Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.17 “Love Stinks”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week, dreams continue to come true in Springwood, Ohio.  Freddy continues to show up in very short host segments because I guess he doesn’t have anything better to do.  And I continue to find ways to pad out my reviews for a show that there’s really not much to be said about.  It happens.  Some shows are interesting and take chances and other shows just recycle the same thing over and over again.  Anyway, let’s get to it….

Episode 1.17 “Love Stinks”

(Dir by John Lafia, originally aired on February 26th, 1989)

Adam (John Washington) is a high school jock who has a chance to join the White Sox and who has a girlfriend named Laura (Tamara Glyn).  When his parents go out of town, Adam throws a house party.  The party goes wrong when he finds himself unable to say the words “I love you,” to Laura.  Laura leaves him and Adam has a one-night stand with Loni (Susanna Savee).  Soon, Adam finds himself drifting in-and-out of a dream state.  He sees Laura chopping him up with meat cleaver.  He sees his parents come home and he notices that his father is missing a finger.  Loni ruins his interview with the baseball scout.  It’s all because Adam can’t say “I love you,” but suddenly, Adam wakes up in bed and hears the party still going on downstairs and realizes it was all a dream.  He runs downstairs and grabs Laura and says, “I love you!”  Except, Laura now looks like Loni.  And when his parents show up and say they brought someone to meet him, it turns out to be Loni except Loni now looks like Laura.

Meanwhile, Adam’s slacker friend Max (Georg Olden) gets a job at Mr. Cheesy Pizza.  He’s working for his hated uncle, Ralph (Jeffery Combs).  When Max’s girlfriend disappears, Max is horrified to discover that she’s become a part of the special sauce that Ralph uses to make the pizza’s so memorable.  Don’t worry, it’s all just a dream.  Except, in the waking world, the pizza oven explodes and kills Ralph.  Max apparently decides to take a lesson from his dream and makes tasty use of Ralph’s remains.

By the admittedly low standards of Freddy’s Nightmares, this episode wasn’t that bad.  Though the first story was incoherent, it still captured the feeling of being scared of commitment.  The second story was predictable but at least it featured Jeffrey Combs doing his sociopathic nerd thing.  This episode held my interest.  That said, almost every episode pretty much has the exact same “It was just a dream” plot twist.  At this point, it’s no longer a shock when someone suddenly opens their eyes and breathes a sigh of relief.  Even Freddy seems kind of bored with it all.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, it’s Halloween!

Episode 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 28th, 1987)

This was a cute episode and one that I had actually seen before.  My friend Mark recommended it to me three years ago, during an October in which I was looking for a little something to add to Horrorthon.

The Devil (Michael Berryman) makes his second appearance on the show, this time selling Mark a submarine sandwich on Halloween night.  Mark eats the sandwich while watching I Was A Teenage Werewolf on television.  (“Hey, this guy kind of looks like you!” he tells Jonathan.  Michael Landon, of course, starred in I Was A Teenage Werewolf.)  Mark is then haunted by nightmares in which Jonathan turns into a werewolf.  (And yes, Landon is made up to look like he did in the film.)

Meanwhile, in the waking world, Jonathan helps a lost trick-or-treater go home and he briefly turns into a werewolf so that he can scare the kid’s mean older sister.  I’m not really sure what the rules were about angels pulling Halloween pranks but it should be noted that Jonathan is actually a fairly nice werewolf and he allows the kid to be a hero by pretending to be scared of him.

The episode ends with Mark once again yelling in fear as Jonathan turns into a werewolf, just for Michael Landon to look straight at the camera, break character, and say, “Happy Halloween.”

Awwww, what a sweet episode!

After a few weak and heavy-handed episodes, it was nice to see Highway to Heaven return to its earnest roots.  This was a likable episode, one that showed that Landon was willing to laugh at himself and one that, to me, seemed to indicate a genuine love for the Halloween holidau.  This was a fun 60 minutes and watching it has left me even more eager about the approaching horrorthon season.

Retro Television Review: Broken Angel (dir by Richard T. Heffron)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1988’s Broken Angel!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

Chuck Coburn (William Shatner) has a nice house in the suburbs, a nice job, a nice car, and a nice Bruins jacket.  He’s hoping that he can once against have a nice marriage with his wife (Susan Blakely), despite the fact that she cheated on him and she still thinks that he spends too much time at work.

Chuck is proud of his teenage daughter, Jaime (Erika Eleniak).  Jaime seems like the perfect suburban and angelic teenager.  But then Jaime goes to prom and her best friend, Jenny (Amy Lynne), is gunned down in front of her.  Jaime runs from the scene and vanishes.  As Chuck searches for his daughter, he is stunned discover that Jaime, Jenny, and their boyfriends were all a part of a gang!  His perfect daughter was smoking weed, doing cocaine, selling crack, and taking part in rumbles with a rival Asian gang.  Even worse, Jaime’s gang was called …. LFN!

LFN?  That stands for Live For Now.  The Live For Now Gang.  Whenever we see the members of the gang preparing to get into a fight with another gang, they all chant, “LFN!  LFN!”  LFN is a gang of white suburban teenagers and they look just as dorky as they sound.  I mean, I think it would be bad enough to discover that your child is in a gang but discovering they were in a dorky gang would probably make it even worse.

The majority of Broken Angel is made up of scenes of Chuck searching the mean streets of Los Angeles.  He partners with a social worker (Roxann Dawson) who is herself a former gang member.  Chuck discovers that his daughter’s street name was — *snicker* — Shadow.  He also befriend a member of the LFN’s rival Asian gang and tries to encourage her to go straight.  This leads to scene in which he is attacked by Al Leong.  Somehow, middle-aged William Shatner manages to beat up Al Leong.  That, in itself, is worth the cost of admission.

Broken Angel deals with a serious issue but it does so in such an overwrought and melodramatic fashion that most viewers will be moved not to tears but to laughter.  In Broken Angel, William Shatner gave the type of overly dramatic and self-serious performance that he routinely pokes fun at today.  If you’re one of those people who enjoys listening as Shatner emphasize random syllables and takes meaningly pauses, this movie will give you a lot to enjoy.  In every scene, Shatner seems to be saying, “Notice me, Emmy voters!  Notice me!”  Of course, it wouldn’t be until Shatner learned how to laugh at himself that the Emmy voters would finally notice him.

The film ends on an abrupt note but with the promise of better days ahead.  Just remember — keep an eye out for the LFN!