Holidays On The Lens: Christmas In Palm Springs (dir by Fred Olen Ray)


Today, we have another cute little Christmas film from the insanely prolific director, Fred Olen Ray.

In 2014’s Christmas In Palm Springs, Dina Meyer is a divorced workaholic who is due to give a presentation in Palm Springs.  Patrick Muldoon is her ex-husband, who would like to get back together with her.  Fortunately, their children want them to get back together as well and will do anything to make it happen….

It’s cute and Christmas-y and Ian Ziering and David Chokachi in small roles.   (You may remember Chokachi as the speedo-wearing Baywatch lifeguard that my friend Evelyn nicknamed “The Bulge.”)  And it’s also a Starship Troopers reunion.  Personally, I just like it when Patrick Muldoon shows up in these movies!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.13 “All Jammed Up”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, season one comes to an end!

Episode 1.13 “All Jammed Up”

(Dir by Ronald Victor Garcia, originally aired on May 25th, 1996)

Here we are at the end of the first season of the show and both Pacific Blue and Tim Palmero’s bicycle squad are still struggling to justify their existence.

There’s a couple of thieves robbing people who are stuck in traffic.  The thieves ride bicycles.  You can literally see Palermo light up as he realizes that he’s finally run into a criminal who can reasonably be subdued by his bike patrol.  Of course, it still takes them forever to catch the guy.  Whenever the bike criminal would escape and Palermo or TC would say, “We’ll get him next time,” I was reminded of Mike Brady trying to sell his terrible architectural designs in The Brady Bunch Movie and assuring his desperate boss that the next client would definitely want their gas station or restaurant to look just like the Brady house.

Meanwhile, Chris and and Cory go undercover as escorts in order to catch an arms dealer who is staying at a hotel and who has a thing for sex workers.  Chris is not happy with assignment and complains about it.  Normally, I would agree because it really is a degrading assignment.  (The arms dealers can be identified only by a tattoo on his behind.)  But Chris whines about everything so I have to admit that I didn’t have as much sympathy as I should have had.

Cory, along with her undercover work, is upset because her boyfriend (Ken Olandt) refuses to tell his parents that she’s a bike cop.  Her boyfriend’s father was played by Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs.  That was amusing.

Meanwhile, Elvis wants to ask someone out.  TC gives him advice and, in a nod to Cyrano, tells Elvis what to say.  Hey, TC — there’s a crime wave going on!  Or maybe you didn’t notice….

This was a pretty pointless way to end the season but …. eh, it’s Pacific Blue.  It’s pretty much what I was expecting from this show.  This first season was pretty bad.  I can’t really think of a single episode that didn’t get on my nerves in some way.  Way too much time was spent this season on people saying, “They ride bikes?”  Yes, they ride bikes.  They look stupid and I would be kind of angry if I was the victim of a crime and any of these losers showed up but at some point, both the show and the audience will have to accept that it is what it is.  The show is about cops on bicycles.  Every episode during the first season seemed to be designed to make us go, “Okay, they’re real cops!”  But if you’re still having to convince the audience of that thirteen episodes in, it’s a problem.

Oh well.  Season 2 starts next week!

 

October True Crime: Chapter 27 (dir by J.P. Schaefer)


On December 8th, 1980, John Lennon was shot and killed in New York City by a man named Mark David Chapman.

While much has been written about John Lennon and his life and his beliefs, Mark David Chapman, serving a life sentence and rarely giving interviews, has always remained more of an enigma.  What exactly motivated him to shoot John Lennon remains a mystery.  At the time of the shooting, Chapman was carrying a copy of Catcher In The Rye and some accounts insist that Chapman believed himself to be Holden Caulfield or that he shot Lennon to try to bring more attention to the book.  Depending on which source you go to, Chapman was either a Beatles superfan or he was someone who rarely listened to rock ‘n’ roll.  Chapman either worshipped Lennon or he was offended by Lennon’s flippant remark about the Beatles being bigger than Jesus.  Some people claim that Chapman was looking for fame by killing someone famous.  Others claim that Lennon was not even Chapman’s main target and Chapman, in one of the few interviews that he did give, listed a long list of targets — including several other celebrities and politicians — that he considered going after at one point or another.

If anything, Mark David Chapman would appear to be a lot like Arthur Bremer, the directionless drifter who seriously wounded Governor George Wallace in 1972 and whose diary inspired Paul Schrader to create the character of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver.  Like Chapman, Arthur Bremer traveled the country without apparent direction.  Like Chapman, Bremer considered many different targets before settling on Wallace.  And like Chapman, Bremer gave a lot of conflicting reasons for his actions.  One gets the feeling that neither Chapman nor Bremer (nor a lot of other assassins) really understood why they were driven to kill (or, in Bremer’s case, attempt to kill) so they grasped at whatever solution seemed to convenient at the time.  Apparently, anything was preferable to just admitting to being a severely damaged human being.

2007’s Chapter 27, follows Mark David Chapman (played by Jared Leto) as he travels to Manhattan and spends several days camped outside of the famous Dakota Apartment Building, hoping to see John Lennon (played by Mark Lindsay Chapman, who reportedly missed out on an earlier opportunity to play Lennon because he shared the same name as Lennon’s assassin).  The film is narrated by Mark David Chapman, who tries to talk tough just like Holden Caulfield but who can’t hide the fact that he’s basically just a fat loser who has no idea how to communicate with any of the other people that he meets in New York.  He creeps out a friendly groupie (played by Lindsay Lohan).  He gets into an argument with a photographer (Judah Friedlander).  He annoys countless Dakota doormen.  About the only person who isn’t annoyed by Chapman is Lennon himself, who politely signs an autograph just a few hours before Chapman shoots him in the back.

It’s a well-made and well-directed film and Jared Leto gives a memorably creepy performance as Mark David Chapman.  (That said, the accent that he uses while speaking as Chapman once again proves the danger of giving a method actor any role that involves a Southern accent.)  Leto gained a good deal of weight to Chapman and he’s thoroughly believable as a very familiar type of obsessive fan.  That said, the film still can’t make Chapman into a particularly compelling character because there’s really nothing compelling about someone like Mark David Chapman.  The man he killed was compelling, regardless of what you may think about the politics of a song like Imagine.  But Chapman himself was just a fat loser.  Leto does a good job of portraying Chapman as being a fat loser but it’s still hard to watch the film without wondering what the point of it all is.  We don’t need a movie to tell us that Mark David Chapman was a loser.

At its best, the film creates a sense of claustrophobia.  Almost the entire film is told from Chapman’s point of view and the best moments are the ones where Chapman finds himself overwhelmed by 1980s New York.  It’s a film that does inspire one to consider how strange it is that someone like Mark David Chapman could change the course of the culture through one deadly action.  (The film did cause me to think about how different things would have been if Chapman had boarded a Greyhound and left New York without returning to the Dakota that night.)  But, in the end, the film cannot answer the question of why Chapman did what he did.  Perhaps that’s because there really is no answer, beyond the randomness of fate and the dangers of fame.

Film Review: The Twin (dir by Max Derin and Fred Olen Ray)


twin

According to the imdb, Fred Olen Ray is, as of this writing, credited with directing 148 films.  Few of those films have necessarily been acclaimed by the mainstream critics but almost all of them are a lot of fun when taken on their own terms.

Take The Twin for instance, on which Ray shares a directing credit with screenwriter Max Derin.

Now, in many ways, The Twin is a ludicrous film.  It’s very, very melodramatic and the whole film’s central issue (i.e., which twin is which) could have been very easily resolved if just one person in the movie had used a little common sense.

But you know what?

Criticism like that misses the entire point of the film.  The Twin is a lot of fun and it’s certainly not a film that’s meant to be taken seriously.  This is not a serious look at mental illness, young love, sibling rivalry, or anything else for that matter.  This is an over-the-top and rather silly piece of pure entertainment and, if we can’t enjoy something like that, what hope is there for the world?

The film deals with Tyler (Timothy Granaderos), who would seem to be almost perfect.  He’s handsome.  He’s intelligent.  He’s compassionate.  He’s a wonderful boyfriend, always polite and considerate to his girlfriend, Jocelyn (Jess Gabor).  Even Jocelyn’s overprotective mother, Ashley (Brigid Brannah), seems to like him.

However, Tyler has a secret.  Years ago, his parents were killed in a car accident.  The accident was caused by Tyler’s brother, Derrick.  As you may have guessed from the film’s title, Derrick is Tyler’s twin.  And we all know that, whenever a movie is called The Twin, that means that there’s going to be a good twin and an evil twin.  It turns out that Derrick is the evil twin and that accident was no accident.

Derrick has spent the last few years in a mental asylum.  When Tyler shows up to visit his brother, the staff tells Tyler that Derrick has picked up a strange new habit.  He’s telling everyone that he’s actually Tyler and Tyler is Derrick.  Oh well, Tyler shrugs, that’s what happens when you’ve got a sociopathic twin.

Later, when Tyler is alone with his twin, he’s shocked when Derrick attacks him.  Derrick knocks him out and then switches clothes with him.  Claiming to be Tyler, Derrick walks out of the hospital and into the lives on Jocelyn and Ashley.  Meanwhile, Tyler is stuck in the hospital, begging for someone to just give him a blood test so that he can prove who he is….

Anyway, you can probably guess what happens next but that’s part of the fun.  Derrick (as Tyler) spends a lot of good, quality time with Ashley and Jocelyn, both of whom are surprised by how different “Tyler’s” personality seems to now be.  Ashley, of course, is more suspicious than Jocelyn.  (This film premiered on Lifetime so you better believe that overprotective mom is eventually proven right.)

It may be predictable but, like I said, it’s all a lot of fun.  I don’t know which parts of the film were directed by Derin and which parts by Fred Olen Ray but, as a whole, the film is cheerfully content to be a B-movie and you have to kind of love it for that.  At a time when everyone is taking everything so seriously and so many filmmakers are giving into portentous pretension, it’s nice to see a thriller that’s pure entertainment.

Plus, Timothy Granaderos is a lot of fun as both Tyler and Derrick.  Tyler is nice but kind of dull.  Derrick is exciting but totally batshit crazy.  Granaderos seems to be enjoying himself as he switches back and forth between being good and evil.  An evil twin movie is only as good as its twins and Granaderos is pretty good.

So, keep an eye out for The Twin.  Melodrama this enjoyable should not be missed.