Review: True Blood S5E4 — “We’ll Meet Again”

Posted on July 1, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s episode of True Blood could very well have been called “Everybody hates Sookie.” Seriously, Sookie did not have an easy time of it for most of tonight though, in the end, she got to have drunken sex with Alcide so I guess things didn’t work out too badly for her.

But before we get to that…

When we last saw Tara (Rutina Wesley), she was torturing herself in a tanning salon. At the start of tonight’s episode, Pam (Kristen Bauer Von Straten) finally abandoned her facade of indifference long enough to save Tara and, as her maker, command to Tara to stop with the attempts at self-destruction. Though still reluctant, Pam has started to take Tara under her wing and accept her responsibilities as a “maker.” By the end of the episode, Pam was even bringing Tara a willing young woman to feed upon.

However, Pam had more to deal with than just Tara. Having finally been released from the Authority HQ, Bill and Eric go straight to Pam and demand to know if she told anyone about Russell. While Eric interrogated Pam, Bill talked to Tara about her new life as a vampire. For me, Bill and Tara’s scene was one of the highlights of the season so far. It was beautifully acted by both Rutina Wesley and Stephen Moyer and it was a nice change from the show’s often frantic pace.

Speaking of noteworthy acting, Alexander Skarsgard got his own Emmy moment in tonight’s episode when he released Pam from his control. He did this to protect her from both Russell and the Authority and tonight’s episode skillfully got every note of drama and pathos out of the moment that it could.

Meanwhile, Jason and Andy were invited to accompany corrupt old Judge Clements for a night out on the town. Of course, in this case, that meant going out to a deserted field and stepping through a portal that led to some sort of fairy-run Moulin Rouge-type nightclub. I enjoyed the sequences in the nightclub, if just because they were so decadent and over-the-top. Jason didn’t enjoy it quite as much because he ran into his cousin Hadley, who apparently works at the club. Hadley let it slip that the nightclub’s actually a “safehouse” and that Jason and Sookie’s parents were killed by vampires. When Jason had a bad reaction to that bit of information, both he and Andy are promptly kicked out of the club and back through the portal. Who would have guessed that faery bouncers could be that effective?

Speaking of vampires, Nora (Lucy Griffiths) finally breaks down and tells Roman (Chris Meloni) who the secret Sanguinista Chancellor is. It turns out, to no one’s great surprise, that it’s the little kid vampire, Alexander Drew. Roman promptly responds by giving Drew the true death and who can blame him? That kid was a smug, spoiled little brat and, for a little kid,he certainly made a big mess when he exploded.

Even with all that going on, tonight’s episode truly belonged to Sookie and Anna Paquin’s frequently underrated lead performance. The beginning of the show finds Sookie with not a friend in the world. Alcide is mad at her for killing his fiancee. Lafayette is mad at her for telling Alcide about Debbie. Eric and Bill are missing. Tara’s blames Sookie for her transformation into a vampire. To top it off, she can hear the thoughts of everyone in town and it quickly becomes apparent that all of them blame her for everything bad that’s happened over the course of the entire series.

Poor Sookie! Seriously, who couldn’t relate to that feeling in one way or another?

Lafayette, meanwhile, has one of his possessed moments and this leads to him attacking Sookie’s car. Later, when Sookie is driving home, her brakes go out and she ends up crashing her car. Shaken but unhurt, Sookie stumbles back to her house and does what anyone would do under these circumstance.

She starts drinking.

By the time Alcide shows up to tell her that he’s covered up her involvement in Debbie’s death, Sookie is totally drunk and soon, she and Alcide are engaging in perhaps the tamest sex scene in True Blood history. And to that, I say, “You go, girl.” It probably would have been better if a jealous Bill hadn’t been standing outside her window watching (and seriously, windows have blinds for a reason) but still, it’s about time something good happened to Sookie.

A Few Random Observations:

I apologize if tonight’s review isn’t one of my better efforts. I’ve been dealing with an onslaught of allergies and asthma for the past week and I have to admit that I’ve spent much of tonight in a sort of daze.
Tonight’s unofficial scene count was 35.
You’ll notice that I haven’t spent much time on Terry’s flashbacks to Iraq. That, quite frankly, is because that little subplot doesn’t hold that much interest to me. So far it just feels as if it’s an excuse for Alan Ball to indulge in some nostalgic criticism of George W. Bush and the Iraq War without having to acknowledge that Barack Obama has pretty much been pursuing the same foreign policy in the rest of the Middle East. I’m still hoping that the show does something unexpected with this whole subplot but, so far, it’s all been pretty predictable.
“How you like Bush now!?” was the epitome of a line so heavy-handed that it probably backfired. What made this line annoying to me is that it was hard to shake the feeling that the show would never have had the guts to feature soldiers committing a war crime in Afghanistan while shouting, “Yes, we can!” (Much less, “How you like Obama now!?”)
No appearances by the Rev. Newlin tonight but I’m sure he’ll play a big role in the later half of the season. I get the feeling that there was a lot of foreshadowing going on with Bill and Jessica’s discussion concerning whether or not Bill was still king of Louisiana.
Compared to last week, there was a definite shortage of memorable lines in tonight’s episode. However, Kristen Bauer Von Straten’s delivery of the line, “3 days old and she already has an eating disorder…” was perfectly delivered with just the right combination of concern and self-pity.
Anna Paquin’s version of the Pina Colada Song was adorable.

If I was the type to give out grades, I’d give tonight’s episode a good solid B. If nothing else, I was glad that Bill and Eric finally got out of the Authority HQ. I have to admit that I’m starting to wonder if Russell is actually going to show up this season or is he just going to be an unseen metaphor.

Time will tell.

Review: True Blood S5E3 — Whatever I am, You Made Me

Posted on June 24, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last week on True Blood…

After being captured and tortured by the Authority, Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexader Skarsgard) were on the verge of being executed by Roman (Chris Meloni) until Bill revealed that not only was Russell (Denis O’Hare) not killed but that he was now missing. Meanwhile, in Bon Temps, a newly vampiric Tara (Rutina Wesley) fled into the dark night while Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) watched helplessly.

This week on True Blood…

The majority of tonight’s episode was dominated by Tara and Rutina Wesley’s wonderfully angry performance. We opened with Tara wandering through the night, searching for blood and nearly sucking it out of the first unfortuante stranded motorist that she comes across. (“I got no problem with vampires!” the poor motorist protests.) Eventually, Tara ends up locked up in Sam’s walk-in freezer where she has dreams about attacking Arlene. (Like a lot of people, I went: “Oh. My. God” at this scene until it became apparent that Tara was just having a dream.) Eventually, Tara manages to get out of the freezer and, quite cleverly, breaks into a tanning salon so that she can expose herself to some UV rays. I guess that’s one way to express your self-loathing.

The main reason that Tara’s having a hard time adjusting is because she’s been abandoned by her maker, Pam (Kristen Bauer Von Straten, who brings such life to the undead), who refuses to have anything to do with Tara. For me, the highlight of tonight’s episode was seeing the continuation of the flashbacks to Pam’s origin. In this episode we got to see how, in 1905 San Francisco, Pam went to rather extreme lengths to convince Eric to turn her. Even better, we also got to see how Eric and Bill first met in Pam’s brothel.

Speaking of Eric and Bill, they’re still being housed over at the Authority headquarters. They’ve convinced Roman to release them so that they can track down Russell but Nora (Lucy Griffiths) is still being held prisoner and, while being tortured, she admits to being opposed to “mainstreaming.” Both Bill and Eric are seduced by Salome and there’s a great scene towards the end of this episode where they compare notes in an elevator. (Seriously, the vampire bromance between these two is always fun to watch and Moyer and Skarsgard always appear to be having fun acting opposite each other.) Of course, it turns out that Salome’s apparently working for Roman and was testing Bill and Eric’s loyalty.

Or was she? To be honest, I have a feeling that Salome has an agenda of her own…

The Rev. Newlin (Michael McMillan) also shows up in this episode. Apparently, the reason he’s been on TV so much is because he’s groomed by Roman to be the new face of vampire-human coexistence. Showrunner Alan Ball has been very open about the political subtext of True Blood in general and season 5 in particular and that subtext was pretty obvious in Meloni and McMillan’s scenes tonight.

Usually, I’m not a huge fan of obvious subtext for the simple reason that it’s often … well, way too obvious. In the past, I have to admit, I’ve felt that Ball — like most writers — is at his weakest when he’s hammering home a point. (That’s why I’m wary of this season’s subplot about Terry’s service in Iraq.) However, tonight, I thought that Meloni and McMillan both saved what could have been a rather heavy-handed scene. Both of them brought just enough of a hint of perversity to their lines to keep the scene interesting. Between Meloni’s barely suppressed rage and McMillan’s nervously insincere smile, their conversation was a lot of fun to watch.

But that’s not all that happened tonight!

Sookie finally confessed to Alcide that she killed Debbie. Lafayette was briefly tempted to serve poisoned gumbo and it appears that he might be posessed. And Jason met a woman in the super market which, of course, meant that he ended up getting laid. That woman, incidentally, was a former teacher and lover of Jason’s and promptly after re-seducing her, Jason apparently had such a change of heart that he was even able to resist Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) when she came calling later on that night.

To be honest, I wasn’t as big a fan of this episode as I was of Turn! Turn! Turn! and Authority Always Wins. Don’t get me wrong. Whatever I am, You Made Me had plenty of good moments and the script was full of the type of snarky one-liners that I’ll be repeating for weeks to come. Overall, however, tonight’s episode felt a little bit off, just a tad bit uneven. The final fourth of the show was genuinely exciting but the scenes leading up to it often seemed to alternate between playing out either too slowly or too quickly. I’m looking forward to next week’s episode and I can’t wait to see how season 5 plays out but tonight’s episode was just okay for me.

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Whenever I watch a new episode of True Blood, I always grab a notebook and I jot down what happened in each scene. I did this even before I started reviewing the show because 1) it was often the only way that I could actually keep track of what was going on and 2) I’m an obsessive list maker. Anyway, by my very unofficial count, tonight’s episode had a total of 33 separate scenes.
For scene number 6, I simply wrote down “Skarsgard shirtless.” Just in case there was any doubt where my mind usually is while watching True Blood…
How cool is it that Salome is the actual Salome?
I thought the scenes at the beginning of this episode, where Tara was on the prowl, were very well-directed and did a good job at capturing the disorienting nature of Tara’s new existence.
Much like last week, I continued to be impressed with the set design of the Authority’s headquarters and the contrast between the baroque upper level and the rather shabby lower levels. If nothing else, it provided a perfect reminder of the corruption that often lurks behind the benevolent facade of most authorities (including, it would appear, the Authority).
Most effective “Oh my God!” moment: Lafayette pouring bleach into the gumbo. I have to admit that, after watching Arachnoquake last night, I was hoping Lafayette would shout out, “Now that’s how you make jambalaya!”
After last week’s rather grim outing, this episode featured several laugh-out-loud lines:
“Can I hug you without you thinking about my boobs?” This was my favorite line in this episode, if just because I’ve often been tempted to say the same thing.
“And right now, I’m fuck buddies with the love of my best friend’s life. Who’s a teenage vampire.”
“These beans are as cold as titties in a brass bra.”
“My dick starts shouting, ‘Just shut up and fuck her!'” At least Jason is honest.
“Go back to dry humping each other and buying my overpriced drinks or get the fuck out!”

Finally, I’ll close with a quick prediction: By the end of this season, Salome will try to engineer a coup in order to take out Roman and install either Bill or Eric in his place.

Review: True Blood S5E2 — Authority Always Wins

Posted on June 17, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last week on True Blood…

When last we checked into the lives of the citizens of Bon Temps, Russell (Denis O’Hare) was missing, Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), Bill (Stephen Moyer), and Nora (Lucy Griffiths) had been captured by the Authority, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) was being pursued by the newly vampiric Rev. Newhouse (Michael McMillan), and Tara (Rutina Wesley) had been turned into a vampire by a rather annoyed Pam (Kristen Bauer Von Straten).

This week on True Blood…

Just judging by last week’s preview of “Authority Always Wins”, you would have been excused for expecting that tonight’s episode would have been totally dominated by Christopher Meloni, playing the role Roman, the head of the Authority. Well, Meloni doesn’t show up until the episode’s final 15 minutes but he totally manages to dominate every one of those 15 minutes. Even looking back on this episode in order to write this review, almost of all of my thoughts are dominated by Meloni’s intimidating and powerful performance.

Before Meloni’s appearance, the majority of the show was made up of scenes of Bill, Eric, and Nora being held prisoner and interrogated in the Authority’s headquarters. Whoever designed the Authority’s headquarters deserves an Emmy for set design next year and director Michael Lehman makes good use of the contrast between the baroque corporate chic of the upper levels and the grim and stark prison in the lower levels.

During one particularly harrowing sequence, both Eric and Bill are interrogated by separate Authority members. Both Bill and Eric are hooked up to machines that look a bit like Jack Kervorkian’s suicide machine and silver is slowly pumped into their veins. Bill’s wonderfully creepy interrogator asks if Bill is familiar with the Vampire Bible and then goes on to explain that, according to the Vampire Bible, God created Lilith first (as a vampire) and Adam and Eve were then created to serve as a food source. As someone who has long loved all the legends that surround the character of Lilith, I loved this little development.

After they are both interrogated, Bill and Eric are eventually brought before the Authority and it’s here that Roman finally makes his appearance. Stalking about with his hulking frame concealed beneath a perfectly tailored suit, Meloni totally owns both the role and the final fourth of this episode. Whether he’s bellowing in rage or coolly slitting open his own wrist without so much as even flinching, Meloni gives a performance in this episode that perfectly captures the aura of power that a character like Roman needs to be believable. I think the main reason why Meloni does so well here is because you look into his penetrating eyes and you see his cold expression and you believe — as you rarely believe with most other actors — that Meloni really could kill someone.

Speaking of killing someone, Roman comes close to killing Bill until Bill explains that Russell isn’t actually dead. Roman agrees to put off administering the true death so that Bill and Eric can track down and kill Russell. Another benefit of Meloni’s domineering performance is that seeing how scared Roman is of Russell serves to remind the viewer that Russell can be pretty intimidating himself.

The episode’s other major plotline dealt with Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) having to deal with the newly turned Tara. Pam, to no one’s great surprise, reacts to Tara’s resurrection by saying, “She’s all yours, kiddoes,” and then running off. Tara ends up spending the night tearing apart Sookie’s house. When she’s asleep during the day, Lafayette — who was the one who first suggested that Pam turn Tara in the first place — comes close to staking her but he’s talked out of it by Sookie. When Tara does wake up, she utters her first words since turning and tells Lafayette and Sookie that she’ll never forgive them. She then disappears into the night.

Speaking of newly-turned vampires, Rev. Newlin is now showing up on TV where, smiling in that creepy way of his, he gives interviews about his new life as a vampire and how he can be both a vampire and a Christian. One interviewer asks Newlin if he has someone in his life and Newlin replies, “Yes. She makes me very happy,” which would seem to indicate that, even in the world of True Blood, it’s more socially acceptable to be openly vampiric than openly gay.

Soon afterward, Newlin is confronting Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) and offering $10,000 to buy Jason from her. Jessica refuses and mocks Newlin with, “My dad is king.” Newlin smugly replies, “Not anymore.” This little scene makes me fear that somehow, in another episode or two, Rev. Newlin — who is preaching the same type of co-existence as the Authority — will end up as the new king of Louisiana.

It’s just a feeling I’ve got.

A Few Random Thoughts and Observations:

The power struggle with the werewolves continued to slowly develop in this episode. As I’ve stated before, I’ve never really been that interested in the werewolves but tonight’s episode had some effective black humor concerning the werewolf tradition of eating the previous packmaster. Add to that, Dale Dickey continues to be a brilliant character actress.
Though Luna would probably disagree, didn’t Emma just make the cutest little wolf?
While the show was dominated by Meloni, I have to give some extra praise to Rutina Wesley who did a great job tonight as a feral, newly turned vampire. The scenes where she hatefully and cautiously eyed both Lafayette and Sookie were some of the best in this episode.
Nelsan Ellis, who rarely gets enough credit for his work as Lafayette, also did a notably good job in this episode.
If there was one performance I didn’t care for in this episode, it was the performance of the guy who played the clerk in the gun store. I felt he went a bit over the top in his performance and was trying way too hard to be a redneck. That said, his overacting was nicely balanced by Paquin’s more humorous approach to the material.
While Tara was going crazy, Pam was having flashbacks to her previous life and the first time she met Eric. I have to admit that I’ve reached a point where I’m cynical about flashback scenes on shows that feature vampires. I’m always hoping that there will be at least one vampire who was not a decadent libertine in the 18th and 19th century. That said, I thought that Pam’s scenes were well-handed. If nothing else, Alexander Skarsgard looked good in a top hat.
By the way, how many viewers initially assumed that Eric was responsible for the dead prostitute in Pam’s flashback?
I’m not sure how much I like this whole subplot with Terry having flashbacks to what appears to be an Iraq war atrocity. The whole thing feels rather predictable and, quite frankly, whenever a character on a television show mentions serving in Iraq, you know that he’s going to start having atrocity-flashbacks within a couple of minutes. (It often feels like a cheap shot at the men and women who served in an unpopular war.) Hopefully, showrunner Alan Ball will do something unexpected with this subplot and prove my doubts wrong. That said, Todd Lowe’s sleep-walking scene was a definite highlight.
Finally, a correction. Last week, there were a lot of people (including, I’m sad to say, me) who went, “Ewwwwww!” as soon as Eric started making out with his “sister” Nora. As my BFF and fellow True Blood lover Evelyn explained to me later, Nora and Eric are not blood related. Really, it should have been obvious from Nora’s English accent.

If only for the introduction of Christopher Meloni as Roman, this was a good episode. If nothing else, it left us with no doubt that the Authority always wins.

10 Reasons Why I Hated Season 8 Of The Office

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Note: This post originally appeared on my new TV-related blog, What Is Lisa Marie Watching Tonight?)

This has been a truly depressing television season for me and it all comes down to one show. For seven season, I loved the Office. Even when it wasn’t at it best, it was still the show that I based my Thursday nights around. And yet, as I watched the finale of eighth season of The Office last night, I breathed a sigh of relief once it was finally over. Why? Because season 8 was not only the worst season of the Office so far but it was also one of the worst seasons of television that I’ve ever sat through.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew that this season of The Office (the first without Steve Carell’s iconic Michael Scott) would be a rough one. However, nothing could have prepared me for just how bad season 8 would become. Looking back over season 8, it’s a struggle to remember one memorable line or moment that made me laugh out loud. Instead, most of my memories center around being annoyed that the show that I loved could have possibly become so …. bad.

In the future, I’m going to write a post detailing how I would have handled the first post-Carell season of The Office. But before I write that post up, I want to take a few moments to highlight 10 reasons why I hated season 8 of the Office.

(And, believe me, it wasn’t easy to narrow it down to just ten…)

1) Andy Bernard

I have to admit that my heart sank a little bit when, during the Season 8 premiere, it was revealed that the show would now center around the character of Andy Bernard. Even before Steve Carell left the show, I always dreaded any episode that revolved around Andy. Andy, who started out as such a perfectly annoying villain in season 3, had developed into a rather pathetic and needy character and Andy-centric episodes were usually the weakest of their respective seasons. It didn’t help that Ed Helms — who is a great character actor — has a tendency to go overboard whenever cast in a lead role.

So, I knew from the start of the season that I wouldn’t be totally happy with Andy Bernard as manager but I had no way of guessing just how much I would eventually come to despise the character. Whether he was weakly pursuing Erin or cruelly dumping his previous girlfriend twice in one day or failing to sue Robert California for giving his job away to Nellie, Andy proved himself to be just as stupid as Michael Scott but also a hundred times more pathetic. It was impossible to root for Andy because so many of his problems were of his own creation. As needy as Andy was as a character, Ed Helms was just as needy as a performer and every time he showed up on-screen, I felt like he was begging me to love him as opposed to giving me a reason to do so. It didn’t help that the show’s writers devoted three or four episodes to having everyone in the Office basically spend half an hour tellings us that Andy was a great manager and we really should love him.

At the end of last night’s finale, Andy — after being unemployed for the last few episodes — got his job back in the least plausible way imaginable. Instead of firing Nellie, he gave her a new job and then he flashed that big, toothy grin of his.

Fortunately, for the first time during season 8, he resisted the temptation to break out into song.

2) Nellie

Nellie showed up during the second half of the season and essentially appointed herself as the new manager of the office. It was a plot development that made no sense and it was hard not to feel like the show’s producers were trying to force the audience to love Tate as much as they did.

Yes, the writers of The Office love Catherine Tate and maybe the audience would love her to if Nellie, the character she was playing, had any real reason for existing beyond the fact that the writers wanted to work with Catherine Tate.

Since Tate had no real reason to be on the show, it was hard not to resent the amount of screentime that was devoted to her. It’s also hard to look forward to the fact that it appears that she’ll be an even more prominent character during season 9.

3) Robert California

At the start of Season 8, we were informed that Robert California (played by James Spader) had somehow managed to talk his way into being named CEO of Sabre. We were told that he was a mysterious, charismatic figure who might be a genius.

Instead, he turned out to be just another inconsistent character whose personality changed from episode to episode until finally, he was revealed to be so pathetic that he couldn’t even handle Nellie declaring herself to be the new regional manager. In his first few appearances, James Spader brought his trademark quirkiness to the role but then, once it became apparent that show’s writers couldn’t be bothered to figure out who Robert California actually was, Spader pretty much gave up on giving a performance. Instead, he just became a name actor getting paid a lot of money to do not much of anything.

And yet the writers still insisted on trying to convince us that Robert California was an interesting character. The first half of the season was largely devoted to the character. We went to his mansion, we met his soon-to-be ex-wife, and we continually found ourselves wondering why the CEO of a Florida-based corporation was spending all of his time in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Robert California (and James Spader) will not be back for Season 9. In the final episode, Robert California announced that his latest business venture would involve young women from Eastern Europe. It was an unfunny end to an unfunny character.

4) Kevin and Erin: Just How Dumb Are They?

This has been an issue for a while but it really became obvious (and annoying) as things got more and more cartoonish during Season 8. Erin and Kevin both seem to be stupid when the plot calls for it and just dumb when the plot doesn’t. It wouldn’t be so much of a problem if not for the fact that there’s no logic to their occasional stupidity. It’s never been firmly established just how stupid either one of them is and, as a result, their inability to understand the simplest of things feels more like lazy writing than anything else.

With Erin, this is an issue because this season was largely built around Andy pursuing her. For a plot like that to be effective, you have to care about the characters and to care about the characters, you have to see some sort of vague reality in them even when they’re threatening to go over the top.

As for Kevin — well, where to begin? Remember how, in the earlier seasons, Kevin seemed like he actually had the most active life out of the office of any of the people working there? He would show up with a jaunty little hat on his head and he would drop hints about being addicted to gambling. He was even the drummer in not one but two cover bands!

Now, he’s just another moron in the corner.

5) Angela and the Senator

Yes, we get it. The senator’s gay. It was funny the first four times that various characters went, “The senator’s gay!” but now, it just feels like a lazy punchline.

Wouldn’t it have been fun to see Angela and the Senator’s wedding? Seriously, this is a show that had a tradition of funny wedding episodes but, when given the perfect opputunity, the show’s writers ignored a chance to showcase one of the strongest members of the original supporting cast. Instead, Angela (and so many others) were just pushed off to the side so that we could spend more time with Robert California.

6) What Does Jim Have To Smirk About?

Seriously, the man’s stuck in a rut.

7) When Did Pam Give Up On Being An Artist?

Whenever I watch reruns of The Office, I’m surprised by how much I relate to Pam. That’s mostly because the Pam of the first few seasons seems to have very little in common with the Pam of the 7th and 8th seasons. Do you remember when Pam was an artist and, even more importantly, do you remember how great it was to watch as she finally started standing up for herself and following her dream during the first four seasons?

As I watched this last season, I thought about that wonderfully sweet scene from seasons past when Jim showed Pam the “artist’s studio” that he had set up in the garage. And I wondered if that art studio was still sitting in the garage, untouched since Pam has apparently decided to give up on her dreams and just spend all of her time obsessing on the people that she works with.

8) What do Ryan and Gabe do all day?

Like seriously.

9) Val (and others)

Seriously, what was the point of Val’s character this season? If you’ve watched the entire season, do you know anything about Val beyond the fact that Darryl developed a crush on her? I didn’t even catch that her name was Val until around her fifth appearance. Obviously, the show’s writers expected us to take some sort of emotional stake in Darryl’s attempts to woo her but they never bothered to figure out just who exactly Val was meant to be.

The same can be said, of course, of just about every new character on The Office this season. Can you remember the name of the woman who Andy dumped so he could (finally) be with Erin? How about Cathy, the girl who, out of nowhere, tried to seduce Jim and then mysteriously vanished from the show?

Admittedly, this problem didn’t start with season 8. Starting back in season 5, the Office developed a bad habit of carefully introducing and then randomly abandoning characters and plotlines. (Remember Danny, the superhot traveling salesman played by Timothy Olyphant?) However, it’s never bothered me in the past quite as much as it did during season 8. Past seasons at least had someone there to anchor the show even when the writers seemed to get distracted.

And that leads me to the tenth reason why I hated season 8 of The Office…

10) No Michael Scott

That, I think, pretty much says it all.

Ten Good Things That Lisa Marie Saw on TV in 2011

Posted on January 4, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Someday, I want to have my own tv network. I’ll call it Lisa Marie Television (or LMTV for short) and it’ll be like Lifetime but with the Lisa Marie difference. What’s the Lisa Marie difference? Sweetheart, if you have to ask, you’ll never know. El. Oh. El.

Anyway, as I wait for that day to come, I’m going to continue my series of posts on my favorites of 2011 by telling you about some of the best things that I saw on television over the course of the previous year:

1) The Goodbye, Michael episode of The Office:

So, this year, I’ve been kind of depressed because my former favorite show of all time — The Office — has been just awful! Seriously, don’t even get me started on why it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever that Jim Halpert would have recommended that Andy Bernard be put in charge of the office. Don’t get me started on how the show is now wasting some of the brightest comic talents available. And certainly, don’t ask me what I think about this newest subplot where Darryl is somehow suddenly incapable of talking to the new girl in the Warehouse. Seriously, I want to cry every Thursday night because when I watch The Office, it’s like looking in the mirror and finding a new wrinkle. However, The Office did have one genuinely great episode this year and that was, fittingly enough, Steve Carell’s final episode. “Goodbye, Michael” was a reminder of what made people like me fall in love with The Office in the first place and, as much as I hate to say it, it would have made a perfect finale for the entire series.

2) Sophia Shows Up On The Walking Dead..

…and Rick does what he has to do.

3) Nedd Stark loses his head in Game of Thrones.

Much as Sophia had to ultimately be in that barn, Nedd had to lose his head.

4) The Pouting Little Princess at the Royal Wedding

All together now: “Awwwwwwwww!” Actually, that would have been me if I was a member of the Royal Family.

5) Joel McHale as host of The Soup.

Seriously, Chris Hardwicke is cute in a funny, nerdy sorta way and Daniel Tosh is like the frat boy that you turn to when you’re drunk and depressed but Joel McHale is still the best.

6) South Park goes there…

…again.

7) The broadview security commercial featuring A.J. the homicidal lunatic

Okay, so this is actually about 2 or 3 years old and I don’t think I actually saw this on TV during 2011 but I don’t care. I love this commercial and A.J. is freaking hot! Plus, I love how everyone’s all like, “Who’s that?” and she’s all like, “I don’t know, just some random guy who showed up in my house…heh heh heh.” All together now: “A.J? A.J?”

8 ) Homeland

With Dexter giving us a truly awful season this time around, Homeland was the best modern-day drama on television. Claire Danes deserves every award there is for her performance.

9) The Amazing Race

Hands down, the best reality show on television.

10) Community

Dear NBC, if you fail to bring back Community, we’re done. I will leave you, I will cut you out of my life, and I hope you’ll be very happy with Whitney Cummings.

Give this man his own show!

Coming tomorrow: Lisa Marie’s top ten books of 2011.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: Degrassi Episode 0815 “A Touch of Grey”

Posted on January 1, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, actually I didn’t watch it last night. Instead, I spent last night bring in the new year with my boyfriend, my BFF, my sister, and about two dozen people who I kinda knew or, at the very least, they seemed to know me. Seriously, it reminded me of that old commercial where every where this girl goes, everyone’s all like, “So, what color panties are you wearing tonight?” In my case, I was wearing black panties and this morning, I’m wearing red, white, and blue panties because dangit, this is 2012 and I’m proud to be an American, yes, I am! But anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, so I didn’t actually watch this last night but I did DVR it last night. And then I watched it this morning. Anyway, what I watched was the 15th episode of the 8th season of my favorite Canadian tv show, Degrassi: The Next Generation. The title of this episode: A Touch of Grey.

Why Was I Watching It?

Well, first off, it was Degrassi. Secondly, it was one of the Degrassi drug episodes. So, of course, I was totally going to make sure I got a chance to see it.

What’s It About?

This is the episode where Emma (played by Miriam McDonald) worries that her classmates view her as being boring. So, she tells everyone to call her “Blaze” and then passes out a bunch of pot brownies. At first, everyone has a great time eating the brownies and giggling and stumbling about. But, uh-oh, one girl gets so stoned that she forgets to take her insulin and slips into a diabetic coma. Will Blaze confess to the Canadian police or will she allow her cute boyfriend to take the fall?

What Worked

Any Degrassi episode dealing with drug abuse is automatically fascinating because Degrassi, on the one hand, took a lot of pride on treating the issues realistically but, at the same time, there’s no way that a teen show could get away with allowing any character to abuse drugs for more than one episode. As such, drug episodes of Degrassi have this wonderfully schizophrenic feel to them where everything starts out normal until about 18 minutes in, at which point THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN happens. In A Touch of Grey, we find out that handing out pot brownies will not only help induce a coma but will also lead to you breaking up with your cute boyfriend as well.

What Didn’t Work

It was Degrassi. It all worked.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments:

When I first went to college, my roommate used to call me “Blaze” too. In my case, though, it was either because of my hair or my temper.

Lessons Learned:

Uhmmm…hello? Don’t just go randomly handing out pot brownies like you’re freaking Martha Stewart or someone. That was the main lesson but as an extra, bonus lesson, I learned that you can apparently pin any crime on a devoted boyfriend. And thank God for that!

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: The Office Episode 0102 — Diversity Day

Posted on December 31, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched a classic episode of the Office: Diversity Day!

Why Was I Watching It:

Down here in Dallas, they show reruns of The Office twice a day on Channel 27. I can literally say that I’ve probably seen every episode about 20 times at this point and now, if I’m home at night with nothing to do, I’m more likely to see what’s on LMN. However, Diversity Day remains like one of my favorite episodes of the Office ever so, when I saw it was going to be on, I had to watch it.

What Was It About:

As the show begins, we find ourselves in the familiar offices of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. However, things are slightly different from the office we force ourselves to watch today. Kelly Kapoor is dressed conservatively. Michael Scott, with his thinning hair slicked back, is still in the manager’s office and, as opposed to being a somewhat docile idiot manchild, is just kind of a jerk. Jim and Pam are still cute and flirty (and Pam is still dressing like someone who actually works in an office). Robert California is nowhere to be seen and, for that matter, neither is Andy Bernard. In fact, we manage to get through this entire episode without anyone breaking out into song. Dwight’s pretty much the same, though.

Basically, Michael has offended just about everyone in the office by performing the infamous “Chris Rock Routine.” Corporate has responded by sending down Mr. Brown (a hilarious Larry Wilmore) from Diversity Today who leads the entire office through “sensitivity training.” Naturally, Michael feels threatened by this and so he decides to form his own company (which he calls Diversity Tomorrow because “…(T)oday is almost over.”) and leads his own sensitivity training workshop. This, of course, leads to Michael eventually getting slapped by Kelly when Michael asks her if she wants to step into his convenience shop and sample his “cookie cookie.”

What Worked?

Yes, Diversity Day is old school Office, back when the show was both incredibly funny and achingly sad too. It was also the first episode to be broadcast after the pilot and it remains one of the best episode of the Office ever. Whenever I catch these old episode of The Office in syndication, I’m always surprised to discover just how sweet and oddly poignant these shows were. Michael is truly a bad boss, the characters are clearly coworkers as opposed to being friends, and there’s none of the silliness that has come to dominate the show after the third season. One reason why the relationship between Jim and Pam was so special in those early episodes is because its made clear that both of them would spend their entire workday miserable if not for the time they spend talking to each other.

I think the main difference between these old episodes and the new episodes is that, if someone had suggested everyone who works at Office spend the weekend together at a Garden Party during the first three seasons, no one would have shown up. That is perfectly epitomized in this episode as all the characters find themselves forced to interact in an awkward attempt to celebrate diversity and mutual respect. The show works because Michael is so hilariously clueless to the fact that most of his employees would just rather work until five and then go home.

(If this episode was made today, Andy would end up pulling out his guitar and leading everyone in a sing along.)

This episode is also full of wonderful little moments and an observant eye for the details that distinguish a good show from a great one. Among my favorite moments: Dwight’s explanation of what a hero truly is (and Mr. Brown’s patient response of, “You’re thinking of a superhero.”), Michael’s cheaply done Diversity Tomorrow Video, and Pam finally falling asleep on Jim’s shoulder.

What Didn’t Work:

The episode itself was about as perfect as perfect can be but as I watched it, it was hard for me not to think about how different The Office is today as compared to what it once was. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments:

I’ve always enjoyed talking about diversity training because it gives me an excuse to mention that I’m an Italian-Spanish-German-Irish American.

Lessons Learned:

Reruns are always better. Plus, if you are a racist, I will attack you with the north…

And Finally The AFI

Posted on December 11, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Finally, to close out a busy day on the awards front, the American Film Institute today announced their picks for the 10 best films and the 10 best television shows of 2011. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I love lists. Especially when they end in even numbers like 10.

Here are the AFI’s top 10 films, listed in alphabetical order:

1) Bridesmaids (Yay! Girl power!)

2) The Descendants (Overrated)

3) The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Bleh)

4) The Help (Crowd pleaser)

5) Hugo (Yay!)

6) J. Edgar (Forgettable)

7) Midnight in Paris (Overrated)

8 ) Moneyball (Crowd pleaser)

9) The Tree of Life (Haunting)

10) War Horse (Spielberg)

Here are the top 10 television series:

1) Boardwalk Empire (Yay!)

2) Breaking Bad (I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, but I got the cleanest house on the street! Yay meth!)

3) Curb Your Enthusiasm (Consider it curbed)

4) Game of Thrones (Yay!)

5) The Good Wife (I’m watching it right now!)

6) Homeland (Yay!)

7) Justified (Olyphant!)

8) Louie (I once lived next door to someone named Fred C. K. Maybe he was a relative?)

9) Modern Family (Never got into it but all of my gay friends love it so I’ll say yay!)

10) Parks and Recreation (I would love this show if not for Amy Poehler.)

Review: Game of Thrones Ep. 09 “Baelor”

Posted on June 12, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

My mind is a little bit jumbled as I sit down to review episode 9 of Game of Thrones. As I’ve always been quick to admit, I’m not sports fan and, to be honest, I find most sporting events to be 1) tedious, 2) confusing, or 3) both. So, there’s a lot of I don’t understand about the game between the Mavericks and the Heat tonight but I do understand that my city’s team won and YAY! for that. Right now, there’s a huge party going on in downtown Dallas and, if it were just two years earlier, I would probably be down there, drinking too much, dancing in the middle of the street, flashing my boobs at passing cameras, and basically having a grand old Mardi Gras.

However, I’ve grown up a lot in the past few years and that’s why, instead of partying downtown, I instead observed the Mavs victory by going to the beloved DVR and playing the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

So, if you’re totally unfamiliar with the George R. R. Martin books, tonight’s “twist” was undoubtedly the shock of the television season. The folks at Entertainment Weekly have already declared it to be so. Now, if you’ve read the books or, if like me, you’ve only read an outline of them, then you already knew what fate lay in store for Nedd. Still, I think HBO should be commended for actually going through with it. It’s one thing to kill off a major character in a work of literature. It’s another to kill off the star of your show.

So, tonight’s episode began with Nedd chained up in a dungeon and ended up with him being beheaded while his terrified daughters watched. Nedd was executed despite the fact that, in order to protect his daughter, he’d just announced that Joffrey was the rightful heir to the throne. And Joffrey repaid him by ordering his execution. So, if you didn’t hate Joffrey before…well, why didn’t you? I mean, seriously, not only has he been a consistent asshole (at least as far as the TV series goes, I understand that all the characters are a bit more nuanced in the books) but he still looks like Justin Beiber possessed by Pazuzu. But anyway, if you had any wonders about the type of king Joffrey will be, those doubts were answered tonight.

A lot of viewers (like me) have commented that, in the first few episodes, Nedd came across as well-meaning but largely ineffectual and a little bit dull. We knew that he’d have his moment at some point because he was played by Sean Bean. But, far too often, it seemed like Sean Bean would be forever overshadowed by the more flamboyant characters played by Peter Dinklage, Aiden Gillen, and others. Well, tonight, Sean Bean finally got his chance to shine and, as a result, viewers who had been casually dismissive of Nedd Stark will now be forced to look at him in a different light. Whether it was the defiance he showed at the opening of the episode or the doomed dignity with which he faced his fate, Nedd was suddenly revealed as perhaps one of the strongest characters among this epic’s large cast. And Bean proved himself to be exactly the right actor to portray that strength.

This episode was clearly dominated by Nedd’s death but here’s a few other points:

1) I don’t know whether this was intentional or maybe it’s just my Catholic background coming out on Pentecost Sunday but Nedd’s execution — with the rabid crowd calling for his blood — had a definite “Give us Barabas!” passion play feel to it. The execution itself, I felt, was quite well-directed and seemed to be meant to remind us of Nedd putting down the dire wolf earlier in the season.

2) Peter Dinklage had a host of good scenes as Tyrion tonight. Dinklage plays the role with just the right mix of duty and cynicism. The brilliance of his performance, I think, is that he doesn’t go overboard with either trait. It’s that perfect balance that makes Tyrion such a consistently interesting character. As well, I loved his scenes with Charles Dance and Sibel Kekilli (playing the character of Shae). Dinklage is one of those actors who seems to bring out the best of those appearing opposite him as well.

3) This episode’s other main plotline seemed to be Drogo’s sudden illness and the bloody approach the was taken to cure him. The blood didn’t really surprise me because, quite frankly, it seems like anyone within the vicinity of Drogo is going to end up getting splattered with blood every other day. Still, I like Drogo and it goes beyond the undeniable sex appeal of a big, strong man who takes what he wants. He and Danys have probably one of the most genuine relationships on this show. Then, to top it all off, Danys goes into labor.

So, next week brings us the season finale of Game of Thrones. I’ve enjoyed discovering this new world over the past two months and I’ve enjoyed losing my Game of Thrones virginity here online with the readers of this site. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen on episode 10 but I can tell you that I picked up a copy of George R. R. Martin’s novel earlier on Saturday and I plan to read it over the summer. I look forward to discovering what the television series left out and also to preparing myself for season two of HBO’s Game of Thrones.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: Survivor: Redemption Island (Episode 1)

Posted on February 17, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the first episode of Survivor: Redemption Island.

Why Was I Watching It?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — I love reality television and Survivor pretty much set the bar for the entire genre. Yes, yes, I know. Everyone wants to spend a few hours talking about how terrible reality television is and how they deserve all sorts of cookies because they don’t watch it. Well, you know what? Have fun patting yourself on the back. I’ll be watching Survivor.

What’s It About?

A group of sixteen strangers are stranded on a beach in Nicaragua where they compete for prizes and scheme against each other until there’s only one survivor left standing. As in previous seasons, all of this is hosted by Jeff Probst who, with each season, makes less and less effort to hide the utter contempt that he feels for most of the survivors. Probst still spends too much time trying to show off his dimples but you can’t help but love the man.

This season, there are big two twists, neither one of which is a real twist because they’ve both been done in previous seasons. The big twist is that whenever a survivor is voted off the island, they’re sent to Redemption Island where they wait for the chance to reenter the game at a later date.

The other twist — and this is the one that people actually care about — is that two of the most iconic “villains” in Survivor history are back this season. “Boston” Rob Mariano and Russell Hantz are both back and playing once again. On last night’s episode, the 16 new players were divided into two tribes. As usual, the two tribes were given names based on some obscure piece of historical trivia but for the sake of simplicity, we’ll just call them Team Rob and Team Russell.

What Worked:

I’ll admit that when I first heard that Russell and Rob were coning back, I wasn’t exactly enthused about the idea. I love Rob and always have but I’ve just about reached my limit as far as Russell is concerned. During his first season, Russell was my favorite because he was just so blatantly villainous and he never wasted any time with all of that silly talk of “playing the game with honor” that so many other survivors have tried to sell in the past. Plus, he was funny. However, about halfway through the Heroes Vs. Villains season, I started to get tired of Russell. Unlike Rob who is always thinking and competing, Russell seemed to be a one trick pony.

Well, I’m sorry to say that Russell hasn’t changed but since everyone on Team Russell seems to have seen his previous seasons, it doesn’t seem likely that Russell’s going to get that far in the game and if he does, I can’t wait to see how he managed to pull off the impossible.

Plus, Russell wasn’t really in much of this episode. This episode was all Rob and I love Rob.

And then there’s Philip.

Philip is on Team Rob. He’s a tall, outspoken, bald man who happens to also be a former federal agent. I know this because he mentioned that fact a few thousand times. He also spent way too much time this episode wandering around in these saggy fuchsia briefs. Seriously, if you’re going to be on Survivor then you know you’re going to be filmed in your underwear at some point. So, seriously, give some thought to what you’re wearing underneath, okay? Me, if I’m ever on Survivor, I’m going to go on a shopping spree at Victoria’s Secret the week before I leave for the beach. Immunity Idol? Who needs an Immunity Idol when you’ve got the right bra? Seriously.

But, anyway, back to Philip. Philip is one of those priceless survivors who you hate but you hope they’re around for a really long time. Seriously, he’s so self-righteous and so full of himself and so stupid and so unaware that he makes for great reality television.

During last night’s episode, Philip “entered” into an alliance with Francesca and Kristine. Kristine had found the immunity idol (I get the feeling that nobody on the Survivor production team making much of an effort to hide them anymore) and the three of them attempted to execute a power move by voting out Rob. However, this plan fell apart at tribal council when Philip, for some reason, ended up explaining the entire plot along with mentioning that Kristine had the immunity idol. End result: Francesca was voted out. It was a classic Survivor moment, a perfect reminder of why I love this show. It’s just so shameless.

What Didn’t Work:

I’m not a huge fan of the whole idea of Redemption Island. The whole idea of a someone getting voted off the island just to get to come back later on in the game has been done before on Survivor and it didn’t work out well. The someone in question was a middle-aged woman named Lil who went through the entire game wearing a Scoutmaster’s uniform. Lil was voted off early, came back late, and nearly won simply because she hadn’t been around for the previous few weeks. It felt unfair at the time.

However, there is a huge difference in that this season, everyone knows about “the twist” whereas previously, it really was a complete surprise on everyone. Whether that’ll make a difference has yet to be seen.

Of course, it’s also rare that any of the new gimmicks on Survivor ever really make that much of a difference in the overall game. Remember Exile Island? Even more importantly, can you remember the last time that an immunity idol actually made a huge difference in the final outcome of the season? As opposed to the producers of Big Brother (who really seem to think that the audience is really into each season’s new twist), the people behind Survivor appear to understand that the main reason we watch is to see how much weight everyone loses while scheming against each other.

“Oh My God! Just like Me!” Moments

There’s always quite a few of these whenever I watch any episode of Survivor because, like a lot of reality TV fans, I tend to place myself in each episode and debate what I would have done. And while we always like to tell ourselves that we would have done the complete opposite of whatever foolishness we’ve just witnessed, we all know better. Whenever I watch this show and I see someone totally failing in a physical competition, accidentally blabbing on until everyone votes for her just to make her shut up, or have a meltdown on-screen, I know that I’m seeing what would happen if I ever actually made it onto Survivor. That’s also the same feeling that I get whenever I see some poor girl go through several episodes with a mass of pixels over either her boobs or her ass. I’ve sat there and shouted, “That would so be me!”

(Actually, I don’t do that as often ever since I was watching an episode over at my sister Melissa’s place and she said, “That already is you, Lisa Marie.”)

Anyway, on last night’s episode, I found myself hiding my face in shame as Francesca, Kristina, and Philip basically gave away their entire strategy during tribal council, announcing how they were planning to vote out Rob before anyone had actually voted and while Rob was sitting less than a foot away. That’s a perfect example of one of those moments that make us shout, “You idiots!” even though we know we’d probably make the exact same mistake.

Also, it was clear that most of Team Rob was crushing on Rob and I don’t blame them because you know what? Rob Marciano is hot! The new gray in his hair just serves to make him even hotter.

(Guys are so lucky in that regard. I thought I found a gray hair a few days ago and I ripped it out of my head and oh my God, it hurt! And then it turned out it wasn’t even gray, it was just a lighter shade of red and the light was hitting it in an awkward way.)

By the way, here’s my strategy of how I’ll win if I’m ever on Survivor: Boobs, boobs, and more boobs. Like, the whole way to tribal council, I would be the one going, “Do you really want to vote these out?” I would also probably try to fly under the radar, be everyone’s friend, and flirt a lot with all the males. Of course, once we merged, then it would be time to go all girl power and start voting them out one-by-one. But, for the most part, my strategy would come down to: boobs, boobs, boobs.

Lessons Learned:

Be wary of former federal agents in fuchsia briefs.