Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.9 “Love Triangle” and 4.10 “Texas Rose”

Posted on April 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we have one decent episode and one episode that …. well, just read the review.

Episode 4.9 “Love Triangle”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 10th, 1998)

Finally, a decent episode!

At the start of this episode, Kristy informs Mary Beth that she has a crush on Hammer but she’s too shy to talk to him. Not surprisingly, Mary Beth takes it upon herself to set them up. She tells Hammer to be at the Stadium at a certain time so that he can meet his blind date. Hammer agrees but is shocked when the blind date turns out to be Kristy. After the date, he approaches Mary Beth and tells her that, while he thinks Kristy is great, she’s not the girl that he’s interested in. He’s interested in …. MARY BETH!

Now, you can probably guess that this leads to Mary Beth dating Hammer in secret. And you can probably also guess that Kristy eventually figures out what’s happening while they’re all at the latest school dance. Mary Beth and Kristy argue and then they make up and then everything’s fine. Mary Beth has a boyfriend, Hammer has a girlfriend, and Kristy …. well, okay. It kind of sucks for Kristy. That said, Mary Beth and Hammer are a cute couple.

This was a pretty simple episode and it almost felt like a throwback to the type of episodes that dominated the show’s first season. (Remember when Danny tried to date Julie before eventually realizing that Sam was perfect for him?) But it was kind of nice to take a break from all the basketball stuff and Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto did a good job with both the dramatic and the comedic moments of the episode. And, after a rough few episodes, Mark Famiglietti finally got to display some bad boy charm in the role of Hammer.

All in all, this wasn’t a bad episode.

Episode 4.10 “Texas Rose”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 10th, 1998)

*sigh*

This episode finds the team going to a basketball tournament in San Antonio, Texas so, of course, it opens up with stock footage of an oil derrick. From the minute I saw that cliché, I knew this would be a difficult episode for me. As a Texan, I’m very sensitive to all the silly stereotypes and clichés that television shows tend to fall back on whenever they try to tell a story about my part of the world.

The oil derricks were followed by a shot of the Alamo. That was good. The Alamo is a huge part of Texas culture. This was followed by the Tornadoes checking into their San Antonio hotel and, of course, everyone in the lobby is wearing a cowboy hat. I rolled my eyes so hard that I gave myself a headache. “Is it me or does everyone around here look like Garth Brooks?” Mary Beth says.

Oh c’mon, I muttered for neither the first nor the last time.

“I can’t wait to get on the court and kick some cowboy butt!” Michael declares.

So, I guess the point of this episode was to make sure no one in Texas ever watched another episode of Hang Time. I mean, we’ve got enough confidence down here to take a joke but that doesn’t mean we want to spend 30 minutes being made fun of by a bunch of people who think Indianapolis is a real city.

At the local restaurant, the boys go crazy watching some fat dude try to ride an electric bull while Kristy sees a handsome Latino and automatically assumes that he can’t speak English. She speaks to him in Spanish and, as we can see from the subtitles, her Spanish sucks. Still, Antonio (Jay Hernandez, of Crazy/Beautiful and Hostel fame) is so attracted to her that he doesn’t mention that he was born in America and he can speak English. Myself, I just find it interesting that Kristy and her friends assume that just because someone has brown skin in San Antonio, they must have been born in Mexico or Latin America and that they must not be able to speak English. I mean, did they not notice that the town itself is called San Antonio but it’s full of people who speak and understand both English and Spanish? Did they somehow never learn that Texas has a strong and politically active Latino community? Seriously, the whole world isn’t freaking Indiana.

(And they wonder why we dislike Yankee tourists down here….)

Meanwhile, Silk meets a girl named Rose and falls for her. However, Silk thinks that Rose is rich so he pretends to be rich in order to impress her. When Silk takes Rose to Coach K’s suite and tries to pretend that it’s actually his hotel room, it works until Coach K shows up. Oh well, Silk — that’s what you get!

The next day, as the team gets ready for their first game, Kristy is shocked to discover that Antonio is on the rival team and he can speak English! Kristy yells at him for not telling her that he could speak English. You know, Kristy, maybe you should have given him a chance to speak English before assuming that he couldn’t.

Things work out in the end. Silk discovers that Rose isn’t actually rich and then he commandeers the stage of the local country-western bar and sings her a country song. Wow, that’s stupid. The episode ends without any word as to whether or not The Tornadoes won their tournament. I really hope this doesn’t mean that I’m going to have sit through four more episodes about the Tornadoes in San Antonio.

*shudder*

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.7 “Assault and Pepper Spray” and 4.8 “High Hoops”

Posted on April 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s all about self-defense and marijuana at Deering High!

Episode 4.7 “Assault and Pepper Spray”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

This was a weird episode. Kristy has a job working at the mall. Since this is a Peter Engel-produced show, that job involves wearing an ugly outfit and selling corny dogs. One night, when she gets off work, she’s mugged. Despite her efforts to try to move on with her life, she still struggles with PTSD. So far, so good. I’ve been in similar situations and it’s not something you ever really get over, even if you do eventually manage to get on with your life. After taking a self-defense class and discovering that she’s not good at beating people up, Kristy decides to carry pepper spray instead. The next night, while she’s walking out to her car, someone comes up behind her. Startled, Kristy uses the pepper spray. OH NO, SHE JUST SPRAYED MICHAEL!

Now, don’t get me wrong. It sucks that Michael got sprayed in the face. I carry pepper spray myself and I’ve accidentally sprayed myself in the face enough time that I know what it can do. (That’s one reason why I carry it.) But Michael also knew what had happened to Kristy earlier so he should have known better than to sneak up on her. Everyone on the show acts as if Kristy drew a gun, turned around and shot Michael but all Kristy did was spray him in the face. (And again, it really was Michael’s fault that he got sprayed in the first place.) Feeling guilty, Kristy says she’s going to give up the pepper spray and take another self-defense course. No, Kristy! The pepper spray worked! Just because Michael ends up crying about it, that doesn’t mean that the pepper spray was a bad idea. If Kristy had sprayed someone other than Michael, everyone would be talking about how lucky she was to have it with her.

I mean, take me for instance. I run. I dance. I know how to kick. I like to think that I’m in pretty good shape. But if some dude who outweighs me by over a hundred pounds is coming at me, I’m going for the pepper spray.

The plot of this episode left a bad, coppery taste in my mouth and brought tears to my eyes. Let’s move on.

Episode 4.8 “High Hoops”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

Rico is eating more than usual. He’s laughing at strange moments. He’s paranoid about people sneaking up on him. He’s screwing up at practice.

OH MY GOD, RICO’S ON THE WEED!

Which weed?

THE WEED WITH ROOTS IN HELL!

Yes, this is another Peter Engel-produced television show about the dangers of marijuana. This time, it’s Rico who is getting high and running the risk of hurting himself and his friends. The team discovers that Rico is now a stoner when he opens up his locker and a baggie of weed literally flies out of it. Rico says that pot is no big deal. Hammer says that his cousin used to think the same thing but now he lives in the park and thinks that he’s a squirrel. (I think Hammer’s cousin may have been doing something more than just marijuana if that’s the case.) The team is scandalized and who can blame them? Athletes doing drugs? WHO EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING!?

(Wow, I’m doing a lot of yelling today.)

Despite knowing that Rico is now a drug fiend, Hammer still asks him to fix the brakes on his motorcycle. Unfortunately, Rico gets too stoned to fix the brakes and Hammer ends up having a serious accident as a result. You have to wonder why Hammer would have trusted Rico with that responsibility to begin with, especially considering that this episode has an entire B-plot about Mary Beth, Kristy, and Michael taking auto shop because they think it’ll be an easy A.

(It turns out that not only is not an easy A but Kristy manages to get trapped in the trunk of the teacher’s car while installing a radio. It was kind of dumb but, as I’ve said more than a few times, Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto were a strong enough comedic team that they could wring laughs out of even the dumbest of situations.)

Anyway, Hammer comes back to school with his arm in a sling and looking for revenge. He uses his one good arm to try to beat up Rico, which is all it takes for Rico to realize that he needs to clean up his act. So, the lesson here is to beat up all of your drug-abusing friends but don’t use pepper spray if they come at you.

I’m glad that’s cleared up.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.5 “S.A.T. Blues” and 4.6 “Easy Credit”

Posted on March 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 4 continues! Maybe this will be the week when it actually gets …. good.

Episode 4.5 “S.A.T. Blues”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

It’s S.A.T. time! (Seeing as how Julie and Mary Beth are both in their fifth year of high school, it’s probably a good thing that they finally took the test.) Everyone does well on the S.A.T. except for Hammer. But Hammer is convinced that he doesn’t need good test scores because of his talent on the court. Unfortunately, a recruiter from Duke U. informs Hammer that it doesn’t matter that Hammer single-handedly won the team’s last game. Duke takes academics very seriously and there’s no way Hammer will ever play for them. NOT WITH THOSE SCORES!

A dejected Hammer tries to quit the team. Fortunately, a friend Coach K’s informs Hammer that he can still get into the NBA, even if he does end up going to junior college. I’m going to guess that Coach K’s friend was played by a real-life basketball player, just because the audience went crazy when he made a basket. Coach K. also made a basket but, noticeably, it was made through camera trickery because, unlike Reggie Theus, Dick Butkus was not a former basketball player and didn’t come across as being someone who had ever made a basket in his life. Anyway, Hammer learns an important lesson and agrees to take the test again. That said, if Hammer was actually as good on the court as he claimed to be, I imagine Duke would have bent the rules for him.

Meanwhile, Julie and Michael celebrate their 2-year anniversary. After Mary Beth hears Michael talking about getting an expensive “ruby guitar” for himself, she tells Julie that Michael is getting her a “ruby.” Julie buys Michael an expensive guitar case. Meanwhile, Michael finds out that Mary Beth told Julie that she’s getting a ruby ring so he sells his guitar so that he can afford to get her the ring. Somewhere, the angry ghost of O. Henry is researching copyright law. Anyway, Julie gets mad at Michael for spending too much on her. Who actually gets mad over something like that?

This episode was not particularly memorable but it wasn’t really bad either. It was very much a middle-of-the-road Hang Time episode. An important lesson was learned and the audiences was told to cheer whenever Michael and Julie kissed. Dick Butkus is still totally unbelievable as a basketball coach. Let us move on.

Episode 4.6 “Easy Credit”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

Ugh. This is another one of those episodes where every complication is due to the characters being idiots. I hate episodes like this.

In the B-plot, Julie is set to be named Indiana Basketball Player of the Month, because of course she is. Coach K. doesn’t want Julie to find out before he announces it at the school dance. However, he makes the mistake of telling Mary Beth and Michael about it and they do such a bad job of hiding how excited they are about Julie winning yet another honor that Julie suspects that something strange is going on. Through a series of events that are way too annoying for me to detail, this leads to Julie and Kristy thinking that Coach K is going to ask the principal to marry him and this would all be interesting if I had never seen any other shows produced by Peter Engel.

The A-plot is even more aggravating. Silk has a credit card but he’s only supposed to use it for emergencies. But he ends up using it to buy stuff for himself and his friends. He also ends up with a huge credit card bill. Instead of getting a job or asking his parents for the money, he decides to use the credit card to buy a TV so that it can be raffled off at the school dance. (What?) Unfortunately, the TV gets broken so Silk, Rico, and Hammer decide to borrow the team van so they can take the TV to Rico’s uncle who is a master at repairing televisions. Unfortunately, the van breaks down and Silk can’t afford to get it fixed because the credit card is maxed out and….

….

Sorry, I was silently screaming. This was such an annoying episode. I’m done talking about it. Everything worked out and Silk learned an important lesson about not being an irresponsible dummy. Yay!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.3 “Let Them Play” and 4.4 “Lend A Helping Hammer”

Posted on March 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 4 continues! Will Coach K ever figure out how to step into Coach Fuller’s shoes? Will the team ever come together? Will Julie and Mary Beth ever graduate? Let’s find out!

Episode 4.3 “Let Them Play”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

Another big game is coming up but the majority of the team doesn’t want to play it! It turns out that one of their rival teammates is HIV+ and, as a result, high schools across Indiana have been refusing to play them. When Coach K puts it to a team vote, only Michael argues that they shouldn’t cancel their upcoming game. Even St. Julie votes to cancel the game.

However, Michael then brings the HIV+ positive player down to The Stadium, the oddly sterile restaurant where everyone hangs out. The team discovers that their rival is just like them and almost all of them change their minds about playing. The only one who doesn’t now want to play is …. JULIE! Julie tells Michael that she doesn’t feel safe playing against a player with HIV, especially since she’ll be the one guarding him in the game. “C’mon, Julie,” Michael says, “we need you in this game!” And Michael’s correct because, if there’s anything we’ve learned from Hang Time, it’s that Julie is the only good basketball player in Indiana. Maybe that’s why she’s been allowed to stay at the high school for an extra year….

Despite the players changing their minds, the school board says that the game still cannot be played. As a way to protest, the teams decide to play an “unofficial” game. When a member of the school board comes by the gym to complain, Julie sees that it’s the same member of the board who always says that a girl shouldn’t be allowed to play basketball! Julie decides that she will play, once again proving that the best way to get Julie to do anything is to make it all about Julie.

This is one of those episodes that probably would have worked much better with the “old” cast. I imagine if this episode had aired during the previous season, Danny would have been the one arguing that the team should play and that would have been totally in character for him. Turning Michael into a social crusader with a conscience goes against everything that we’ve learned about Michael up until this point. As well, we still don’t know any of the new players so it’s a bit hard to know how to react to their feelings about playing against someone who is HIV positive. Are they prejudiced or are they just worried? Are they homophobic or are they just uneducated about how HIV is transmitted? And, finally, it’s hard not to notice that Dick Butkus has a bit less gravitas than Reggie Theus when it comes to discussing whether or not HIV can be transmitted through playing basketball. This episode came across as being well-intentioned but heavy-handed.

The B-plot features Mary Beth encouraging Kristy to write an angry letter to the art teacher who gave her a C on an assignment. As played by Amber Baretto, Kristy put so much joy into writing her letter that it was fun to watch. I laughed

Episode 4.4 “Lend A Helping Hammer”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

Nick Hammer gets his first storyline as a member of the Tornadoes! When he falls for Taylor, the new waitress at the Stadium, he’s shocked to discover that she and her family live at a homeless shelter. On Saved By The Bell, when Zack liked a girl who was without a home, he arranged for her and her father to live at his house. (And, much like the tenants of H.H. Holmes, they were never seen, heard from, or mentioned again….) Nick, however, convinces the Coach that, instead of using the money raised at the school dance to buy new uniforms, the money should be donated to Taylor and her family. Of course, Nick also accidentally announces that Taylor is homeless to the entire school.

This was another episode that probably would have worked better with the old cast. It’s easy to imagine it as being another Danny storyline. Nick goes out of his way to help someone in need, which is nice, but we don’t really know Nick so we don’t know if his behavior is unusual or if he just does this for everyone that he meets. It was a well-intentioned episode but it did seem to suggest that the best way to deal with homelessness is to have a bunch of wealthy friends. Everyone goes out of their way to help Taylor but everyone else at the shelter just kind of gets ignored.

In the B-plot, Kristy is using a lot of slang. Julie says that it’s because Kristy recently read a book by Queen Latifah. In the C-plot, the Coach makes the team take a ballet lesson to make them more flexible. “Ballet!” I excitedly exclaimed, when the idea was first brought up. Unfortunately, the ballet scene is really short and the entire team has terrible form.

So far, Hang Time Season 4 has yet to escape the shadow of the past. Hopefully, next week will be better for the Tornadoes and their new coach.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.1 “A Whole New Ballgame” and 4.2 “Team Players”

Posted on March 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to start season 4!

Episode 4.1 “A Whole New Ballgame”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera and Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

It’s a brand new school year! Teddy, Vince, and Danny have all graduated, with Teddy and Vince going to Southern Florida University and Danny going to NYU to pursue his stand-up career. Despite the fact that Julie and Mary Beth were in the same grade as Danny with the show began, they’re both still students at Deering High, along with Michael Manning and Kristy.

And, of course, Coach Fuller is gone. He’s now coaching at Southern Florida University. For the first three seasons of the show, Coach Fuller was played by Reggie Theus. Reggie Theus was a stiff actor but he was a former basketball player and he was believable whenever Fuller discussed the mechanics of the game with his players. As stiff as Theus was, it was still easy to believe him as an inspiring basketball coach. Replacing Coach Fuller is Mike Katowinski. Mike is played by Dick Butkus, a former football player who looks and sounds like a former football player. From the minute he appears, it’s hard to buy him as a basketball coach, despite the fact that Julie mentions that Coach Katowinski coached the Houston Rockets for 20 years. As I watched Coach K, I found myself wondering why Deering didn’t give the job to that assistant coach who appeared in two episodes during the third season.

(Add to that, what type of loser goes from coaching an NBA team to coaching a high school basketball team?)

Along with a new coach, this episode introduces some new players, all of whom are suspiciously familiar substitutes for the actors who have left the show. Nick Hammer (Mark Famiglietti) is cocky and confident and, despite the fact that she’s still dating Michael, it’s pretty obvious that he’s being set up as Julie’s next love interest. Rico Bosco (James Villani) is short and dumb, like Vince. Silk Hayes (Danso Gordon) is a thinner version of Teddy. Silk tells us that he’s called Silk because he’s “smooth on the court and off …. with the ladies!”

Things get off to a bad start between the new Coach and Julie when Julie starts to suspect that the Coach is going easy on her because she’s a girl. The main reason she thinks this is because the Coach tells her that he’s going easy on her because she’s a girl. Julie attempts to prove that she’s just as good as the boys by practicing super-aggressively and knocking everyone down. “Don’t worry,” the Coach tells Hammer, “it’s probably just a female thing.” Julie storms out of the gym, as she had every right to do. (Wow, is this the first time that I’ve liked Julie since this series began? I think it may be.) Later, Julie attempts to talk to the Coach about his attitude and he responds by sending her to the school nurse. Julie resents the Coach assuming that all of her behavior is period-related but she does appreciate the nurse sending her home early. As someone who used to fake cramps to get out of gym class on a daily basis, I related.

Julie then shows up at practice dressed in an apron and carrying a plate of cookies. In her words, she’s behaving acting the way coach expects her to act. This leads to Julie getting put on the B-team and not being listed as a starter. Coach explains that it’s not because Julie is a girl. It’s because “you’re a weird girl.” Fortunately, Julie does well-enough in practice that she’s promoted to starter. The audiences goes crazy.

While all of this is going on, Mary Beth tries to come to terms with no longer having a boyfriend. Come on, Mary Beth — it was just Vince!

With this episode, the fourth season got off to a rocky start, with a miscast Coach and a set of new players that just don’t seem to have as much personality as the players they replaced. Would things improve in the second episode of the season?

Let’s find out.

Episode 4.2 “Team Players”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

Uh-oh, the team’s just not coming together! Mostly it’s Michael and Julie’s fault, because they think that they’re too good for the new players. After Hammer overhears Michael telling Julie that the new team sucks, he tells all of the other players. During the first game of the season, the Tornadoes struggle during the first half but, after realizing they have to work together, they stage a comeback and win in the second half. Wow! JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GAME THEY’VE EVER PLAYED! After the game, Julie says that this new team might even be better than last year’s team. Uhmm …. no. Sorry, Julie, no. Last year’s time had Danny. None of these new guys can compare to Danny.

In the B-plot, Mary Beth tries too hard to get the Coach to like her. Through a series of unlikely events, she knocks a hole in the wall of his office and she and Kristy has to fix it during the game. Megan Parlen and Amber Baretto are a good comedy team and it’s always a lot of fun when Mary Beth is flustered at the thought of having to do actual work. Unfortunately, the situation is not quite as funny without Reggie Theus’s looking stunned at whatever it is that Mary Beth has done. As played by Dick Butkus, Coach K. is just a bit too angry and gruff to be a good comedic foil. Whenever he gets annoyed with something, he looks like he’s about to tackle someone and break their ribs.

Season 4 is off to a rough start! Hopefully, things will get better next week.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #194: Her Boyfriend’s Secret (dir by Lisa France)

Posted on September 9, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime movie premiere, Her Boyfriend’s Secret!

Why Was I Watching It?

With a title like that, how couldn’t I watch it!? Seriously, whenever one of my friends gets a new boyfriend, I immediately start digging up all of their secrets. I’m like the sassy best friend in a Lifetime movie except for the fact that I don’t get murdered right before the fifth commercial break.

What Was It About?

Melissa (Kelly Sullivan) and Travis (Jordan James Smith) have both built successful careers as home renovators. In fact, everyone assumes that they must be a couple! But no, they’re just friends and business colleagues.

In fact, Melissa may have met the one. His name is John Anderson (Mark Famiglietti) and he’s handsome and charming and he owns a really big house. Of course, it does seem strange that John is constantly taking business trips. He claims that he spends his time flying from London to Paris to Geneva but he’s always kind of vague about what he actually does in any of those cities.

And then there’s Carrie (Maiara Walsh), the woman who approaches Melissa one day and informs her that 1) John is actually named Phillip and 2) Phillip/John has a history of stalking his ex-girlfriends!

That’s a lot of secrets but, believe it or not, there’s even more yet to be discovered!

What Worked?

I really liked this one. Not only was it well-acted but it featured some really nice houses! As any longtime fan can tell you, a good Lifetime film also features a combination of big melodrama and big houses! The film’s central mystery was intriguing and Mark Famiglietti brought a convincing mix of creepiness and charm to the role of John.

Though I won’t spoil the nature of her role, Anne Leighton also gave a very good performance. She’s doesn’t have a lot of screen time but she makes the most of it.

This film also played with the standard Lifetime stalker formula by casting a guy as the nosy best friend. That actually added a whole new dynamic to all of the expected scenes of Travis digging into John’s background. Was Travis right to be concerned or was he motivated by something more than just friendship? The film did a good job of keeping you guessing.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. This was an entertaining Lifetime melodrama.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Again, as with all Lifetime films, I related to all of the skeptical and nosy best friends. If only people would listen to them for once!

Lessons Learned

Just because someone has a big house, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should trust him.

Adventures in Cleaning Out The DVR: Stolen From The Suburbs (dir by Alex Wright)

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After I watched 16 and Missing, it was time to continue cleaning out my DVR by watching Stolen From The Suburbs. Stolen From The Suburbs is a Lifetime film that originally aired on August 30th and I’m not sure why I missed watching it the first time that it aired.

If I had to describe Stolen From The Suburbs in one word, it would be intense. From the opening scene, in which two homeless teenagers are forcibly abducted by a man who pretended to be from a charitable organization to the film’s final violent stand-off, this is one intense film. While it has all the usual Lifetime tropes — rebellious daughter, overwhelmed single daughter, untrustworthy men, and hints of real-world significance — Stolen From The Suburbs is a hundred times more intense than your average Lifetime film. Indeed, this is one of the rare Lifetime films that ends without the hint that everything is going to be okay. While there are hugs at the end, there is no reassuring coda. The emotional and physical damage inflicted in Stolen From The Suburbs feels real and has real consequences.

Widowed Katherine (Cynthia Watros) and her teenager daughter, Emma (Sydney Sweeney), has just moved to the suburbs. Katherine is a loving mother and Emma is a good daughter, the type who even turns down a beer on the beach because she told her mother that she wouldn’t drink. However, when Emma meets the cute (and asthmatic) Adam (Nick Roux), she starts to resent her mother’s overprotectiveness. When Katherine finally says that she doesn’t want Emma hanging out with Adam, Emma responds by sneaking out of the house and never returning.

Desperately searching for her daughter, Katherine goes down to the mall and finds Emma’s cell phone tossed away in a dumpster. When she calls the police, Katherine tells them that Emma has been kidnapped. The unsympathetic detectives ask her if Emma has a history of running away and basically prove themselves to be useless. (The cops are always useless in a Lifetime film.) Katherine teams up with Anna Fray (Brooke Nevins), a missing persons activist, to find Emma.

What Anna tells Katherine is terrifying. Anna explains that teenage girls have been vanishing all over town. The police assume that they are runaways and make no effort to find them. In reality, though, the girls are being sold as sex slaves.

And that’s exactly what happened to Emma. Emma and several other teenage girls have been abducted and are now locked in a cage. In just a few days, they will be auctioned off to the highest bidder. Overseeing the entire operation is Milena (Oliva d’Abo).

As played by d’Abo, Milena is one of the great Lifetime villains. As she explains it, she was kidnapped herself and sold as a sex slave. However, she has now managed to take over the operation and takes obvious pleasure in putting others through the same torture that she suffered. Playing the role with an ever present smirk and a haughty cruelty, Olivia d’Abo is absolutely chilling as Milena.

Also giving a great performance is Cynthia Watros. (You may remember her as Libby on Lost.) Watros makes Katherine’s pain and desperation feel incredibly real and when she finally confronts Milena, it’s absolutely riveting.

Stolen From The Suburbs is an excellent Lifetime film. Keep an eye out for it!