Today, in honor of Labor Day, I am very proud to present a very special edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers! I have selected six trailers for six films about six very specific jobs. Your next career might be found below!
The Principal (1987)
Do you want to make a difference in the lives of your students? Why not follow the path of Rick Lattimore and become …. The Principal!?
2. The Gardener (1972)
Do you like working with plants? Do you have a green thumb? A career in gardening might be for you!
3. The Soldier (1982)
Do you love your country? Do you want to protect your nation from enemies, both domestic and international? The Soldier knows how you feel!
4. The Exterminator (1980)
Do you want to protect your community and help clean up the neighborhood? Consider pursuing a career as an urban vigilante, just like The Exterminator!
5. Moonrunners (1975)
Are you a good driver? Do you feel that the government needs to stay out of people’s personal decisions? Moonshine runner might be a career for you!
6. American Ninja (1985)
Do you have a truly unique set of skills? Were you born in the United States? Consider a career as an American Ninja!
By that, I mean the music that puts us immediately in the mood to create. It’s the music that helps us to clear our mind and to focus on figuring out how best to say what’s on our mind. I think, like most writers, I have a lot of different writing music. The music that I listen to depends on what I’m trying to write. If I’m writing about my boyfriend, I’ll listen to EDM. If I’m writing about my health, I’ll go with the Run Lola Run soundtrack. If I’m writing my childhood, I often tend to use Britney Spears and Coldplay as my background music. If I’m writing about current events, I’ll use Muse. If I’m writing about something fun, I’ll go with Saint Motel. Both Moby and Bob Dylan work for when I’m writing about history. I’ll listen to Adi Ulmansky if I’m writing about my best friend. When writing about Texas, I’ll listen to someone local, preferably from Denton. When it comes time to write about Canada (and by Canada, I mean Degrassi), I go with Jakalope. For any movie about New York, it’s Blondie. If I’m trying to impress everyone with my maturity, I’ll listen to something classical.
And if I need to listen to something that I know will make me feel happy and that I know will leave me feeling as if there’s nothing that I can’t accomplish, I’ll listen to The Chemical Brothers. And 9 times out of 10, I’ll probably listen to their 2007 performance at Glastonbury.
Originally airing on BBC Three, The Chemical Brothers At Glastonbury 2007 captures Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons at their best, energetically performing in front of a enthusiastic audience that refuses to allow a little torrential rain to keep them from experiencing The Chemical Brothers live. Towering over the stage is an astounding graphics display and, as the duo moves from song to song, the images on the display tell a hypnotic story of their own. Colorful shadows of men with guns and overcoats appear to stalk each other before dancing. 3-D shapes spin with the music. Strobe lights briefly illuminate the night sky. At one point, a clown appears and repeatedly orders the audience to “Get Yourself High,” and occasionally it seems like a suggestion and other times it seems like an order. Sometimes, the clown appears to be friendly and other times, he appears to be almost threatening. The clown is my favorite part of the show, though I’ve had others tell me that they find the image of it to be creepy and disturbing. My friend Jason shouts, “GODDAMMIT!” whenever I present him with the Get Yourself High Clown and, as you can probably guess, I usually find just about any excuse I can to trot the Clown out.
But the graphics wouldn’t mean anything if not for the music and, as always, Tom and Ed put on an amazing show. The frequent cuts to the overjoyed (and soaked) audience only adds to the communal feel of it all. The transition for Get Yourself High to Hey Boy Hey Girl to Song of the Siren to All RightsReserved represents everything that makes The Chemical Brothers great.
As I write this, there are apparently a lot of people trapped by the weather at Burning Man. I hope the best for all of them but, for me personally, I think the only festival I need is Glastonbury, especially if The Chemical Brothers are on the bill.
Based on a true story, Lifetime’s Abducted By My Teacher opens with a situation that I related to all too well.
15 year-old Elizabeth Thomas (Summer H. Howell) is the newest student at the local high school. She’s starting school in the middle of the year and she doesn’t know anyone at the school. Everyone is wondering why she’s enrolling so late in the semester. No one wants to run the risk of being the new girl’s friend. Elizabeth can’t even find a table where she can eat her lunch. Now, when I was growing up, my family moved frequently. I started and left a lot of different schools and that meant that I got used to being the new girl. I got used to people asking me questions about my past. I got used to having to fit into a social system that had been established long before I arrived. I learned how to make friends without becoming so close to them that it would hurt when I inevitably had to leave and go to a new school. It never became easily but I do think I managed to handle it about as well as anyone could. (Fortunately, I also had three older sisters to help me out.)
Elizabeth, however, has a problem that I never had to deal with. She’s not only the new girl but the high school is also the first one that she’s ever attended. Previously, Elizabeth was home-schooled by her unstable mother. Now, her father has custody of her and Elizabeth is experiencing public school for the first time. All of the teachers and her classmates know about Elizabeth’s past, leaving Elizabeth feeling like a freak.
However, things start to look up when one of her teachers, Tad Cummins (Michael Fishman), invites her to join the group of students who eat lunch in his classroom. Tad is one of those self-consciously cool teachers who insists that his students refer to him by his first name. He takes an immediate interest in Elizabeth and he even invites her to attend church with him and his wife. At first, Elizabeth isn’t sure how to react to Tad but, eventually, she comes to trust him. After all, he’s the only person at school who seems to care about her and he even helps her to get a job at a restaurant. (Elizabeth’s boss so respects Tad that she’s willing to hire Elizabeth on his recommendation alone.) Eventually, Elizabeth’s father (Gino Anania) grows suspicious of Tad’s interest in his daughter but, by that point, Tad has Elizabeth so in his thrall that he’s able to convince her to run off with him.
It’s a disturbingly familiar tale of grooming and abduction, one that features a sympathetic lead performance from Summer Howell and a memorably creepy one from Michael Fishman. From the minute that we first see Tad, we went to tell Elizabeth to stay away from him but, as this film show, things often look different when they’re actually happening to you than they do when you’re on the outside looking in. Tad is eventually reveled to be a messianic lunatic but, at the beginning, he’s simply the only person willing to give encouragement to someone who desperately needs it. Having no experience with public education and the outside world at all, Elizabeth is easily manipulated but eventually, she reveals an inner strength that even she didn’t know she had. Summer Howell does a wonderful job portraying Elizabeth’s transformation from being meek and easily manipulated to being strong and confident enough to face down her abductor in court.
This film was executive produced by Elizabeth Smart and Smart introduces the film. Elizabeth Smart is someone who has survived a trauma that most of us couldn’t even imagine but she’s since spent her life helping others who have been in similar situations. She deserves all the credit in the world.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1973’s Class of ’63! It can be viewed on YouTube!
It’s college reunion time! Alumni of all ages and from all over the country are returning to the place where they became adults and spent the best years of their lives.
Joe Hart (James Brolin), of the Class of ’63, returns to the campus but he immediately feels like a bit like an outsider. As opposed to his former classmates, many of whom are desperately trying to recapture their fading youth, Joe is quiet and sensitive and he’s aware of the passage of time. He hasn’t come back to college so that he can relive his carefree fraternity days. Instead, his main interest is whether or not his former fiancée will be there.
And it turns out that Louise Swerner (Joan Hackett) is there! She’s accompanied by her husband and fellow member of the Class 0f 63, Mickey Swerner (Cliff Gorman). From the minute that Mickey appears, it’s obvious that he has both a chip on his shoulder and a lot of insecurity. He is visibly annoyed when people fail to immediately recognize him. He and Louise have a strained marriage and he’s not particularly happy with how excited she is to see Joe again. While Mickey tries to convince everyone that he’s grown up to be a winner, Louise and Joe get reacquainted and it becomes obvious that they still love each other. Will Louise and Joe leave the reunion together and should they be more concerned with the fact that Mickey just happens to have a sniper rifle in his luggage? And what to make of Dave McKay (Ed Lauter), the former classmate who seems to be just a little bit too excited to see everyone?
It’s an interesting film and I have to say that it didn’t quite go the direction that I was expecting it to. Despite the presence of the rifle and Mickey’s obvious instability, the film is less a thriller and more a look at what it means to grow up and the difficulty of letting go of the past. None of the characters are caricatures. Joe and Louise may seem perfect together but the film makes clear that they’re also idealizing their time together. With neither one of them really happy with their current life, they’ve both fallen into the trap of wondering, “What if?” Meanwhile, Mickey may be flawed but it’s impossible not to have some sympathy for him. As hostile as Cliff can be, it’s obvious that the person that he hates the most is himself and Cliff Gorman does a good job of capturing Mickey’s raging insecurity. Gorman’s intensity provides a good balance to Brolin’s more laid back performance and, by the end of the film, one can understand why and how Louise was able to fall in love with two men who superficially seem to be so different.
Class of ’63 is a good drama, one that requires a little patience but which ultimately rewards the audience for sticking with it.
As with so many Lifetime films, To Kill A Stepfather opens with a murder.
Matthew (Dan Golden) is a pillar of his small town’s community. He’s well-liked by all and he’s renowned for the way his voice sounds whenever he sings with the choir. His wife, Kate (Elyse Mirto), is a bit less popular with the community but everyone agrees that Matthew has been good as stepfather to her daughter, Riley (Kelly McCart).
Of course, Riley is not Kate’s only daughter. Nicole (Alex Camacho) is a high-priced defense attorney who left home a long time ago and who has never really made peace with her memories of her mother being an alcoholic. Nicole barely knows Matthew. She’s been too busy pursuing her career to keep up with what’s happening at her former home. Nicole is one of those lawyers who gets yelled at by strangers because so many of her clients are guilty. Now, of course, Nicole’s job is to defend her clients. Guilty or not, anyone accused of a crime is entitled to representation and the job of a defense attorney is to serve as their client’s advocate and help them make their way through the complexities of the American legal system. In other words, Nicole is doing her job. Get off her back, people!
One night, Matthew and Kate’s neighbors hear an argument coming from their house. Inside the house, someone shoves Matthew down a flight of stairs and kills him. When the police arrest Kate for the crime, Riley calls the only attorney that she knows, her older sister Nicole. Nicole returns to her hometown and discovers that, even in jail and desperately needing an attorney, her mother still isn’t happy to see her. Indeed, Kate even says that she would prefer a different lawyer but Nicole takes one look at the ambulance chaser who has been assigned to the case and declares that she’s taking over her mother’s defense.
Apparently, this film was inspired by a true story but it plays out like a typical Lifetime courtroom drama. That’s not a complaint, of course. The familiarity is one of the things that people love about Lifetime movies. From the minute that Nicole meets Kate in prison, the viewer will suspect that they know where the story is heading but that’s okay. The destination is less important than the journey and the journey is enjoyably melodramatic. Alex Camacho and Kelly McCart are instantly believable as sisters and Elyse Mirto gives a good performance as the mother who wants to hold onto her secrets, even if they mean possibly going to prison. In the end, the important thing is that the film embraces the melodrama. That’s really the main thing that we ask from our Lifetime films.
That said, I was kind of amused by how “slick” all of the attorneys in the film were. I’ve worked as an administrative assistant in a law office. I’ve known a few lawyers. I’ve been to the courthouses. Attorneys are usually the most shabbily-dressed people in the courthouse and, usually, they’re juggling way too much to have time to stand around and exchange snarky bon mots. But again, one doesn’t watch a legal drama on Lifetime because they’re looking for a realistic portrait of the American legal system. On Lifetime, all lawyers are perfectly dressed and have not a hair out of place and that’s more than alright.
Just in time for the Labor Day, here’s a short film from 1949 about How To Keep A Job!
Edward is kind of a dummy. He goes to a job interview and spends the whole time not only trashing his former employer but also trying to avoid admitting that he was fired from his previous job. Fortunately, the man interviewing him can tell that Edward still has potential, despite the fact that he’s kind of a squirmy idiot.
The interviewer tells Edward the story of twin brothers who worked in shipping. One brother was smart and responsible and always a good worker. That bother is now on the verge of being promoted. The other brother, Walter, was irresponsible and more concerned with getting ready for a date than actually doing his job. The message would seem to be that Edward is running the risk of turning into Walter but wait a minute! There’s a twist!
This is certainly an earnest short film. Of course, when seen today, it’s more goofy than educational. I have to admit that films like this always used to make me feel guilty because they’re like, “You must follow these exact steps to get and keep a job,” and I’m over here like, “Or you can just wait for a friend of your mom’s to give you a job!” But anyway, here’s How To Keep A Job!
Here is the latest trailer for The Nun II, which will be opening at the end of this upcoming week. Try to control your excitement as we get a second chapter in the least interesting of the various Conjuring spin-offs.
In 2021’s A Town Called Parable, Eric Roberts plays Reverend John Corell. He’s a pastor who lives in a small frontier town called Parable. It’s a town that’s full of gunslingers, gamblers, and businessmen. It’s the Old West, as long as you’re willing to overlook the fact that most of the characters have modern haircuts and wear clothes that look like they were purchased from the neighborhood costume shop.
John Corell is having a crisis of faith, due to the fact that some gunslingers gunned down his brother in the middle of the night. Corell is not sure how he can possibly be expected to forgive the men that killed his brother. He wants revenge but he knows that seeking revenge will mean rejecting everything that he believes in.
Now, to be honest, the idea of Eric Roberts playing a morally conflicted, old west preacher-turned-gunfighter actually does have some potential and I was totally looking forward to the sight of Roberts walking down a dusty street and demanding that his enemies “Draw!” Unfortunately, the majority of that potential is unrealized. The film only runs for a little over 70 minutes and most of Eric Roberts’s scenes feature him performing a monologue in his church. As Corell speaks, he remembers things that have happened to other citizens of Parable. Needless to say, there’s a lesson to be found in every flashback. The town isn’t called Parable for nothing.
For instance, Corell remembers the starving man who kept knocking at everyone’s door until he finally found someone willing to give him some food. He remembers the widow who kept demanding that the sheriff do something about the men who killed her husband and how she refused to stop demanding until justice was served. He also remembers the drunken employee who was forgiven once by his employer but who didn’t change his ways and who was savagely beaten as a result. (His wife and child were also sold to the highest bidder …. YIKES!) The stories all roughly correspond to a Biblical parable but, at the same time, they don’t offer up much of a solution as to what Corell should do when the men who killed his brother gather outside of his church.
It’s a disappointing film and one that does not take advantage of the presence of Eric Roberts. I mean, if you can actually convince Eric Roberts to spend more than day on your set, you need to do something more with him than just have him pace around one location. Fortunately, there are other Eric Roberts westerns out there that make better use of his unique talents.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
Since this is Labor Day weekend, it seems like an appropriate time to share a short film about one of our most valuable professions, teaching.
In 1947’s Maintaining Classroom Discipline, Mr. Grimes is a Math teacher who is disappointed in his stupid, stupid students. How should he deal with them? This short film gives us two options. The first half of the film (which, if we’re going to be honest, is the more fun half of the film), Mr. Grimes is hard-nosed and sarcastic, telling the students that he’s very disappointed in them and giving them all detention when they make fun of him. (One of them even misses football practice!) This approach does not work and, instead, leads to montage of Mr. Grimes giving detention to student after student. One student is kicked out of class and told not to return until he’s ready to apologize. I mean, seriously, Mr. Grimes is basically telling him that he can just leave the school if he wants.
The second half of the film features Mr. Grimes instead being polite about the low test score and patiently explaining to his students how ratio works. When one student tries to make fun of Mr. Grimes, the entire class rolls their eyes. Earth-2 Mr. Grimes is a good teacher and his class would die for him!
Personally, if I was a teacher, I have no idea how I would maintain discipline. I’d probably just make sure that my classroom was near the principal’s office so I can pull him in whenever I wanted to. To me, the worst thing about giving a student detention isn’t the fact that the student will resent you for it but that apparently, you’re required to stick around until detention has been served. Seriously, I enjoy working and all but I also like going home.
Anyway, let’s all learn from Mr. Grimes, shall we?
Here’s the trailer for Saltburn, Emerald Fennell’s first film since her Oscar-nominated Promising Young Woman. In this film, Barry Keoghan (who was so good in The Banshees of Inisherin) plays an awkward student at Oxford who becomes obsessed with his aristocratic classmate (Jacob Elordi). Keoghan, Elordi, Fennell, and the film itself are all expected to be potential Oscar contenders.
Through the Shattered Lens 