Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.9 “Romance Times Three/The Night of the Tormented Soul”

Posted on September 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time to visit the Island.

Episode 5.9 “Romance Times Three/The Night of the Tormented Soul”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 5th, 1981)

This week again finds Tattoo working as Roarke’s assistant, which again means that the episode opens with Julie explaining that she won’t be able to help out Roarke and Tattoo with any of the new people coming to the Island. What makes this week memorable as far as Julie excuses are concerned is that the reason Julie can’t help is because she’s been given a difficult task by Tattoo. A 300-pound woman has come to the Island with a fantasy of leading the Charge of the Light Brigade and Tattoo has told Julie to find a horse for her. Tattoo smirks as Julie tells Roarke. Roarke wishes Julie luck while declining to help her himself.

As for the fantasies, let’s get the boring one out of the way first. Sally Harris (Georgia Engel) works for a phone answering service. I had to look this up via Google but apparently a phone answering service was something that people and companies used in the days before texts, voice mail and email. Someone like Sally would answer the phone for you, collect your messages, and then call you later to give them to you. I guess it was something that companies did when they were too cheap to hire a receptionist or a personal assistant. I don’t know, it just seems strange to me.

Sally has fallen in love with three of her clients, though she hasn’t actually met any of them. Jack (Frank Bonner) is a bon vivant who calls her for love advice. Tony (Frank Converse) is a businessman who calls her for financial advice. Ben (David Groh) is a writer who often discusses his writer’s block with Sally. All three of the men have come to the Island. Sally fears how the men will react to discovering the real her so Mr. Roarke casts a spell and tells Sally that each men will see her the way that he thinks of her. Tony sees Sally as a prim and determined businesswoman. Jack sees her as a dark-haired seductress. And Ben sees her as a …. well, as a clown. He has always resented Sally’s advice. Of course, Ben is the one who ultimately falls in love with the real Sally.

It’s not a bad idea for a fantasy but it doesn’t really work because Georgia Engel isn’t convincing whenever she takes on any of Sally’s different personas. No matter what costume she’s wearing, she still delivers all of her lines in this high-pitched whisper that sometimes make it difficult to understand what she’s saying. (She’s not quite as inaudible here as she was in Jennifer Slept Here but still, I did struggle to hear everything she said.) The men are all thinly written, as well. I was glad she ended up with the writer but in the end, I really wouldn’t have cared that much if she had ended up with the businessman or the sex addict.

The better fantasy features Stephen Shortridge and Dianne Kay as Jason and Beth Martinique. When they were children, Beth and Jason survived a shipwreck and washed up on the shore of Fantasy Island. They were raised by a local millionaire, Richard Martinique (Richard Anderson) and their nanny, Blanche Barrens (Elinor Donahue). Both Richard and Ms. Barrens died one stormy night. Richard was shot and Ms. Barrens’s neck was broken in a fall. Jason and Beth want to go back to their childhood home so they can learn what happened that night. Fortunately, the ghosts of Richard and Ms. Barrens are still in the mansion, giving Jason and Beth a chance to see the tragic accident that led to the deaths of both Richard and Ms. Barrens. Even better, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo show up to inform Jason and Beth that they aren’t really brother-and-sister and therefore, they are free to pursue a romance. That’s good because, before Roarke showed up, Jason and Beth were gazing at each other like the brother and sister from the old Folger’s commercial. You know who I’m talking about.

I always enjoy it when Fantasy Island deals with ghosts and haunted mansions and this fantasy was filled with atmosphere and melodrama. The accident that led to death of Richard and Ms. Barrens was ludicrous and yet somehow poignant at the same time.

So, an overall mixed review on this episode but I think the ghost fantasy makes up for the other fantasy. Plus, Tattoo gets to show off his karate skills! Let’s see Julie do that!

Retro Television Reviews: A Tattered Web (dir by Paul Wendkos)

Posted on June 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s A Tattered Web! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Sgt. Ed Stagg (Lloyd Bridges) is a good cop and an overprotective father. Ever since his wife left him, Ed has been determined to make sure that his daughter, Tina (Sallie Shockley), has a good life. So, as you can probably guess, Ed is not amused when he finds out that Tina’s husband, Steve (Frank Converse), has been cheating on her with Louise Campbell (Anne Helm). Ed has never liked Steve and would love it if his daughter left him. But, Ed still doesn’t want want Tina to have to go through the pain of knowing that her husband is seeing another woman.

Ed decides to drop by Louise’s apartment and talk to her himself. Louise, however, is not willing to let some old stranger tell her how to live her life. After all, she’s heard from Steve about what a terrible and judgmental father-in-law Ed is. Ed gets frustrated and shoves Louise. Louise stumbles back, hits her head, and …. uh-oh. Louise is dead! To be honest, it didn’t really look like she hit her head that hard. In fact, I had to rewatch the scene to see if she actually hit her head at all. But no matter. Louise is dead and Ed’s responsible.

The next morning, when Ed and his partner, Joe (Murray Hamilton), are called in to investigate Louise’s homicide, Ed is approached by Louise’s neighbor (John Fiedler), who gives him a description of a young man who he says he frequently saw going up to Louise’s apartment. The description perfectly describes Steve. The police sketch artist draws a picture that looks like just like Steve. Joe thinks that Steve is responsible. Not wanting his daughter to think that her husband’s a murderer, Ed decides to frame Willard Edson (Broderick Crawford), an alcoholic who frequently comes into the station and confesses to crimes so that he can have a place to sleep for the night.

Yes, it’s a tattered web indeed. Ed is able to talk Edson into confessing to the crime but then Steve does his own detective work and realizes that Edson couldn’t be the murderer. Ed tells Steve that he should just let the police arrest Edson because, otherwise, they’re going to come after Steve. Steve, however, says that he would rather be arrested and be given a chance to prove his innocence than just stand by idly while an innocent man goes to jail. Being a veteran cop, Ed wasn’t expecting everyone to be so damn honest!

A Tattered Web isn’t bad for a 70-minute made-for-TV movie. The film’s main strength is the cast, with Lloyd Bridges, Murray Hamilton, and especially Broderick Crawford giving strong performances. The scene where Ed talks Edson into confession is especially well-done, with Crawford giving a performance of growing desperation while Bridges himself appears to be on the verge of tears as Ed realizes what his life has become. Like his sons Jeff and Beau, Lloyd Bridges is such a likable actor that it’s hard not to care about what happens to the characters that he’s playing, even when he’s playing a murderer. A Tattered Web is an effective thriller that reminds viewers that guilt cannot be escaped.

Retro Television Reviews: Dr. Cook’s Garden (dir by Ted Post)

Posted on June 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Everyone loves Dr. Leonard Cook.

Played by Bing Crosby, Dr. Cook has been the doctor in the small town of Greenfield for as long as anyone can remember. He has delivered almost the entire town. He’s the friendly face that everyone sees whenever they have an ache or a pain. He’s the somber source of comfort whenever the time comes from someone to pass. Dr. Cook has lost some patients but he’s saved even more and no one doubts that Dr. Cook always does his best. As admired as Dr. Cook is as a doctor, he’s almost equally admired for the beautiful garden outside of his office. Cook maintains the garden by always pulling out any plants that he feels would not serve the best interest of the garden. That’s Dr. Cook. He’s always doing whatever needs to be done to make the world a nicer place.

Unfortunately, Dr. Cook is getting old and he’s slowed down a bit. He has a heart condition and he can no longer be as physically active as he once was. Dr. Cook’s former student, Jimmy Tennyson (Frank Converse), returns to Greenfield so that he can help out his former mentor. Dr. Tennyson is going to help ease Dr. Cook into retirement and then eventually take Cook’s place as the town doctor. Dr. Cook may say that he’s not planning on retiring anytime soon but it’s obvious that he has faith in Dr. Tennyson’s ability to eventually replace him.

Or, at least, Cook feels that way until Dr. Tennyson starts asking about some of Cook’s patients who have died over the years. Tennyson discovers that many of Cook’s patients died despite not being seriously ill and that Dr. Cook also has a surprisingly large supply of poisons. When it’s mentioned that no one in town has ever wondered why Dr. Cook has lost so many patients because only the “mean” patients tend to die, Dr. Tennyson realizes that Dr. Cook has been doing his bit to make sure the town of Greenfield stays a nice place. Dr. Cook calls it “community service.” Dr. Tennyson calls it murder but can he turn on his former mentor and the most beloved man in town? And when Tennyson starts to pressure Cook to stop practicing medicine and playing God, Dr. Cook starts to make his own plans to put his former student in his place.

An adaptation of a stage play by Ira Levin, Dr. Cook’s Garden is a suspenseful and short made-for-TV movie. Director Ted Post does a good job of opening up the action and preventing the film from becoming overly stagey. The main reason the film succeeds is due to the performance of Bing Crosby in the role of Dr. Cook. Crosby’s kindly and cheerful demeanor keeps the viewer off-balance but, once Dr. Cook decides to target his former student, the friendly surface evaporates and Dr. Cook is revealed to be just as ruthless and cruel as those who he targets. This is the type of film that will inspire you to wonder just what exactly your neighbors may be hiding in their gardens.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.18 “Last of the Stubings / Million Dollar Man / The Sisters”

Posted on December 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is all about family, love, and …. CRIME!

Episode 1.18 “Last of the Stubings / Million Dollar Man / The Sisters”

(dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on February 4th, 1978)

Fresh from having given Isaac a lesson in black history during the previous cruise, Captain Stubing is excited to give the rest of the crew a lesson about his family. The Stubings have a long and noteworthy Naval tradition and the Captain is proud to announce that his nephew, L. Courtney Stubing IV (Peter Isacksen), has been accepted to Annapolis. But, before going to school, he’s going to work on the Pacific Princess and show everyone that he is a natural-born sailor. The only problem is that Courtney Stubing is not a natural-born sailor. Instead, he’s a tall, clumsy, near-sighted, and kind of goony guy who has no idea how to talk to the passengers and who would rather be a ballet dancer. The problem, along with the fact that he’s the last of the young Stubings and expected to carry on the family tradition, is that he’s just as bad at dancing as he is at everything else.

Now, I have to give some credit to Gavin MacLeod here because he made this storyline work. The scene where, having finally realized the truth of about his nephew, Captain Stubing tells Courtney that it’s okay not to become a sailor and that he should find out what he’s good at was well-written and sensitively acted by MacLeod. It was about as honest a moment as you’ll probably ever find on a show like The Love Boat.

While the Stubings were bonding, two sisters were fighting. Rose (Marion Ross) was upset that Noreen (Pat Crowley) was spending all of her time with the handsome Clark Tyler (Brett Halsey). Seeing as how I mostly know Hasley from his starring role in Lucio Fulci’s Touch of Death, I would have been more concerned for Noreen’s safety than upset that she was ignoring me. Anyway, it was kind of boring story but it all worked out in the end. Marion Ross would go on to become the Love Boat’s most frequent passenger, though she always played a different character. Eventually, she even played a woman who married Captain Stubing but we’ve got a long way to go until we reach that point.

A long, loooooooooong way.

Meanwhile, two passengers found love. Unfortunately, it was only after they slept together that Stephanie (Marcia Strassman) discovered that Bill (Frank Converse) had stolen a million dollars from his employer and Bill discovered that Stephanie was a cop. Stephanie explained that she would be required to arrest Bill as soon as the ship returned to the United States. Bill considered running off to Mexico but, in the end, he decided to face justice in the U.S., on the condition that Stephanie would be waiting for him after he got out of prison. Honestly, I think it would have made more sense for Stephanie to just join Bill in Mexico and thy two of them could have built a new life there. I mean, they’ve got a million dollars! But, whatever. Strassman and Converse had a lot of chemistry so, despite yourself, you really do hope that things will work out for them while you’re watching the episode.

And I hope things work for you as well, as we sail towards 2023! The Love Boat will return.

Horror on TV: Circle of Fear 1.16 “Earth, Air, Fire, and Wind” (dir by Alex Singer)

Posted on October 16, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of the show that was once Ghost Story, six artists rent out a space to create and show their art. Unfortunately, they also find a trunk, one that contains six ancient glass containers. Everyone’s work starts to take a dark turn as the artists become more and more obsessed with the containers.

That plot description might not sound like much but this is a pretty good episode, one that’s full of atmosphere and sly humor. The script was by Harlan Ellison and D.C. Fontana. Anyone who has ever spent any time in a commune will be able to relate!

This episode aired on January 19th, 1973.