Lisa Berry | Through the Shattered Lens

(Lisa is not just devoting all of her time to horror movies this month! She is also trying to clean out her DVR. She has recorded over 170 movies this year and she needs to watch all of them before January 1st! Will she make it? Keep checking this site to find out! Lisa recorded The Wrong Bed: Naked Pursuit off of the Lifetime Movie Network on June 2nd.)

Now, this is just frustrating!

When you sit down to watch a movie called The Wrong Bed: Naked Pursuit, I think you’re justified in thinking that the majority of the movie is going to take place in a bed (perhaps even the wrong bed, which I guess would mean that it has a lumpy mattress or a lice-infected pillow something). I think you’re also justified in expecting that everyone’s going to be naked for the majority of the movie. As for the pursuit — well, pursuit can mean anything. Maybe the two naked people in the wrong bed are pursuing pleasure or enlightenment. Maybe they’re pursuing the ultimate high of sexually decadent ennui. Who knows?

Well, The Wrong Bed: Naked Pursuit does open with Stella (Jewel Statie) and Owen (Corey Sevier) waking up naked in bed and handcuffed together. However, it’s not the wrong bed. It’s just a hotel bed and it looks like a pretty nice hotel, too! Both Owen and Stella are naked but that only lasts for about ten minutes. Eventually, they get out of bed and manage to get partially dressed. And while I appreciate the fact that the film is honest about the difficult of putting on a bra while handcuffed to another person (because, seriously, it’s not as easy as the movie’s usually make it look), that still doesn’t change the fact that the title specifically promised us a naked pursuit in the wrong bed.

Now, I should admit that the title is honest about the pursuit part. When Owen and Stella wake up, they have no memory of how they met or eventually ended up in bed together. However, they do know that someone is chasing them. They spend the entire movie running around Canada, trying not to get caught by the usual collection of men in suits and uniforms. Occasionally, Stella has flashes of memory. She sees herself strapped down to a gurney with a scientist named Larissa (Lisa Berry) preparing to give her a shot. She realizes that she and her best friend tried to earn some extra money by taking part in some sort of clinical study. However, something went wrong…

Stella and Owen try to retrace their steps. It turns out that they both got pretty wild the night before they woke up in the not-so wrong bed. They ever started a riot at a bowling alley. Even more importantly, they find the time to stop by Owen’s house. Owen, who says that he’s a fireman, lives in an impressively big house. That’s Lifetime, though. Everyone gets a mansion, regardless of what they do for a living.

Anyway, once I got over the misleading title, The Wrong Bed turned out to be a pretty entertaining little movie. It was directed by Monika Mitchell, who has done several Lifetime movies and who can always be depended on to keep the action moving quickly. Things got a little bit silly once Owen and Stella discovered why they were being pursued but no matter! Jewel Statie and Corey Sevier had chemistry and Sevier looked good without his shirt on.

It all worked out.

“You’re going to need every bullet.”

The Colony was this little-seen horror film that came out in early 2013. From the trailers shown it looked like it was going to be a decent looking post-apocalyptic, scifi-horror that looked to evoke the sort of icy desolation and paranoia that Carpenter’s The Thing did so perfectly. Under Canadian-filmmaker Jeff Renfroe’s command the film’s high, lofty horror goals didn’t exactly come to fruition.

The film itself wasn’t awful by any stretch of the imagination, but it does suffer a lot from having it look like it was one of those mid-2000 SyFy film productions. At times some of the sequences even looked like it was copied off from one of those the SyFy “New Ice Age” disaster flicks starring Dean Cain. Yet, there’s some genuine tense moments in The Colony that should make this film a look-see if there’s nothing else to see.

Yes, the film is about the planet going through a sort of artificially-created Ice Age due to weather tampering. It’s a story that could’ve been lifted from early Twilight Zone episodes. Humanity barely survives inside spread out colonies using former factories and government bunkers. These colonies don’t just have the danger or dwindling supplies, simple diseases and the cold weather to deal with, but as we soon find out there’s now a new danger that’s much closer to home.

The Colony’s ad campaign and trailers have focused on it’s two American stars in Laurence Fishburne and Bill Paxton to sell the film. Both actors do some workman-like performances which helps anchor the ensemble cast’s performance. It’s the cast’s performances that elevates The Colony above it’s SyFy counterparts and one of it’s few saving graces. The other being the filmmakers’ success in creating a sense of freezing isolation through the use of arctic-like location shoots and some very well-done CGI icy landscapes.

The horror part of the film comes from the so-called “other” survivors who have adjusted to the scarcity of food by turning on the only abundant source of nourishment left in a world where there are no more growing things. Yes, The Colony tries to revive that old horror staple of the late 70’s and early 80’s which we know of as the cannibal-subgenre.

Cannibal films never truly went away but they remained mostly in the very outer fringes of the horror scene. They tended to be quite awful affairs that went for extreme shocks to bring in the horror crowd, but that only works when there’s a semblance of a narrative to explain things. With The Colony the film does a good enough job to try and explain why some have turned to a diet of the so-called other “white meat”. To add a new wrinkle to these feral antagonists the filmmakers they decided to update them for the modern audiences by giving them free-running skills that makes them seem more than human once they enter the screen. If the film has any sort of lesson to impart it could be that eating “long pig” might just give one parkour-like abilities.

The Colony definitely tried to be one of those scifi-horror that wanted to elevate itself to something beyond it’s grindhouse and exploitation roots, but it’s trying to be somethng it wasn’t meant to be that became it’s biggest flaw. The set-up of an Ice Age created by man is a time-tested story and the reintroduction of the cannibal thread to the film’s storyline was ripe for a grandg uignol-like production that could’ve been done using practical effects. But the filmmakers tried to mimic the CGI-smorgasbord of the Roland Emmerich-style, but they just barely distinguished themselves from what amounted to be an enhanced SyFy-production.

It’s a film that has enough entertaining moments, but overall it was a nice try that that just failed short of it’s goals.