What Lisa Watched Last Night #229: Sleepwalking In Suburbia (dir by Alex Wright)


Last night, I watched the classic 2017 Lifetime film, Sleepwalking In Suburbia.

Why Was I Watching It?

I was watching it as a part of the #MondayMania watch party!  We’ve been watching the Stalked By My Doctor films and Sleepwalking In Suburbia, along with being a stand-alone film, leads into the fourth Stalked By Doctor film.  While I watched, I realized that I hadn’t reviewed this film yet so I decided to get on it.

What Was It About?

Michelle Miller (Emillie Ullerup) has a nice house in the suburbs and a successful husband (Giles Panton) but she also has a sleepwalking problem.  At night, she’ll get out of bed, leave the house, and, while in trance, go inside someone else’s house and either have sex in the living room or join them in bed.  She’s been diagnosed with “sexsomia.”

One sleepwalking incident leads to her having sex with her neighbor, Luke (Carlo Marks).  Now, every time that Luke sees Michelle, he’s like, “When are you coming by again?” and Michelle is like, “What are you even talking about, weirdo?”

Michelle’s pregnant!  Her husband is all excited but is he the father or is it Luke?  And when Luke’s wife seemingly vanishes, Michelle suspects that there might be murder in suburbia as well!

What Worked?

What worked?  The entire movie, that’s what worked!  Seriously, this was one of the greatest Lifetime films ever made.  It embraced the melodrama.  The plot featured twist after implausible twist.  The performances were enjoyably over-the-top and I defy anyone not to smile when the kindly doctor announces that Michelle has “sexsomia.”

Here’s the thing: sexsomia is a real thing.  Now, if you look it up on Wikipedia, it redirects to “sleep sex” but this is a Lifetime film and it’s obvious that it was understood that “sexsomia” just sounds better than “sleep sex.”  Was this film a realistic portrayal of sexsomia?  Who knows and who cares?

The title was absolutely brilliant.  Anytime you see the word “suburbia” in the title of a Lifetime movie, you know you’re about to see something special.  And I have to say that the film made the suburbs look very nice.  All the houses were big and well-decorated. No one in the Lifetime universe lives in a small house (unless they’re living in a trailer parker, which does happen on occasion.)  That’s the way things should be.

Emillie Ullerup gave a great performance as Michelle.  Her intense sleepwalking stare was one of the thing that made this film so entertaining.  Giles Panton and Carlo Marks also gave good performance as two of the men in her life in her waking and sleeping life.  The scene where Panton, as Michlle’s husband, reveals that he wants to handcuff Michelle in bed so that she won’t leave is both horrifying and slightly funny.  “Not kinky!” her husband assures her.

Finally, the film ended with one of those out-there twists that Lifetime is known for.  Seriously, when you’re in a Lifetime film, trust no one!  The film’s ending was also open-ended enough that it allowed Michelle to return for Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked!  This is a film that relentlessly and unapologetically embraced the melodrama in the best Lifetime tradition!  When I talk about the best Lifetime films being self-aware without being too in-your-face about it, this is the type of film that I’m talking about.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Wandering around in your night clothes in the middle of the night?  Hey, I’ve been there!  Of course, in my case, I was actually awake and I was checking on a cat.  I have never broken into a house while just wearing a slip.  I usually at least put on a robe before doing something like that.

Lessons Learned

Lock the door before you go to sleep.  And the windows!

Playing Catch-Up With The Films of 2016: Nine Lives (dir by Barry Sonnenfeld)


Much like Warcraft, Nine Lives is another film that came out last year and got reviews that were far more negative than they should have been.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  Nine Lives is technically a pretty stupid movie and it stars a lot of actors who probably should be doing something a little bit more substantial with their time.  That being said, it’s not as if Nine Lives ever promised to be anything more than what it is.

Two facts about Nine Lives:

Number one — it did not make me physically ill, which already makes it a better movie than Hardcore Henry.

Number two — it’s all about cats!  After being more or less pushed to the side by The Secret Life of Pets (which featured only one tokenish kitty), cats finally get a movie of their very own!

It may not be a very good movie but that’s beside the point.  KITTY POWER!

As for what the film is about — well, it’s a concept that is so silly and stupid and predictable that I’m not surprised that it was produced by a major American studio.  (Except apparently, it wasn’t!  Despite taking place in America, featuring a totally American cast, and English dialogue, this is actually a French film, produced by Luc Besson’s EuropaCorp.)  Kevin Spacey is an emotionally cold and ruthless businessman who discovers that he does have a heart when he switches bodies with a cat.  Don’t ask how he switches bodies, it’s just too silly for me to talk about.  The important thing is that he switches and it leads to a lot of litter box jokes that made me, as a proud cat owner, cringe.

BUT — and here’s why this film is not as bad you may think, the cat is really cute.  And if a cat did speak with a human voice, chances are that voice would sound a lot like Kevin Spacey’s.  It may sound like a pretty weird role for a two-time Oscar winner and multiple Emmy nominee (and don’t even get me started on the Golden Globes) but dammit, Kevin throws himself into voicing that feline’s thoughts and good for him!

Plus, this is yet another film that features a totally out there Christopher Walken cameo.  The presence of Christopher Walker automatically elevates any film.

Nine Lives may not be good but it’s not terrible.

(Of course, dog lovers will hate it….)

 

Horror Film Review: Omen IV: The Awakening (dir by Jorge Montesi and Dominique Othenin-Girard)


Omen_IV_DVD_cover

“Why am I watching this crap?”

That was the question that I asked myself many times last night as I watched Omen IV: The Awakening.

Seriously, it is just the WORST* and, if not for my own need to be a completist, I probably would have stopped watching after the first ten minutes.  But you know what?  I love movies, I love this site, and even more importantly — I LOVE YOU!  And I would do anything for you so I watched Omen IV: The Awakening so you wouldn’t have to.

Of course, when would you ever have to?  I probably should have considered that before I sat down to watch the film.

ANYWAY — let’s keep this quick.  The Omen IV: The Awakening was made for television and was originally broadcast way back in 1991.  It tells the story of Virginia Congressman Gene York (Michael Woods) and his wife, Karen (Faye Grant, who is currently in the news because of a tape that’s surfaced of her ex-husband Stephen Collins confessing to being a child molester).  Gene and Karen cannot have children so they adopt a baby from a bunch of nuns.  What they don’t suspect is that some of the nuns are actually in league with Satan and that their new daughter is actually the child of Damien Thorn!

Seven years later, they’ve named their daughter Delia and Delia has grown up to be something of a sociopath.  A bunch of new age hippie types suspect the truth about Delia but, whenever they get close to revealing that truth, they end up getting killed in freak accidents.  Meanwhile, Gene insists nothing is wrong while Karen…

Oh, forget it.  This movie is so bad that it’s painful to even try to describe the plot.

Let’s just say that this is an amazingly bad movie that has none of the power of the first Omen.  Nor is it as unintentionally fun as Damien: Omen II.  And none of the actors do as good as job as Sam Neill did in The Final Conflict.  Instead, it’s just a rather dull film where the tedium is only occasionally interrupted by somebody dying a terrible death.  There are two effective sequences — one in which a private detective (Michael Lerner) is chased by demonic spirits and another where a snake handler gets distracted just long enough to get bitten a few thousand times.  Otherwise, Omen IV: The Awakening deserves its terrible reputation.

AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS!

(Which probably won’t be hard since I imagine that the only way you could be tricked into watching it would be if you’re one of those film bloggers who insists on being a completist…)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TBDZPRiJ0A

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* Yes, it’s so bad that it gets the all caps treatment.