The Main Event”

Posted on September 14, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to set sail on adventure and set your mind on a new romance!

Episode 1.2 “A Tasteful Affair / Oh, Dale! / The Main Event”

(Directed by Richard Kinon, Adam Rafkin, and Stuart Margolin, originally aired on October 1st, 1977)

The second episode of The Love Boat was all about fighting lovers.

For instance, one storyline — I assume it’s the one that was called “The Main Event” — features Sherman Hemsley as Maurice Marshall and LaWanda Page as his wife, Stella. From the minute that they get on the boat, Maurice and Stella are arguing but it soon becomes obvious that, like many couples who have been together for a while, arguing is just the way that they express their love for each other. The insults may be frequent but they’re always affectionate, which is kind of sweet. Anyway, while on their way to dinner in the ship’s lounge, they get stuck in an elevator. After arguing about the best way to escape from the elevator, they end up making out. Of course, when the doors to the elevator do finally open, Captain Stubing and Gopher see that the couple, rather than being dead, are instead making good use of the space. Everyone laughs. Seriously, that’s the entire story. Two people get suck in an elevator and make out. That’s it. You know, you can fool around on a moving elevator as well. You don’t have to fry the circuitry ahead of time. Just listen for the ping before the elevator doors open.

In a rather more serious storyline, Jaclyn Smith plays Janette Bradford, the wife of a wealthy but heartless man named Lucas (David Knapp). Lucas is convinced that Janette is only taking the cruise alone because she’s planning on cheating on him. Lucas hires a private investigator named Dennis Kingsley (Dennis Cole) to watch her on the boat. Dennis soon discovers that Janette is not cheating on her husband but instead, she took the cruise because she needed a break from his controlling and emotionally abusive ways. Dennis ends up falling in love with Janette and Janette with him. However, Dennis also knows that he’s going to have to tell her the truth about why he’s on the cruise. It doesn’t quite lead to heartbreak but it’s still far more serious than anything you might expect to see on a show of The Love Boat‘s reputation. Jaclyn Smith, it should be said, does a wonderful job in the role of Janette, capturing both the vulnerability of someone in an abusive relationship and also her growing determination to escape from Lucas’s control.

Unfortunately, while all of this is going on, you have to deal with John Ritter playing a guy whose lover actually is cheating on him. Ritter plays Dale. Dale wants to follow his girlfriend on the cruise for the same reason that Lucas hired Dennis to spy on Janette. Dale suspects that he’s being cheated on. However, the cruise is almost entirely sold out. There’s only one ticket left but it’s to share a cabin that’s already occupied by a woman. Since Dale is not a woman, he can’t buy the ticket. So, of course, Dale steals a blonde wig and a suitcase full of the frumpiest dresses imaginable. Can you guess where this is going? Dale gets his cabin, falls in love with his cabinmate (played, in a likable performance, by Tovah Feldshuh), and spends a lot of time changing clothes in the ship’s linen closet. Captain Stubing ends up getting a crush on the mysterious woman with the big blonde hair and the ugly dresses and yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds with a heavy dose of cringey 70s gay panic humor tossed in to boot. It doesn’t help that John Ritter gives such a frantic performance in the role that I actually got nervous watching him. “Calm down!” I wanted to say.

As you can guess, the tone is all over the place in this episode. That’s to be expected when you’re telling three stories at one time but there’s such an imbalance between Jaclyn Smith acting depressed and fragile and John Ritter doing pratfalls that it ultimately takes away from both stories. With the second episode of The Love Boat, it seems obvious that the show was still struggling to find the right balance between drama and comedy. As well, this episode suffers because the crew isn’t given much to do. The first episode was enjoyable because the main cast had a fun chemistry but, in this episode, everyone is a bystander except for Captain Stubing. Unfortunately, this episode couldn’t even treat Stubing consistently as the elevator storyline requires Stubing to be significantly smarter than the Stubing who appears in the John Ritter storyline.

Would the show ever succeed in finding and striking the right balance? We’ll see what happens next week!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.1 “Captain & The Lady/Centerfold/One If By Land….”

Posted on September 7, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Produced by Aaron Spelling, The Love Boat is one of the signature shows of the 70s and the 80s. Each week, the Pacific Princess would set off for a different location with a different group of guest stars. Typically, each episode would feature three stories. One story would be silly fun. One story would be a dramedy. And then one story would typically feature a member of the Love Boat crew either falling in love or worrying about losing their job. It was a tremendously silly show but, from the episodes I’ve seen, it was also very likable. If nothing else, the ship looked really nice.

While the passengers changed from week-to-week, the crew largely remained the same. During the show’s first season, the crew was made up of:

Captain Merrill Stubing (Gavin MacLeod), who started out as a stern, no-nonsense captain but who became significantly nicer and a good deal goofier as the series progressed,

Adam “Doc” Bricker (Bernie Kopell), the ship’s doctor who hit on every woman who boarded the boat and who probably would have been an HR nightmare if the show actually took place in the real world,

Gopher (Fred Grandy), the ship’s purser who …. well, I’m not sure what a purser does but hopefully it wasn’t too important of a job because Gopher was always getting into weird situations,

Isaac (Ted Lange), the ship’s bartender who spent the entire cruise getting people drunk,

and Julie (Lauren Tewes), the cheerful cruise director.

And, of course, we can’t forget the true star of the show, the theme song!

Before the series, there were three made-for-television movies: The Love Boat (1976), The Love Boat II (1976), and finally The New Love Boat (1977). These movies served as pilots for the show. The first movie featured an entirely different cast playing the ship’s crew. Kopell, Lange, and Grandy first played their roles in The Love Boat II. MacLeod and Tewes came aboard in The New Love Boat. Unfortunately, these pilots aren’t available on Paramount Plus but, fortunately, the rest of the series is.

So, let’s set sail on a course for adventure with the first episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.1 “Captain & The Lady/Centerfold/One If By Land….”

(Directed by Richard Kinon, Stuart Margolin, and Alan Rafkin, originally aired on September 24th, 1977)

The Pacific Princess is about to set sail but all is not right on the cruise ship that some call The Love Boat.

Ginny O’Brien (Brenda Sykes) just wants to get away from her longtime boyfriend, Ronald (Jimmie Walker). Ginny wants to marry Ronald but Ronald just wants to have a good time. When Ginny boards the cruise, Ronald decides to follow her. The only problem is that the cruise is sold out and Ronald can’t break the law by stowing away. (I was actually surprised that didn’t happen. I can imagine The Love Boat writers room descending into chaos as the writers argued about whether or not it was too early to do a stowaway story.) Ronald decides to follow the Love Boat from port to port, just so he can show Ginny that he is committed to something. Ginny ends up spending her entire cruise wondering if Ronald is going to be make it to every port. To me, it felt as if her cabinmate (Suzanne Somers) seemed to be kind of annoyed about getting sucked into all of Ginny’s personal drama but that could just be projection on my part. I know that I would certainly get annoyed by it.

Meanwhile, Congressman Brad Brockway (Shelly Novack) has set sail with his fiancée, Sandy (Meredith Baxter-Birney). When Sandy was younger, she posed for a sleazy photographer. Now that she’s engaged to the Congressman, a tabloid has published those pictures. Sandy spends the entire cruise trying to keep Brad from seeing any copies of the magazine. The only problem is that the magazine is sold in ship’s gift shop! (Did most cruise ships sell adult magazines in their gift shop? I supposed it’s possible. It was the 70s….) Sandy manages to get almost every copy of the magazine but misses the copy that Doc keeps in his examination room. Doc looks at the pictures and tells her that she has nothing to be ashamed of because the pictures look good. That really wasn’t her main concern, Doc. Anyway, it turns out that the Congressman doesn’t care. Personally, I would have preferred that the story had ended with Sandy announcing that she was the one who didn’t care.

Finally, Captain Stubing is a nervous wreck because an executive of the cruise line named Aubrey Skogstad (Robert Symonds) is on the cruise and so is his wife, Stacy (Bonnie Franklin). While Aubrey is quiet and polite, Stacy proceeds to tell every member of the crew that they are inadequate and that she will personally make it her duty to get them all fired. It turns out that Stacy is hostile because she’s Captain Stubing’s ex-wife. Since Captain Stubing is still new to the ship and has kept himself aloof from the rest of the crew, they wonder if he’ll ever stand up for them. Eventually, the captain tells Stacy off and, in doing so, he finally wins the loyalty of his crew. Yay!

Anyway, the first episode of The Love Boat was very, very 70s. The only thing that could have made it more 70s would have been a disco ball on the lido deck. Fortunately, as our long-time readers know, I’m a total history nerd so I enjoyed the show as a floating time capsule. It’s one thing to watch a movie that’s set in the 70s and which features everyone going out of their way to bring to life every stereotype. It’s another thing to actually view something that was specifically made during the time period.

Unfortunately, the stories and the passengers themselves were pretty forgettable. The whole thing about the Stacy and the Congressman was slightly interesting just because, with the rise of social media, everyone’s got smutty pictures out there now. For the most part, though, this first episode was about introducing Captain Stubing and the crew and the cast did display a good deal of chemistry together. They were all likable. Even Doc Bricker, with his stash of cruise porn, seemed to be well-intentioned. They came across as people who most viewers would want to take a cruise with, which is exactly what the show required to be a success.

Next week …. more love, more 70s fashion, and more intrusive laugh tracks as we set sail on another voyage!

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Eyes of a Stranger (dir by Ken Wiederhorn)

Posted on October 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this 1981 slasher film, bad things are happening in the city of Miami.

There’s a serial killer on the loose. He’s chopping off heads and leaving bodies on the beach and basically just making a huge mess of things. Local new anchorwoman Jane (Lauren Tewes) is upset that there’s a killer roaming the streets of her hometown. She even talks about how upset she is during a local newscast, which takes everyone at the station by surprise. I don’t know why they’re so shocked. Don’t they know that Jane has a younger sister named Tracy (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and that Tracy’s been blind, deaf, and mute ever since she was attacked by a maniac?

One day, Jane is returning to the apartment that she shares with her sister. As she’s parking her car, she sees her neighbor, Stanley (John DiSanti), stuffing what appears to be a bloody shirt in a trash can. Oh my God, could he be the murderer!?

Well, yes, he is. The film actually makes no attempt to hide the fact that Stanley is the murderer. Stanley is one of those movie murderers who is either hyper competent or totally oblivious, depending on what the scene demands. For instance, despite being a rather heavyset, middle-aged man, he can still sneak up behind people without them ever hearing and chop off their head with one wave of a meat cleaver. On the other hand, when he kills a couple on the beach, his car ends up getting stuck in the sand.

Anyway, Jane is pretty much instantly convinced that Stanley is the killer and she immediately starts doing stuff like taunting him over the telephone. (Despite the fact that she’s on TV every night and her voice is apparently heard by everyone in Miami, she makes no effort to disguise her voice whenever she calls Stanley.) She also breaks into his apartment to look for clues.

As I watched this film, I found myself thinking about how much more interesting it would have been if Stanley hadn’t been the killer and if Jane felt so guilty about what happened to her sister that she ended up harassing a totally innocent bystander. But no, Stanley is the murderer so naturally all of this leads to an extended sequence where Stanley breaks into and then follows Tracy around Jane’s apartment.

So, Eyes of a Stranger is a fairly mediocre film, one that would probably be totally forgotten if not for the fact that it’s also the debut film of Jennifer Jason Leigh. While the film is obviously meant to showcase Lauren Tewes (a TV actress who gives a rather wooden performance), Jennifer Jason Leigh steals every scene in which she appears. Her total commitment to her character shines through and she even manages to sell a rather implausible plot twist that occurs towards the end of the film. John DiSanti also deserves some credit for his performance as Stanley. Again, it’s hard not to feel that the film would have worked better if it had tried to keep us guessing as to the question of Stanley’s guilt.

Eyes of a Stranger was directed by Ken Wiederhorn, who also did the far superior zombie movie, Shock Waves. It’s interesting to note that both Lauren Tewes and Jennifer Jason Leigh would subsequently appear in Twin Peaks: The Return, though Leigh’s role was significantly larger.