Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.20 “Bad Company”

Posted on September 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Palermo is the peace maker. *snicker*

Episode 2.20 “Bad Company”

(Dir by Corey Michael Eubanks, originally aired on April 6th, 1997)

In Santa Monica, there are two gangs.

One gang is group of white bikers. The other gang is a group of black men who spend all of their time playing basketball. The two groups hate each other but they all respect Lt. Palermo. Palermo previously brokered a peace between the two group. However, the peace is now threatened because someone has been tagging up both gang’s territories. The two gangs are about to go to war, despite Palermo riding his bicycle all over town….

*snicker*

I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh. Listen, I know that gangs and gang culture are no laughing matter. But this episode features angry gang meetings that are broken up by Palermo riding up on his bicycle and talking tough to everyone. Palermo looks ridiculous with his shorts and his polo shirt and his Schwinn bicycle. “Palermo’s the peace maker!” What’s Palermo going to do if someone breaks the peace? Chase him on his bicycle?

It turns out that a gun dealer (Daniel Quinn) is trying to kickstart his business by starting a gang war. He’s not very good at his job because the gangs soon team up with the — *snicker* — bike patrol to him down.

Meanwhile, when Victor’s friend is killed after an underground fighting match by an associate of the gun dealer’s, Victor goes undercover to catch him. Elvis (David Lander), the bike engineer who used to be a member of the regular cast, witnessed the murder and he finds himself being pursued by the gun dealer. Don’t worry, Elvis! The bike patrol is looking out for you! Mixing the broad humor of David Lander’s performance as Elvis with a storyline about how gangs are destroying communities and getting innocent people killed was a decision that really didn’t pay off. “Increase the peace and now laugh at this guy with an exaggerated accent.”

This episode was a pretty good example of why Pacific Blue’s main weakness was always its premise. This episode featured a lot of scenes of the members of the bike patrol looking serious and barking out orders. It’s hard to be intimidated by someone wearing shorts and riding a bicycle.

The title of this episode is Bad Company. In the end, the truly bad company rode a Schwinn.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.19 “Lost and Found”

Posted on September 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the bike cops screw up another case.

Episode 2.19 “Lost and Found”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on March 2nd, 1997)

I’ve often felt that the most interesting thing about Pacific Blue is witnessing just how totally incompetent the bicycle cops really are.

This episode centers around a girl who has run away from home. Chris and Palermo are holding her at the station and they release her to the first guy who shows up claiming to be her father. They don’t bother to ask the man for any sort of proof that he’s her father. They don’t even ask to see his ID. Instead, they just let her go with him.

Guess what? That guy wasn’t her father!

Her actual father shows up a little while later and, needless to say, he’s pretty pissed off. Instead of apologizing or in any way accepting accountability for screwing up, Palermo and Chris snap at the guy to calm down and then say that they’ll track down his daughter. What’s funny is that we’re supposed to be on the side of the bicycle cops because the father is angry and yelling. Well, the father has every right to be angry and yelling. THE IDIOTS LET HIS RUNAWAY DAUGHTER LEAVE WITH THE FIRST GUY WHO SHOWED UP!

Now, the show later reveals that the father was abusive and that his daughter ran way because he was beating her. Yeah, he’s not a good father and he should lost custody of his daughter. That doesn’t make the bicycle cops any less incompetent, though! It just amuses that this show continually tries to convince us that we should take these people seriously as cops but every episode seems to feature them making some sort of terrible mistake. This show really seems to think that, as long as Chris is shooting people the death glare, that means she’s not responsible for any of her screwups.

This episode also featured a subplot in which Cory tried to protect her no-good brother from some hitmen. She did a better job with her storyline than Chris and Palermo did with the case of the runaway. Maybe Cory should be in charge.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.18 “Full Moon”

Posted on September 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it all about bicycles and sex.

Episode 2.18 “Full Moon”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on February 23rd, 1997)

This week, Pacific Blue gives us the erotically-charged story of two people with no personality falling for each other. Don’t worry, though. Even though Chris and TC both put in for transfers so that they won’t violate Palermo’s “No Doing It On The Job” policy, they eventually realize that they’re not actually in love. After TC kisses Chris and they prepare to move into the bedroom, Chris suddenly says that she can tell that TC feels like he’s “about to have sex with your sister,” and TC nods, as if that’s a feeling that he’s extremely familiar with.

TC and Chris fall for each other while investigating a series of ATM robberies. The two robbers (Robert Kerbeck and Felicity Waterman) were at least convincingly sleazy. Cory kills one of the robbers. How humiliating it must be to be killed by someone who rides a bicycle for a living!

Meanwhile, Palermo was shocked to discover his name was in a madame’s little black book. Palermo, you hypocrite! Put that man in jail! But then it turned out that madame (played by Charlie Spradling) just put random names in the book so that she could use it for blackmail. That was pretty clever of her. Still, I find it hard to believe that anyone, outside of the bike patrol, would have had the slightest idea who Palermo was.

This was another episode that failed because not only are the characters not interesting but they’re all pretty much indistinguishable. Chris and Cory at least have differing hair colors. But, from a distance, Palermo, TC, and Victor all might as well all be the same guy. If you told me that this episode was actually about Palermo falling in love with Chris, I’d have to believe you because Palermo and TC are pretty much impossible to tell apart. Human drama only works when the characters are recognizably human.

Agck! That’s mean! Oh well, it’s late….

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.17 “Runaway”

Posted on August 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for more bicycle action.

Episode 2.17 “Runaway”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on January 19th, 1997)

A teenage girl (Boti Bliss) is missing on the boardwalk. Maggie Garrity (Justina Vail), who runs the local shelter, is looking for her. When she asks the bike patrol for help, TC is dismissive up until he looks up from his paperwork and sees Maggie. I’ve noticed that this is a patten with the bike patrol. It’s rare that they do anything until they see it will involve hanging out with an attractive members of the opposite sex.

TC recruits Chris to help him put up flyers. Chris rolls her eyes because, seriously, why should a member of law enforcement be concerned with a teenage girl who has been abducted by a pimp (Gene Lythgow) and his psycho girlfriend (Ami Dolenz)? Personally, I would dread working for Chris because she never stops complaining. It says a lot about this show that the we’re nearly done with the second season and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being whiny.

TC falls for Maggie but Maggie’s a nun! After they manage to rescue the missing girl, TC asks Maggie if maybe she could stop being a nun for a new nights so that they could go out on a date. Maggie says that it doesn’t work like that. What I find interesting is that TC has no problem casually asking Maggie to give up her vows just because he wants to date her. Hey, TC — this is why you’re single!

Meanwhile, Palermo has new expensive bicycle. What a dork. When the bike gets stolen, Victor has to find it. Palermo sure is mad about his missing bike. What a loser.

This show is not growing on me.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.16 “Soft Targets”

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a crazed gunman takes over the beach. Good thing the Bike Patrol’s there….

Episode 2.16 “Soft Targets”

(Dir by Ron Satlof, originally aired on January 12th, 1997)

Zack Torrance (Terence Knox, a.k.a. St. Elsewhere‘s Dr. White) is a former soldier who claims that he has information about the CIA smuggling drugs into the U.S. as a way to help raise money to defeat the communists in Central America. This is a conspiracy theory that I’m very familiar with. I don’t quite buy it because it assumes a bit too much competence on the part of the CIA. That said, it’s a popular conspiracy theory amongst some. All I know is that communism sucks.

Kind of like this show!

Anyway, Zack opens fire on a beach and holds everyone hostage because he wants to get his story out. For some reason, the job of securing the beach and negotiating with Zack falls to these dorks:

The CIA shows up in the form of Franklin Quill (Sherman Howard). Quill takes over the negotiations and, while TC and Chris glower in the background, he proceeds to shoot and kill Zack. Zack dies and the story doesn’t get out. TC looks upset but he doesn’t really do anything to stop Quill so you know what? Get bent, TC.

Seriously, this episode …. ugh. First off, hostage episodes are boring to begin with. There’s only so many times you can watch some sweaty guy barking out orders before you get bored with the whole thing. Pacific Blue makes things worse by bringing in the Bike Patrol. We’re supposed to dislike Quill but actually, Quill shows up, takes charge of the situation, and brings things to a close. The fact that TC spends the whole episode standing around with an annoyed expression on his face doesn’t make Quill any less effective. For this entire episode, TC whines and bitches about Quill’s tactics but TC never actually develops any tactics of his own. If anything, the Bike Patrol is kind of superfluous in this episode.

Terence Knox was believably desperate as Zach. Holly Robinson Peete showed up as a woman who was wounded by Zach’s initial attack on the beach. She survived and then married a lifeguard (Robert Joseph). Palermo was not in this episode. Instead, he left to train a Bike Patrol in another country and left TC in charge of the Santa Monica’s Bike Patrol. Big mistake, if you ask me.

If there was any pleasure to be found in this episode, it came from just how poorly the Bike Patrol came across. Seriously, they couldn’t catch Zach. They couldn’t control the beach. What exactly do we need these people for? Bike Patrol, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.15 “Black Pearl”

Posted on August 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the bicycle mayhem continues.

Episode 2.15 “Black Pearl”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on January 5th, 1997)

TC arrests a woman named Alana (Angela Shelton) on drug and assault charges, just to discover that she’s an undercover DEA agent. TC fears that Alana is in over her head and he tells Alana’s superior, Enright (John Michael Bolger) that he needs to pull her out of the operation. Enright is like, “Whatever, bicycle boy.”

And, to be honest, I think Enright kind of has a point. Why are the bicycle cops always trying to tell other law enforcement agencies what to do? Every episode, either TC or Palermo and Chris gets a really angry look in their eyes and starts barking out orders at people they barely know. It’s bad enough that they ride bicycles. Do they have to act like a bunch of self-righteous pricks as well?

Speaking of bicycles, Victor has to get recertified to be a bike cop. Uh-oh, sounds like Victor could lose his job! Even worse, Victor’s partner in this episode is Chris so not only is Victor in danger of getting fired but he has to spend an entire week listening to Chris put him down. Seriously, there are few characters in the history of television that I dislike as much as I dislike Chris Kelly. Chris is the type who dismisses everyone’s problems before then launching into her hundredth monologue about how much it sucks going from being an Air Force pilot to a bike cop.

Victor trains with Hans Rhey. In this episode, everyone is like, “Oh my God, Hans Rey!” I had no idea who Hans Rey was. I looked him up after this episode and apparently, he was a superstar on the bicycle circuit. Hans does a lot of clunky bike tricks As was so often the case withe professional athletes who played themselves on shows like this, he wasn’t much of an actor. If anything, this episode reminded me of how stupid most people look riding their bicycles in the middle of the street.

Victor gets recertified. Alana ends up dead. Presumably, TC’s upset but since the actor playing him was only capable of one fascial expression, it can be hard to tell. In the end, the real tragedy remains how dorky everyone looks on the bicycles.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”

Posted on August 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Cory helps a man who can’t remember how lame this show is.

Episode 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on December 15th, 1996)

Alec Cooper (Markus Flanagan) gets amnesia after he falls off the balcony of his hotel room while trying to escape some mysterious men with guns. Cory tries to help Alec figure out who he actually is and she starts to fall in love with him in the process. Alec admits that there seems to be something familiar about Cory.

Well, that means there are only two possibilities.

Cory and Alec are either meant to be together

Alec is married to someone who looks just like Cory!

It turns out the latter is true. Alec eventually get his memory back and Cory meets his wife, who indeed looks a lot like her. Cory goes back to being single. Interestingly, Chris spends this entire episode telling Cory that she needs to date more but she doesn’t approve of Cory dating someone who has amnesia. Then again, Chris doesn’t really approve of anyone doing anything.

Meanwhile, TC’s girlfriend makes the decision to leave Santa Monica so that she can attend a graduate program and become a counselor for rape victims. This is the sort of storyline that would have been touching if TC has any personality or if he and his girlfriend had any sort of chemistry. But they don’t.

It probably sound like I hated this episode. Actually, I think it’s one of the better episodes of season 2, if just because the bike riding was kept to a minimum. The bikes would have made this awful. Without all of the bike nonsense, it was merely forgettable. That’s progress!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.13 “Outlaw Blues”

Posted on July 29, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, there’s way too much happening on the Boardwalk.

Episode 2.13 “Outlaw Express”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 8th, 1996)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) is selling cheap jewelry on the boardwalk. He gives Chris a “silver” necklace that makes her neck turn green. Uh-oh, someone’s allergic to tin!

Palermo’s daughter is hanging out with some extreme athletes who are pressuring her to take part in increasingly dangerous pranks on the boardwalk so that they can film them for their web site!

Two criminals are hijacking trucks and then forcing merchants to sell stolen goods! When they see that one truck driver is wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt, they shoot him in the back and then tell him, “Say hi to Jerry for me.” (I’m guessing they were referring to Jerry Garcia and not Jerry Springer but who knows with this show.)

Finally, Victor’s mother is staying at his apartment which means Victor can’t get laid!

Wow, there’s a lot to deal with this week. When a show tries to juggle this many plots, it really does remind you of the importance of having clearly defined and compelling characters. Pacific Blue doesn’t have any of that so this episode kind of sucked. We are 24 episodes into this stupid show and I still can’t tell the difference between Victor, TC, and Palermo whenever they’re riding their bikes. That’s a problem. 24 episodes in and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being annoyed by everyone she talks to. That’s another problem.

(“I didn’t catch your first name Officer Kelly,” Mahmoud says. “Officer,” Chris replies, deploying the power glare.)

Seriously, just think about how much it would suck to be a victim of the crime, call 911, and then have these douchebags show up.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.12 “Wheels of Fire”

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, TC is pissed off because he’s expected to do his job.

Episode 2.12 “Wheels of Fire”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on November 17th, 1996)

Two Russian mobsters are shaking down businesses on the boardwalk. Only Ed Tarlow (Richard Redlin), a paraplegic who owns a “head shop,” is willing to testify against them. This means that he gets two undercover bicycle cops assigned to his shop to provide protection. TC and Cory get the assignment but it turns out that TC doesn’t want to protect Ed because he feels that Ed is selling drug paraphernalia and that Ed “is a cop hater.”

Hey, TC — it’s your job, idiot. You’re supposed to help everyone on the boardwalk, regardless of how you feel about them personally.

Still, TC spends most of the episode pouting. It’s mentioned that he’s also worried about studying for his upcoming sergeant’s exam but if TC is too immature to protect Ed without bitching about it than maybe TC doesn’t deserve a promotion. TC is also upset because his girlfriend wants to go out-of-state so that she can enroll in a graduate program, become a sex abuse counselor, and help rape victims. Because how dare she try to help other women without checking with TC first, right? TC IS THE WORST!

Eventually, Palermo rolls up and tells TC that Ed is a decorated veteran who was paralyzed by a cop during an anti-war protest. TC realizes that he misjudged Ed and he finally stops pouting enough to catch the Russian mobsters. But you know what? It shouldn’t matter how Ed ended up in wheelchair and it also shouldn’t matter whether or not he’s a veteran. TC’s job is to protect people from crime! Ed has got two Russian mobsters trying to kill him. TC should be protecting Ed because that’s HIS. DAMN. JOB!

Meanwhile, three woman are secretly beating up creepy men on the boardwalk. One of the women is a rape survivor and the other two women claim that they are getting vengeance for her. What is the deal with this show not only using rape as a plot point but also trivializing it in the process? Chris Kelly eventually arrests the women and does her thing where she glares at everyone.

Palermo’s 15 year-old daughter goes to Del Toro and asks “type of condom do guys like.” It turns out that she’s thinking about having sex with her 19 year-old boyfriend. Del Toro’s answer should have been, “Your boyfriend is old enough to buy his own condoms.” Instead, Del Toro convinces her to hold off on having sex until he can check out her boyfriend. Her boyfriend turns out to be a nice guy but still, a 19 year-old dating a 15 year-old is kind of weird. (It’s less the age difference and more the maturity difference. Four years isn’t that big a deal when it’s something like a 26 year-old and a 22 year-old. But this is the difference between someone starting high school and someone starting college.) It’s also statutory rape, though no one seems to be too concerned about that.

Anyway, Palermo finds out so guess which couple isn’t going to be having sex for a long time?

This was another stupid episode of Pacific Blue. Again, the problem isn’t just that the cops all look stupid on their bicycles. It’s also that the cops represent everything that people hate about cops. Chris and TC are both self-righteous and immature. (When someone complains about Chris nearly running someone over on her bicycle, Chis replies that she’s doing her job.) It gets annoying after a while.

This week’s episode served as a reminder to never depend on anyone riding a bike.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.11 “Deja Vu”

Posted on July 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, someone is out to frame Palermo! It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Episode 2.11 “Deja Vu”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on November 10th, 1996)

Palermo is upset because his former partner is returned to the boardwalk and is now running an arcade. Gene Savage (Joe Cortese) may have once been a cop but now he’s a paroled ex-con and it was Palermo’s testimony that led to Savage being convicted in the first place. Palermo suspects that Savage is out for revenge and it turns out that he is. He tries to frame Palermo for a murder. Internal Affairs demands Palermo’s badge.

And the thing is …. I know I’m supposed to feel bad for Palermo but I don’t. Palermo’s a self-righteous jerk. He’s been a self-righteous jerk since the start of the show. He acts like riding a bicycle somehow makes him superior to everyone else on the boardwalk. Finding out that he testified against his partner makes him seem like even more of a jerk. It’s hard to like a snitch.

This entire episode is built around the idea of Palermo being treated unfairly but I kind of feel like he needed to be taken down a rung or two. Maybe now, he won’t be so rude when he arrests people. Maybe he’ll understand that not everyone cares about his whole bicycle thing. Probably not, though.

While Palermo was dealing with his ex-partner, Cory and Chris dealt with the Good Samaritans, a group of blue beret-wearing citizens who attempted to fight crime on their own. Andy Miller (Keith Coulouris) was determined to take down the local drug dealer. When Andy’s partner (Claudette Mink) got shot and nearly died, Andy snapped and grabbed a gun and tried to get revenge himself. Cory was there to arrest not only the drug dealer but also Andy. “You’re a danger to the community and yourself!” Cory snapped.

Ugh. People who ride bicycles shouldn’t try to act like badsses. Seriously, is there a less likable cast of characters than the Pacific Blue crew? It’s not a good thing when a cop leaves me rooting for the criminals.