Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.7 “Trading Faces”

Posted on November 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer discovers that she can possess people!

Episode 1.7 “Trading Faces”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on December 2nd, 1983)

While watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Joey suggests that Jennifer may be capable of possessing people. Joey’s theory is that, just as Jennifer can walk through walls, she can also step into people’s bodies and control them. This seems like an odd theory for Joey to just come up with. Personally, I think Joey has been obsessing on this for a while.

Still, Jennifer says, “It’s worth a try!” so she crouches down and steps into the body of Joey’s bratty little sister, Marilyn (Mya Akerling). And, it works! Jennifer is able to possess Marilyn! It’s a good thing that worked, I guess. I mean, what if Marilyn died as a result of Jennifer trying to walk through her? How would Joey have explained that?

Jennifer is so excited about possessing Marilyn that she then proceeds to possess Joey’s best friend, Marc (Glenn Scarpelli). “Joey,” Jennifer-as-Marc says, “you have such beautiful eyes.” Joey freaks out but Jennifer is having a ball. The audience thinks its hilarious because this show is from the 80s.

The next morning, as the family eats breakfast, father George (Brandon Maggart) announces that he has a special guest coming by the house, a Spanish film producer (Henry Darrow) who is also an ex-boyfriend of Jennifer’s! (“Jennifer,” George announces, “was like Will Rogers. She never meet a man she didn’t like!”) George tells Joey to act normal and not yell at any invisible people during the producer’s visit.

Of course, it’s not Joey that George should be worried about. That night, when the producer shows up, Jennifer possesses George’s wife, Susan (Georgia Engel), and she flirts with the producer! Uh-oh, what if George finds out? What if this leads to divorce? What if Joey is sent back to New York and suddenly, Jennifer no longer has anyone to harass?

Jennifer really didn’t think this through. Or maybe she did and realized that George is the worst person in the world so who cares about destroying his career, marriage, and family?

Anyway, while possessing Susan, Jennifer kisses the producer. When George witnesses this, Jennifer hops out of Susan’s body, leaving Susan totally clueless as to why George is so upset. This leads to Jennifer once again possessing Susan so that she can declare her love for George and say that the producer was actually the one who put the moves on her and then George decides to punch out the producer but then the producer says that women are always throwing themselves at his feet and Jennifer realizes that the producer wasn’t that hot after all and then she steps into George’s body so that she can tell off the producer and….

AGGGGGGH!

Sorry. As you may have guesses, this whole episode was a bit too frantic for its own good but, to give credit where credit is due, both Georgia Engel and Brandon Maggart did credible Ann Jillian impersonations when their characters were possessed. Still, in the end, the sleazy producer decided to hire George as his lawyer and George accepted his offer because George is the worst person in the world and doesn’t have the self-respect necessary to kick the misogynistic old lech out of his house. Wow, that’s kind of depressing. Jennifer’s dead, everyone thinks that Joey is crazy, and George is so desperate for money that he’ll even take it from a guy who just tried to break up his marriage. This show is dark!

Next week, Jennifer helps Joey beat up the school bully!

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.6 “One Of Our Jars Is Missing”

Posted on November 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jennifer is trapped in a jar!

Episode 1.6 “One Of Our Jars Is Missing”

(Dir by Charles S. Dubin, originally aired on November 25th, 1983)

Last week, I announced that George Eliot (played by Fiona Apple’s father, Brandon Maggart), was the worst character on Jennifer Slept Here and perhaps one of the worst characters of all time. This week, however, George is actually pretty tolerable. Instead, it’s his son Joey who is terrible.

Since this series started, Joey has been having to adjust to having to live with the ghost of Jennifer Farrell and, for the most part, he seems to be doing a pretty good job of it. Jennifer has helped out Joey with his problems and Joey has helped out Jennifer on numerous occasions. They’ve been established as being friends.

However, this episode finds Joey and Jennifer uncharacteristically annoyed with each other. Jennifer thinks that Joey makes too much noise in his room. Joey thinks that Jennifer makes too much noise in the attic. Joey spends a lot of time yelling at Jennifer, which makes him look crazy to everyone else. After hearing his son yelling into thin air one too many times, George decides that Joey is truly convinced that there is a ghost in the house.

George’s solution?

Hire an exorcist!

Now, it should be noted that George doesn’t think that the house is haunted. Instead, he thinks that Joey is delusional but George is convinced that an exorcism will cure Joey of those delusions. It’s not a bad plan. When Madame Wanda (played by Zelda Rubinstein, in a performance that is clearly meant to spoof her role in the original Poltergeist) shows up and performs her ritual, it’s obvious that she’s a fake. And yet somehow, she is still able to trap Jennifer in a mason jar.

Joey takes the jar to his room. Now, it should be understood that everyone else thinks that Joey is carrying an empty jar but Joey can see Jennifer trapped in the jar. Instead of unsealing the jar and allowing Jennifer her freedom, he decides to leave her in the jar. He puts the jar on his dresser and then pretends that he’s going to throw a baseball at it….

I mean, seriously …. WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THIS!?

It is true that Jennifer can be a bit self-absorbed and definitely more than a little eccentric but, for the most part, she’s been pretty respectful to Joey. She helped Joey throw a fake séance. She helped Joey get over his ex-girlfriend. She’s been very supportive of the son of a man who repeatedly refers to her as having been a “tramp.” And now, Joey’s just going to keep her trapped in a jar? What type of sociopath is Joey?

Earlier in the episode, Joey wrote a rude letter to one of his teachers. He wasn’t planning on mailing it but, when his mother (Georgia Engel) comes across the letter, she takes it to the post office. Suddenly, Joey needs the help of someone who can walk through walls so he opens the jar and allows Jennifer to escape. (So, yes, Joey let Jennifer out of the jar but only because he needed her to do something sneaky for him.) However, Jennifer can no longer walk through walls! Something must have happened with the exorcism.

Joey and Jennifer head over to Madame Wanda’s place, hoping that Wanda can reverse the spell. Of course, Wanda is a fake and didn’t realize she was actually performing a real exorcism to begin with. Wanda has no idea how to reverse anything.

Now, fear not, everything returns to normal by the end of the episode. Jennifer is once again a ghost who can walk through walls and Joey is once again yelling at thin air. As the episode ends, George listens to his son yell and then mutters that he just blew a lot of money on a worthless exorcism. I’m a bit surprised that George is willing to give up that easily. I mean, if someone in your house is apparently arguing with someone that only he can see, that’s cause for concern. Has George never seen an Amityville film? Can he not see the path on which Joey is walking?

This episode felt a bit mean-spirited, which is a shame because it had the potential to be fun. But Joey acting like such a jerk ruined whatever humor could have been mined from Wanda and her attempts to exorcise the house. This whole episode felt just a bit mean-spirited.

Next week, according to the IMDb, Jennifer learns that she can take over people’s bodies so Joey better watch out!

Retro Television Review: Jennifer Slept Here 1.5 “Calendar Girl”

Posted on November 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we are reminded that Joey has the worst father in the world.

Episode 1.5 “Calendar Girl”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on November 18th, 1983)

So far, the episodes of Jennifer Slept Her that I’ve watched have focused on Jennifer’s friendship with Joey, the teenager who is the only person who can see her. Joey’s family has remained largely in the background, occasionally wondering why Joey is talking to himself.

This week’s episode serves to remind the viewer (and I’m going to use the singular for viewer here because I’m probably the only person in the world binging this show in 2023) that Joey’s father, George (played by Fiona Apple’s father, Brandon Maggart), is the worst person in the world.

George was Jennifer’s attorney when she was alive. Apparently, even when Jennifer was living and paying his salary, George didn’t think much of her. Starting with the very first episode, George has frequently described Jennifer as being a “tramp.” In the second episode, George was happy to allow an exploitive biopic of Jennifer to be filmed in his house, which used to be Jennifer’s house. Seriously, the fact that George hated Jennifer but then moved right into her mansion after she died tells us all we need to know about him. The show keeps trying to portray George as just being a typical bumbling sitcom Dad but, just judging from his actions, George is the devil.

This week’s episode finds George in a foul mood because the IRS is demanding that Jennifer’s back taxes be paid off. George decides to auction off a lot of Jennifer’s former possessions, including the stuff in the attic. Jennifer doesn’t have any problem with George selling her movie memorabilia but, as she tells Joey, the stuff in the attic is “personal.” Joey is torn because George has offered to give him a percentage of the auction’s profits if Joey finds stuff that they can sell. Joey really wants to go to Cancun for Spring Break but he needs $600.

Joey does go up to the attic but he promises not to put anything up for auction without Jennifer’s permission. When Joey finds a nude calendar featuring Jennifer amongst her possessions, Jennifer explains that it was something she did when she was a struggling actress and she would prefer the world not know about it. Joey agrees not to give the calendar to his Dad but George stumbles across it anyway and immediately starts yelling about how much money he’s going to make off of it.

Again, George is the worst human being on the planet.

Joey tells his father that “maybe we shouldn’t sell it.” George and Joey’s mother (played by Georgia Engel, who delivered her lines in such a soft voice that I could barely hear them) think that Joey just wants the poster for masturbatory purposes. George explains that the nude picture of Jennifer is the most valuable thing that they have to sell. George can’t wait to sell the calendar to a publisher.

Joey apologizes to Jennifer but says he can’t go against his father. Jennifer thinks about what a wonderful career she had and how now, she’s just going to be remembered for “hanging in every muffler shop in America.” Awwwww! George, you suck!

Luckily, George is also incredibly stupid. He gives Joey the responsibility of holding onto the calendar until the day of the auction. At the auction, Joey substitutes a picture of Jennifer as a baby for the calendar. Fortunately, the picture still sells for $22,000.

In the end, George says that he’s proud of Joey for standing up for what he believes in but we all know that George still sucks.

This is one of those episodes that really only worked because of the energetic performance of Ann Jillian, who was consistently better than the material that was given to her. A lot of the jokes would have fallen very flat if not for Jillian’s delivery and comedic timing. In the end, Jennifer kept her calendar and Joey presumably went to Cancun. And George …. well, let’s hope he found a shred of human decency somewhere in the house.

Retro Television Review: Jennifer Slept Here 1.4 “Boo”

Posted on October 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Debbie Reynolds drops by!

Episode 1.4 “Boo”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on November 11th, 1983)

This week’s episode of Jennifer Slept Here opens with Jennifer tormenting Joey while he tries to make a snack. Whenever Joey tries to grab a bowl and a box of cereal, Jennifer materializes and says, “Boo!” I guess when you’re a ghost, you have to find a way to pass the time. Seriously, though, Joey acts like he’s about to have a heart attack every time that he sees Jennifer. He should be used to her by now.

In other words — STOP BEING SUCH A WIMP, JOEY!

Joey is upset because he’s stuck at home while his parents take his little sister to a costume party but then Marc shows up with two twins (played by Jacqueline and Samantha Forrest). The twins seem to like Joey and Marc but again, Joey can’t leave the house. Jennifer suggests to Joey that he suggest that they just have a party at the house. Joey follows Jennifer’s advice and it turns out that the twins really want to have a …. séance!

Joey is totally excited because he has his own ghost! However, Jennifer informs him that she doesn’t want to perform like a trained seal so he’s going to have to figure out his own way to party with the twins. Suddenly, the studio audience goes wild as Debbie Reynolds materializes in Joey’s bedroom. It turns out that Debbie Reynolds is playing Jennifer’s mother, who is also a ghost. Jennifer’s mom has spent 24 years searching for Jennifer. Why? Because she’s still upset over the fact that Jennifer didn’t thank her when she won a Golden Globe. Jennifer’s mother has tracked down her daughter so that she can demand to be given credit for her daughter’s career!

(Really? It’s just a Golden Globe.)

Jennifer and her mother argue over whether or not Jennifer has ever given her mother enough credit. Jennifer’s mother eventually announces that she’s leaving and proceeds to walk through a wall. Desperate for her mother to return, Jennifer asks Joey to perform a …. wait for it …. a séance! Joey gets Jennifer to agree to help him to impress the twins in return for him trying to contact her mother.

At the séance, Marc says they should contact Jennifer’s mother but Joey is like, “Let’s contact her mother!” As it storms outside, Jennifer does things like forcing everyone to keep their hands on table and causing candles to float around the living room. It scares and impresses the twins and they suggest a trip to their place where they have a hot tub. But Jennifer tells Joey that he can’t leave because the séance isn’t over. Realizing that Jennifer is right, Joey says he can’t go to the hot tub because he has to clean up the house.

“Joey,” Marc announces, “I don’t know what’s wrong with but someday, it’s going to keep you out of the army.”

Okay, 80s TV show, way to be cringey there.

Anyway, Jennifer’s Mother does eventually appear and Joey gets to go hot tubbing with the twins while Jennifer and her mom work on their relationship in the living room. And I have to say that, after a really silly 19-minute build-up, the final scene between Ann Jillian and Debbie Reynolds was actually very sweet and touching, perhaps more so than you would expect from a sitcom about a ghost and her dorky teenage roommate.

This episode did not get off to a great start but that final scene between Ann Jillian and Debbie Reynolds saved it. The show definitely worked best when it focused more on Jennifer and less on the people who lived with her.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.3 “Not With My Date You Don’t”

Posted on October 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jennifer helps out when it looks like both Joey and Marc are about to get their hearts broken.

Episode 1.3 “Not With My Date You Don’t”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on November 4th, 1983)

I should start this review with an admission. Though every episode of Jennifer Slept Here has been uploaded to YouTube, some of the uploads are a bit better than others. That’s not the fault of the uploader. The uploader undoubtedly used the best copy of the third episode of Jennifer Slept Here that they had available. It’s just an acknowledgement that Jennifer Slept Here is a show that briefly aired 40 years ago and it’s doubtful that anyone, at that time, knew that a reviewer would need a good copy of the third episode to watch in 2023. The 3rd episode of the show is available on YouTube but the sound quality is a bit muddy and I often struggled to understand all of the dialogue. So, I’m just going to admit right now that I did the best that I could and if I misheard anything, I apologize.

As for the episode itself, it opens with Joey rehearsing asking out a classmate in front of his mirror. Jennifer materializes in a red dress that is to die for. Joey asks Jennifer where she’s going to go in that outfit and Jennifer says that she’s just going out. To be honest, Joey’s question is a good one because, seriously, where does Jennifer have to go? She’s a ghost!

When Jennifer finds out that Joey is feeling nervous about asking pretty blonde Linda (Viveka Davis) to go on a date with him, she decides to help him out by going to school with him. This makes sense because, as we all know, there’s nothing more attractive than a teenage boy who wanders around his school talking to himself. Anyway, with Jennifer’s encouragement, Joey asks out Linda but she informs him that she already has a date ….. WITH MARC (Glenn Scarpelli)! Marc is Joey’s annoying best friend.

Joey’s parents set him up with a blind date, who I think was named Eileen (Megan Daniels). At least now Joey can go on a double date to the movies with Marc and Linda. (Yeah, there’s no way that won’t be awkward.) However, Eileen turns out to be a punk rocker with multi-colored hair, who yells at the movie and totally embarrasses Joey in front of Marc, Linda, and Jennifer (who decides to tag along in ghost form). Eileen decides that the movie sucks and leaves. Linda asks Marc to go get her some more popcorn and, after he leaves, she immediately moves over to Marc and starts hitting on him. Jennifer is scandalized, saying that Linda has no morals.

Later, after the date, Joey is feeling pretty proud of himself when Marc suddenly shows up and accuses Joey of “stealing my girl.” This brings their friendship to an end. Yay! Seriously, Marc is a dork! Joey needed a better friend. Jennifer, however, is upset that Joey is allowing Linda — a girl with no morals! — come between him and his dorky friend.

The next day, in school, Jennifer decides to take actions into her own invisible ghost hands by grabbing Linda, shoving her up to the chalkboard, and then grabbing Linda’s hand and forcing her to write that she lied on the chalkboard. Apparently, the reason she lied was to get Joey to buy her tickets to a Rick Springfield concert but don’t quote me on that. This where that muddy soundtrack kicked in and made it difficult for me to follow all of the conversations. All I know that Jennifer forced Linda to write, “I lied” and then Jennifer added, “Springfield tickets” underneath Linda’s admission. So, that would suggest Linda either wanted to see Rick Springfield or maybe Dusty Springfield, depending on the depths of her musical knowledge. Or maybe she actually wrote Springsteen on the chalkboard. I really couldn’t tell. The important thing is that Joey dumps Linda for being dishonest and he and Marc are friends again.

Even when it came to the parts that I could understand, I wasn’t a huge fan of this episode, largely because I felt it was way too judgmental of Linda. I mean, really, the only thing that Linda did was flirt with a guy who she hoped would take her to a concert. It’s not like she was married to either Marc or Joey. In fact, she only went out with Marc once before hitting on Joey so it’s not like Linda was really even dating either one of them. Ann Jillian’s outfits were cute but this episode just didn’t work for me.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.2 “Jennifer: The Movie”

Posted on October 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the afterlife of film star Jennifer Farrell continues as a Hollywood production company comes to the house to shoot a scene for their Jennifer biopic!

Episode 1.2 “Jennifer: The Movie”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on October 28th, 1983)

The second episode of Jennifer Slept Here opens with ghostly Jennifer in a good mood. A movie is being made about her life and Joey has somehow gotten a hold of the script. Jennifer reads the script and announces that the movie is going to be the “great biopic since Gandhi! And I look a lot better under a sheet!”

(The audience loves that line.)

Jennifer’s main concern is who is going to be play her in the movie and, at her insistence, Joey asks his parents. Since his parents are wacky sitcom parents, it takes them forever to finally reveal that not only is Jennifer going to be played by Sheila Drake (Lynnda Ferguson) but that a scene from the movie is going to be filmed at the house. Jennifer is not a fan of Sheila Drake’s and she takes out her annoyance by playing the piano. When his mother comes in the room to see who is so beautifully playing the piano, Joey is forced to pretend to be a talented musical prodigy.

Later, Jennifer is super-excited when the film crew shows up at the house to shoot a scene in which she talks to a producer. This actually leads to a rather poignant moment in which Jennifer tries to talk to a few familiar members of the crew, just to be reminded that she’s dead and they can no longer hear her. (When I say that the scene is poignant, it’s almost all totally due to the performance of Ann Jillian.)

However, Jennifer is not amused when she discovers that Sheila is planning on playing her as a “cheap tramp” who slept her way to the top. Jennifer goes out of her way to disrupt filming, first by unplugging a power chord and then, after Sheila has gone up to Joey’s room to wait while the next scene is set up, spraying Sheila with water and then ripping off Sheila’s skirt. Because Joey is in the room at the time, he gets blamed for both of these incidents. So, I guess Joey’s going to jail and get booked on assault charges now, right? Nope. Instead, Sheila just walks off the picture.

The director (Luis Avalos) is freaking out because he’s got “a six million dollar picture” and no star when suddenly, Joey’s mom announces that there’s someone that the director should see. The director says he doesn’t want to see anyone but then, Jennifer comes walking down the stairs. AND EVERYONE CAN SEE HER!

It turns out that Jennifer has the ability to be seen when she wants to be seen. She convinces the crew that she’s Sheila’s stand-in and then she shoots the scene the way that it really happened, revealing that she was a hard-worker who earned her roles with her talent. Unfortunately, when the scene is later watched by the family, it turns out that the stand-in does not appear on camera. (Instead, just as in The Invisible Man, the camera just picks up Jennifer’s dress moving around on its own.) The family assumes that it was a problem with the camera while only Joey knows that it’s because Jennifer’s a ghost.

Accompanied by Jennifer (who is once again invisible to everyone but him), Joey heads down to a snooty restaurant where he confronts Sheila and, with Jennifer’s help, blackmails her to return to the film. Joey threatens to reveal that Sheila steals her wardrobe from her movies and that she once spent a night in Madrid with a soccer team. If I was Sheila, I would reply by calling the police and telling them that Joey was in the room when I was sprayed with water and had my skirt ripped off. But apparently, everyone’s moved on from that.

Sheila returns to the film and shoots the scene, this time the way that it actually happened. Jennifer wipes away a tear. Awwwww!

Hey, this isn’t actually was not a bad episode. It was certainly an improvement over the pilot and Ann Jillian did a great job playing up both Jennifer’s pride in her career and her anger that her accomplishments were being denigrated by a lesser actress. The supporting characters continue to be the show’s biggest weakness but this episode largely worked, even if it never really made sense for the director to be okay with the family hanging out at the house while they were shooting the film.

Next week: Joey and his loser friend Marc both want to date the same girl!

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on October 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Since it is October, I figured why not take a look at short-lived sitcom about a ghost? What’s the worst that could happen? (Heh heh….)

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Charles S. Dubin, originally aired on October 21st, 1983)

Jennifer Farrell was, at one time, the world’s biggest movie star but then, in a tragic accident, an ice cream truck backed over here and she lost her life. Three years later, her former lawyer, George Elliott (Brandon Maggart, the father of Fiona Apple), has decided to move into her Hollywood home. Accompanying him is his wife, Susan Elliott (Georgia Engel), his 8 year-old daughter Marilyn (Mya Akerlin), and his teenage son, Joey (John P. Navin, Jr.)

Joey is not particularly happy about having moved from New York to California. First off, he left behind his girlfriend, Elizabeth. Secondly, a Hollywood tour bus keeps driving by and announcing that his new home is the former home of Jennifer Farrell. Finally, Jennifer’s ghost (Ann Jillian) is living in his bedroom, which is something that Joey discovers when he tries to close the window.

Jennifer, it turns out, likes to keep the window open so she can hear the tour bus announce her name.

Joey refuses to accept that Jennifer is a ghost but then his father enters the bedroom and says that he can’t see the woman that Joey claims is standing at the window. Then, after his father leaves, Joey tries to grab Jennifer and his hand goes through her shoulder.

Remarkably, it doesn’t take Joey that long to accept that his house is haunted by a ghost that only he can see. Perhaps that’s because Joey isn’t planning on sticking around the house for long. He’s planning on running away from home and catching the next flight back to New York City. Fortunately, Jennifer is there to grab the suitcase from his hand (and yes, we get a shot of the suitcase floating up the staircase with the wires barely visible) and explain to him that everything that he needs is in the house, with his family. She also encourages Joey to flirt with the girl who lives next door. Problem solved!

It’s a remarkably simple pilot. In fact, it’s a bit too simple for its own good. Joey is a bit too quick to accept that ghosts are real but, even more importantly, his parents and his best friend, Marc (Glenn Scarpelli), are surprisingly quick to ignore the fact that Joey keeps talking to himself and yelling at someone who they can’t even see. As well, it’s never really explained why George decided to move his family into Jennifer’s home, especially since George continually refers to Jennifer as being both his worst client and as being a “tramp.” That said, the pilot did what a pilot was supposed to do. It introduced the characters and it spread the seeds for future storylines. The majority of the cast seemed a bit lost but Ann Jillian delivered her lines with just the right amount of ghostly sassiness. The main problem with the pilot is that it wasn’t particularly funny but traditionally, pilots are usually the weakest episode of any sitcom. So, let’s see how things go over the next few weeks!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”

Posted on August 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

Let’s see what’s happening on the Island this week….

Episode 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

I’m just going to be honest here. This week’s episode of Fantasy Island is not a good one. Neither one of the fantasies work. In fact, they’re both really, really annoying. Usually, this show does a fairly good job of balancing a fun fantasy with a serious fantasy. This episode, though, both fantasies are meant to be humorous. They’re not. They are both rather shrill.

That said, this episode did feature the return of Roarke and Tattoo bantering before going to meet their guests. When Roarke steps out of his office to meet the plane, he’s surprised to see that Tattoo is hiding in a red fire hydrant costume. When Roarke demands to know what Tattoo is doing, Tattoo explains that he’s training to be a secret agent. Roarke rolls his eyes so violently that I’m surprised he didn’t injure himself. Later, Tattoo attempts to disguises himself as a bale of hay and ends up getting chased by an enraged bull that just happens to be wandering around the Island. Roarke laughs and laughs because there’s nothing that makes him happier than the idea of his assistant suffering a terrible injury. That said, though it was all a bit mean-spirted, it was nice to see the return of the banter.

As for the two fantasies …. God, I don’t even want to talk about them.

The marginally more interesting one featured Vic Tayback as a blue collar guy named Melvyn whose fantasy was to spend some time with his favorite movie star, a total diva named Liz Merrill (Jayne Meadows). When Liz shows up on the Island, it turns out that her fantasy is for everyone to think that she’s lost at sea before she’s eventually found on a tropical island. She’s told that Melvyn has been hired to row the boat taking her to the island. Instead, Melvyn and Liz get lost and really do end up on a deserted island, where Liz eventually drops her arrogant attitude and Melvyn wins her love by barking orders at her. The fact that this was the “better” fantasy should tell you just how bad the other fantasy was.

The other fantasy features Georgia Engel and Patty McCormack as Cathy and Marg, two roommates whose fantasy is to be cheerleaders for their favorite football team, the Titans. Fortunately, the Titans training camp happens to be on Fantasy Island! Marg has a crush on quarterback Roger Mosely (played by Dan Pastorini) but Roger is more interested in Cathy. This leads to the two friends not being friends anymore but then Mr. Roarke tells them that there’s nothing more important than friendship. It’s a nice message but it’s hard to believe either Georgia Engel or Patty McCormack as cheerleaders and Engel and Pastorini had absolutely zero chemistry. The whole thing just felt too silly for its own good.

(I even forced Erin to watch this episode with me so that I could get her perspective as a former cheerleader. She agreed with me. As far as cheerleader stories go, this was no Bring It On.)

Sigh. This week’s episode was not great. Hopefully, next week’s will be better!

Retro Television Review: Love Boat 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

Posted on January 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to once again experience the magic of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

This week’s episode begins with the extremely nerdy Howard Wilson (Harvey Jason) preparing to board the ship. Before he does so, he’s approached by his best friend, Bernie (Paul Sylvan). Bernie gives Howard a book on how to talk to women. Apparently, this is something that Howard’s not good at but Bernie swears that the book will change his life. There’s a Roy Lichtenstein-style picture of a man and a woman kissing on the cover of the book so Howard decides that Bernie knows what he’s talking about.

On the boat, Howard immediately notices Sheila Lawrence (Georgia Engel). However, Sheila’s overprotective father (Herb Voland) has specifically asked Captain Stubing to make sure that no one seduces his daughter. The captain assigns Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell) to keep an eye on her, which makes absolutely no sense. Over the course of the last twenty episodes, Doc has yet to meet a woman who he has not hit on. Doc is a walking HR nightmare and quite frankly, I would be kind of uncomfortable going to him for a medical examination. He seems like he would be a little bit handsy, if you get my drift.

Anyway, Doc turns out to be pretty bad at his job because Howard still manages to hit on Sheila. Of course, Howard’s just doing what the book tells him to do. Eventually, though, he realizes that he doesn’t need the book and Shelia realizes that she needs to spend more time on her own happiness and stop worry about what her father wants. Yay! It’s another Love Boat success story,

Meanwhile, Scott (Robert Urich) and Ellen (Diana Canova) are newlyweds who seem to be totally in love until they make the mistake of having dinner with an old married couple, Max (Robert Mandan) and Gladys (Audrey Meadows). Listening to Max and Gladys bicker soon leads to Scott and Ellen bickering and it looks like their marriage might be over. But again, the magic of The Love Boat leads to everyone realizing that bickering is a part of marriage and that you can still love someone even if you disagree with them. Yay! Robert Urich and Diana Canova were such a cute couple. They just looked like they belonged together.

Finally, poor old Wendell Snead (Harry Morgan) is taking his wife on a cruise that he can’t really afford. In fact, he secretly took out a mortgage on their house in order to buy the tickets. Wendell has plan, though! He has a set of marked playing cards and he beats Gopher at several games of gin rummy. When the crew discovers that he’s been cheating, their initial reaction is to cheat back. But when they learn why he’s been cheating, they give him all the money from the ship’s emergency fund. Awwwwww!

This was a sweet episode. Yes, the stuff with the book and the overprotective father was pretty stupid but the other two stories were entertaining. Harry Morgan’s melancholy performance was the episode’s stand-out. The fact that the crew gave him money instead of calling the cops brought tears to my mismatched eyes. Nicely done, Love Boat.

What will happen next week? We’ll find out in seven days!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.1 “Homecoming/The Sheikh”

Posted on December 20, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we begin season two of Fantasy Island!

Episode 2.1 “Homecoming/The Sheikh”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on September 16th, 1978)

The second season of Fantasy Island begins with a bizarre mishmash of tones.

As usual, there are two fantasies. The first fantasy features David Birney as Alan Boardman. As Mr. Roarke explains it, Alan served in Viet Nam. He was horribly burned in battle and captured by the Viet Cong. He spent years, as an amnesiac, in a POW camp. In the United States, he was reported to have been killed in action. Finally, he was released from the POW camp and he underwent extensive plastic surgery. He now looks completely different than he did in his past life. It was only after the plastic surgery that Alan remembered who he was. He also remembered that he had a wife (Lynda Day George) and a son (Ronnie Scribner). Alan comes to Fantasy Island, hoping to be reunited with his family. However, there’s a complication. Alan’s wife has remarried and she still believes Alan to be dead. Alan meets his wife and his son but he has to pretend to be a stranger. Alan must decide whether to reveal his true identity or to accept that his wife has moved on and now has a new life.

Wow, that’s really dark! It’s an extremely serious story, one that ends on a bittersweet note that will leave no one truly satisfied. David Birney and Lynda Day George both give intense performances as they struggle to come to terms with the horror of the Vietnam War….

Meanwhile, the other fantasy features Arte Johnson as Edgar, a meek school teacher who wants to be a sheikh with a harem. Seriously, that’s his entire fantasy. Of course, once he becomes a sheikh, he discovers that his servant (played by Sid Haig) is a part of a conspiracy to murder him. It also turns out that a member of the harem is actually one of Edgar’s fellow teachers, Yasmine (Georgia Engel). Yasmine’s fantasy was for Edgar to finally notice her so Roarke’s solution was to force her to be a member of a harem! (Really, Mr. Roarke?) This fantasy is played for laughs and the comedy is extremely broad. It’s somewhat jarring to go from David Birney obsessing on the war to Arte Johnson grinning at the members of his harem. It’s such a tonal mismatch that it makes it difficult to get invested in either fantasy.

While all of this is going on, Tattoo is feeling depressed and suffering from ennui. Mr. Roarke solves this problem by giving Tattoo a tiny car that he can drive around. In this episode, Mr. Roarke doesn’t seem to openly dislike Tattoo as much as he did during the first season so I’ll be interested to see if that trend continues. Reportedly, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize did not have the best working relationship but, in this episode, Roarke and Tattoo actually seem to have a vague respect of one another. It’s a change of pace.

Anyway, this episode doesn’t work because the fantasies don’t really mesh well. However …. SID HAIG!