepad. He’s always asking questions about the ship. It must be Marvin! Nope, sorry. It turns out that Marvin is just a children’s book author and he’s doing research.

Could it be eccentric Mrs. Corwin (played by Gavin MacLeod’s wife, Patti MacLeod)? She acts like she’s spacey and not always sure where she is but maybe that’s just a cover! She does make a lot of calls back to the mainland! Nope, it’s not Mrs. Corwin. It turns out that she’s just an eccentric widow who likes to call her daughter and let her know what’s going on in her life. Fortunately, Mrs. Corwin meets and inspires Marvin and they fall in love. Unfortunately, that doesn’t bring the crew any closer to finding the inspector.

Surprise! The inspector wasn’t actually on the ship. He arrived late and wasn’t able to board. However, his father (Jack Bernardi) did get on board and he spend the entire cruise wandering about and asking people questions in Russian. As far as I could tell, none of the crew made much of an effort to help the confused old man out so I’m guessing they’re all out of a job now. I wonder what next week’s episode will be like….

While the crew was looking for the inspector, Mike Andrews (Bob Seagren) was looking for Melanie Taylor (Laurette Sprang). Mike arranged for his goofy sidekick, Doug (Sal Viscuso), to spend all of his time with Melanie’s best friend, Jane (Debralee Scott). Fortunately, Doug and Jane fell in love. Meanwhile, Mike abandoned Melanie as soon as the cruise ended. Booooooo!

Finally, the crew was fascinated by an older man (Paul Burke) who was traveling with a younger woman (Susan Blanchard). For the majority of the episode, everyone assumed the man and the woman were lovers. But then the man collapsed and it turned out that he was the woman’s father and he also terminally ill. This cruise was their long goodbye. This was a sweet story, even if it was kind of icky that everyone assumed that the father was carrying on an affair with his daughter. But, really, that mistaken assumption is the fault of the crew. I’m surprised they didn’t mistake the older man for being the Inspector.

Anyway, this was a fairly typical episode of The Love Boat. It got the job done with a minimum of complications and, if nothing else, it looked like a fun vacation. The Love Boat always works best as wish-fulfillment. It’s the type of show you watch and think, “What would I do if I was on that cruise?” I enjoyed this episode. The whole thing with the inspector was silly but the other two stories were well-handled. I hope things worked out for Doug and Jane!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.3 “The Beachcomber/The Last Whodunit”

Posted on January 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week …. Tattoo gets a trumpet!

Episode 2.3 “The Beachcomber/The Last Whodunit”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on September 30th, 1978)

Tattoo is learning how to play the trumpet and Mr. Roarke can barely hide his anger. That is this week’s Tattoo/Roarke storyline and it rasies a lot of questions about Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship. Is Roarke upset because Tattoo is a bad trumpet player or does he just dislike Tattoo in general? Does Tattoo really care about learning how to play the trumpet or is he just looking for an excuse to annoy Mr. Roarke? I think all of those possibilities may be true at the same time. If the previous two episodes hinted that Roarke and Tattoo no longer hated each other, this episode seems to confirm that they’re still the frenemies that they’ve always been. I sympathize with Roarke but it’s hard not to appreciate Tattoo’s determination to be an agent of chaos.

As for the fantasies, Charles Preston (John Astin) is a successful businessman who wants to throw it all ways so that he can spend the rest of his life as a beach bum. Roarke sets Preston up in a cabin on one of the shabbiest beaches on Fantasy Island. Seriously, the layout of Fantasy Island is just weird. A third of the island is a luxury resort. A third of the island is a magical jungle. And a third of the island is apparently just a collection of poverty-stricken fishing villages. Do the people who live on the island know that they could be having a fantasy if they only had the money? Let’s hope none of them ever pick up a copy of Marx or Piketty.

Anyway, Preston soon discovers that the life of a beach bum is not as easy as he thought it would be. For one thing, the chief of the island’s indigenous population demands that Preston marry his daughter. (The joke is that his daughter is overweight and …. well, it’s all pretty cringey by 2022 standards.) Meanwhile, a bounty hunter slaps some handcuffs on Preston and threatens to take him back to his family unless Preston pays him $70,000. “All of you beachcombers have a stash!” the bounty hunter hisses. Fortunately, Preston’s wife shows up and announces that she’s fine with him being a beach bum, as long as he’s a responsible beach bum who helps to pay the bills. And that’s the end of that. What an underwhelming fantasy.

Luckily, the episode’s other fantasy is a bit more entertaining. Mabel Jarvis (Celeste Holm) loves mystery stories and she wants to spend a weekend as her favorite fictional detective. Of course, Mabel soon finds herself investigating the real-life murder of Mabel’s favorite writer. Mr. Roarke explains that the writer was a friend of his and that he hoped Mabel could solve the case. That seems like a lot of responsibility to put on someone who is just looking for a vacation but, fortunately, Mabel proves to be up to the job. Anyway, this was a fun little fantasy and, as an avid reader of mysteries, it was one to which I could relate. Celeste Holm seemed to be having a lot of fun as Mabel and, even more importantly, her cat played a key role in solving the mystery.

This was not a bad episode. The beach stuff was forgettable but the episode was saved Celeste Holm and Tattoo’s trumpet.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.7 “Julie’s Guy” and 3.8 “Playing With Pain”

Posted on January 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I’ll always remember….

Episode 3.7 “Julie’s Guy”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 4th, 1997)

Because Julie is incapable of doing anything that doesn’t somehow involve basketball, she is dating yet another basketball player. You would think that she would have learned her lesson after Chris cheated on her and then Josh mysterious disappeared after the end of Season 2. Of course, Chris and Josh were both teammates of Julie’s. This time, Julie is dating Jason Redman, who plays for another team!

Needless to say, the other Tornadoes are not happy about this. They’re not sure if they can trust Julie to put aside her feelings and play as a member of the team. This is a pretty stupid concern. Julie has been the show’s main character for two and a half seasons and we still don’t know a thing about her beyond the fact that she plays basketball and she brags nonstop about winning.

Once again, the Tornadoes play terribly for the first half of the game. Fortunately, Fuller takes the time to yell at them in the locker room. Everyone realizes they can trust Julie. The Tornadoes go on to win by one point. For all the bragging this team does, continually winning by only one point really isn’t that impressive. Most good teams can actually win by several points.

Anyway, this one was pretty forgettable. I have a feeling that we’ll probably never hear another word about Julie dating Jason.

Episode 3.8 “Playing with Pain”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 4th, 1997)

Coach Fuller is gone again and Assistant Coach Keelor (Todd Fraser) is in charge of the team. The last time that Fuller was absent from the show, during the Fighting Words episode, it was explained that it was because he had the mumps. This time, no explanation is given for Fuller’s absence. I’m going to guess that Fighting Words and Playing With Pain were envisioned as airing back-to-back but that NBC showed them out-of-order. This is something that NBC frequently did with its TNBC shows and, as a result, the continuity of these shows were always out-of-whack. Its almost as if NBC just didn’t care.

Anyway, at the start of this episode, Keelor announces that a scout is coming from the University of Arizona to watch Michael play. The scout turns out to be someone named David Stoudemire. By the way the audience goes crazy whenever he shows up in a scene, I’m guessing he was a basketball player. Like most of the real-life basketball players who showed up on Hang Time, Stoudemire was hopefully better at playing basketball than acting.

Anyway, Michael really wants to impress the scout but, while practicing with Julie, he seriously sprains his ankle. (Even though it looks like it was Michael’s fault because of the way he landed, I’m still going to blame Julie. Julie was so upset over not being the center of attention that she goaded Michael into practicing too hard, knowing that he would end up spraining his ankle.) Worried that he’ll be benched if he tells anyone that he’s injured, Michael tries to play through the pain. This is something many pro athletes have done. From personal experience, I can tell you that this is also something that many dancers have done. I hurt my ankle so many times when I was younger that it was probably more of a surprise when I didn’t injure it than when I did. You take a bunch of pain killers and then you do the best you can before passing out in the dressing room afterwards. However, since this is a TNBC show, Michael dramatically reinjures himself while playing basketball and ends up screaming in pain while everyone watches. In the locker room, both Assistant Coach Keelor and David Stoudemire tell him that he’s a dumbass.

Bye bye, Arizona!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/25/22 — 12/31/22

Posted on December 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to my final week in television for 2022! I spent most of the past week with my sister Megan and her family. We probably watched the news more than anything else, what with that guys getting arrested for committing those murders in Idaho. Here’s some thoughts on the non-news programming that we watched.

1923 (Paramount+)

On Tuesday, my sister Megan and I watched the first two episodes of the latest Yellowstone prequel. It wasn’t bad, though I do have to admit that I was only half-paying attention to it. Harrison Ford is ideally cast as an aging western icon.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Megan and I love this show and we watched several episodes this week. The reviews will be available every Saturday!

The Circle (Netflix)

I swore to myself that I was not going to allow myself to get sucked into another stupid reality show but then, on Wednesday, I decided to just take a quick peek to discover what The Circle was like. I wasn’t planning on watching much of the latest season. I just wanted to get maybe a 5-minute sample.

Of course, as soon as the show started, I discovered the Brett was on the show. Brett was a part of Big Brother 20. He was a total jerk but he was honest about it and he was frequently one of the funniest people in the house. He was the type of bad boy that I’ve always had a weakness for. As well, his betrayal of Rockstar (yes, that was the name she used in the House) led to the classic moment of Rockstar yelling about how she had been betrayed on “my daughter’s birthday!”

Anyway, Brett was one of the first people voted out of the Circle but, fortunately, he and Xanthi are still secretly playing the game. Brett and Xanthi are a cute couple and if we don’t see some sort of evidence of them hooking up by the end of next week, I can only assume that the show is hiding it from us.

Also, one of the contestants is a British comedian named Tom. He mentioned that he lived in the Tower of the London. “I’ve never heard of the Tower of London,” the other contestants said while I screamed internally. Anyway, Tom’s adorable.

Despite my best efforts, I’ve been sucked into The Circle.

Dragnet (YouTube)

I watched two episodes of this 1960s cop show on Thursday. One featured Joe Friday on a talk show, where he debated a snide hippy and a pompous professor. The other featured Friday taking a class at night school and justifying his decision to arrest one of his classmates for possessing marijuana. Welcome to the 60s!

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I wrote about the Love Boat here! Megan and I watched several episodes this week. We both agreed that the ship looked nice.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

Late Saturday night, I experienced New Year’s 1983! It was a bit trippy.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

On Sunday night, my sister Megan and I watched all of the Upstart Crow Christmas specials. I had already seen them but I enjoyed introducing them to my sister.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.4 “Blind Dates” and 3.5 “Yoko, Oh No!”

Posted on December 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is all about romance and total defiance!

Episode 3.4 “Blind Dates”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 1st, 1994)

Oh my God, Sly has been talking to a girl on a brand new thing called the Internet! When he meets Allison (played, quite well, by Nikki Cox), he is shocked to discover that she’s blind. Allison brings out Sly’s rarely seen good side and Allison appreciates that Sly is too much of a jackass to treat her differently just because she’s blind. At first, Sly is worried about taking her to the school dance but then he takes her anyway. Yay!

Meanwhile, Tony and Sam also get on the internet and both of them think that they’ve found their soul mate. But it turns out that they’ve just been talking to each other. By the end of this episode, Tony and Sam have begun their relationship. This is a huge moment in the history of California Dreams because, in the end, Tony and Sam had most (and maybe the only) stable relationship on the show.

Unfortuntely, as we’ll see next week, things wouldn’t last as long for Sly and Allison, which is a shame because Nikki Cox and Michael Cade had tons of onscreen chemistry and they were a sweet couple. Oh well. Such is life.

Episode 3.5 “Yoko, oh no!”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 8th, 1994)

It’s time for another Battle of the Bands!

In this episode, we meets the Dreams’s rival band, Total Defiance. We’re supposed to dislike Total Defiance because they’re constantly making fun of the Dreams and their manager is an obnoxious girl named Rosie who has a crush on Mark Winkle. The thing is that Total Defiance, which appears to be a rap/heavy metal hybrid band, actually does appear to be a lot better than the Dreams. From what little of what we’re allowed to hear from them, their sound is a bit more interesting than the California Dreams. I mean, let’s be honest. The California Dreams did have a few good songs but, for the most part, Rosie has a point when she says that the Dreams are a generic pop band. Jake may wear a leather jacket and talk about being a rebel but, even after Matt Garrison leaves the band that he founded, the Dreams still specialized in coming up with mellow, feel-good tunes that really could have been sung by anyone. Total Defiance was all about taking risks. They were the true rebels!

They were also all about giving the Dreams a hard time. When Rosie dismisses Lorena as just being a “groupie,” Lorena tries to prove them wrong by auditioning for the band. The good thing is that she gets to wear a really pretty dress when she auditions. The bad thing is that she can’t carry a tune. (See? There’s something else that Lorena and I have in common.) Blinded by love, Jake insists that Lorena be allowed to sing with the band. However, when Lorena hears the rest of the band talking about how bad her voice is, she fakes laryngitis so they’ll perform without her. As a result, the Dreams not only win the Battle of the Bands but everyone also learns an important lesson about being honest. Yay!

I liked this episode because it was a Jake and Lorena episode and those are always my favorites. They were a cute couple. That said, Total Defiance should have won the Battle of the Bands and if Tony Manero had been there, he would have handed the trophy to them at the end of the contest.

Retro Television Review: One World 3.9 “Jane Cops Out” and 3.10 “Marci’s In Hot Salsa”

Posted on December 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Cast of One World

Wow, I’m nearly done with this show! Yay!

Episode 3.9 “Jane Cops Out”

(directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 18th, 2000)

Ugh. It’s a Jane episode. I actually liked Jane during the first season and for the first half of the second season but she’s been pretty much unbearable during the third season. There’s a difference between being edgy and just being annoyingly rude. Of course, if I was living with the Blakes, I’d probably develop a bit of a bad attitude as well.

Anyway, in this episode, Jane gets a job at a SCUBA gear store and starts dating the owner’s grandson, a rookie cop! Jane is copping out …. oh wait, that’s what the title says! Jane freaks out over dating a cop because she’s a former criminal. The cop freaks out because all of his coworkers have arrested Jane in the past. Jane being a criminal is a bit like Neal being a genius or Ben being an alcoholic, in that it’s one of those plot points that’s never really been that convincing but which the show tends to randomly bring up.

In the B-plot, Dave’s snoring is keeping everyone awake. Eh, who cares?

Episode 3.10 “Marci’s In Hot Salsa”

(directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 25th, 2000)

I’ve often stated that Sui is my favorite character on this show. Marci is a close second. Unfortunately, Marci rarely seems to get to do much. With this episode, she finally get to be at the center of the main plot but it turns out that the plot is pretty much lifted from the “Dancing Isn’t Everything” episode of California Dreams.

Feeling that she doesn’t have any one thing that she’s good at and worried that she’s destined to be the average member of the family, Marci decides to make dancing her thing. She enters a salsa contest that is, of course, being held at the Warehouse, Miami’s “hottest under 21 club.” I would think this would be a problem, as Marci is also the assistant manager of the Warehouse and usually, employees are not allowed to enter contests that their employer is sponsoring. But no matter! By this point, The Warehouse pretty much only exists to cater to the whims of the Blakes.

Marci enters the contest with one guy but discovers that there’s another guy who is a far better dancer. Will Marci stay loyal to her original partner or dump him for the better dancer? You can probably guess exactly what happens in this episode but I still liked it because it featured a lot of dancing and the audience applauded when Marci said she was looking forward to death of Fidel Castro.

In the B-plot, Neal is grounded when he comes home late. (Was he grounded for helping Jane cheat on the SATs? Anyone remember that?) But he sneaks out and goes to a baseball game while Dave and Jane go to a modern art show. Dave says he doesn’t understand modern art. That’s because Dave’s a moron.

Just three more episodes to go!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.18 “Last of the Stubings / Million Dollar Man / The Sisters”

Posted on December 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise is all about family, love, and …. CRIME!

Episode 1.18 “Last of the Stubings / Million Dollar Man / The Sisters”

(dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on February 4th, 1978)

Fresh from having given Isaac a lesson in black history during the previous cruise, Captain Stubing is excited to give the rest of the crew a lesson about his family. The Stubings have a long and noteworthy Naval tradition and the Captain is proud to announce that his nephew, L. Courtney Stubing IV (Peter Isacksen), has been accepted to Annapolis. But, before going to school, he’s going to work on the Pacific Princess and show everyone that he is a natural-born sailor. The only problem is that Courtney Stubing is not a natural-born sailor. Instead, he’s a tall, clumsy, near-sighted, and kind of goony guy who has no idea how to talk to the passengers and who would rather be a ballet dancer. The problem, along with the fact that he’s the last of the young Stubings and expected to carry on the family tradition, is that he’s just as bad at dancing as he is at everything else.

Now, I have to give some credit to Gavin MacLeod here because he made this storyline work. The scene where, having finally realized the truth of about his nephew, Captain Stubing tells Courtney that it’s okay not to become a sailor and that he should find out what he’s good at was well-written and sensitively acted by MacLeod. It was about as honest a moment as you’ll probably ever find on a show like The Love Boat.

While the Stubings were bonding, two sisters were fighting. Rose (Marion Ross) was upset that Noreen (Pat Crowley) was spending all of her time with the handsome Clark Tyler (Brett Halsey). Seeing as how I mostly know Hasley from his starring role in Lucio Fulci’s Touch of Death, I would have been more concerned for Noreen’s safety than upset that she was ignoring me. Anyway, it was kind of boring story but it all worked out in the end. Marion Ross would go on to become the Love Boat’s most frequent passenger, though she always played a different character. Eventually, she even played a woman who married Captain Stubing but we’ve got a long way to go until we reach that point.

A long, loooooooooong way.

Meanwhile, two passengers found love. Unfortunately, it was only after they slept together that Stephanie (Marcia Strassman) discovered that Bill (Frank Converse) had stolen a million dollars from his employer and Bill discovered that Stephanie was a cop. Stephanie explained that she would be required to arrest Bill as soon as the ship returned to the United States. Bill considered running off to Mexico but, in the end, he decided to face justice in the U.S., on the condition that Stephanie would be waiting for him after he got out of prison. Honestly, I think it would have made more sense for Stephanie to just join Bill in Mexico and thy two of them could have built a new life there. I mean, they’ve got a million dollars! But, whatever. Strassman and Converse had a lot of chemistry so, despite yourself, you really do hope that things will work out for them while you’re watching the episode.

And I hope things work for you as well, as we sail towards 2023! The Love Boat will return.