Blind Date (1987, directed by Blake Edwards)


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Walter Davis (Bruce Willis) is a workaholic who, in typical 80s fashion, is trying to secure a deal to manage the assets of a Japanese industrialist.  When he needs a date to a business dinner, his brother (Phil Hartman) sets him up with his wife’s cousin, Nadia (Kim Basinger).  Walter is warned to not let Nadia take a single sip of alcohol.  Of course, Walter lets Nadia drink some champagne.  It turns out that Nadia loses all of her inhibitions when she drinks and she says exactly what’s on her mind.  The dinner turns into a disaster as Nadia convinces the industrialist’s wife to file for divorce.  Walter not only loses his job but he now has to get the intoxicated Nadia back home.  Making that difficult is that Nadia’s ex, David (John Larroquette), is still obsessed with her.  David is also crazy and spends almost the entire night chasing Nadia and Walter.

Blind Date is historically significant because it was both Bruce Willis’s first credited film role (he had previously appeared, uncredited, in The First Deadly Sin and The Verdict) and also Willis’s first starring role.  Willis received the role after becoming a sudden star due to his role on Moonlighting and the entire movie is full of television actors.  John Larroquette was best-known for Night Court.  Phil Hartman had just started on Saturday Night Live.  William Daniels appears as Larroquette’s father.  At the time Blind Date came out, Kim Basinger was the closest thing that the cast had to a legitimate movie star.

Watching Blind Date today, it’s strange to see Willis playing a nebbish.  He’s likable but miscast as a straight-laced executive who needs his sister-in-law to set him up on a date.  It’s a role that would have been best-served by someone like John Ritter, who starred in director Blake Edwards’s Skin Deep just two years after Blind Date.  As David, John Larroquette is cartoonish but entertaining and he gets most of the best lines.  Kim Basinger is beautiful as Nadia but doesn’t always seem to be comfortable performing comedy.  There are funny moments but, as with so many of Blake Edwards’s later films, it’s uneven.

Blind Date was a box office hit.  (It was the last big hit of Blake Edwards’s career.)  The film found its real success on HBO, where it was a mainstay for several years.  Luckily, a more appropriate starring vehicle for Bruce Willis was released just a year later.  In Die Hard, Bruce Willis brought John McClaine to life and made film history.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.1 “Forbidden Love/The Other Man — Mr. Roarke”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Today, we start the seventh and final season.

Episode 7.1 “Forbidden Love/The Other Man — Mr. Roarke”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 8th, 1983)

The first episode of the seventh season finds Mr. Roarke handling two fantasies.

Widow Margaret Smith (Juliet Prowse) comes to Fantasy Island, hoping to meet the man of her dreams.  However, when she does, it turns out that he’s the ex-boyfriend of her daughter, Ginny (Jamie Rose)!  Can Margaret find love without hurting her daughter?  Or is her love destined to remain forbdden….

Meanwhile, Deborah Barnes (Stephanie Faracy) wants to make her boyfriend jealous so Mr. Roarke arranges for her to meet a man on the Island.  But when the man is suddenly unavailable, Mr. Roarke gallantly steps into his place.  That’s nice of him.  It shows how far Mr. Roarke will go to make the fantasies of his guests come true.  Except — uh-oh! — now Deborah’s in love with Mr. Roarke!  What can Mr. Roarke do to let Deborah down easily and repair her confidence?

Wow!  That’s a lot of drama for one weekend!  I wonder what Tattoo has to say…?

Tattoo?  Are you there?

OH MY GOD, WHERE IS TATTOO!?

Tattoo is gone, replaced by a butler named Lawrence (Christopher Hewett) who is so heavy-set that he can’t even climb the stairs to ring the bell when the plane shows up over the island.  Instead, he looks up at the sky and then pushes a remote button that makes the bell ring.  That’s …. just lame.  Over the past few years, I have resisted making “Da plane!  Da plane!” jokes but seriously, it doesn’t feel right for the show not to start to those words.

What’s especially upsetting is that no one on the show mentions Tattoo.  Roarke doesn’t mention why Tattoo is no longer on the Island.  Instead, he acts as if Lawrence has always been his assistant.  I mean, I understand that Herve Villechaize did not leave under the happiest of circumstances but it just feels cruel not to give Tattoo a proper send-off.  Tattoo was a huge part of the show.  His interactions with Mr. Roarke were the most consistently entertaining things about Fantasy Island.  And now, he’s gone and the show refuses to even acknowledge that he was ever there.

As for Lawrence, he’s a butler.  I don’t know how the season played out but, in the first episode, it was pretty clear that Lawrence was the hired help.  (Tattoo, at the very least, always seemed to be on nearly equal footing as Roarke.)  Lawrence calls Mr. Roarke “sir” and it just doesn’t feel right.  Instead of being equals, they are very much employer and employee.

The fantasies are okay.  I liked watching Roarke trying to make Deborah fall out of love with.  But the addition of Lawrence felt so wrong and really distracting.  It doesn’t bode well for the rest of season 7.

Retro Television Review: The Only Way Out (dir by Rod Hardy)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1993’s The Only Way Out!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

“I’ll kill you before I let you go,” Tony (Henry Winkler) says to his terrified girlfriend, Lynn (Stephanie Faracy).

Agck!  Those are frightening words and they are certainly not something that you would expect to hear from a character played by notorious Hollywood nice guy Henry Winkler.  And, indeed, it would probably shock most of the characters in the film if they knew how Tony talked to Lynn.  Tony is a grad student who has worked at any number of jobs.  While some people might say all of those jobs prove that Tony has a hard time sticking to anything, Tony has obviously learned how to convince people that he’s actually a just a determined man working his way through grad school and taking whatever job will help to pay the bills.  Tony is friendly and romantic and given to grand gestures.  He’s the type who shows up unexpectedly at Lynn’s place of employment with flowers.  He’s the type of guy that strangers applaud while those close to him look for any way to escape.

Lynn knows all about the other side of Tony.  Tony is controlling, obsessive, and abusive.  He hits her.  He barks orders at her kids.  When she tells him that she wants him out of her life, he refuses to go and blames her for all of their problems.  He’s someone who can quickly go from being everyone’s friend to being a monster.  He preys on insecurity and, whenever anyone stands up  to him, he plays the victim.  Tony is a classic abuser and the fact that he’s played by the likable Henry Winkler makes him all the more disturbing.  Like most abusers, Tony knows how to turn on the charm.  He knows the power of a smile and a few complimentary words.

Lynn is in the process of getting divorced from an architect named Jeremy (John Ritter).  It’s been a remarkably amicable divorce, with Jeremy and Lynn agreeing on joint custody and apparently not bearing any ill feelings towards one another.  The only problem is that Lynn cannot bring herself to actually sign the divorce papers.  Jeremy wants to marry Susannah (Julianne Phillips) and Susannah is not happy about the long wait.  She’s even less happy when Jeremy takes it upon himself to try to protect Lynn from Tony.  Soon, Tony is stalking Jeremy and Jeremy finds himself considering a particularly extreme solution to his problem.

It’s John Ritter vs Henry Winkler and the casting of two of Hollywood’s best-known nice guys as violent rivals works surprisingly well.  Winkler is memorably unhinged while Ritter plays a guy who is struggling to hold onto a life that, until Tony shows up, seemed to be perfect.  In the end, it’s not just Tony who catches us by surprise by just how far he’s willing to take things.  The film’s ending took me by genuine surprise.  Featuring excellent dramatic turns from two actors best known for their comedic skills, The Only Way Out is a superior melodrama.

 

 

A Movie A Day #114: Scavenger Hunt (1979, directed by Michael Schultz)


When game designer Milton Parker (Vincent Price) dies, all of his greedy relatives and his servants gather for the reading of his will.  Parker’s lawyer, Benstein (Robert Morley), explains that Parker is leaving behind a $200 million dollar estate to whoever can win an elaborate scavenger hunt.  Dividing into five teams, the beneficiaries head out to track down as many items as they can by five o’clock that evening.  Among the items that they have to find: a toilet, a cash register, an ostrich, a microscope, and an obese person.  Hardy har har.

The five teams are made up of a who’s who of sitcom and television actors who had time to kill in 1979.  The Odd Couple‘s Tony Randall is Henry Motely, who is Parker’s son-in-law and who works with his four children.  Soap‘s Richard Mulligan plays a blue-collar taxi driver named Marvin Dummitz (because funny names are funny) who teams up with his friend, Merle (Stephen Furst).  The Mary Tyler Moore Show‘s Cloris Leachman (an Oscar winner, no less) gets stuck with the role of Milton’s greedy sister, Mildred.  She works with her conniving lawyer (Richard Benjamin) and her stupid son (Richard Masur).  Maureen Teefy plays Milton’s niece while his nephews are played by Willie Aames and Dirk Benedict.  Cleavon Little, James Coco, Roddy McDowall, and Stephanie Faracy play the servants.

It doesn’t stop there, though.  Avery Schreiber plays a zookeeper.  Meat Loaf plays a biker who beats up Richard Benjamin.  Ruth Gordon, Stuart Pankin, Pat McCormick, and Scatman Crothers all have cameos.  Even Arnold Schwarzenegger makes an appearance as a gym instructor who knocks Tony Randall out of a second story window.

There are a lot of famous people in Scavenger Hunt.  It’s just too bad that the movie itself is barely watchable and not at all funny.  It tries to go for the zaniness of It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World but, unless watching Willie Aames steal a clown head from Jack in the Box is your idea of hilarity, the film never comes close to succeeding.  Michael Schultz directed some classic films (like Car Wash) during the 1970s but, unfortunately, he also directed Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and this.

Scavenger Hunt used to show up on a late night television, where it was always advertised as starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.  (He barely has five minutes of screentime.)  It was released on DVD/Blu-ray earlier this year but watching for the cameos is the only reason to take part in this Scavenger Hunt.