The Films of 2025: Shiver Me Timbers (dir by Paul Stephen Mann)


“Wow, that was crap!”

That my reaction to watching Shiver Me Timbers, one of three killer Popeye movies that came out in 2025.  Online, there’s some debate over which of the three films is the worst.  I’ve only seen two of them so I really can’t say.  What I can tell you is that Shiver Me Timbers makes Popeye The Slayer Man look like a freaking masterpiece by comparison.

The film actually does start off with a vaguely clever premise.  The year is 1986 and a group of friends are camping so that they can watch as Halley’s Comet crosses the night sky.  Our main character is Olive (Amy Mackie), who isn’t sure whether or not she wants to go to M.I.T.  I have to admit that I could relate to Olive, just because I wouldn’t want to go to college in Massachusetts either.  Plus, Oliva wears all black and has a generally sarcastic attitude, which is pretty much the same way that I was when I was 18.

Anyway, a piece of a meteorite falls out of the sky and, after getting nearly burned up in the atmosphere, it falls into the pipe of a scrawny sailor who is fishing out at the lake.  The sailor smokes the tiny meteorite and is immediately mutated into a hulking killer.  He proceeds to kill all of Olive’s friends.  The deaths are extremely bloody and go out of their way to shock but, oddly enough, they don’t make much of an impression.  Part of the problem is that Olive’s friends aren’t that interesting and, as a result, you don’t really care that much about any of them getting killed.  The film has this weird habit of featuring close-ups of decapitated heads still struggling to speak.  I’m going to be charitable and assume that this was meant to be an homage to Werner Herzog’s Aguirre, the Wrath of God.  Herzog, however, was smart enough to only have one decapitated head speaking.

For all the pain that the character go through as Popeye snaps their bones and removes their heads, the real pain is reserved for those watching the movie.  The pacing is abysmal, the dialogue is terrible (and please, can we stop making slasher movies where the victims all keep talking about other slasher movies?), and the mutated Popeye looks so dumb that it’s hard to take him seriously as any sort of threat.  (Popeye The Slayer Man at least had a vaguely credible killer Popeye.)  The film ends with a shout-out to Evil Dead II and it actually would have been pretty cute if the film before it had been better.  As it its, it feels like an unearned comparison.

On the plus side — because I hate to be totally negative about anything — the shots of the night sky were actually very effective.  That may sound like almost a parody of faint praise and I guess maybe it is but seriously, there was some real beauty to shots of the stars moving across the sky.

Anyway, let’s stop turning public domain characters into murderers, shall we?  Thanks!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special F.W. Murnau Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Today was celebrate the visionary director, F.W. Murnau!  Murnau was born 135 years ago today, in Germany.  He went on to become a leading expressionist and one of the most influential filmmakers of all time.  Needless to say, it’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 F.W. Murnau Films

The Hunchback and the Dancer (1920, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Nosferatu (1922, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Faust (1926, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Sunrise: The Story of Two Humans (1927, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Brad reviews BARBARIAN (2022)


My nephew told me that he liked the film BARBARIAN (2022) when we were hanging out at the family cabin for Christmas. This particular nephew loves movies and every time we get together we talk about our favorite films, and he knows his stuff. We didn’t really talk about what happens in this movie, but he just casually mentioned it was a film he thought was good. As such, the title caught my attention when I was scrolling through my Hulu app today. Knowing nothing about the plot of the film, my wife and I settled in for our initial viewing…. 

BARBARIAN’s setup feels quite ordinary. Tess (Georgina Campbell) arrives in Detroit for a job interview, only to discover her Airbnb has been double-booked with a stranger, Keith (Bill Skarsgård). Through a variety of circumstances, the two end up agreeing to share the house for the night. Needless to say, it takes a bit for the two to get comfortable with each other. Every polite smile, every offered cup of tea, or glass of wine for that matter, feels loaded with possibility. Is he harmless? Is she overreacting? What in the hell is about to happen? Director Zach Cregger milks these scenes beautifully, allowing the tension to build until they finally seem to find a reason to trust each other. And just when you think you’re starting to understand where the movie is going, it begins throwing curveballs at you by introducing new characters and new perspectives to everything that has been introduced thus far. Justin Long’s character of AJ McBride, the owner of the Airbnb who arrives about halfway through the film, is especially inspired as it provides both a break in the tension and another unique personality to the mix. 

By the time BARBARIAN starts to come to its full conclusion, it has truly become the stuff that nightmares are made of, but it doesn’t feel completely evil. As outrageous as it all is, I actually understood why the characters behave the way they do, so there’s almost a sense of sadness under the horror. There’s real danger, but that danger is brought on by unimaginable cruelty and neglect. It’s ugly and gross, but it’s also somewhat realistic since the filmmakers have taken the time to set up both the hows and the whys of their horrific scenario. 

At the end of the day, I enjoyed BARBARIAN. I’ve never been the kind of movie watcher who searches out horror movies. When I was a kid, I watched scary movies at sleepovers with friends. As an adult, I’ll watch them with my friends at #ScarySocial on X, or when they’re recommended to me as is the case here, but then I’ll seamlessly move back to my world of action or comedy films. Such is the case with BARBARIAN. With its freaky images and multiple jump scares, my wife and I were both glad that we watched the movie when it was still daylight. It’s one of those films that crawls under your skin and hangs out with you for a while even after the closing credits. I’ll have to watch some football or a Charles Bronson movie just to get my head straight! 

The Films of 2025: Magazine Dreams (dir by Elijah Bynum)


Remember Magazine Dreams?

Though Magazine Dreams did not get a brief theatrical release until 2025, the film first made an impression two years earlier.  At the 2023 Sundance Film Festival, Magazine Dreams was one of the most buzzed about entries.  A film about a mentally unbalanced body-building fanatic, the film starred Jonathan Majors.  Majors was on top of the world at that time.  Not only was he being groomed to be the new center of the Marvel Cinematic Universe but he was also just a few months away from playing the antagonist in the highly anticipated Creed III.  The U.S. Army was using Majors in recruitment commercials.  Both Magazine Dreams and Majors’s performance were lauded at Sundance.  Some critics started to say that Majors had, at the very least, an Oscar nomination in his future.

Then, on March 25th, 2023, Jonathan Majors was arrested and charged with assaulting his ex-girlfriend.  Several other women came forward and said that they had also been abused physically and emotionally by Majors.  The Army stopped airing his commercials.  Marvel announced that Majors would no longer be appearing in their films and that the storyline around his character would simply be abandoned.  (Indeed, the fallout over Majors’s arrest was so much a problem for Marvel that they eventually resorted to bringing back Robert Downey, Jr. to try to staunch the bleeding.)  Creed III took on a whole new meaning as the relatively likable Michael B. Jordan beat the hell out of Jonathan Majors’s snarling ex-con.

As for Magazine Dreams, it fell into limbo.  Fox Searchlight had acquired the film at Sundance and had given it an Oscar-friendly December release date.  After Majors’s arrest, Searchlight removed the film from its schedule and, eventually, the rights were sold back to the film’s producers.  Eventually, Briarcliff Entertainment released the film on March 21st, 2025.  The film made barely a million at the box office.

With all of the behind the scenes drama, it’s tempting to overlook the most important question.  Was the film itself any good?

It’s …. okay.  Jonathan Majors plays Killian Maddox, a grocery store worker who, as a child, was traumatized by the murder-suicide of his mother and father.  Maddox is obsessed with body building.  He studies body building magazines the way that some people study ancient texts.  One gets the impression that Maddox feels that having the perfect body will make up for all of the imperfections in his life.  He shoots steroids.  He uploads painfully earnest videos to YouTube.  He doesn’t know how to express his emotions, allowing his anger to come out at inappropriate times.  He wants to connect with someone but he doesn’t know how to do it.

To the film’s credit, it understands just how intimidating Killian Maddox can be.  A scene in which Maddox confronts the nephew of his boss initially seems as if it’s going to be about Maddox standing up for himself but instead becomes increasingly disturbing as Maddox upsets the man’s family.  Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver was obviously an influence on the film but Magazine Dreams doesn’t have that film’s wit or its subversive edge.  There are scenes that work.  The scene where a bloody Killian Maddox tries to compete despite being seriously injured is effective, even if it does owe a debt to Whiplash.  Another scene, in which Killian reads the trolling comments that have been left on one of his YouTube videos, actually does make you feel a bit of sympathy for him.  Ultimately, though, the film is so downbeat and unpleasant that you start to wonder why it was made in the first place.  Was Killian Maddox really so interesting a character that the audience needed to spend two hours with him?  Is there really anything to be learned from Killian Maddox and his experiences?

As for Jonathan Majors, he gives a believable performance.  He was a good actor, even if he couldn’t quite make Killian Maddox into a truly compelling character.

Song of the Day: We Are One By Lydia


When the infamous epic Caligula was first released back in 1979, a disco version of Caligula’s love theme — We Are One — was also released as a promotional gimmick.

This song is so over-the-top, so blatantly exploitive, so insidiously catchy, and so totally inappropriate for so many reasons that become clear after you watch the film it was written for that it simply cannot be ignored.  To me, this song represents everything that makes the Grindhouse great.

(As well, I hope whoever was playing bass got paid extra…)

Scenes That I Love: The Mirror Scene From Duck Soup


Believe it or not, when Duck Soup was initially released in 1933, it was considered to be something of a failure.  Especially when compared to previous Marx Brothers films, it was seen as being a box office disappointment.  The critics didn’t care much for it, either.  They felt that the film’s political satire was preposterous and tasteless.  Critics in 1933 attacked Duck Soup for being a cynical, anti-government satire released during the Great Depression.

Of course, today, Duck Soup is justifiably viewed as being a classic comedy.  It’s certainly my favorite Marx Brothers film.  In the classic scene below, Harpo pretends to be Groucho’s reflection in a shattered mirror.  It’s a marvelous piece of physical humor so enjoy it!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Charles Band Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director Charles Band.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Charles Band Films

Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990, dir by Charles Band, DP: Marc Ahlberg)

The Creeps (1997, dir by Charles Band, DP: Adolfo Bartoli)

Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003, dir by Charles Band, DP: Marc Ahlberg)

Evil Bong 888: Infinity High (2022, dir by Charles Band, DP: Alex Nicolaou)

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Attack of the Crab Monsters With #ScarySocial!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1957’s Attack of the Crab Monsters!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime and Tubi!  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

 

Lifetime Film Review: Taken At A Basketball Game (dir by Ruba Nadda)


TAKEN …. at a basketball game!

I’ve always appreciated any made-for-TV movie that’s absolutely shameless about ripping off a big budget feature film and, as such, I did appreciate the chutzpah of Taken At A Basketball Game.  I mean the word “TAKEN” is right there in the title!  D.B. Woodside plays Wayne Edwards, an ex-cop who is now the head of security for a casino.  Wayne is haunted by a shooting that left an innocent girl dead.  Wayne is also middle-aged and struggling to relate to his teenage daughter, Robyn (Claire Qute).  When Robyn is abducted by sex traffickers at a basketball game, Wayne sets out to track her down and rescue her.  It probably will not surprise you to hear that there’s a scene where Wayne explains that, even before he was a cop, he was a member of Special Forces and, as such, he knows how to get information out of people.

That said, it’s been quite a while since Taken was first released.  The first film came out in 2008 and it can be somewhat surprising to remember how excited everyone was about it.  At that time, Liam Neeson was best-known for appearing in prestige pictures so there was something enjoyably subversive about him playing a relentless torturer on a mission.  A lot of people were also under the impression that Taken was based on a true story.  A sequel followed in 2012 and, by that point, people were much more used to the idea of Liam Neeson killing people.  The third (and, to date, final) Taken film came out in 2015 and no one really cared.  There was a television series that sputtered along for two seasons.  There were countless Taken rip-offs, many of which starred Nissan himself.  The initial cultural footprint of Taken was huge but, by the start of the 2020s, it had pretty much evaporated.  Taken At A Basketball Game comes out at a time when even Liam Neeson has started parodying his image.

This is my long-winded way of saying that Taken At A Basketball Game would probably have worked better as a parody than a straight action film.  At this point, whenever an actor starts to give a monologue about how he’s been given very special training, it’s hard not to laugh because it’s a scene that has shown up in so many movies that it’s basically been done to death.  Everyone thinks that they can do a perfect impersonation of Liam Neeson reciting the Taken speech.  Of course, what originally sold the speech in 2008 was that Neeson delivered it with an intensity and a commitment that kept it from sounding like a bunch of empty boasts.  Listening to Neeson in that first film, you sincerely believed that he could and would kill someone if he felt like it.  D.B. Woodside, who is probably best-known for playing the less interesting of 24‘s two President Palmers, comes across as being a bit too mild-mannered to give a convincing “I’ve been trained to inflict pain” speech.  For most of the film, he seems like he’d rather just go back to his office and maybe sell someone some insurance.

The other problem with Taken At A Basketball Game is that very little of it actually takes place at the basketball game.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a fan of basketball.  Those squeaky shoes give me a migraine.  But the stadium was a good location and it’s easy to imagine a fairly entertaining film could have been made out of Woodside spending 90 minutes running from one level to another, searching for his daughter and fighting off various bad guys.  (Yes, I realize this would have made the film into a Die Hard rip-off instead of a Taken rip-off but Die Hard rip-offs still work whereas Taken reached its expiration date years ago.)  Instead, the film abandoned the game early on and just went through the motions for the remainder of its running time.

Oh well.  Maybe Liam Neeson will make a basketball movie someday….