Tag Archives: Lifetime

What Lisa Watched Last Night #152: Killing Mommy (dir by Curtis Crawford and Anthony Lefrense)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I gathered together with my three older sisters and I tried to make them watch Killing Mommy on Lifetime!  They all abandoned me after thirty minutes but I stayed for the entire film.

Killing Mommy

Why Was I Watching It?

(Awwwwww!  That is one of the greatest tweets in which I’ve ever been mentioned!  Everyone please be sure to check out Awards Watch!)

What Was It Aboot?

Killing Mommy was the latest in a long line of Canadian-produced Lifetime thrillers.  It tells the story of two twin sisters!  Deb has dark hair, a tattoo, and a bad attitude.  She’s a recovering drug addict and she divides her time between having anonymous sex and going to jail.  Julianne has red hair and is about to graduate from college.  She is always smiling and she’s always spending money!

When Deb and Julianne were younger, their father died when a car mysteriously fell on top of him.  Now, their mom — who runs a charity of some sort — is on the verge of remarrying.  Deb is upset.  Julianne is supportive.  Soon, someone with dark hair is attempting to kill mom.  Is it Deb or is it just Julianne wearing a Deb wig?

What Worked, eh?

Killing Mommy was one of those films that got better the longer it lasted.  During the first hour, I thought it was way too slow and awkwardly acted.  But, during the second hour, the film got enjoyably weird and over-the-top.  It’s as if, during the 2nd half of the movie, the filmmakers suddenly realized that they just had to stop pretending like the movie would ever make any sense.  They decided to embrace the melodrama and good for them!

What Did Not Work, eh?

The second hour of Killing Mommy is a lot of fun but that first hour — oh my God.  See, the main problem with having a great second hour is that you have to get through the first hour to reach it and, if you first hour moves too slowly or features some less than impressive acting, you’re increasing the chances that viewers will never make it to that second hour.  The first hour of Killing Mommy was a real struggle to get through.  If you look at my twitter timeline, you’ll see that I tweeted a hundred times more during the second hour than the first hour.

Some of the acting, especially during that first hour, left a lot to be desired.  I think I may have compared some of the performances to the acting that you typically find in one of those “You got insurance?  With your health problems?!” MetLife insurance commercials.  However, I now think that some of what seemed like bad acting may have instead just been foreshadowing of the film’s 2nd hour twist.

Speaking of twists, there’s a flashback where a man working on a car yells at his daughter so much that she finally gets so annoyed that she lowers the car down on top of him.  (That’s not really a spoiler because what happened is pretty obvious from the minute the car crushing is first mention, especially if you’ve ever seen a Lifetime movie before.)  Anyway, I started giggling during that scene and I’m not sure if I was supposed to.

“OMG!  Just like me!” Moments, for sure

Julianne has red hair and she loves to shop!  How could I not relate to her?

On the other hand, Deb often wears black and has a sarcastic attitude.  How could I not relate to her, as well?

Seriously, other than all the murders, this whole movie had me going, “Oh my God!  Just like me!” over and over again.

Lessons Learned

I love, Canada!

 

What Lisa Watched Last Night #151: Marriage of Lies (dir by Danny J. Boyle)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after I got home from my aborted attempt to celebrate Memorial Day a week early (read the previous post for details), I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, Marriage of Lies!

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Why Was I Watching It?

Well, the obvious answer is that not only was it on Lifetime but it also had one of the most stereotypically Lifetime titles ever.

Marriage of Lies!

It just screams Lifetime melodrama, doesn’t it?

There I was, still feeling embarrassed over getting the date of Memorial Day wrong, and what do I see listed in guide?  Marriage of Lies!  As soon as I saw that title, I knew everything was going to be okay.

What Was It About?

Call it Gone Guy.

One morning, Rachel Wilson (April Browlby) wakes up to discover that her husband, popular teacher Tye Wilson (Brody Hutzler), is gone.  Because their marriage is already troubled because of a past infidelity on Tye’s part, Rachel thinks that Tye has just temporarily gone off on his own.  She doesn’t report him missing for two days and, after she does, she suddenly finds that she’s the number one suspect.

Everyone thinks that Rachel murdered her missing husband, including a world-weary detective named Gus (played by Corin Nemec).  At first, it seems like Rachel’s only ally is her best friend (Virginia Williams) but soon, Rachel starts to doubt even her.

With reporters camping out in her front yard and the entire world convinced of her guilt, Rachel starts to wonder if Tye’s actually been abducted and/or murdered or if maybe there’s something even stranger going on…

What Worked?

Marriage of Lies was fairly well-done.  The actors all did a good job.  Among those of us who were live-tweeting the film on twitter, Detective Roper (played by Zachary Garred) quickly emerged as our favorite character.  Roper was Gus’s partner.  Whereas Gus was cynical and beaten-down by life, Roper seemed to actually be having fun with his job.  Of course, he was also pretty quick to assume that Rachel was guilty but that was just Roper being Roper!

The ending, with its suggestion that the truth means nothing and that sensation-seeking observers have no real interest in reality, was properly cynical and nicely done.

What Did Not Work?

The movie played a bit too slowly and the pacing definitely felt a bit off.  (Of course, it’s difficult to judge these things when the action has to stop every 17 minutes or so for a commercial break.)

After all of the build up, I was hoping that the eventual solution to Tye’s disappearance would turn out to be totally fucked up and weird but instead, it pretty much played out the way that I predicted it would after the first five minutes of the film.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I have to admit that I related to the character of Kinna (Madison Iseman), who was one of Mr. Wilson’s students and who had a huge crush on him.  I felt that way about some of my teachers when I was in high school.  Also, much like Kinna, I would probably be totally useless as a member of a search party.

Lessons Learned

It’s easier to vanish than you might think.

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched The Other Night #150: A Mother’s Revenge (dir by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Saturday night, my friends the Snarkalecs and I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and we watched the premiere of the latest Fred Olen Ray thriller, A Mother’s Revenge!

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Why Were We Watching It?

Well, the obvious answer is that the film was on the Lifetime Movie Network and it was directed by Fred Olen Ray!  However, I have to admit that I nearly missed A Mother’s Revenge.  Because it was the night before Mother’s Day, Lifetime was planning on broadcasting a film about a basketball player and his mom.  I was definitely not looking forward to watching that but then my friend Trevor informed me that, on the Lifetime Movie Network, A Mother’s Revenge would be airing at the exact same time!  YAY!

I then went on twitter and I discovered that not only was A Mother’s Revenge the latest film from Fred Olen Ray but that it also involved Gerald Webb, the producer and star of A House Is Not A Home and the favorite actor of snarkalecs everywhere!  Once I discovered that all of my fellow snarkalecs would be taking part in the live tweet, there was no way that I wasn’t going to join them!

What Was It About?

It was about a mother and how she got revenge!

(That’s the one line version.)

More specifically, it’s the story of Jennifer (Jamie Luner), a pill-popping, recovering alcoholic who travels to Buffalo so that she can watch her daughter, Katey (Aubrey Whitby), graduate from college.  From the minute that Jennifer arrives, things refuse to work out the way that she wants.

First off, Katey wants to spend some time with her friends as opposed to hanging out with her mother.

Secondly, Jennifer’s ex-husband (Jason-Shane Scott) has also shown up for the graduation and tension, both sexual and otherwise, is everywhere.

Third, Jennifer accidentally grabbed the wrong bag at the airport.  Supercreepy Conner (Steven Brand) wants his bag back and he’s willing to both commit murder and kidnap Jennfer’s daughter to accomplish his goals.

And finally, Buffalo’s best detectives (played by Gerald Webb and Richard Lounello) suspect that Jennifer may be mentally unstable.  Once a dead body shows up, Jennifer automatically becomes their main suspect.

All in all, Jennifer has quite a bit to be upset about…

What Worked?

I liked A Mother’s Revenge.  Fred Olen Ray kept the action moving at a steady pace and I appreciated the way the film emphasized how one totally random mistake (like grabbing the wrong bag at the airport) can change someone’s life forever.  It nicely conformed into my own point-of-view, which is that the universe is basically as chaotic and unpredictable as a Werner Herzog documentary.

Jamie Luner appears in a lot of these movies and she knows how to balance melodrama and pathos.  She and Aubrey Whitby were totally believable as mother and daughter.  Also believable was Steven Brand, who was properly creepy as the sadistic Conner.

A Mother’s Revenge was shot on location in Buffalo and it must be said that the city looked really good.  The Mayor of Buffalo, Byron Brown, made a cameo appearance and who can blame him?  A Mother’s Revenge made me want to visit his town.

Another great thing about A Mother’s Revenge is that a lot of the film’s crew and cast joined in with the live tweet and they were all very gracious, informative, and handled the occasional snarkiness with class and good humor.  What I especially enjoyed was seeing some of the tweets from the various citizens of Buffalo who had been involved with the production.  It was one of the most positive live tweets that I’ve ever taken part in and it generated the type of good vibes that you normally don’t associate with film twitter.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked!

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I’ve actually grabbed the worng bag before.  I did not get blackmailed as a result but maybe I was just lucky.  (However, I did get a week’s worth of new clothes, none of which really worked for me.  I was sad.  Hopefully, the Goodwill appreciated my donation.)

Lessons Learned

Be careful about grabbing the wrong bag.  And, if you do grab the one bag, don’t let anyone find out.

What Lisa and Erin Watched Last Night #149: Pretty Little Addict (dir by Monika Mitchell)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, the Dazzling Erin and I watched the latest Lifetime film premiere, Petty Little Addict!

pla

Why Were We Watching It?

Yesterday was all about sisterly bonding time!  Erin and I basically told the rest of the world to get lost and then we spent the entire day hanging out together, talking about life, pondering the great questions of the universe, and laughing.  In fact, we probably spent more time laughing than pondering the great questions of the universe.  We also chased a chicken out of our backyard!  (He belongs to one of our neighbors.)

And really, what better way is there to bond than by watching a Lifetime movie!?  When my friend Trevor informed me that Pretty Little Addict would be premiering last night,  I knew that there was no way that Erin and I were going to miss it!

What Was It About?

It’s about a pretty little addict!

Her name is Jennifer (Andrea Bowen) and she has just lost her father to cancer.  To deal with her sorrow, she drinks.  Meanwhile, across town, Colin Brown (Keenan Tracy) is excited because he’s received a scholarship to run track in college.  Colin’s entire future is pretty much set and it all looks great, assuming that he never loses the ability to walk.

As fate would have it, Jennifer and Colin end up at the same party.  And, when a drunk Jennifer attempts to leave the party, she accidentally runs over Colin.  Colin is crippled and Jennifer is ordered to check into rehab.

While Jennifer is trying to get sober, Colin’s brother, Alex (Scott Lyster), is looking for revenge.  Alex is mentally unstable and has a drinking problem of his own.  He also has a long and violent criminal record.  When he discovers that Jennifer is in rehab, he gets a job working for the vending machine company that just happens to service the machines inside the rehab facility.  Soon, Alex is flirting with Jennifer while also trying to manipulate her into giving up her new found sobriety.

Meanwhile, Colin’s family is making plans to sue Jennifer’s mother…

What Worked?

One thing that you can definitely say about Pretty Little Addict is that it had its heart in the right place.  It sincerely did attempt to use its melodramatic storyline to say something meaningful about addiction and the struggle of recovery.  Both Scott Lyster and Keenan Tracy gave good performances and I also liked Morgan Taylor Campbell in the role of Jennifer’s paranoid roommate.

What Did Not Work?

Good intentions aside, this is one of those films that just never really seemed to come together.  It felt uneven and strangely paced and, even by the standards of Lifetime, the plot was full of obvious and glaring holes.  Alex’s plan seemed unnecessarily complicated.  Considering that he was an alcoholic, he could have just as easily checked himself into rehab and then he would have had much easier access to Jennifer than he did as a fake deliveryman.  It would have been a lot less trouble for him as well.

From the start of the movie to the end, Jennifer was a fairly unlikable character.  Even after she got sober, she never really seemed to understand just how much damage she had done.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I rarely drink so there was a definite shortage of “Oh my God!  Just like me!” moments.  However, I did cringe a little when the rehab patients had to engage in a trust exercise that deal with being blindfolded.  That’s because, in high school, I took part in a similar trust exercise.  My friend Jennifer was blindfolded and I was supposed to catch her when she fell backwards.  However, I’ve only got a three-minute attention span so, by the time she actually started to fall back, I was no longer paying attention and I kind of forgot to catch her.  Whoops!

Lessons Learned

Don’t drink and drive, which is actually a pretty good lesson.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #148: Seduced (dir by Jessica Janos)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime film premiere, Seduced!

seduced-lietime-movie-missed-connections-craigslist-true-story

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime, of course!  Every Saturday night, I either watch or DVR the new movie on Lifetime.  I absolutely and unconditionally love these movies and I don’t care who knows it.  Plus, the title of the movie was Seduced and, as we all know, the best Lifetime movies often feature the word “seduce” in the title (i.e., Lethal Seduction, The Babysitter’s Seduction, etc).

What Was It About?

Someone is murdering redheads in California!  (Speaking as a redhead, allow me to just say, “Agck!” in regards to that.)

Meanwhile, via a missed connections app, Caroline (Elisabeth Rohm), a redhead who lives in California, meets the mysterious and charming Gavin (Jon Prescott).  Caroline is still haunted by the loss of her husband and spends most of her time trying to take care of her teenage daughter (Jessica Amlee) while keeping the company she works for — a place called Funderstorm — from going out of business.  However, Gavin takes her away from all that, introducing her to a world of sensual and erotic delight.

(You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for the chance to use “a world of sensual and erotic delight” in a review.)

Gavin seems to be perfect.  He’s handsome, he has a sexy accent, he lives in a nice house, he cooks, and he reads books!  However, since there is Lifetime, there are a few warning signs that Gavin may not be as great as he seems.  For one thing, despite living in an absolutely fabulous house, he always seems to need money.  For another, Caroline becomes so enraptured by him that she starts to neglect both work and her daughter.  And then there’s the mysterious Margo (Julie Mond), who appears to be involved with Gavin in some way as well.

And, of course, there’s those news reports about the murdered redheads….

What Worked?

I really enjoyed this one.  This movie featured everything that we love about Lifetime movies — melodrama, sex, several nice houses, clothes to die for, and even a little bit of empowerment at the end.  The entire film was well-cast with Elisabeth Rohm doing a great job as Caroline and Jon Prescott epitomizing dangerous charm as Gavin.  And, of course, I also have to praise Julie Mond, who didn’t appear in many scenes but definitely made an impression.

I also really liked the relationship between Caroline and her daughter.  Rohm and Jessica Amlee were totally believable as mother and daughter and every detail of their relationship rang true.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked.  If you’re into Lifetime movies, this film is for you.  If you’re not into Lifetime movies — well, then you probably stopped reading this review a few paragraphs back.  And that’s okay, I still love you!  Lifetime films are not for everyone but if you enjoy them, you should enjoy Seduced.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Oh my God, so many of the characters had red hair just like me!  It’s just too bad that so many of them ended up getting killed.

Lessons Learned

Some connections are best missed.

Cleaning Out The DVR #36: Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart (dir by Vondie Curtis-Hall)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

(For those following at home, Lisa is attempting to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing 38 films by the end of today!!!!!  Will she make it?  Keep following the site to find out!)

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It’s becoming a new annual tradition.  Every January, Lifetime airs a biopic about a singer.  As I watched Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart, I found myself thinking about what makes a good biopic.  Unfortunately, good lives rarely make good biopics.  After all, we watch biopics for the drama behind-the-scenes.  When someone has lived a successful life and has basically lived her life with intelligence and integrity, it makes them a role model.  But it doesn’t necessarily make them into a fascinating subject for a movie.

Now, I have to admit that, before watching this movie, I didn’t know much about Toni Braxton.  My musical taste tends to run from EDM to more EDM.  I had heard the name Toni Braxton, of course.  I knew that there was a reality show called Braxton Family Values, though I’ve never seen an episode.  But I didn’t know much about her or her life.

So, as I watched, I kept waiting for the inevitable moment when Toni Braxton would first be pressured into trying cocaine or when she would end up in an abusive marriage or when she would eventually end up going through a Hellish rehab experience.  But none of that happened, largely because Toni Braxton appears to have been pretty intelligent when it came to making her life decisions.

Oh, there’s certainly some drama.  She had some financial difficulties early on her career.  Some members of her family get jealous of her success but not so jealous that they can’t be totally supportive.  She gets married but the marriage ends — not because of infidelity or abuse but just because sometimes marriages end.  And really, Lifetime should be commended for the way it handled the end of Braxton’s marriage because sometimes, marriages just don’t work out and it’s not anyone’s fault.  Finally, Toni discovers the she has Lupus.  Lupus is a serious disease and both Toni and the movie deserve full credit for educating the public.

In the end, Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart is a well-made and perfectly pleasant film but it’s not particularly memorable  Lex Scott Davis does a good as Toni and the film provides good roles for a lot of talented African-American performers.  But, as a movie, Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart never quite reaches the memorable heights of last year’s Whitney.

Cleaning Out The DVR #13: Break-Up Nightmare (dir by Mark Quod)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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After I tried to watch Bad Sister, the next film on my DVR was Break-Up Nightmare, a film which premiered on Lifetime on March 6th.

Break-Up Nightmare is a film from The Asylum, the same wonderful people who have given us the Sharknado films, Wuthering High School, and Santa Claws.  As I’ve made clear on this site, I absolutely love Asylum films.  Though their films may be low-budget, they’re often more entertaining than the big budget epics that are released by the major studios.  Full of inside jokes and deliberately over-the-top storylines, Asylum films are the perfect party movies.  These are movies that demand to be seen with a group of your closest and snarkiest friends.  Needless to say, when Break-Up Nightmare opened with that “The Asylum presents…” credit, I was excited.

Break-Up Nightmare is actually a little bit more serious than your typical Asylum film but then again, it’s not about flying sharks or talking kittens.  Instead, Break-Up Nightmare deals with a serious subject.  Or, I should say, at the least first 45 minutes deal with a serious subject.

Recent high school graduate Rachel (Celesta DeAstis) is taking a year off before going to college, mostly so she can work and actually be able to afford to go to the best music school possible.  Her jerky jock boyfriend, Troy (Mark Grossman), has received a football scholarship and will be leaving in the fall.  However, before Mark leaves, he convinces Rachel to pose for some pictures (yep, those type of pictures) so he won’t forget her while he’s away.  Rachel later asks him to delete the pictures but soon discovers that Troy didn’t do so.  She also discovers that Troy has been getting texts from another girl and she dumps him.  When Troy starts to get belligerent, Rachel’s mother — Barbara (Jennifer Dorogi) — kicks him out of the house.

Free of Troy, Rachel looks forward to getting on with her life.  Except, of course, people are looking at her strangely.  At work, scummy frat boys show up and ask her provocative questions.  At the movies, a creepy middle-aged man sits down behind her and asks, “How’s it going?”  Finally, Rachel’s best friend, Ryan (Freeman Lyon), shows her a revenge porn site called LifeRuinerz.com.  On the site, Rachel sees the pictures that Troy took of her.

Rachel’s life starts to spiral out of control as, apparently, everyone in the world has either seen the picture or heard about them.  When she goes to the police, she’s told that the cops are busy solving real crimes and don’t have time to help someone who voluntarily posed for smutty pictures.  At church, the sermon is about the dangers of lust and a judgmental old woman glares at Rachel and tells her that she should dress more modestly.  (Been there.)  Someone breaks into the house and spray paints “Whore” on the garage door.  When Barbara demands that the site remove her daughter’s pictures, she soon finds that her face has been photoshopped into a pornographic image and she loses her teaching job.

And, through it all, Troy continues to deny having put the pictures on the site.  It’s easy to suspect Troy because he’s such a jerk but then suddenly, he’s arrested on child pornography charges.  Rachel only has to look at one picture to realize that, just as happened to Barbara, Troy’s face has been photoshopped onto someone else.  But if Troy isn’t the one responsible, who is?

Meanwhile, pervs across the world are sitting in front of their laptops and watching Barbara undress, the result of a hidden webcam that someone has placed in the house…

So, Break-Up Nightmare starts out as a fairly serious look at revenge porn and it actually makes a lot of important points, the big one being that the whole “pay us and we’ll remove your picture” thing is a scam.  There were certain parts of Break-Up Nightmare that hit close to home and made me cringe because, quite frankly, we’ve all been there and we’ve all done things without considering the consequences.  But, of course, this is an Asylum Film and, once the important lessons have been taught, the film goes totally batshit crazy in that way that we all love.  Suddenly, the film isn’t just about revenge porn.  It’s about a diabolical stalker who has come up with a needlessly complicated scheme to accomplish a single goal.

And you know what?

We wouldn’t expect or want anything less from either The Asylum or Lifetime.  All you people who complain about plausibility or plot holes, you can go watch another network and think about how you’ve got it all figure out.  It’s the implausible melodrama that makes a movie like Break-Up Nightmare fun.

That said, the main reason I liked Break-Up Nightmare was because of the very realistic and truthful depiction of the loving, protective, and occasionally testy relationship between Barbara and Rachel.  Jennifer Dorogi and Celesta DeAstis were totally believable as mother and daughter.  Barbara may have been overprotective but she was also not going to let anyone get away with hurting her daughter.  Barbara basically spent the entire movie kicking ass and it was a lot of fun to watch.

Go Barbara!

Go Asylum!

Go Break-up Nightmare.

Cleaning Out The DVR #12: Bad Sister (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

bad-sister-9

Last night, after I finished with Going My Way, I decided to stick with the Catholic theme by rewatching Bad Sister.  Bad Sister aired on Lifetime on January 3rd.  Having seen several wonderfully sordid commercials, I watched it and I loved every minute of it.  I was really looking forward to watching it again but apparently, there was some sort of screw-up with my usually ultra-dependable DVR.  It only recorded bits and pieces of Bad Sister.

I was so disappointed!  Fortunately, however, I still remember Bad Sister well enough to review it.  For instance, who could forget this scene?

Okay, technically, that was a scene from the episode of King of the Hill where Peggy pretends to be a nun so she can get a job teaching at a Catholic school.  (“Sister Peggy, will my cat go to heaven?”  “Well, I’ve heard that all dogs go to Heaven so I’m pretty sure that cats do not.”)  For whatever reason, I couldn’t find any Bad Sister clips on YouTube but really, the movie has pretty much the same plot.  It’s just, in the case of the movie, the fake nun is also a sociopath who starts to obsess on one of her students.

From the minute Sister Sophia (Alyshia Osche) shows up at her new job as a teacher at a Catholic boarding school, it’s obvious that she’s not like the other nuns.  For one thing, she’s awfully enthusiastic about her students, especially the male ones.  Plus, there’s not many nuns who specifically make it a point to strip down to sexy red lingerie while being watched by a teenage boy.  Even beyond that, Sophia refuses to take part in Morning Prayer and she doesn’t seem to know much about … well, anything Catholic.  Is Sister Sophia just young and naive or is it possible that she’s actually an escaped mental patient named Laura?  And could it be that, perhaps at the start of the movie, Laura murdered the real Sister Sophia and stole her identity?

Well, this is a Lifetime movie so, of course, that’s exactly what happened!

As a result of seeing him sing on YouTube, Sister Sophia is obsessed with Jason (Devon Werkheiser, the star of Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, all grown up).  Jason’s a student who dreams of being the next Justin Bieber.  However, to get to Jason, Sister Sophia has to deal with not only Jason’s girlfriend (Sloane Avery) but also Jason’s suspicious sister, Zoe (Ryan Newman).  And, of course, there’s Sister Rebecca (Helen Eigenberg), another nun who is starting to suspect that Sophia might not be who she says she is…

Bad Sister was a totally over-the-top masterpiece of Lifetime moviemaking.  Director Doug Campbell is one of my favorite Lifetime directors and he doesn’t disappoint with Bad Sister, playing up the sordid melodrama while, at the same time, never making the mistake of taking this story too seriously.  Alyshia Osche was brilliant as Sister Sophia.  One of the most entertaining parts of the film was watching her switch back and forth from being the enthusiastic Sister Sophia and the perpetually annoyed Laura.  (Just watch the scene where she goes through the real Sister Sophia’s stuff and discovers the boring, dowdy underwear that she’s expected to wear.  The look of total and thorough annoyance that flashes across her face is absolutely brilliant acting on Osche’s part and, within seconds, totally and completely defines the character of Laura/Sister Sophia.)

Bad Sister was the first great Lifetime film of 2016!  Keep an eye out for it.

(I should add that you probably don’t have to come from a Catholic background to enjoy Bad Sister.  But it definitely helps!)

Cleaning Out The DVR #9: Abducted: The Jocelyn Shaker Story (dir by Conor Allyn)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abducted-2016

Last night, as a part of my continuing effort to watch 38 movies in 10 days, I watched Abducted: The Jocylen Shaker Story.  Abducted originally aired February 14th on Lifetime.  That’s right — this movie premiered on Valentine’s Day!  I was in San Antonio when it aired, enjoying a romantic night down on the Riverwalk, so I missed the original showing.  Fortunately, the DVR saves all.

And really, Abducted is a strange movie to show on Valentine’s Day.  It’s not a romantic film at all.  Instead, it’s a missing child thriller.  Caitlin Shaker (Kathleen Rose Perkins) is an American who has married a wealthy Colombian businessman, Javier (Kamar de los Reyes).  While Caitlin and Javier are visiting a resort in the rain forest, their daughter, Jocelyn, vanishes.

Suddenly, Caitlyn and Javier find themselves suspected of having done something to Jocelyn.  Though one Colombian detective, Susanna (Eileen Roca Torralva), believes that Caitlin is innocent, she is ignored by her sexist superiors.  The head of the investigation, Captain Rojas (Luis Fernando Hoyos), declares that Javier must be guilty and has him arrested for murder.

Caitlin knows that her husband is innocent but she can’t convince anyone to help her look for her child.  The Colombian authorities want to close the case as quickly as possible.  The American media declares that, even if they are innocent, Caitlin and Javier are still to be blamed for taking Jocelyn to a foreign country in the first place.

Eventually, only Susanna is willing to help Caitlin investigate Jocelyn’s disappearance…

The best thing about Abducted is that it gives Kathleen Rose Perkins a starring role.  If you’ve ever seen the Showtime series Episodes, you will immediately recognize Perkins from her role as the wonderfully neurotic and often stoned network executive, Carol Rance.  Episodes is a fairly terrible show but Perkins has always been one of the few bright spots.  In Abducted, she really throws herself into the role of Caitlin, delivering her lines with an emotional intensity that always feels authentic and real.   She is totally sympathetic in the role and elevates the entire film.

As for the film itself, it starts out as your standard Lifetime abduction film but the final 15 minutes, after the real villain has been revealed and Caitlin and Susanna are trying to rescue Jocelyn while rain pours around them, are exciting and well-executed.  It helps that Perkins gives such a great performance that she makes even the most melodramatic and heavy-handed dialogue sound totally and completely credible.  You won’t necessarily be surprised when you discover who the real villains is but you’ll still be happy to see them get their comeuppance.

(Comeuppance … that’s a strange word, no?)

Finally, Abducted was shot on location in Colombia.  Reportedly, the Colombian government has been trying to attract filmmakers, with the hope of changing the country’s international image.  Colombia is a beautiful country and Abducted takes full advantage of all that breathtaking scenery.

Cleaning Out The DVR #8: Kruel (dir by Robert Henderson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after I finished The More The Merrier and watched the latest episodes of Dance Moms and The People vs. OJ Simpson, I returned to the DVR and watched one more movie that I had recorded off of Lifetime.  Kruel (which was broadcast with the slightly altered name of Cruel) is a dark little horror thriller.  It is memorable for featuring the world’s creepiest ice cream man.  (That’s him in the picture above.)

Now, when I say that Kruel was a dark film, I don’t just mean that it was thematically disturbing, though it certainly was.  Instead, what I mean is that, at times, the film was literally dark!  A good deal of the film took place either at night or in unlit rooms and there were more than a few scenes that took place in complete darkness.  During those scenes, the screen was totally black and the only way you knew that there was still a film going on was because you could hear the characters running around and screaming.  It was an interesting technique, one that was occasionally effective and occasionally annoying.

As for the film itself, it tells the story of Jo (Kierney Nelson), a teenage girl who, after he confesses to cheating on her, breaks up with her dumbass boyfriend, Ben (Dakota Morrissey).  In order to deal with her depression, Jo devotes almost all of her time to babysitting.  However, it would probably be a lot easier for Jo to do her job if not for the fact that, every few seconds, an ice cream truck comes rolling down the road.  The ice cream truck is being driven by Willie (J.T. Chinn) and wow, is Willie ever creepy!  It’s not just the makeup though, seriously, that would have terrified me when I was little.  (It would still make me go, “Agck!” today.)  It’s also the fact that Willie and his truck always seem to be nearby.  Almost as if he’s stalking Jo…

When one of the kids that Jo babysits disappears, she knows that Willie kidnapped him.  When the police ignore her, Jo decides to track down Willie herself.  Volunteering to help is none other than dumbass Ben.  Can Ben help to rescue the child while also repairing his relationship with Jo?  Will Jo ever be able to forgive him for cheating on her?  And will Willie ever take off his makeup…

Well, actually, I can go ahead and answer one of those questions without spoiling the movie.  Willie does take off his makeup when he’s home and, in fact, he spends the majority of the movie not wearing any makeup at all.  And, though I’m sure some horror fans would disagree with me on this, I think that’s the right decision for the story that Kruel is trying to tell.  It’s definitely more realistic to have Willie look normal (well, normalish) when he’s just hanging out around his house.  And, when it comes to a film like this, it’s good to try to keep things a little bit realistic.  When Kruel is effective, it’s because it makes you wonder what you would do if you ever found yourself in the same situation.  When the film is realistic, it makes you wonder if you could survive.  If Willie never took off the makeup, he would be too cartoonish to be a real threat.

Despite being a low-budget film and featuring a few noticeably amateurish performances, Kruel has a nightmare-like intensity that serves it well.  (The film features a throat slashing that, even though darky lit, is one of the most graphic things that I’ve ever seen on Lifetime.)  J.T. Chinn is properly creepy as Willie and Kierney Nelson totally commits to the role of Jo, turning her into a sympathetic and compelling heroine.

Keep an eye out for Kruel.

(And Willie too…)