Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.1 “Lights Out”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Let’s start season two of this stupid show!

Episode 2.1 “Lights Out”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on August 17th, 1996)

It’s time for season 2 of Pacific Blue!

Elvis, the mechanic played by David L. Lander, is no longer a member of the cast but the rest of the ensemble is there and still trying to convince us that they’re real cops despite the fact that they ride bicycles and wear shorts.  The episode opens with Palermo telling everyone that they have new bicycles.  In fact, it’s the same type of bicycles that are used by the Secret Service!

See, the show tells us, bicycle cops aren’t dorky!

Okay, Pacific Blue, whatever,  It’s the start of the second season and you’re still trying to justify your existence.

A mad bomber named Wilson Dupree (Robin Sachs) is planting bombs all over …. Malibu?  Santa Barbara?  Where does this show take place again?  Anyway, we know that Wilson is a bad guy because he speaks with a British accent.  Whenever he plants a bomb, he calls ahead and specifically asks for someone from the bike patrol to come and defuse it.  Why is Wilson picking on the bike patrol?  Hey, who wouldn’t?  The bike patrol is dorky as Heck!

TC and Victor are soon finding bombs.  TC and Victor turn out to be rather incompetent when it comes to defusing bombs.  A lifeguard tower explodes.  A car explodes.  There’s an unintentionally funny scene where the entire bike patrol chases after a taxi that they’ve been informed is carrying a bomb.  Wouldn’t it have made more sense to call the real cops so that they could send a patrol car with its lights flashing and sirens going?  The taxi driver doesn’t even realize he’s being followed.

The FBI sends down Agent Stone (David Lee Smith) to head up the investigation.  As soon as Stone arrives, Palermo starts in with usual “We’re real cops!’ spiel, even though Stone hasn’t suggested that they aren’t.  Palermo is apparently so used to people not taking bike cops seriously that he just starts ranting as soon as he meets anyone new.  Stone asks Chris to be his liaison and Chris, as usual, is like, “Anything to get off this stupid bicycle!”

Stone thinks that Wilson is an anti-technology, eco-terrorist, like the Unabomber.  Palermo has his doubts because Palermo always has to try to convince everyone that he knows everything.  In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Wilson’s main goal is just to blow everything up.  The whole argument over motives feels like it has more to do with Palermo’s insecurities than anything else.

Is the town saved from the mad bomber?  Yes.  Good work, bike patrol!  You all still look silly on those bikes though.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.5 “Circle of Fear”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, something is stalking Ryan!

Episode 2.5 “Circle of Fear”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on October 27th, 1996)

This episode opens with a blonde woman performing some sort of strange, witchcraft-related ceremony in the middle of the woods, spinning around until she apparently dies.  The next morning, Diamont Teague approaches Mitch and asks him to head out to the woods and investigate the scene of the ceremony.

As I watched Diamont talk to Mitch about witchcraft, it occurred to me that the Baywatch Nights format change that occurred between the end of season one and the start of season two led to some unanswered questions.  For one thing, where has Garner disappeared to?  Are Mitch and Ryan still private eyes or are they now just hobbyists?  (We haven’t seen them in their office since this season started.)  Even more importantly, who is Diamont and how does Mitch know him?  Why is Diamont continually asking Mitch and Ryan to investigate every strange thing that happens in Malibu?  Does Diamont work for the government or is he just someone who is obsessed with the paranormal?  Where does Diamont live?  Where is Diamont from?  Why can’t Diamont ever investigate anything on his own?  Why does he always tell Mitch and Ryan to do it?  At the start of the season, Diamont pretty much just showed up out-of-nowhere but everyone on the show acts as if he’s been around forever.

At the site of the witchy ceremony, Mitch and Ryan find the remains of an altar and a burned book.  A trip down to the local occult library reveals that the book is an ancient magical text.  Ryan buys an edition of the book and she takes it home with her.  Sitting alone in her new apartment, Ryan finds herself mysteriously compelled to read aloud from the book.  That turns out to be a mistake as Ryan soon finds herself being followed by a spirt that apparently wants to possess her and causes harm to come to anyone who annoys her, including a flirtatious waiter and an obnoxious plumber.  Can Mitch and Ryan drive the spirit out of Ryan’s apartment without Ryan losing her security deposit?

I enjoyed the episode, even if I’m still not quite clear on why Mitch and Ryan are taking orders from Diamont.  After being underutilized over the past few episodes, Angie Harmon steps into the spotlight here and she gives a strong performance, especially in the scenes where she’s first realizing that an unseen spirit is manipulating her and her actions.  Harmon’s down-to-earth style provides a nice match to David Hasselhoff’s more “dramatic” style of acting.  (Indeed, there’s a part of me that thinks this series would have lasted longer if it had dropped the Baywatch connection and instead focused on Angie Harmon solving mysteries and battling ghosts, goblins, and ghouls.)  Baywatch Nights seemed to really hit its stride with this episode.

Next week, Mitch and Ryan travel into the past!

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Vampire Circus (dir by Robert Young)


One of the greatest Hammer vampire films didn’t even star Christopher Lee.  In fact, it wasn’t even a Dracula film.  Instead, it was the story of a circus.

1971’s Vampire Circus tells the dark story of a Serbian village called Stetl.  Early in the 19th century, the children of Stetl are dying.  The superstitious villagers believe that Count Mitterhaus (Robert Tayman) might be responsible.  In fact, they suspect that Count Metterhaus might be a vampire!  Why?  Well, first off, he only seems to be around during the night.  Secondly, he lives in a big spooky castle.  Third, he’s a count and don’t all counts eventually become vampires?

Now, it would be nice to say that all this turned out to be a case of the villagers letting their imaginations get the better of them but nope.  It turns out that they’re pretty much right.  One night, the local teacher, Albert Muller (Laurence Payne), sees his own wife, Anna (Domini Blythe) leading a child towards the dark castle.  It turns out that Anna has fallen under the spell of Count Mitterhaus.  The villagers promptly drive a stake through the Count’s heart, though he manages to do two things before dying.  First off, he curses the town and announces that the blood of their children will give him new life.  Secondly, he tells Anna to escape and track down his brother.

Fifteen years later and, as one might expect, Stetl is a town under siege.  However, the town is not being attacked by vampires.  (Not yet anyway.)  Instead, the town has been hit by the plague and, as a result, it’s been isolated from the outside world.  Men with guns have surrounded the town and are under orders to kill anyone who tries to leave or enter.  Some in the village believe that this is the result of the Count’s dying curse while others just see it as more evidence of man’s inhumanity to man.  Regardless, it’s not good situation.

Fortunately, escape arrives in the form of the Circus of the Night!  That’s right, a gypsy carnival suddenly appears in town.  How did it manage to slip by the blockade?  Who knows and who cares?  What’s important is that the villagers, especially their children, need an escape from their grim existence and the Circus seems to offer something for everyone.  There are dancers.  There are acrobats.  There’s the mysterious tiger woman.  There’s a mirror that makes you see strange things.  And, of course, the are vampires….

That’s not really a shock, of course.  The name of the film is Vampire Circus, after all.  What always takes me by surprise is just how ruthless and cruel the vampires are in this film.  Even by the standards of a 1970s Hammer film, this is a blood-filled movie but, even beyond that, the vampires almost exclusively seem to target children.  Fortunately, all of Stetl’s children tend to be a bit obnoxious but it’s still a shock to see two fresh-faced boys get lured into a mirror where they are both promptly attacked by a vampire.  (And don’t even get me started on what happens when one of the vampires comes across a boarding school.)  Make no mistake, this circus is not made up of the type of self-tortured, romanticized vampires that have dominated recent films.  These vampire are utterly viscous and without conscience.  In other words, these vampires are actually frightening.

The members of the circus are, themselves, a memorable bunch.  David Prowse is the hulking strongman.  Lalla Ward and Robin Sachs are the achingly pretty, innocent-faced twin acrobats who greedily drink the blood of anyone foolish enough to wander off with them.  Some members of the circus can transform into animals.  What’s interesting is that not all of the members of the circus are vampires.  Some of them, I guess, are just groupies.

Featuring the reddest blood that you’re ever likely to see and a cast of memorably eccentric character actors, Vampire Circus often feels more like an extremely dark fairy tale than a typical Hammer vampire film.  Clocking in at 87 minutes, Vampire Circus is a briskly paced dream of carnivals and monsters.