12 Trailers In Case of The Rapture, Part One


So, last night, I was selecting which trailer to feature in the upcoming weekend’s edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation trailers when it was pointed out to me that the Rapture is apparently scheduled for Saturday.  Now, I have to admit — this kind of annoys me because I really look forward to my Saturdays.  So, if I get raptured, I miss out on my favorite day of the week and if I don’t get raptured …. well, it’s just a lose-lose situation for me.

It also annoys me because it means that, potentially, there won’t be anyone around to read my latest post.  Well, I guess there will be a lot of atheists, agnostics, heathens, Unitarians, Canadians, and (if it turns out the Protestants are correct) Catholics around but I imagine they’ll be more upset about not being raptured.  And since I’m a Catholic but not a very good one, I’ll be screwed twice and not in a fun, college sorta way either. 

Anyway, with all that in mind, I’m going to do an early super-sized collection of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.  In order to keep things manageable, I’m going to divide this weekend’s (potentially final) edition into two posts of 6 trailers each.

Here’s part one:

1) Super Fuzz (1980)

Since I imagine everyone might be bummed out because either 1) the Rapture happened or 2) the Rapture did not happen, I’m going to start things out with a trailer for Sergio Corbucci’s 1980 comedy Super Fuzz.  Now, to be honest, Super Fuzz doesn’t look that funny but maybe people had a different sense of humor back in 1980.  The important thing is that the movie stars Terrence Hill and it’s “just for the fun of it!”

2) The Exterminator (1980)

But, apparently, crime wasn’t all fun and games in the 80s.  I guess when Super Fuzz couldn’t get the job done, they called in the Exterminator.  No, not Dale Gribble!  That’s King of the Hill, silly.  No, the Exterminator appears to be an urban vigilante of some sort.  I imagine will see a lot of his type post-Rapture.

3) College Girls (1968)

This trailer is for College Girls which appears to be some sort of late 60s softcore film.  I’m not sure that there’s anything really that special about this trailer as much as it’s just always odd to me see these old school sex films and think to myself, “Oh my God, people in black-and-white movies actually do have sex!”  Fair Warning: There’s a lot of nudity in this trailer (actually, it’s pretty much just 4 minutes of nudity) along with some out-dated social attitudes so if that offends you, don’t watch it.  In fact, I’m kinda surprised that YouTube hasn’t taken it down yet.

(By the way, I checked on Amazon to see if this was available on DVD and oh my God, do you have any idea how many movies there with the words “College Girls” in the title!?  Anyway, as far as I can tell, this movie is not available on DVD.  Still, searching through all those countless Girls Gone Wild video releases reminded me why I let out a little cheer of delight when Jerry O’Connell got devoured in Piranha 3-D.)

4) The Devil’s Nightmare (1971)

Assuming that we’re all still on the planet after this weekend, I’m going to have to write a tribute to my fellow redhead Erika Blanc, one of the true icons of the European Grindhouse.  Until then, here’s a trailer for one of her best films, The Devil’s Nightmare. 

5) Slaughterhouse Rock (1988)

I’ve never seen Slaughterhouse Rock though, just judging from the trailer and the year it was made, I imagine that it’s probably not quite as good a film as The Devil’s Nightmare.  Just a feeling I’ve got, mind you.  However, this film apparently has a cult following because of the film’s new wave soundtrack.  I just like the trailer because apparently, choreographer Toni Basil is playing a ghost who can raise the dead by dancing.  I’ve actually tracked down the clip of the dance on YouTube and it’s actually pretty cool.  I’ve mastered the moves but I haven’t managed to raise the dead yet.  But give me time!

6) Convoy (1978)

Finally, seeing as how the world might be ending tomorrow, let’s close out part one with a trailer for a film that can serve as a stand-in for every misguided decision ever made in Hollywood — 1978’s Convoy.  This film, based on that annoying novelty song that some old guy always wants to sing during Kareoke Night, was directed by drug-addled genius Sam Peckinpah and it’s supposedly one of the most cocaine-fueled productions in the history of the movies.  (It was also apparently co-directed by James Coburn.)  Technically, it’s more of a drive-in movie than a grindhouse film but it’s definitely exploitation.

(By the way, I’ve also read that some people think that the truck in the opening of the trailer is supposed to literally be driving through mountains of cocaine.)

Well, that’s part one of this special edition of Lisa Marie’s favorite grindhouse and exploitation trailers.  Part two will be posted early Saturday morning.  Don’t let yourself be whisked off to another state of being without checking it out.

Until then…

9 Favorite Revenge Films


Having recently seen Michael Caine’s revenge film Harry Brown I got to thinking about other revenge-themed films I’ve watched through the years and I realized that there were quite a bit of them. There’s something just primal and Old Testament about revenge flicks. It doesn’t matter whether they’re high-brow art-house films or the cheapest grindhouse flicks in the end it all boils down to one individual raining down their own version of Divine Wrath on those who wronged them.

Who hasn’t fantasized or thought about going all medieval on someone who just screwed them over. Maybe it was an infraction that was minor that one didn’t need to get overly upset over or something so heinous that only violence at its most basest was the only response. Going through with such thoughts usually stayed there: in one’s thoughts and imaginings. Revenge films seems to be quite popular because they allow even the meekest and most pacifist to secretly live vicariously through the revenge-minded leads in the film.

The list below is not the best revenge films out there but they definitely are my favorites…

Oldboy – This revenge film by South Korean auteur Park Chan-wook wasn’t just a blast to watch but also happens to be one of the best films of the past decade. It takes a simple plot of a man imprisoned against his will for 15 years with no explanation whatsoever that he literally goes insane and back to sane during his captivity. Revenge being the one thing which keeps him going and revenge he gets to inflict on all those he discovers were responsible. The mind-twisting last act in the film takes the revenge-theme right on it’s head as we find out that the main lead wasn’t the only one on a revenge train of thought.

I Spit On Your Grave aka Day of the Woman – This grindhouse classic from Meir Zarchi is the epitome of the rape victim turned revenge valkyrie. The film is not very easy to sit through since there’s nothing subtle about how filmmaker Meir Zarchi filmed every exploitative scene. From the prolonged gang rape sequence to each subsequent revenge act by Camille Keaton’s Jennifer character. Some critics have blasted the film as pandering to the lowest common denominator while others have hailed it as a post-modern feminist film. I like to think that both sides are correct and that the film lies somewhere in the middle. It definitely will put a scare on any group of men who are having thoughts of shenanigans.

Death Wish – When people hear revenge flick they almost always say this iconic film by Charles Bronson from the 70’s. The film was adapted from Brian Garfield’s 1072 novel of the same name and directed by Michael Winner. While critics had mixed reactions to the film with some calling it irresponsible filmmaking, the nation as a whole embraced the film. Here was a film which screamed to the nation that the rising crime-rate in the U.S. during the 1970’s wasn’t going to go unanswered. While some people may have seen the film as a blank check to actually commit vigilantism in the end it just helped a country sick and tired of the crime they see day in and day out. Again here was art becoming a driving force in changing a nation’s collective malaise into something more positive. It didn’t hurt that Bronson was badass as Paul Kersey.

Kill Bill: Volume 1-2 – Who else but the video clerk made good would make what I would consider the greatest genre mash-up film ever made. Quentin Tarantino’s ode to kung fu, spaghetti westerns and revenge flicks became so massive that he had to split the film into two volumes. I am talking about Kill Bill. Not his greatest film ever but I definitely consider it his most geek-friendly and most entertaining. Uma Thurman as The Bride tearing a bloody and witty path of revenge on those who failed to kill her created some of the most iconic fight sequences of the generation this film came out in. Every scene almost seemed to be inspired by other films of a similar theme and genre that film geeks everywhere must’ve exploded in their pants from all the awesomeness they were witnessing. Each volume had two great action sequences that were both fantastical and brutal.

Straw Dogs – One of the most controversial films in Sam Peckinpah’s controversy-filled directing career. Released in 1971 it told the story of how even the meekest person could be pushed into dealing out extreme violent justice on those who have wrong them and those they love. Seen by critics as quite misogynistic due to the nature of the rape scene of Susan George’s Amy character the film was banned for two decades in the UK for it’s unflinching look at violence. Being a huge fan of Sam Peckinpah I had to see it and when I did it automatically became one of my favorite films ever and not just a favorite revenge film. If there was ever a modern retelling of a Biblical-level fable it is this classic from Sam Peckinpah. Every revenge-fueled act by Dustin Hoffman literally oozes Old Testament justice. Just the way I like my revenge. 🙂

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan – Speaking of Biblical this first sequel in the Star Trek film franchise still considered by fans and non-fans alike as the best in the series. Hard to argue with them since it’s also an opinion I share. The sequel takes a popular episode from the original series and follows it up with all the cast of characters older and more seasoned. In the case of Ricardo Montalban’s Khan Noonian Singh quite seasoned and classy as smooth Corinthian leather. It’s a film with Shatner’s Kirk and Montalban’s Khan in an everending cycle of revenge which would culminate in what would be one of film’s most heartbreaking scenes. One could taste the revenge emanating from the two characters as age-won wisdom and genetically-engineered intellect fell by the wayside to feed the vengeance sought by Kirk and Khan. This revenge flick also has one of the most awesome death speeches by a character on film.

Carrie – Brian De Palma’s film adaptation of one of Stephen King’s better horror novels still seen by many as the best film adapt of a King novel. It combines the existential horror of being a girl and her body maturing in the dog-eat-dog world of high school and the horror said girl can inflict on those tormenting her. It’s high school bullying and revenge with a healthy dose of Stephen King shenanigans mixed in. Sissy Spacek was great as the titular character. One doesn’t have to be a high school girl to feel for Carrie and what she goes through. Her snapping in the last act and inflicting her psychokinetic-brand of revenge on her tormentors must’ve gotten more than a few “Hell yeah!” from some of the teens and adults who went through high school hell. It also has a classic line uttered by Carrie’s mother played by Piper Laurie: “I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.”

Orca – This film was to be producer Dino De Laurentiis’ attempt to capitalize on the success of Steven Spielberg’s classic man-versus-nature thriller, Jaws. Starring Richard Harris, Charlotte Rampling and Bo Derek the film wasn’t a success when it first came out. While Spielberg’s film was a modern retelling of Moby Dick this killer whale version by director Michael Anderson was Death Wish on water with Paul Kersey as the killer whale. This was one of the first films where I realized none of the people on the screen were worth rooting for to survive. I was all for the killer whale who was on a warpath to avenge his mate and unborn wee killer whale who were killed by Harris and his crew. Shamu this killer whale was not and it always brought a smile to my face whenever the killer whale outsmarted the humans and killed each and everyone in inventive ways. I’m wondering if all the killer whales in all the aquatic parks are just biding their time before they too go all Orca on their handlers and the audience. I’d pay to see that!

Treevenge – Last but not least the greatest film ever made!