Michael Petit | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls are on the road!

Episode 1.3 “All Roads Lead to Dayton”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 9th, 1984)

The Bulls are playing their second game in Dayton! It’s a road game and Coach Denardo tells all of the players that they are expected to conduct themselves like gentlemen on the road.

“Booooo!” the team replies.

Denardo replies, “I know but the owner’s a broad now….”

Speaking of Dana Barrow, she has a lot to deal with. The Arcola Brothers are still trying to muscle their way into the team’s business. Meanwhile, her ex-husband, Paul (now played by Ben Cooper), is determined to get his team back. At the hotel in Dayton, he and his sleazy lawyer arrange for Dana’s drink to be drugged so that the hotel’s assistant manager can rape Dana while being filmed by a camera hidden behind a two-way mirror. They plan to leak the tape to the press and claim that Dana is a nymphomaniac who shouldn’t be allowed to own an NFL team. Fortunately, quarterback Bob Dorsey stops by Dana’s hotel room to discuss an offer he’s gotten to become a sports commentator and he proceeds to beat the hell out of the assistant manager, shatter the mirror, and give the camera the finger. And he wins the game!

Take that, Dayton!

He even scores an extra touchdown, just so the Mafia won’t make any money on their bets.

Take that, Arcola Brothers!

The episodes of 1st & Ten that are on Tubi are apparently a combination of episodes that were edited for syndication and the original HBO episodes. The version that I saw of All Roads to Dayton was clearly the HBO original, as there was significant amount of cursing and quite a bit of nudity. I get the feeling that those were the two main reasons that 1st and Ten found success when it first aired. It certainly wasn’t for the acting or the storylines, neither of which were especially noteworthy. That said, I’m from Dallas and I’ve heard all the stories about the Cowboys and Jerry Jones so I imagine that this episode’s depiction of a football team on a road trip was probably fairly tame when compared to the real thing.

As for this episode, Dana was a bit too naive to be believed. Delta Burke actually gives a good performance as Dana but the scripts continually let her down. We’re only three episodes in and Roger, the team’s general manager, has planted drugs in her house, caused Bob to get seriously injured during practice, and drugged her so that she could be raped in her hotel room. I would seriously be looking for a new general manager at this point. On the plus side, I do like Geoffrey Scott’s performance as Bob Dorsey. He’s charming without being smarmy about it.

Next week …. more football stuff, I guess.

This week, the football season begins!

Episode 1.2 “The Opener”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 2nd, 1984)

The opening game of the season is approaching. The Bulls have trader their former quarterback (who was played, briefly, by Robert Logan in the pilot) for a new quarterback, Bob D0rsey (Geoffrey Scott). Bob Dorsey is a notorious womanizer and a veteran player with a strong arm and a bad knee. So, basically, he’s just like their former quarterback except he’s played by Geoffrey Scott instead of Robert Logan.

Dana has decided that Bob will start on opening day, instead of the quarterback that they drafted out of BYU, the ultra-religious Bryce Smith (Jeff East). (Opening Day, quarterback, drafted — look at me using all the football terminology!) Bryce is fine with not starting because he feels that it is God’s will for Bob to start.

However, the Mafia (represented by Michael V. Gazzo and Robert Miranda) is not happy! It turns out that general manager Roger Barrow has been doing business with the Arcola Brothers. He’s been giving them tickets and allowing the Arcolas to scalp them in return for a 20% commission. Dana puts an end to that, saying that all the tickets will now be sold through the box office as opposed to being held for VIPs. The Mafia wants Roger to make sure that Bob does not start. Roger convinces one of the other players to injure Bob during practice so that Bryce will be the starter.

Uh-oh! Bob injures his knee. Bryce is going to have to play …. except, right before the team hits the field, the team doctor suddenly says that Bob’s knee is at 80% and he can play if he wants to. Of course, Bob wants to! Bob takes the field and, after several minutes of stock footage, we’re told that the Bulls have won the game.

This show feels so strange. On the one hand, I get the feeling that this episode probably was realistic about the physical toll that playing football takes on a player. Bob is 35 and can barely walk. I imagine that the episode’s portrayal of the locker room being a mx of stupidity and testosterone was probably accurate as well. I’ll even give the episode credit for showing that all of the players resent the team’s owner and that Coach Denardo uses that to his advantage when it comes to motivating them. Everyone — well, almost everyone — resents their boss. (Not me! I love everyone I’ve ever worked with!)

On the other hand, the first two episodes have been so low-budget that it appears there’s only five or six players on the team and the mix of comedy and drama feels rather awkward. Dana’s friend Mona (Ruta Lee) starts drinking in the morning and tossing out pithy one liners. Meanwhile, the Mafia is threatening to kill Roger. It really doesn’t fit together. The whole thing just looks and feels cheap.

But, hey, the Bulls won! Good for them!