Horror Film Review: Alligator (dir by Lewis Teague)

Posted on October 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1980’s Alligator begins in 1968. While on vacation in Florida, a teenage girl named Marisa Kendall purchases a baby alligator named Ramon. When she returns home to Chicago, her jerk of a father flushes Ramon down the toilet.

12 years pass. Marisa (Robin Riker) becomes a herpetologist. As for Ramon, he actually survives being flushed down the toilet and thrives in the sewer. He eats the carcasses of animals that had been a part of an experiment involving a growth serum. The serum had the desired effect of making the animals bigger but it also increased their metabolism to the extent that they became aggressive and had to eat constantly. Evil industrialist Slade (Dean Jagger) is convinced that, by tossing the carcasses in the sewer, he’s ensured that no one will ever find out about the experiments. Instead, he’s turned Ramon into a giant alligator who is always hungry. Soon, the super-intelligent alligator is ambushing and eating sewer workers.

Burned-out Detective Dave Madison (Robert Forster) teams up with Marisa to solve the mystery of why so many body parts are turning up in the sewers. It’s not easy. No one wants to admit that there might be a giant alligator living under the city. Everyone wants to believe that’s just an urban legend. But, after a tabloid reporter (Bart Braverman) manages to snap a few photographs of Ramon before being devoured, the police are forced to deal with the fact that they’ve got an alligator on their hands. As Slade continues to try to cover up his involvement, big game hunter Colonel Brock (Henry Silva) comes to town and announces that he will be capturing the alligator.

Directed by Lewis Teague and written by John Sayles, Alligator is a dark comedy disguised as a horror film. While numerous people get eaten and the film ends on a properly ominous note, Alligator is obviously not meant to be taken seriously. The cast is full of good actors who send up their own images. That’s especially true in the case of Henry Silva, who appears to be having a blast as the hyper macho Colonel Brock. Robert Forster, meanwhile, delivers his lines with a self-aware weariness that seems a bit more appropriate for a noir hero than a film about a detective investigating a giant alligator. One reason why the film works is because Forster, Silva, and the rest of the cast understood exactly what type of film they were appearing in and they delivered their overheated lines with just enough wit to let the viewer know that the film was in on the joke. The big and somewhat stiff-looking alligator may not look entirely real and it may move somewhat awkwardly but ultimately, it’s the most likable character in the movie. It just wants to relax in the sewers but, every few minutes, someone else is bugging him.

When first released, Alligator struggled at the box office but it has since gone on to become a cult favorite. Quentin Tarantino is a self-described fan and he had said he was inspired to cast Robert Forster as Max Cherry in Jackie Brown after seeing him as Dave Madison in this film. That’s not bad for a movie about a giant alligator!

The Eric Roberts Collection: Best of the Best II (dir by Bob Radler)

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Eric Roberts, Phillip Rhee, Simon Rhee, and Chris Penn all return for more martial arts action in 1993’s Best Of The Best II!

In the years since the American team’s quasi-victory over the Korean team in the first Best Of The Best, Travis (Chris Penn) has fallen on hard times. While his former teammates, Alex (Eric Roberts) and Tommy (Phillip Rhee) attend to the day-to-day operations of running a martial arts studio in Las Vegas, Travis spends his time fighting in underground “colosseum” matches. These matches, hosted by Weldon Mardano (Wayne Newton), are modern-day gladiatorial contests where the fighters often battle to the death while a bunch of rich people watch and cheer. (We can tell they’re rich because they all wear tuxedos). “There are no rules!” the crowd shouts as Travis defeats opponent after opponent.

Travis is convinced that he can defeat the colosseum’s German champion, fearsome Gustave Brakus (Ralf Moeller). It turns out that Travis is wrong. Travis loses to Brakus and is promptly killed after the crowd starts to chant, “Die! Die! Die!” (In Brakus’s defense, he may have thought they were just chanting, “The! The! The!”) (Actually, don’t ask me how that works in Brakus’s defense. I really didn’t think that joke through.) Travis’s death is witnessed by Alex’s young son, Walter (Edan Gross). Travis, Walter, and Tommy go on the run, ending up at Tommy’s boyhood home. Tommy, it turns out, is half-Native American and his bitter uncle, James (Sonny Landham), trains Tommy and Alex for their inevitable fight against Brakus. Dae-han Park (Simon Rhee) also shows up, saying that he owes Tommy a debt for not killing him at the end of the previous film.

Best of the Best II is an improvement on the first film, if just because it doesn’t take itself seriously at all and it cheerfully embraces and celebrates the absurdity at the heart of the storyline. Just the fact that one of the film’s villains is played by Wayne Newton should tell you everything you need to know about this film’s style. This is a pure Vegas film, full of glitz and neon and plenty of tuxedos. Eric Roberts even wears a tux at the end of the movie. Just as in the first film, Roberts does most of the acting while Phillip Rhee supplies the action. Roberts is a bit less emotional in this film. If he spent the first film continually on the verge of tears, he spends the second one trying not to smile at the silliness of it all. Towards the end of the film, you can actually see him starting to laugh at Wayne Newton’s over-the-top performance and it’s actually kind of a nice moment. Don’t take this too seriously, the film seems to be saying, We’re not! Just enjoy the fights!

Best of the Best II is definitely an improvement over the first one, even if it is unfortunate that neither James Earl Jones nor Sally Kirkland returned. (Then again, if you were the Tony-winning, widely-celebrated, universally-beloved, and very much in-demand James Earl Jones, would you have returned?) Best of the Best II doesn’t take itself too seriously and, as a result, it’s far more entertaining than you might otherwise expect.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

The Eric Roberts Collection: Best of the Best (dir by Bob Radler)

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“No!” James Earl Jones says towards the end of 1989’s The Best of the Best, his already deep voice made even more imposing by the use of slow motion.

“No, Tommy, no!” Eric Roberts joins in as he watches martial artist Tommy Lee (Phillip Rhee) internally struggle with whether or not to strike a blow that will definitely kill his opponent and, if James Earl Jones is all gravitas and stern wisdom, Eric Roberts is all emotion and desperation.

The Best of the Best is a bit of an oddity, in that the script features just about every martial arts tournament cliche imaginable (right down to the other “bad” team having a history of killing people in the ring) but those cliches are all acted out by a surprisingly distinguished cast. I counted four Oscar nominees (and one winner) in the cast. James Earl Jones (nominated for The Great White Hope) plays Coach Couzo, who gets a team of Americans prepared to fight in an international tournament. Sally Kirkland (nominated for Anna) plays their trainer, who worries not just about the team’s physical health but also their mental burdens. Eric Roberts (nominated for Runaway Train) is Alex Grady, the former martial arts champion-turned-auto worker who makes the team despite having a bad shoulder. Louise Fletcher (who won for One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest) plays Alex’s mother, who looks after his son while Alex is off getting ready to face the Korean team. And then there’s Chris Penn (who seems like, if not for his early death, he would have eventually been nominated for something) as the arrogant Travis, a cowboy who can throw a punch.

(The American team is filled out by John Dye as Virgil, an intellectual Buddhist, David Agresta as Sonny “I’m Italian” Grasso, and Phillip Rhee, who not only plays Tommy but also wrote the film’s script.)

Roberts gets top-billing in this and he does get a lot of important moments, including a scene where he breaks the Coach’s rules so that he can visit his son in the hospital. That said, the story centers around Phillip Rhee’s Tommy. Tommy’s older brother was killed in the ring by the one-eyed Dae Han Park (Simon Rhee) and — wow, what a coincidence! — that just happens to be who Tommy needs to beat for the Americans to win the big tournament. Both of the Rhee brothers actually are martial artists and they are very convincing in the fight scenes, which is good because neither Phillip nor Simon Rhee were particularly strong actors. Eric Roberts is not a particularly convincing martial artist but it doesn’t matter because he acts the Heck out of every scene in which he appears. What happens when you bring method intensity to the type of martial arts film that Jean-Claude Van Damme would later make his specialty? You get scenes of a heavily-bruised Eric Roberts crying but, because Roberts is a good actor, the tears feel earned. Still, whenever I saw Alex’s eyes starting to glisten, I imagined James Earl Jones saying, “Noooooooo!” How can you win the world’s greatest tournament when you’re constantly on the verge of tears? Well, maybe you don’t need to win. Maybe you just need to show that you have more honor than anyone else there.

Best of the Best is a classic of its kind. There’s nothing surprising about it but it’s entertaining in its own dumb way and, in the end, it reminds us that America doesn’t need medals to be the best. It just needs Eric Roberts.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Horror Film Review: They Turned Us Into Killers (dir by Thomas Walton)

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

We’re the Millers

They turned us into killers….

Yeah, whatever, dude. Seriously, how am I supposed to take seriously a film that features several scenes of people singing that song?

2024’s They Turned Us Into Killers is a film about vigilante justice. After her boyfriend gets her addicted to drugs and then rapes her with his brothers, Karma (Lauren Francesca) kills herself. Fortunately, she leaves behind an extremely long and detailed suicide note that allows her best friend Star (Scout Taylor-Compton) to know that she needs to track down and kill BJ (Bryce Draper) and his moronic brothers. Star recruits Zion (Brian Anthony Williams) to help her, because Zion’s mother was raped and murdered by BJ’s father (Kane Hodder). Zion later got revenge on BJ’s father and now, he’s going to help Star get revenge on BJ.

So, here’s the thing. This story actually had potential. Seriously, who doesn’t want to watch a bunch of rapists get tortured for their crimes? Unfortunately, the film’s execution is an absolute mess. This is one of those films that jumps around in time, so you’re never quite sure if you’re watching something that’s happening in the film’s present or if you’re watching yet another flashback. One gets the feeling that this was done to try to disguise just how simplistic the film’s story actually is but the end result is more likely to induce a headache than anything else. The film pretty much begins with Star explaining that Karma get hooked on drugs and killed herself. Therefore, there’s nothing really to be gained by then segueing into a lengthy flashback of Karma doing what we just heard that she did. We already know what happened to Karma. Flashbacks are only necessary if they add something new to the story. When all they do is show us what we already know, they feel more like padding. In this case, it feels like rather exploitive padding.

The film is more of a vigilante film than a true horror film. That said, horror icons like Kane Hodder, Bill Moseley, and Michael Berryman all make brief appearances and the scenes where Star stalks her victims definitely owe a bit to the old school slasher films. When the film isn’t busy with the flashbacks, it’s largely made up of scenes of Star taunting her victims while they’re tied down to a table. The torture scenes tend to go on forever, to the point where they again feel more like padding than anything else. And while the film’s victims certainly deserve their fate, Star isn’t particularly likable either. Perhaps if Karma had been her sister, I would have had more sympathy for her. Instead, Karma is just a friend to whom Star wasn’t even close enough to know that she was struggling until she committed suicide.

(On another note, naming the character Karma is way too cutesy. Sorry, movie.)

Vigilante films are always a bit of a mixed bag. Charles Bronson was an effective vigilante, usually because he was trying to either protect or avenge his family. Clint Eastwood was an effective vigilante because most of his vigilante films took place in the old west, at a time when people really had no choice but to take the law into their own hands. I will always cheer Camille Keaton getting revenge on those four rednecks in the original I Spit On Your Gave and yes, that includes that dumbass Matthew. I think the lesson here is that it takes a star with a lot of screen presence and a director who knows how to properly pace a film to make a vigilante film work. They Turned Us Into Killers …. well, it just doesn’t work.

October True Crime: Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on October 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Ed Gein was a farmer who lived in Plainfield, Wisconsin in the 1950s. Everyone in town agreed that Ed was a bit of an eccentric. He had been something of a recluse ever since the death of his mother in 1945. Having never married, he spent most of his time on his farmhouse, where he had a collection of pulp magazines and literature about Nazi war crimes. Ed supported himself by doing odd jobs around town. He was quiet and a little weird but he was considered to be harmless enough.

Or, at least, he was until November of 1957.

That was when Bernice Worden, the owner of the local hardware store disappeared. Her son told the police that Ed Gein has been the last person to talk to her the night before she disappeared and that Gein had specifically said that he would return to the store the next morning. When the police searched Gein’s property, they discovered that Gein’s house was full of body parts. Among other things, they found several skulls, a trash can made out of human skin, bowls made out of skulls, leggings made out of skin taken from human legs, nine vulvae in a shoe box, four noses, masks made from the skin taken from human heads, a corset made out of human skin, a pair of lips on a window shade drawstring, and the bodies of Bernie Worden and tavern owner Mary Hogan. The police who discovered Gein’s home were reported to have been haunted by nightmares for years afterwards. The officer who interrogated Gein later died of heart failure when he was informed that he was going to have to testify at Gein’s trial and relive the experience of hearing Gein’s story.

Gein confessed that he had started digging up graves after the death of his mother, collecting recently deceased women who he thought resembled her. Gein also confessed to murdering both Bernie Worden and Mary Hogan, though most observers felt that Gein had killed many more. Judged to be legally insane, Gein spent the rest of his life in a mental hospital, where he was said to be a polite and friendly patient. He died of cancer in 1984.

The story of Ed Gein has inspired many writers and filmmakers. Psycho was inspired by Gein’s crime, with the book’s version of Norman having far more in common with the real Gein. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s house of horrors was also inspired by Gein and so was The Silence of the Lambs‘s Buffalo Bill. The 1974 film, Deranged, featured Roberts Blossom in the role of Ed Gein, whose name was changed to Ezra Cobb.

In 2007’s Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield, Kane Hodder plays Ed Gein. Best-known for playing Jason Voorhees in several Friday the 13th films (and for providing a great DVD commentary for Friday the 13th Part VII: New Blood), Hodder plays Gein as being a hulking and awkward farmer who, after losing his mother, comes to believe that death is the only thing that’s real in life. With his friend Jack (Michael Berryman), Gein digs up bodies from the local graveyard. When Jack finally says that he’s tired of digging up bodies and that he thinks Gein needs to get professional help, Gein responds by murdering Jack and dragging the body behind his pickup truck. Interestingly enough, Gein drives by Deputy Bobby Mason (Shawn Hoffman) who doesn’t even notice the body being dragged because he’s too busy fooling around with his girlfriend, Erica (Adrienne Frantz).

Bobby, in short, is a bit of a dumbass and that’s unfortunate for the people of Plainfield because Ed Gein is about to go on a rampage. First, he abducts the owner of the local tavern. Then, he abducts Bobby’s own mother, Vera (Priscilla Barnes)! And, to top it all off, he abducts Erica just a few hours later. This leads to a lot of scenes of Bobby running around, searching for his mother and then his girlfriend and managing to screw up just about everything that he attempts to do. Bobby being a total idiot wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that Bobby is also supposed to be the hero of our story.

Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield features a lot of gore and discarded body parts, to the such an extent that I had to actually look away from the screen more than a few times. That said, the story itself is only loosely based on the facts of the case. (For instance, Ed Gein never kidnapped the girlfriend of a deputy and instead, he reportedly never even tried to flee once it became obvious that the police were on to him.) The film is so haphazardly edited that it’s often difficult to keep track of how many days or night have passed from one scene to another and there’s quite a few scenes that feel as if they’ve been included to pad out the running time. That said, Kane Hodder gives a good performance as this film’s version of Ed Gein, proving that he can be just as intimidating when wearing a mask of human skin as when wearing a hockey mask.

Horror Scenes I Love: Kane Hodder in Friday the 13th Part VII: A New Blood

Posted on October 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Kane Hodder was a veteran stuntman when he first played Jason Voorhees in 1988’s Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood. He would go on to play Jason three more times. He also played Leatherface in Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III and, when Freddy Krueger’s gloved hand appeared at the end of Jason Goes To Hell, that was Kane Hodder’s hand grabbing the famous Jason mask and taking it to Hell.

Sadly, when Freddy vs. Jason went into production, Hodder was replaced by another stuntman. (Ironically, Hodder had been considered for the role of Freddy in the original Nightmare on Elm Street.) Still, for Friday the 13th fans, Kane Hodder will always be Jason Voorhees.

In the scene from Friday the 13th Part 7, Hodder shows off the physicality that made him the ideal zombie Jason.

Horror Film Review: Wishmaster (dir by Robert Kurtzman)

Posted on October 26, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Do you all remember Wishmaster?

Played by Andrew Divoff, the Wishmaster was a genie (or a djinn) who made his film debut in the 1997 film of the same name. The Djinn’s schtick is to randomly approach people and say something like, “Would you like to be rich?” or “Would you like all of your enemies to suffer?” He grants wishes but he does so in ironic ways. So, if you say want to be rich, you might very well turn into someone named Rich who is on the verge of getting hit by a bus. If you say that you want to escape from your mundane life, you might end up in a straight-jacket under water, struggling to perform one of Harry Houdini’s signature escapes.

I rewatched Wishmaster a few months ago and what I immediately discovered was the the Djinn wasn’t really that good at his job. He pretended to be clever in the way that he would fool humans but, honestly, it often seemed less like he was tricking people and more like he really wasn’t playing fair. Take the security guard who made the mistake of wishing for an escape. As I just mentioned, The Djinn immediately put him underwater in a straight-jacket. But the guard’s wish was not to have to escape. The guard’s wish was to simply escape. So, putting him in a life-and-death situation and telling him to figure it out for himself wasn’t fulfilling the guard’s wish. It just seemed like the Djinn wanted to drown someone and he decided to use his wish-granting job as an excuse.

The guard, by the way, was played by Tony Todd, one of the many horror icons who appeared in small roles in Wishmaster. (Today, Tony Todd is best known for the Final Destination films but, when Wishmaster came out, he was known for playing the Candyman.) Among the other cameos:

From Phantasm, Angus Scrimm provided the narration while Reggie Bannister played an unlucky pharmacist.

From Friday the 13th, Kane Hodder played a security guard who made the mistake of saying that he wished he could see the Djinn try to walk straight through him.

Day of the Dead’s Joseph Pilato played a crane operator.

John Carpenter vet George “Buck” Flower played an angry homeless man.

Sam Raimi’s brother, Ted Raimi, showed up long enough to get crushed by a crate.

And finally, Robert Englund played the somewhat pretentious professor who was responsible for bringing the Djinn to America in the first place.

As you can probably guess by looking at all of the cameos, Wishmaster is not a film that’s meant to be taken seriously. It’s often deliberately campy. Wes Craven may have produced it and was undoubtedly responsible for recruiting many of the actors who appeared in it but the film’s direction was handled by special effects maestro, Robert Kurtzman and he puts more emphasis on the visual effects than on any sort of serious exploration of the somewhat random series of events that make up the film’s storyline. Of course, when seen today, the film’s special effects look a bit cheap but, for many viewers (like me!), that’s actually a part of the film’s grisly charm.

Wishmaster does have a plot but it’s not particularly important. The Djinn tries to make Alexandra (Tammy Lauren) make three wishes so that he can unleash the forces of Hell. Why he spends all of his time granting wishes to other people instead of just concentrating on Alex is never really explained. It may be an often dumb movie but it’s also undeniably entertaining when taken on its own terms. Andrew Divoff is enjoyably sinister as the Djinn, playing the character with a sarcastic wit to go along with his evil schemes. It’s a fun movie to watch, even if it does feel like it was basically slapped together in a handful of days.

You should always be careful what you wish for but Wishmaster is still an entertaining piece of 90s horror.

(Author’s Note: Wow, this is embarrassing. Right after I posted this review, I discovered that I previously reviewed Wishmaster in 2018! Whoops! Well, it’s nice to see that my thoughts on the film have remained consistent. — LMB)

Cinemax Friday: City Limits (1984, directed by Aaron Lipstadt)

Posted on November 20, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Fifteen years into the future, a plague has wiped out almost everyone legally old enough to drink and it has instead left behind a post-apocalyptic hellscape dominated by teenagers. Tired of living in the boring desert, Lee (John Stockwell) hops on his motorcycle, puts on a skull mask, and drives to a nearby city. He hopes to join the Clippers, one of the two gangs that is fighting for control of the city. However, the Clippers aren’t as easy to join as Lee thought they would be. As well, an evil corporation (led by Robby Benson of all people) is manipulating the two gangs as a part of a plan to take over the city and also the world.

City Limits is one of those films that would probably be totally forgotten if it hadn’t been featured on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It’s a good episode but, unfortunately, it’s also led to City Limits getting a reputation for worse than it actually is.

City Limits is a dumb, low-budget movie that was made to capitalize on the success of films like Mad Max. The plot is impossible to follow, too many scenes are shot in the middle of the night, and Robby Benson is somehow even less intimidating as the villain as you would expect him to be. (All of Benson’s scenes take place in the same bare office and feature him sitting at a desk. It probably took a day at most for Benson to do all of his scenes.) Even with all that in mind, though, City Limits is a fun movie, especially if you can turn off your mind, just relax, and not worry about trying to make it all make sense. John Stockwell is a likably goofy hero and, Benson aside, the film has got a surprisingly good supporting cast, including Rae Dawn Chong, Kim Cattrall, Tony Plana, Darrell Larson, and even Kane Hodder in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-him type of role. James Earl Jones wears a big fur coat and blows people up. He also narrates the film, which automatically elevates everything that happens. Some of the action scenes are exciting. Fans of people shouting insults while riding motorcycles will find a lot to enjoy in City Limits. And, finally, there are a few genuinely funny moments. I loved that the gangs borrowed all of their plans for old comic books.

City Limits is stupid but entertaining, whether you’re watching it on your own or with Joel and the Bots.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Victor Crowley (dir by Adam Green)

Posted on October 31, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Hey, did I mention that I recently watched Victor Crowley as a part of the Last Drive-In on Shudder?”

“Who’s Victor Crowley?”

“It’s a movie! About a killer named …. well, Victor Crowley. He’s played by Kane Hodder and he kills people in the swamp in various gruesome ways.”

“Oh, is that the guy from the Hatchet films?”

“Yes, the same.”

“And aren’t those the slasher films that are really bad but you’re not supposed to care because they wink at the audience and acknowledge that the suck?”

“Yep, exactly. Victor Crowley is the latest installment in the Hatchet series. It came out in 2017. An airplane crashes in a swamp. All of the passengers are in some way connected to the previous Hatchet films. Victor kills them all one-by-one.”

“Was it any good?”

“I personally didn’t care much for it.”

“What as wrong with it?”

“It took forever for the action to actually get going and the humor often felt forced, even by the standards of the Hatchet films. Some of the deaths were creative but since the characters were all pretty much just cardboard figures, it was hard to really care about it. Kane Hodder was an imposing killer, though. He’s definitely the best thing about the film.”

“I like Kane Hodder.”

“Me too. It’s funny. He’s always killing people but he seems like such a nice guy in real life. To be honet, the best thing about watching Victor Crowley on The Last Drive-In was that Joe Bob Briggs would interrupt every few minutes and share his thoughts on the film. Joe Bob, I should mention, liked the film far more than I did.”

“So, do you or do you not recommend Victor Crowley?”

“Well, it’s funny. I didn’t like it but I can understand why some people do like it. Because it’s over-the-top and intentionally silly and it doesn’t make any apologies for being what it is. It’s kind of like the slasher version of a good Lifetime film. So, I can’t really sit here and totally trash the film. It wasn’t for me but if you’re a fan of the Hatchet movies, it’ll give you exactly what you’re expecting — i.e., blood, humor, and Kane Hodder ripping off Felissa Rose’s arm.”

“So, you’re recommending the film?”

“To fans of the Hatchet series, yes.”

“I hope they enjoy it.”

“Me too. Isn’t that what life’s all about?”

Horror Film Review: Wishmaster (dir by Robert Kurtzman)

Posted on October 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Remember the Wishmaster films?

There were four of them and they all deal with this ancient Djinn (Andrew Divoff) who, during each film, would escape from his magical prison and then wander around granting people their wishes. Of course, since the Djinn was evil, there was always a catch. He would either interpret the wish very literally or he would manipulate people into asking for the wish in the wrong way. As a result, people would always get their wish but they’d get in a way that would make them suffer.

For instance, a typical Wishmaster conversation would go something like this:

“I wish I was a better actor.”

“Am I to understand that you wish you were John Wilkes Booth?”

“Wait …. what?”

“As you wish.”

“Sic semper tyrannis!”

The first Wishmaster was released in 1997 while the fourth (and, to date, last) installment was released in 2002. They’ve never gotten as much attention as some of the other horror franchises from that period, largely because there was really only so much that you could do with a character like the Djinn. Part of the problem was that almost every scene depended on someone not understanding the importance of being clear when making a wish. There’s only so many times that you can watch the Djinn trick people into saying, “I wish I never get old,” before the whole novelty of it all wears off.

That said, the Wishmaster films did have one thing going for them and that was Andrew Divoff. A veteran character actor (and one who you might recognize from Lost, where he played a member of the Others who was both Russian and who had only one eye), Divoff was always creepy as fug in the role of the Djinn. Whenever someone made the mistake of making a wish, this little smile would appear on Divoff’s face and you knew that someone was about to learn an important lesson about being careful what you wish for. Divoff was seriously frightening of the Djinn, so much so that you regretted that the films themselves could never quite keep up with his performance.

Last night, I watched the first Wishmaster film for the first time in six years and it was actually a little bit better than I remembered. The plot itself is typical Wishmaster stuff. The Djinn is trapped inside of a gem that eventually makes it way to the United States. An idiot lab worker attempts to experiment on it, which leads to the gem exploding, the Djinn getting free, and an epidemic of mass wish granting. Nobody seems to have learned the lesson that the first thing you wish for is more wishes.

Wishmaster is stupid but fun. The first film was produced by Wes Craven and perhaps that explains why the film is full of cameos from everyone who was anyone in low-budget 90s horror. As a result, you’ve got Kane Hodder saying that he would “love it if” the djinn “tries to go right through him,” and Robert Englund playing a businessman and Tony Todd showing up as a doorman. It’s nice to see them all, though ultimately the main reason to watch the film is for Andrew Divoff’s wonderfully smirky turn as the Djinn. It’s hard not to wish that he had another horror franchise to dominate.

Be care what you wish for!

(Sorry, had to do it….)