Helen Baron | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week is just a mess.

Episode 5.9 “Finders Keepers”

(Dir by John Peyser, originally aired on November 29th, 1981)

Oh, it’s a Steve McLeish episode!

These episodes are fun because they were so obviously written and re-written to try to cover up the fact that Caitlyn Jenner was a terrible actor. In this episode, we learn that Steve is into rare flowers and that he drives a pretty snazzy convertible. And yet, despite these character details, Steve still doesn’t really have a personality beyond being kind of twitchy and always hesitating before delivering his lines. Jenner seemed to be made out of charisma anti-matter and it’s bizarre to see a public figure with absolutely zero screen presence.

This episode is a mess. Two teens steal a car and come into possession of some stolen money. Steve searches for the stolen car. An eccentric bounty hunter (Noble Willingham) drives from Texas to California in a pink Cadillac and gets in everyone’s way as he chases a fugitive. Oscar nominee Amy Madigan appears as a country singer who would really like to get it on with Baker but Baker always ends up running late. Ponch makes three brief appearances in this episode. It’s explained that he’s preparing to testify in a huge trial and that’s why Baker and Steve are temporary partners. None of the storylines really feel complete or connected. One gets the feeling that three different scripts were just randomly crammed together.

This episode had two effective car crashes and it was somewhat amusing to watch as Baker always showed up just a minute or two after Amy Madigan stopped singing. That said, this episode didn’t add up to much. The only thing that really made it watchable was Jenner’s bizarre performance.

There’s a part of me that kind of hopes that Ponch never comes back! Of course, if that happened, it would no longer be….

This week, it’s a special two-hour episode of CHiPs!

Episodes 3.9 and 3.10 “Drive, Lady, Drive”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 10, 1979)

The police at nearby Palma Vista are on strike and the state of California has agreed to allow some members of the Highway Patrol to patrol the town until the strike is over. Getraer assigns Baker, Ponch, Bear, and some new guy named Lenny (Leon Isaac Kennedy) to head over to the town, Baker is named the OIC, which I eventually figured out stood for “Officer in Charge.” Getraer knows better than to give the job to Ponch.

Ponch, by the way, is back! After being absent for two episodes due to Erik Estrada actually injuring himself in a motorcycle crash, Ponch returns in this episode and he goes through the entire episode with this huge grin on his face as if he’s saying, “You know you missed me.” Ponch’s return means that Baker is once again relegated to being the strong, silent partner who doesn’t really get to do anything. In fact, Baker crashes his motorcycle early on in this episode, as if the show was trying to tell us, “See? It could happen to anyone!”

The striking cops accuse Baker, Ponch, Bear, and Lenny of being scabs and strike breakers. I’m not really a fan of public sector unions. (When it comes to the police striking, my hero is Calvin Coolidge, who came to fame when he broke up a policeman’s strike in Massachusetts.) Still, it felt strange to watch the show’s heroes cross that picket line. That would definitely not happen on television today.

There’s a lot going on in Palma Vista. There’s some rich kids who keep joyriding in a dune buggy and who think they can escape prosecution by crossing the city limits. (Joke’s on them! The Highway Patrol has jurisdiction everywhere!) There’s some truck hijackers who are setting up a headquarters in town. There’s an angry city councilman (Michael Conrad) who doesn’t feel his children should be held accountable for their actions.

That said, the majority of this two-hour episode centered on a stock car race and one of the racers, Candi Wright (Kelly Harmon). Will Candi win the big race or will she lose to her friendly rival (and possible future romantic partner) Don Croyden (Jordan Clarke)? Will Ponch be able to both date her and do his job? And most importantly, will she be able to adopt a traumatized little girl (played by Tracey Gold) who Candi discovered outside of a burning house? That’s a lot of storylines for someone who wasn’t even a regular cast member and a part of me wonders if maybe this episode was meant to be a secret pilot for a Candi Wright television series. It would explain a lot.

This really was a basic episode of CHiPs, with the only real difference being that it was two-hours long for some reason. A lot of what happened in the episode, especially the racing footage, felt like filler. There was really no need for this to be a double-sized episode. It also doesn’t help that, as opposed to the lovely Los Angeles scenery that we usually see, this episode took place in a rather ugly town. There was some appropriately spectacular crashes but, in the end, this episode ran too long and felt a bit pointless. Get the Highway Patrol back on the highways!