Retro Television Review: Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night (dir by Allen Reisner)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1977’s Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

Damn.

I mean, seriously!  I have seen some depressing films before but nothing could have quite prepared me for Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night.

Susan Dey stars as Rowena, a young single mother whose 3 year-old daughter, Mary Jane Harper (Natasha Ryan), is taken to the hospital with a broken arm.  Dr. Angela Buccieri (Tricia O’Neil) doesn’t believe Rowena’s claim that Mary Jane is just accident prone and when she discovers what appears to be cigarette burns on the little girl, Dr. Buccieri goes to the head of pediatrics (played by veteran screen villain John Vernon) and requests a full set of X-rays to see if there are any previously healed injuries.  Buccieri’s request is denied.  It turns out that Rowena comes from a wealthy family and her father (Kevin McCarthy) is a trustee of the hospital.  Even after Dr. Buccieri opens up about her own experiences as an abused child, she is told to drop the matter.

She doesn’t drop it.  Instead, she goes to a social worker named Dave Williams (Bernie Casey).  Dave does his own investigation but none of Rowena’s neighbors want to talk about all of the crying and the screaming that they hear coming from Rowena’s apartment.  Rowena presents herself as being a stressed but loving mother.  Dave suggests a support group that she can attend.  When Rowena goes to the group, she opens up a little about how overwhelmed she feels.  Unfortunately, she leaves Mary Jane in the apartment alone and, when a fire breaks out, Mary Jane is lucky to survive.

As intense as all of that is, it’s also only the first half of the movie.  The second half is even more intense and emotionally draining and it all leads up to one of the most devastating final lines ever uttered in a movie.  Throughout the film, the system fails both Rowena and Mary Jane.  Mary Jane is failed when all of the evidence of the abuse that she has suffered is either ignored or shrugged away by the same people who are supposed to be looking out for her.  Rowena is failed when no one pays attention to her obvious emotional instability.  When she finally does have a breakthrough during a therapy session, her psychiatrist (played by James Karen) curtly tells her that they’ll have to talk about it next week because their hour is up.

Rowena is a character who I both hated and pitied.  Like many abusers, she herself was a victim of abuse.  Even when Rowena tries to get support, no one wants to admit that a mother is capable of abusing their own child.  That said, Mary Jane Harper is at the center of the film. She’s a little girl who is desperate to be loved by a woman who often terrifies her.  She is continually failed by the people who should be looking after her and it’s just devastating to watch.  I’m sure I’m not the only person who was moved to tears by this film.

What a sad film.  At the same time, it’s also an important one.  If the film takes place at a time when no one wanted to admit to the abuse happening before their eyes, we now live in a time when people toss around allegations of abuse so casually that it’s led to a certain cynicism about the whole thing.  Even when seen today, Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night works as a powerful plea to watch out and care for one another.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.9 “Trial Romance/Never Say Goodbye/A New Woman”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Love Boat gets a new member of the crew!

Episode 3.9 “Trial Romance/Never Say Goodbye/A New Woman”

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on November 3rd, 1979)

This episode is a big one for Captain Stubing so let’s quickly get the non-Stubing storylines out of the way.

First off, Barney Briscoe (Louis Nye) and Rose Kennycott (Gale Storm) are two older passengers who board the ship looking for love.  Since they’re both kind of old-fashioned and not a fan of public displays of affection, Julie thinks that they would be perfect together.  Unfortunately, while Barney does like Rose, he also thinks that Julie is hitting on him while Rose thinks that the man Julie says likes her is Doc Bricker!  Rose decides to take matters into her own hands and heads to Doc Bricker’s office.  Thinking that she’s feeling ill, Doc tells her to go in the exam room and remove her clothes.  Rose, fearing that things are moving too quickly, flees from Bricker’s cabin.  Fortunately, she and Barney do end up together but Barney is always in such a cranky mood that you can’t help but feel that Rose is going to get tired of dealing with him after a week or two.

Meanwhile, Harry Stewart (Vic Tayback) boards the ship, fresh from getting finished with jury duty.  He was a part of jury that heard a case that drew national attention.  A woman was accused of poisoning her husband and the trial ended with a hung jury.  Harry explains to Gopher and Isaac that 11 men were ready to convict but the one woman on the jury refused to vote guilty.  That woman is Ann Noyce (Jo Ann Pflug) and — surprise! — she’s also a passenger.  Harry and Ann spend the entire cruise arguing the facts of the case before eventually falling in love. It’s a typical Love Boat storyline and Tayback and Pflug don’t exactly have the greatest romantic chemistry.  It’s easy to believe them when they’re arguing but not quite as easy to buy them as sudden lovers.

But really, the only storyline that matters is the one involving Captain Stubing and his daughter Vicki (Jill Whelan, who is listed as a guest star for this episode but joins the regular cast next week).  Now 11 years old, Vicki has been writing to Stubing on a regular basis and telling him about how much she wishes she could see him again.  However, Stubing tells Bricker that he has resolved never to see Vicki again because it would be too painful for him to have to say goodbye to his daughter all over again.  However, Vicki has discovered that Stubing is her father and she decides to take matters into her own hands by running away from home and boarding the ship in Acapulco.  Stubing finally admits that he is Vicki’s father but he still feels that a ship is not the right place for a child.  He returns her home to her aunt, just to discover that her aunt is in the middle of a divorce and she feels that Vicki should be with her father.  Stubing and Vicki return to the ship, where Vicki will now live.

Awwwwww!

Actually, I’m not totally sure how this thing with Vicki living on the ship is supposed to work.  She’s 11 years old, which is a bit young to be working on a cruise ship.  Does the Love Boat have a school on one of its decks?  Is Vick really going to be happy living on a boat that is largely populated by elderly people?  There’s a lot of questions to be considered but it really doesn’t matter.  Gavin MacLeod gives such a sincere and emotional performance that it feels almost churlish to obsess on the specifics of how Vicki is going to be raised.  Captain Stubing has always been more interesting of character than one might assume.  Though he’s often a bit goofy and it’s hard not to cringe whenever he gets a storyline that requires him to flirt, Gavin MacLeod always did a wonderful job of showing Stubing’s more vulnerable side.  Whether he was talking about Vicki’s mother or his own struggles with alcoholism, there was always an undercurrent of melancholy with Captain Stubing and MacLeod always seemed to make the most of those scenes that allowed Stubing to open up about his life and regrets.

In the end, the viewer is just happy that Captain Stubing has finally been reunited with his daughter.

Next week: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders board the ship!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, hearts are broken on a special 90-minute episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 4th, 1978)

What a sad episode!

Seriously, this cruise is all about heart break.

For instance, when Russian Commissar  Anoushka Mishancov (Loretta Swit) first boards the boat, Doc Bricker is upset when he’s assigned to keep an eye on her.  As has been established over the previous 32 episodes, Doc prefers to spend his time talking to women who are about twenty years younger than him and who are from capitalist countries.  Anoushka, on the other hand, is a communist (boo!) who, for some reason, is boarding the Pacific Princess so that she can learn about how Americans handle catering.  (I said it was weird.)  At first, Anoushka is so determined to do her duty that she insists on wearing her uniform at all times.

However, after Anoushka reveals that she does find old Doc Bricker to be a little bit intriguing, Julie tells her that she’s going to have to loosen up if she’s going to capture Doc’s attention.  Which, Anoushka does at dinner that night….

Eyes up, Gopher!

Doc does notice Anoushka.  In fact, he falls in love with her and, at the end of the cruise, he asks her to marry him!  Anoushka confesses to having fallen in love with Doc but then she explains that she also loves her country.  (Really?  It’s just Russia.)  Doc loves America and Anoushka loves Russia and, as a result, they cannot marry.  Anouska leaves the ship and a heart-broken Doc looks like he’s actually about to cry.  And let’s give credit where credit is due.  It’s a really well-acted scene.  Doc Bricker has always been a fairly ludicrous character but, in this episode, Bernie Kopell does a good job of suggesting that, even if he is a lecher, Doc Bricker is a lecher with a heart.

While Doc is falling in love with a commie, Captain Stubing is getting to know Vicki (Jill Whelan), the 9 year-old daughter of Captain Stubing’s former lover, the late Georgina (played, in flashbacks, by Melendy Britt).  Vicki was originally supposed to travel with her aunt, Delores (Sandra Deel).  However, something has come up and Delores will not be able to travel with her.  Captain Stubing agrees to look after Vicki and even allows Vicki to stay in his quarters.  Over the course of the cruise, Captain Stubing and Vicki bond.  Everyone agrees that they have the same eyes.  Of course, that’s because Vicki is actually Captain Stubing’s daughter!

Vicki wants to live on the ship but the Captain explains that a cruise ship is not a good place for a nine year-old to grow up.  Stubing considers retiring and living on dry land but Doc Bricker reminds Stubing that he would never be happy if he wasn’t on the ocean.  Stubing promises that Vicki can return to the boat whenever she has time off from school and he tells her that, when she gets older, she could even “be a cruise director, like Ms. McCoy.”

(In other words, don’t even think of trying to become a captain, girl!)

Now, of course, Vicki did later return to the ship.  In fact, she returned just a year later and became a regular during the third season.  I guess Captain Stubing decided that going to school on dry land wasn’t that important after all.  (We’ll find out when we reach the third season!)  That said, even with that in mind, it was undeniably sad to watch as Stubing sat in his cabin and struggled to hold back the tears after Vicki left the ship.  Much like Bernie Kopell, Gavin MacLeod gave a surprisingly heartfelt and sincere performance in this episode.

It wasn’t all sadness

Luckily, it wasn’t all heartbreak on this episode.  After getting drunk and boarding the boat by mistake, Sandy Beal (Jo Anne Worley) and Victor Marshall (Soupy Sales) fell in love for real.  And jingle writer Charlie Godwin (Robert Goulet) ran into his old song-writing partner (Richard Dawson) and the two of them saved Charlie’s marriage to June (Juliet Mills).  There were two happy endings but they were overshadowed by all the sadness.

This was a good episode.  Even The Love Boat needs a little heartbreak every once and a while.