Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.19 “Bio-Rhythms”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, it’s all about bio-rhythms!

Episode 2.19 “Bio-Rhythms”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 17th, 1979)

The Davis family is back!

Now, if you don’t remember the Davises. they were the family of independent truckers who appeared in an episode called The Volunteers.  Patriarch Charley Davis (Tige Andrews) is taciturn and protective.  Their friend, Sam (Steve Franken), is taciturn and protective …. actually, to be honest, he and Charley are kind of interchangeable.  Daughter Robbie (Katherine Cannon) is in charge of the business and is being pressured by another trucker (Michael Conrad), who is willing to resort to sabotage to keep Robbie from making her deliveries.  It’s a good thing that Robbie has got Ponch on her side!

Technically, Robbie also has Baker on her side but this is definitely a Ponch episode.  Baker is present but he does very little.  Instead, it’s Ponch who flirts with Robbie.  It’s Ponch who stops by Robbie’s apartment and uses her shower.  It’s Ponch who spends an extended period of time wearing just a towel.  Somewhat inevitably, Charley shows up around the same time that Ponch steps out of the shower.  Ponch is kicked out of the apartment and his clothes are tossed out the window.  Ponch loses his towel while retrieving his clothing.  Cue the close-ups of an old woman staring at him with a impressed look in her eyes and Erik Estrada flashing his Estrada smile.  It’s not that Erik Estrada wasn’t nice to look at.  It’s just that he was so obviously aware that he was nice to look at that the whole scene ends up feeling rather smarmy.  One gets the feeling that there was a clause in Estrada’s contract specifying that he, and only he, would be allowed to show off on the show.

While Ponch helps Robbie deal with her rivals, he also learns about biorhythms, the pseudo-science that says that, by calculating how long someone’s been alive, it can be determined which days are going to be good for them and which days are going to be bad.  Sindy Cahill is doing a study on biorhythms for her master’s degree.  Getraer tells his squad that the department is also very interested in whether or not biorhythms effect an officer’s productivity.  Baker is skeptical about biorhythms but Ponch believes in them and even buys a biorhythm calculator.

Believing the Baker’s biorhythms have him at peak physical perfection, Ponch arranges for Baker to play handball against Getraer.  Ponch even takes bets.  Unfortunately, Ponch spent so much time figuring out Baker’s biorhythms that he never stopped to consider Getraer’s.  The episode ends with Getraer on his way to victory and Baker looking embarrassed.

Handball?  Biorhythms?  Corrupt labor unions?  Could this episode be more Californian?

This episode was fairly dull.  A huge problem was that the Davis family and their drama are never as interesting as the show seems to think that they are.  Much as with The Volunteers, I felt like I was watching a backdoor pilot for a show about the Davises when I really just wanted to watch a show about the Highway Patrol.  This episode didn’t do much for me.  Maybe everyone’s biorhythms were off when they filmed it.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.15 “Pa-Arty”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

It’s time to party!  Oh, sorry.  Actually, it’s time to pa-arty!

Episode 3.15 “Pa-Arty”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 13th, 1989)

The end of the school year is approaching and everyone is stressed out over exams.  Everyone in Grade 9 is also looking forward to Alexa’s end-of-the-year party.  However, when Alexa has to cancel the party because her parents will be home, the party gets moved to Lucy’s place.  Lucy is super-excited, even though almost every party that’s ever been held at her house has ended in disaster.

Joey, the proud owner of new fake ID, offers to buy beer for the party.  However, Snake and Wheels point out that Joey is rather “petite” (as Snake puts it), it is decided that Snake would have a better chance of passing for an adult.  Snake puts on a suit and Joey’s fedora and attempts to buy beer.  As the clerk looks at the fake ID, Snake casually mentions that a lot of people don’t believe that he’s actually 19 because of how young he looks.  The clerk refuses to sell Snake the beer.

As a crestfallen Joey, Snake, and Wheels stand outside the convenience store, they spot Clutch (Steve Bedernjak), who is Lucy’s latest bad boyfriend.  Clutch is in high school and he agrees to buy the beer for them.  (Of course, Clutch is also an alcoholic so he takes 6 of the beers for himself.)  Joey accidentally mentions that the beer is for a party at Lucy’s house.  Lucy specifically lied to Clutch about the party because she hates being around him when he’s drinking.

While walking to Lucy’s house, Snake and Joey stop and decide to drink some of the beer themselves.  Wheels turns down their offer of a beer, reminding them that his parents were killed by a drunk driver.  While Snake and Joey talk about the taste of beer, two Canadian cops approach them from behind.  Uh-oh!

Meanwhile, Lucy’s party is a hit but it comes to an early end when her parents call to say that they’re coming home.  A drunk Clutch shows up and behaves so obnoxiously that Lucy dumps him.  The next day, at school, Clutch apologizes and Lucy replies that it’s too late.  Freeze frame on Clutch as the end credits roll!

This is a pretty standard episode but, as is so often the case with this show, it’s heart-breaking if you know what lies in store for these characters.  In this episode, Wheels says that he’s never going to drink, specifically because his parents were killed by a drunk driver.  Of course, those of us who have seen School’s Out know that Wheels eventually will start drinking and, while driving drunk, he’ll not only accidentally kill a kid but he’ll also so severely injure Lucy that she’ll temporarily lose her ability to see and she’ll have to learn how to walk all over again.  And while Lucy will eventually recover, Wheels is destined to end up spending several years in prison and will become a pariah amongst his former friends.  Knowing that makes this a very sad episode, even if it wasn’t originally meant to be.  That’s the way life is, though.  You never know what the future might hold.

As for the future of this show, next week, we will finish up Degrassi Junior High.  How will the school year end?  Check here next Sunday and find out!

 

Music Video of the Day: Your Phone’s Off The Hook But You’re Not by X (1980, dir by ????)


Look at Billy Zoom go!

Ever since I watched The Decline of Western Civilization earlier this year, I’ve been watching every video of X that I can find.  This video was shot for a CBS show called No Holds Barred.  According to the video description on YouTube, the show was “short-lived.”

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 2.18 “My Girl Friday, Saturday, Sunday”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard runs afoul the mob.  Don’t worry, it’s only the Canadian mob.

Episode 2.18 “My Girl Friday Saturday Sunday”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 22nd, 1987)

While taking Edna to the airport (and seriously, how many vacations does Edna take during the year?), Howard is the victim of a hit-and-run.  Another car literally takes off Howard’s driver’s side door.  Howard is determined to find out who was driving the car and make them pay for his door.

After Marlene puts signs up around the airport asking if anyone witnessed the accident, Howard learns that the other car belonged to Canadian gangster Meatloaf Rothko (Chuck Shamata) and it was being driven by his mistress, Jerri (Heather Smith).  Of course, Meatloaf already knows whose car Jerri hit and, in fact, he’s arranged for Jerri to get a job as Edna’s temporary replacement at Cobb’s.

Meatloaf requests that Howard meet with him at an Italian restaurant.  Howard is hesitant but finally agrees to not only meet with him but to wear a wire.  But, it turns out that Meatloaf is actually a nice guy who is willing to give Howard $10,000 to keep quiet about the accident.  So, in other words, there really wasn’t much point to any of this.

As you probably already guessed, the plot of this episode was dumb.  As I’ve often commented in the past, Check It Out has never been able to figure out who Howard Bannister is supposed to be.  Sometimes, he’s the best boyfriend in the world and a respected father figure to all of his employees.  This week, however, his employees are back to having no respect for him and Howard starts to hit on Jerri as soon as she shows up in the store.  (Sorry, Edna, I hope going on your tenth vacation of the season was worth it.)  Sometimes, Howard is a brilliant guy who always tries to do the right thing.  This episode, he’s back to being a coward who has to be pressured into standing up for himself.  Considering that the episodes in which Howard is a good boss are a hundred times better than the ones where he’s a total jackass, it’s a bit annoying that the jackass version of Howard seems to be the one who shows up the most.

On the plus side, this episode featured a lot of funny bits from the show’s supporting cast.  Kathleen Laskey, Jeff Pustil, and Gordon Clapp all got in a few good one-liners.  Of course, it helps that Laskey, Pustil, and Clapp all play characters who behave in a consistent manner.  Jeff Pustil’s Jack Christian is always going to be smarmy in an oddly likable way.  Gordon Clapp’s Viker is always going to be earnestly dumb.  Kathleen Laskey’s Marlene is always going to be a sarcastic agent of chaos.  Their characters have been consistent since the show started and, as a result, a lot of the humor comes from knowing how they’re going to react to certain situations.  I will sit through an entire episode just to hear Marlene’s sarcastic response to whatever plan Christian comes up with.  They’re funny characters.

So, my feelings about this episode were mixed.  The story was incredibly dumb and Howard was incredibly annoying.  But the employees of Cobb’s made me smile more than once.  This episode wasn’t particularly memorable but it amused me.  I’ve learned that’s the best one can hope for with this show.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/27/24 — 11/2/24


Last Sunday, I took part in one of my favorite October traditions and I watched It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with my sister, Erin.  I always enjoy watching these old Peanuts specials with my sister.  It’s been a part of our holiday tradition for as long as I can remember.  You can read Erin’s thoughts on the Great Pumpkin here.

I watched the latest episode of American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez.  This week, Aaron murdered Odin Lloyd.  This was the crime for which Hernandez was arrested and eventually sent to prison.  You would think that this would have been a major episode of the show but it was actually pretty meh.  Who cares?  Everything that this show had to say about Aaron Hernandez and his crimes was said several episodes ago.

I enjoyed the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen on Thursday.  The Blue Team is finally getting it together.  Chef Ramsay is being a bit nicer than usual this season but he’s still entertaining.  I actually kind of like it when Ramsay’s nice.  One gets the feeling that he really does want everyone to reach their full potential.

How did I not know that Dr. Phil started his own television network?  On Friday, I came across it while looking for something to watch in the afternoon.  I ended up watching two episodes of Jail.  Usually, the cops and guards on Jail get on my nerves but, in these two episodes, they actually did a pretty good job and treated everyone with a modicum of respect.

On Friday night, I watched two episodes of Night Flight.  It was all about 80s music and 80s films.  I enjoyed them.

Today, I watched an old episode of Dragnet from 1970.  Sgt. Joe Friday (Jack Webb) was enrolled in night school.  An anti-cop professor tried to kick him out of class.  Fortunately, one of Joe’s classmates was an attorney and threatened to sue the college on Joe’s behalf.

As far as my retro television reviews are concerned, I finished up T&T finally.  I also watched and reviewed Friday the 13th, Welcome Back, Kotter, and Check It Out.  Welcome Back, Kotter is no longer on Tubi so I had two bucks to watch this week’s episode on Prime.  Welcome Back, Kotter’s later seasons are far more tolerable when you can view them for free.

Horrorthon is over!  I’ve got a lot of television to get caught up on, starting this upcoming week.  Apparently, I’m being given an extra hour to do so.  That was nice of whoever’s in charge of all that.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.16 “Scarlet Cinema”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a nerdy film students takes his love of a 1940s horror film too far!

Episode 2.16 “Scarlet Cinema”

(Dir by David Winning, originally aired on February 20th, 1989)

Darius Pogue (Jonathan Wise) is a nerdy film student who is obsessed with The Wolf Man.  When Darius steals an old antique movie camera, he discovers that, by looking through the camera’s view finder, he can bring The Wolf Man to life and send him to kill anyone who annoys him.  Darius kills a snooty antique store manager.  He kills a bully.  He kills his professor.  He even sends the wolf after Ryan and a girl that Darius likes.

However, as much as Darius enjoys sending the Wolf Man after people, he wants to be the Wolf Man himself.  After allowing the Wolf Man to scratch him, Darius shoots him with silver bullets.  Transforming into a werewolf himself, Darius goes after Ryan, Micki, and Jack.  Unfortunately, Darius didn’t consider that film stock is full of silver nitrate.  Live by the film, die by the film….

This episode was a case where the premise was pretty interesting but the execution didn’t quite work.  The episode mixes in archival footage from The Wolf Man with scenes of Darius’s victims meeting their fate.  So, for example, one sees Lon Chaney Jr. turning into the Wolf Man and then the viewer sees The Wolf Man killing one of Darius’s classmates.  The problem is that the Friday the 13th werewolf makeup doesn’t really look much like the Wolf Man makeup.  Regardless of how darkly lit each scene is, it’s pretty obvious that the Wolf Man from the film is not the same Wolf Man that is doing Darius’s bidding.  It not only negates the whole idea behind the cursed antique but it’s also pretty distracting for those of us just trying to watch the show.  And, again, it’s a shame because the idea behind this episode was actually pretty clever.

Myself, I’ve always liked the original Wolf Man.  Eventually, Larry Talbot got a bit too whiny for his own good and it’s pretty much impossible to buy the idea of the hulking, very American Lon Chaney, Jr. as the son of the sophisticated and very British Claude Rains.  But, even with all that in mind, The Wolf Man holds up as a classic American horror film, full of atmosphere and featuring a pretty impressive monster.  Friday the 13th deserves some credit for making Darius a Wolf Man fan because The Wolf Man, with its portrait of a man being driven mad by a curse that he cannot control, fits in perfectly with the main idea behind Friday the 13th.  Darius, like most of the villains on this show, isn’t really evil until he starts using the camera.  Each times he picks up the camera, his actions become progressively worse.  Just as Larry Talbott was cursed by the werewolf, Darius is cursed by the camera.  Much like a drug addict, Darius falls in love with the camera and he just can’t stop using it.  His addiction changes his personality as it becomes all-consuming,.  Eventually, it drives him to become the Wolf Man himself.

The episode ends with another cursed antique safely hidden away and Darius joining Larry Talbot in the cold embrace of death.  There was a lot of potential to this episode so it’s a shame that it didn’t quite work.

The Films of 2024: Gary (dir by Robin Dashwood)


Wow, what a depressing documentary!

I’m taking about Gary, which is currently streaming on Peacock.  Gary tells the story of former child actor-turned-security guard Gary Coleman, who went from being one of the top stars in television to eventually struggling to pay the bills.  The documentary tells the story of Coleman’s life, from his start as a cute kid with a mischievous smile to his stardom, his health struggles, and the controversy over why all the money that he made as a child eventually disappeared.  Gary blamed his parents.  His parents blamed Gary’s managers.  The woman who eventually married Gary blamed everyone.  Gary, himself, ended up as tabloid fodder, in which he was treated as not only being the poster child for the problems that young stars encounter but in which he was also regularly ridiculed for having those exact same problems.  Watching the documentary, one gets the feeling that the world took an odd joy in Gary Coleman’s downfall.  Coleman himself died under mysterious circumstances and the documentary, though even-handed, leaves one feeling that there’s definitely a lot about his death that could stand to be examined.

Gary Coleman’s stardom was a bit before my time, though I have seen a few episodes of Diff’rent Strokes online.  The show, to be honest, always seems a bit cringey to me but, still, it’s obvious that Coleman was a capable actor even when he was having to repeat the catch phrases that he came to hate.  Unfortunately, his kidney problem stunted his growth and, as he got older, the acting opportunities dried up.  He was reduced to parodying his former stardom, appearing on talk shows and sitcoms and repeating, “What you talkin’ about” to anyone who asked.  The documentary was painfully sad to watch.  Gary Coleman definitely comes across as being a bit of an eccentric but it’s hard not to feel that he never allowed to grow up and that the people who should have been looking out for him, like his parents and his manager and his wife, were only looking out for themselves.

The film features interviews with the people who failed Coleman.  None of them really take any sort of responsibility for their actions.  At first, his wife comes across like she really cared about him but, as the documentary progresses, we hear too many stories about her abusing and manipulating him to take anything she says at face value.  When she sells a picture of Coleman on his death bed to a tabloid, that’s pretty much last straw as far as any sympathy for her is concerned.  Coleman’s business manager also initially comes across as being genuine and sincere but, again, there are just too many stories of misusing Coleman’s money.  If he doesn’t seem to be as ruthlessly mercenary as Coleman’s wife, it’s still obvious that he shouldn’t have been managing Coleman’s career.  As for Coleman’s parents, the less said about them the better.  Everyone that is interviewed is very good at blaming someone else for what happened after Coleman’s stardom ended.

Again, this was depressing documentary.  Watching this, I really felt bad about Gary Coleman.  It’s hard to know what to do about child stars.  On the one hand, there are child stars who grow up to lead what appear to be perfectly normal and stable lives.  But, there’s also a lot like Gary Coleman, whose lives are pretty much destroyed by their early success.  No kid should be supporting their family.  And no family should be paying their bills exclusively with their kid’s salary.  To me, it all comes down to the parents.  You can’t depend on an industry to raise your child for you.  In the end, though, Coleman was let down by a lot of people.  There’s more than enough blame to go around.