It’s Sunday and today’s horror song of the day comes from a film that I plan to watch later.
Mike Oldfield didn’t write Tubular Bells specifically for The Exorcist but it’s a song that works perfectly for the film. Oldfield’s song, which was rumored to have originally envisioned as being a Christmas instrumental, become an iconic horror them.
We’ve all been there, especially me.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, a wave of bad luck crashes into the store.
Episode 2.17 “Chain Reaction”
(Dir by Stan Jacobson, originally aired on February 15, 1987)
This is a bit of an odd episode.
For one thing, neither Jeff Pustil nor Gordon Clapp appear in this episode. As Pustil and Clapp were two of the more consistently funny performers on this show, their absence is definitely felt.
Since Pustil’s assistant manager character is said to be on vacation, Murray is temporarily promoted to assistant manager and spends this episode wearing a suit and making smarmy comments that are totally out-of-character for him.
There’s a new cashier named Amy (Kathryn Rose). We’ve never seen her before but everyone on the show acts as if she’s always been there.
This episode features everyone at a store getting a chain letter, which was an annoying thing where someone would send you a letter and tell you to send a copy of the letter to ten other people for good luck. (It’s the sort of thing that was apparently popular in the years before email.) Everyone at the store takes their chain letter seriously, except for Howard. Howard sets his chain letter on fire.
Immediately after Howard destroys the letter, ominous thunder rumbles. A fire breaks out in Howard’s office and Howard uses Edna’s sweater to put it out. A terrible smell spreads through the store, chasing away the customers and forcing the health department to order the place closed until it’s gone away. An old woman gets food poisoning from can of Pears and sues the store. Finally, Marlene tells Howard that this is all his fault, Howard insults Marlene’s hair, and Marlene quits.
Marlene is later in an accident and taken to the hospital. Howard and the gang (including the mysterious Amy) rush over to the hospital to check on Marlene. Howard goes in Marlene’s hospital room and finds a patient covered in bandages. Assuming the patient is Marlene, Howard calls her the daughter he never had and promises to rehire her and give her a raise. Surprise! The patient wasn’t Marlene but Marlene was standing behind Howard and listening the whole time.
It’s sweet but it’s also a reminder that Check It Out rarely made much effort to maintain a consistent continuity. Just a few episodes ago, Howard went undercover to save Marlene from a cult. In this episode, they act as if they’ve never had a good relationship.
This episode just feels off, to the extent that I wouldn’t have been surprised if it had ended with Howard waking up and realizing it was all a dream. The absence of Pustil and Clapp is strongly felt and the remaining characters don’t seem to be acting like themselves.
On the plus side, this episode features Marlene’s best hair yet.
Wow, the story of Aaron Hernandez gets less and less interesting with each week. American Sports Story got off to a strong start but, this week, I found myself watching the latest episode and wondering why anyone should care about Aaron and his problems. Seriously, I get that Aaron Hernandez was abused as a child. I get that he struggled as a gay man in a hypermasculine, homophobic industry. I get that he didn’t grow up privileged. I’ll even agree with the show’s criticisms of the NFL. But in the end, who cares? As portrayed on this show, Aaron Hernandez comes across as being an idiot. Beyond the fact that he played professional football, there’s nothing particularly interesting about Hernandez or his crimes. He’s not a compelling character at all.
I was far more entertained by Hell’s Kitchen this week. Gordon Ramsay and his terrified chefs are compelling characters. Ramsay was in a surprisingly supportive mood this week. That’s fine with me. I like it when Chef Ramsay’s nice. No one went home this week. Yay!
Let’s see, what else did I watch this week? I watched that old episode of Dragnet where Friday and Gannon went on the talk show. I actually watched that episode several times. It amused me. Plus, the episode’s debate was a lot more interesting than any of the real debates that are currently going on.
I watched and reviewed Miami Vice, The Love Boat, and Homicide. I watched a Halloween episode of Friday the 13th. I watched and shared several episodes of One Step Beyond. And, finally, I watched an episode of Dr. Phil where a man said his wife had run off with a cult.
And that’s it! Most of my attention was devoted to horror films this week.
Tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond takes us to Wales. A man confesses to murdering his mistress. The only problem is that he has an airtight alibi for the time of the attack. Everyone in his village swears they saw him asleep in church when the murder occurred.
Could the man be capable of being in two places at once?
Watch to find out! And, as always, can you prove it didn’t happen!?
This episode originally aired on March 7th, 1961.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the Sweathogs share a story about the time that they all tried to buy a car together.
Episode 4.5 “The Sweatmobile”
(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 9th, 1978)
Barbarino, Washington, Epstein, and Horshack sit outside of the classroom and look at the lunches that their mothers prepared for them. Epstein has a liver burrito. Barbarino has corn flakes and he’s happy about that because his mother is saint. Horshack has peanut butter and prunes and he’s not happy about that because he hates peanut butter.
(For those trying to keep track of the fourth season’s already confusing continuity, this episode features Barbarino as a student at the school, even though the previous two episodes insinuated that he was no longer attending classes. Even though Babarino now lives in an apartment by himself, his mother apparently still makes his lunch. As for the new Sweathog, Beau is neither mentioned nor seen in this episode, which leads me to suspect that this episode was originally meant to air even earlier in the season than it did.)
Carvelli and Murray walk up to the Sweathogs and Carvelli taunts them by revealing that he was able to drive to a fast food restaurant for his lunch. Seeing how desperate the Sweathogs are for real food, Carvelli offers to sell them his used car so that they too can actually get hamburgers. However, the Sweathogs tell him that they learned their lesson the last time they tried to buy a used car.
Flashback time!
The Sweathogs all pooled their money so that they could buy a used car from Vinnie’s uncle. Vinnie insisted that he would be the one who would drive the car, as he had the most experience in cars. Everyone warned the Sweathogs about the difficulty of multiple people owning and using one car. But the Sweathogs were determined to do it. They arranged to meet with Vinnie’s uncle at the hospital where Vinnie works as an orderly. However, once they arrived at the hospital, they watched as Vinnie’s uncle was wheeled in on a gurney after having wrecked the car that he was going to sell. Vinnie’s aunt mentioned that his uncle couldn’t wait to cheat whoever was dumb enough to buy a used car from him.
This was an odd episode. It was nice to see the original Sweathogs together again but the whole flashback structure felt strange. Usually, a flashback means that the audience is about to see something that happened long ago. But, in this episode, it appears that we’re watching a flashback to something that happened maybe a day or two ago. In the flashback, Barbarino is working at the hospital, Gabe is vice principal (and away at a teacher’s conference due to the fact that Gabe Kaplan was sick of doing the show), and Julie was already Woodman’s administrative assistant. As well, Julie has her terrible new haircut in the flashbacks. This is all stuff that didn’t happen until the start of the fourth season. Again, it’s hard not to feel that this was an episode that was meant to air much earlier in this season but, for some reason, it was held back and a flashback framing device was awkwardly added.
Fortunately, the original Sweathogs, despite being clearly too old to be even remedial high school students, still have the chemistry that made this show a hit during its first season. Given everything that I’ve read about just how difficult things got behind-the-scenes on this show, it was nice to see them having fun and obviously enjoying themselves. Though the episode’s structure was weird, this episode still presents viewers with one last chance to see the chemistry and comradery that made Welcome Back, Kotter a hit in the first place.
Since I’m going to be rewatching Suspiria in a few hours, it only seems appropriate to share what may be the most famous (and perhaps the most covered) song about witchcraft, Donavon’s Season of the Witch!
This song was originally recorded in 1966 and it’s gone on to become a Halloween mainstay. One fan of the song was future director Martin Scorsese, who originally planned to borrow the song’s title for one of his own films. However, George Romero beat Scorsese out the gate with a film called Season of the Witch and Scorsese ended up renaming his film, Mean Streets.
The 1974 film Silent Night, Bloody Night is an oddity.
On the one hand, it’s pretty much a standard slasher film, complete with a menacing mansion, a horrible secret, a twist ending, and John Carradine playing a mute newspaper editor.
On the other hand, director Ted Gershuny directs like he’s making an underground art film and several of the supporting roles are played by actors who were best known for their association with Andy Warhol.
Personally, I like Silent Night, Bloody Night. It has a terrible reputation and the film’s star, Mary Woronov, has gone on record calling it a “terrible movie” but I like the surreal touches the Gershuny brought to the material and the sepia-toned flashbacks have a nightmarish intensity to them. The film makes no logical sense, which actually makes it all the more appealing to me. As the saying goes, your mileage may vary.
Watch and decide for yourself!
Suspiria (1977, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)
You knew this was coming!
Today’s horror song of the day is the classic main theme to Dario Argento’s Suspiria! (The Argento version is the only version that matters.) The iconic soundtrack was composed by Goblin. I saw an interview with Claudio Simonetti in which he said he wanted the song to be “almost annoying” in its intensity. While I could never be annoyed this song, I do understand Simonetti’s point. The score is designed to be as overwhelming as the evil at the center of the film.
All together now: “WITCH!”
This video has a decadent feel to it, one that makes it perfect for the scary season. It may not be about vampires but perhaps it should be.
Enjoy!
Through the Shattered Lens 