Lisa Marie Reviews An Oscar Winner: My Left Foot (dir by Jim Sheridan)


“This is Christy Brown, writer, genius!”

So declares Patrick Brown (Ray McAnally) as he carries his son, Christy Brown, into a Dublin pub.   It’s one of the most emotional moments to be found in the 1989 Best Picture nominee, My Left Foot.  Based on the main character’s memoir, My Left Foot tells the story of Christy Brown, wh was born into a working class Dublin  family of 15 and who grew up to become an acclaimed writer and artist.  Afflicted with cerebral palsy, Brown’s left foot was the only part of his body that he had full control over.  The film follow Brown as he learns to write, paint, and communicate with that foot.  As a child, Christy Brown is played by Hugh O’Conor.  As a young man, he’s played by Daniel Day-Lewis, who apparently stayed in character even when he wasn’t filming.  Day-Lewis won his first Oscar for his performance as Christy Brown.  Brenda Fricker won a Supporting Actress Oscar for playing Christy’s mother, Bridget Fagan Brown, making My Left Foot the first Irish film to win any competitive Oscars.  I would argue that Ray McAnally, at the very least, deserved a nomination for Supporting Actor as well.  (Sadly, McAnally passed away shortly before the release of My Left Foot.)

My Left Foot is an inspiring movie but, at the same time, it’s an honest one.  Christy Brown’s life is never portrayed as being easy and Christy himself is never portrayed as being a saint.  There are time when Christy is pissed off at the world, at one point even starting a brawl in a pub.  Even after Christy is accepted into a school for people with Cerebral Palsy and he has the first exhibition of his work, there is still heartbreak.  Christy has fallen in love with a woman named Eileen (Fiona Shaw) and when he discovers that she’s engaged, he comes close to ending his own life.  It’s a not to watch as Christy’s pain feels so real and so intense that you almost feel like an intruder while watching.  The film leaves you cheering for Christy and happy that he’s found a way to express his feelings and his intelligence but at the same time, it never fools you into thinking that Christy is going to have an easy life.  The film’s too honest to end on a note of false hope.

My Left Foot features one of Daniel Day-Lewis’s best performances.  (Though who say that every Day-Lewis performance is one of his best have obviously never seen Nine.)  Day-Lewis not only captures Christy’s physical condition but, even more importantly, he allows us into Christy’s mind.  We get to know Christy as much for his sharp wit and intellect as for his physical disability.  Brenda Fricker plays Bridget as being earthy but supportive, someone who always tries to do the best for her son.  But the performance that really makes me cry is the performance of Ray McAnally, who initially doesn’t know what to make of his son but who changes his mind once he sees Christy writing with his left foot.  “Genius!” he declares and it brings tears to the eyes of everyone watching.

My Left Foot was also nominated for Best Picture and Best Director.  Oliver Stone won Best Director for a much more grandiose portrait of disability, Born On The Fourth Of July.  Best Picture, meanwhile, went to Driving Miss Daisy.

Channel Zero: Guest of Honor, Season 1 Episode 5; ALT Title: Who has time for the dentist?!


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Challenges for mankind to endure: Chlamydia, Explosive Diarrhea, Channel Zero.   I’m not writing that Channel Zero is identical to chlamydia; to get chlamydia, you needed to have fun at least once.

Open: Jessica is exsanguinating in a kiddie pool.

Marla’s House:  Marla is being pretty nice to her son and granddaughter.  Mike looks like Hell and he goes to the bathroom to see that there is a tooth growing out of his upper gums. The episode goes downhill from here, but stick with me and we can get through this together.

Mike’s Wife arrives and it’s very banal.  It’s not like anything happened like his creepy brother Eddie Stabbypants was possessing Lilly!  Then, Amy shows up and breaks the meh news that Jessica is stabbed to death.

The Station: Deputy orders an APB for Tooth Teacher, leaving her understaffed.  However, Amy’s manpower issue creates a good contrived plot point.  I can’t imagine why she did an APB; everyone in this town is pretty ok with stabbing and being stabbed.  They should really include their stabbiness at the Chamber of Commerce Visitor’s Center.

Mike decides that he wants to go to Tooth Teacher’s house.  Amy can’t spare any cops; so, the obvious choice is Gary who is grieving his wife’s murder and kidnapped Mike.  Fine. They arrive and look around Tooth Teacher’s home and find some ersatz Candle Cove props.  Tooth Teacher calls Mike and convinces him to see her alone at a random location.  He goes because fine.

Dork Deputy is assigned to find Mike.  Dork Deputy is able to find Mike easily somehow.  When he finds Mike, he is talked into waiting alone for Mike because this would make sense someway. Shit, I forgot to take my stupid pills before watching this show.  Quick, just hit me with a fucking hammer in the head.  Don’t hold back.   WHAM!!! AHHHHHHHH.   Dork Deputy is promptly stabbed by Tooth Teacher who is dressed in an almost certainly Value Village/Goodwill purchased costume. For some reason, Mike takes a nap and a has dream sequence with him as a marionette. Really…I mean…Really, this scene was written and filmed … on purpose.  

Tooth Teacher shows up at Mike’s house and INSISTS that he and his mom eat pie.  He looks like shit.  We learn that Eddie is very powerful and created Candle Cove.  In the past, the Tooth Teacher was having a seizure and Eddie relieved Tooth Teacher of a seizure, making her a permanent disciple.  As a good cult member, she let Eddie kill her only son because that’s what people do.  Tooth Teach explains that Eddie is slowly possessing Mike now.  All of this was over only ONE slice of pie. I think she should’ve thrown in some ice cream or fruit.  It’s clear that the gross tooth is a possession tooth.

Mike’s response is to be aaaaaa dennnnnntist [sung] and pulls the Possession Tooth out.

A motel: Lilly is with her mom at a hotel and then ends up in the TV in Candle Cove somehow.  Roll Credits.

This was pretty par for Channel Zero.  They tried to build suspense and it was just boring.

Channel Zero, A Strange Vessel, Season 1, Ep 4; ALT Title: Paper Mache and You!


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There are times in a person’s life that test your very ability to function: Boot camp, the death of a loved one, and watching Channel Zero.  There are things that are entertaining to my Gentle Readers because they are shared fun like when I review Stranger Things, Halloween H2O, 28 Days Later, or People of Earth, but I know there’s another kind of fun – a darker fun … AKA Schadenfreude like when I watch/review Halloween Resurrection, but this is so painful.  When you read the review of this show, you know I had to do three things: 1) watch it, 2) think about it, and 3) write about it; none of these things are short of misery. However Friday, I get a tooth extraction…so that’s a big step up!  When I write that this show is the worst steaming pile of shit ever to be splatted on our cathode ray tubes and you think I’m being unfair, Listen – There’s WHOLE scenes featuring Paper Mache and I don’t mean just a couple either.

Opening: 1988 Eddie or Mike is drawing Bones; they’re twins so big deal.  Draw whatever you want!

The Creepiest Children’s Hospital:

Jess is walking with her stabbed son to visit his sister Stabbypants and stops to look at the candle cove crayon drawings, but she did that in the last episode.  Maybe she’s trying to become a curator 0r docent of creepy hospital crayon art?  They visit his sister and tell her, “We’re not mad at you.” REALLY?!  I put my daughters in timeout for just using “hurting hands”.  JESS- WORST MOM EVER! I’m judging you Jess! YOU’VE BEEN JUDGED!  Stabbed Son secrets Stabbypants a tooth.

Jess visits her vigilante husband.  He has her get his gun for protection.

Mike calls his wife.  She’s in Seattle and he tells her that their daughter appeared at his Mom’s house out of nowhere from several hundred miles away and he seems genuinely surprised that she wants to come over there.  REALLY?! WORD?!  Oh God, Oh God, There’s so much more to go!  

Amy is in her office and stares at the weirdest gift ever- a pot of mushrooms.  This mystery is solved by Dork Deputy who explains that he grew them for her and asks her out and is turned down.  I can’t see why this didn’t work!  I mean … we all know…  Every girl crazy ’bout a Mushroom Man! [sung as ZZ Top].

Flashback: Jess and Mike were a kid couple.  Eddie’s jealous.  That’s it.

Marla’s house:  We learn by a lot of telling that Lily- Mike’s Daughter- is possessed by Eddie.  Brightside: This creates a twofer for Thanksgiving – Lily/Eddie!!!  Lily pulls out a pirate doll from Mike’s past.

Lily’s Dream sequence: It’s paper mache of a rabbit’s face.  No… Really, this scene featuring Paper Mache was done on purpose.

Mike talks to Lily/Eddie.  She says that it’s ok that he stabbed him, meaning Mike stabbing Eddie with a hook.  And, why shouldn’t he be?!  Everyone else on this dumbass show is very permissive with stabbings.  

We cut to his plan: Mike believes that if he steals Eddie’s body and cremates it, Eddie will rest.  Then, we see more images of a Paper Mache rabbit person trying to be silly. Sorry, I only assumed silly because it looked so stupid.  Fuck, More Paper Mache!!! Was there a sale at Joanne’s?!  

Amy goes to the school to talk to the creepy kids she saw acting out a stabbing.  Tooth Teacher stymies her at every turn.  Finally, Amy tracks down the kids.  They are acting out some of Candle Cove and for the win what are the kids dress up in?  If you said, “Shitty Paper Mache!”, you win!  If you got that right, there’s a slight chance that you watched this crapfest and shall always be my brother in pain. The kids all speak in a monotone to give that full-on Paper Mache of the Damned vibe.

Mike and Jess go to the morgue and get Eddie’s body.  This was really easy for them.  They must have a Take a Body Leave a Body Policy.

Mike and Jess burn Eddie’s body.

Amy decides for some reason that she wants to pork Dork Deputy.  Why? Who knows.  Then, she leaves and goes to Tooth Teacher’s house, breaks in, and finds the body of random lady that the lady Tooth Lady killed in the last episode.

Jess goes home and the Paper Mache of the Damned kid crew attack her and stab her to death, realizing their rehearsal that the Deputy saw in the previous episode.

The episode ends with Lily being Lily again.

Roll Credits!  Next Week on Channel Zero: SPOOKY DECOUPAGE!!!

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Why didn’t they use this paper mache?

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Channel Zero, “Want to see something cool?” Season 1, Episode 3; ALT Title: Like cool things, watch something else.


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There are some shows like Stranger Things, Lonesome Dove, or True Detective whose audacious vision is pushed ever forward by the rugged genius of its writing and directing staff, Channel Zero is NOT that show.

On its best day, Channel Zero is burgers and fries, but on its worst days, Channel Zero is like stale bread that has become horribly crunchy, difficult to digest, and every bite reveals unending torpor.  This particular episode is not terrible just for this series, but might be the the worst episode of television.  Because it is becoming ever more awful, it could get to be fun to watch like an Ed Wood film.  Since it has some mediocre episodes, it’s not Halloween Resurrection levels of crap overall, but it was awful.  There was a quasi-torture scene without suspense, a now hand sucking tooth-monster, and not much else.

Gary takes Mike to a house under renovation.  It turns out that Gary wanted it to be his dream house, but it didn’t work out for him.  Gary ties up Mike and questions him about the dead kids from yesteryear and Gary gets visitors: Tim and Brenda.  They want to beat Mike up to find out why Mike killed their friends and relatives – in the most slow moving way possible. Mike keeps saying that it’s the Candle Cove show…blah blah blah.  At one point, Tim pulls a gun and fails to create any suspense….at all, but Mike does gets shot in the arm …. off camera.

Jessica is talking to Mike’s Mom -MM.  She explains that she had an emotional affair with Mike and then he cut it off.  She figures out Mike is being held at their never to have dream house and heads over there with Deputy Amy and MM.  They stop Tim from killing Mike and Deputy Amy takes Gary’s gun, but doesn’t seem to arrest him.  Why do that? It could have raised the stakes, led to a struggle, or anything.  

Flashback- Eddie lures the Bully Kid to the crow’s nest and uses the Tooth Monster mojo to get the Bully Kid to jump off a cliff.

Tim goes into the woods and is killed and buried by random kids.  This happens almost entirely offscreen because this show wouldn’t want to interfere with a bathroom break. If you have the stomach flu, are a compulsive knitter, or need to take smoke breaks, this is the show for you.  

Brenda goes to the Evil Teacher who feeds the Tooth Monster.  Evil Teacher kills her with a hook for some reason and then hosts a cocoa drink party with the children who killed Tim.  Is this unnecessarily ambiguous, over the top, and dumb? You Betcha!!! 

Mike is back home.  His mother has a nightmare of the tooth monster sucking Mike’s fingers.  YEECH!  Then, his daughter, who lives 452 miles away, appears outside of MM’s house.  He asks, “How did you get here?” They cut to the Tooth Monster who I guess was going to say Kayak or Travelocity, but the episode ended so we will never learn how Mike’s daughter got there or if she got the lowest rate possible.

What can I tell you other than, I will stick with this show until its inevitable cancellation and is replaced with American Ninja Warrior Baking Championship or some such shit.

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Channel Zero: Candle Cove Episode 2, ALT Title: Choosy Tooth Monsters Choose Teeth


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Cold Open: There’s an Old Man walking around who sees corpses of kids on the ground and in a tree and doesn’t seem to care.  Frankly, this is kind of how I felt about this episode.  It wasn’t great.  It had popping moments, but an overdose of sighs, pauses, and stares. I mean Twilight levels of stares.  The pilot and episode 2 were written by Don Mancini of Child’s Play and Halloween Wars Season 6.  I was really surprised that Don wrote episode 2.  The pilot was creepy and popped, but episode 2 fizzled.  This was a missed opportunity for a good show.  Here we go.

Katie is back home and watching Candle Cove on the tv and then stabs her brother with a hook.  Then, the show slows down to a crawl again.

Mike’s mom investigates the show and we get a lot of exposition about how the show was pirated onto RF signals and such.  Honestly, this was the nadir of the show, but it still has promise, if the writers decide to stop feeding the story shots of nyquil and turkey sandwiches with gravy.  

Hospital: Katie is under observation and their son Dane is in surgery.  This will be an awkward Hallmark Card! Jessica (Katie’s mom) asks Mike to come back and talk to Katie. The Cop kinda doesn’t like this, but doesn’t put up much of a fight either.  This is the theme of the whole episode…build up…fizzle…light random pop…fizzle.  Mike goes to talk to Katie and sees a crayon picture on the wall depicting Candle Cove. He shows Katie the drawing, which….doesn’t achieve much.  However, out of nowhere, Mike breaks the touch barrier with the kid, sending the dad into WTF-mode?!   The action happens through a screen: once Mike leaves- the tooth monster snuggles Katie.  This is creepy and gross, but not connected to the scene before it.  Therefore, the discourse between Mike and Katie didn’t need to happen and was a time waster!

Mike goes back home and shows his mom the drawing.  She believes it’s an “abandoned” cement plant.  Mike and Mike’s Mom (MM) go to cleanest and still seemingly operational cement plant- No graffiti, no beer bottles, no trash, nothing to indicate that the cement plant is not kept up and will be turned back on in 30 minutes.  In fact, it’s clinically clean. The art department really dropped the ball on this one.  Mike goes into the spooooooky cement factory and finds his brother’s corpse.  Then, Mike flashes back to stabbing his brother with a hook and burying him.

Mike goes to bed and sees the One-Character from Candle Cove who looks a lot like the lobster-thing from Futurama – upon research, it’s called Zoidberg and that’s what I’m calling this One-Eyed thing- Hi, Zoidberg.  Zoidberg causes Mike to flash again to his mom talking to her beat up son.  She says that when she told the bully’s parents, the bully’s mom laughed at her. This was not my upbringing.  My mother, a 12 Generation Tarheel, is perpetually armed. If someone laughed at her after they had just ganged up and beat me up,  I’d be visiting my badass Mom in Prison.  

Mike goes to the kitchen and tells his mom, ‘BTDubs, I killed my brother.’ [paraphrased] She tells him to leave, he won’t, she cuts him with a big knife. Then, Mike takes a nap. I’m starting to wonder if any of these writers grew up with human families.  The Cop shows up purportedly to arrest Mike, but not really.  It’s very vague as to what he plans on doing besides putting him in the backseat of his car.

They make a big deal out of this backseat thing; therefore, I will address the stupidity.  A cop needs to maintain control of a suspect for his safety and the safety of suspect.  The car did not have a partition, therefore, having Mike in the back is stupid and dangerous. Furthermore, Mike is not restrained in any way.  In this instance, the cop has a confessed murderer in custody and just has him in the back, with no cuffs, a clear shot taking out the cop, and relieving him of his service weapon!  This show really needs to think sometimes with a bit of commonsense.

Cop doesn’t take Mike to the station; instead, Cop just keeps driving … for some reason. It’s not spooky, it’s just kinda dumb.

The show ends with Mike’s former English teacher feeding the tooth monster teeth. GROSS!  Maybe, it’s Steve Martin under all of those teeth?!!  HA HA!

The episode has some good creepy parts, but it seems to lack a strong reality through story to contrast the weirdo elements of the story.  Channel Zero really needs to keep the real elements of the story real or this show will turn into a steaming pile very soon.  I have a lot of faith that this was just a bad second episode, which is not uncommon if your pilot had so much meat that second episode seemed like leftovers.  It would’ve benefitted from some sort of side-quest for Mike to accomplish.

Happy Halloween- it’s just around the corner!

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Channel Zero: Candle Cove Season 1, Episode 1, ALT Title – The Tooth Fairy is Real … Real Hungry!


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Gentle Readers, it’s time to take a break from my stand alone film reviews and get something we can all sink our Teeth Into (you’ll get the pun later).  It’s the Syfy Channel’s return to their awesomely dramatic roots.   I will begin by writing that they delivered!  If you dig suspense, good writing, and intricate plots, this show is not a bad bet.

Cold Open:  A nightmare.  Mike Painter, America’s Child Psychologist, is being interviewed by an asshole.  The host pries deep into Mike’s private life and how his twin brother disappeared, several children were murdered in 1988, his blood type, and pictures of his colon – ok the last two were false, but the interviewer is a jerk.  The host gives Mike water that has a dying fly in it.  He puts Mike on the spot to talk to a creepy kid on the phone… who says “Why are you afraid to go home?”  Then, the cameraman is a mannequin.  What we got here is an unreliable narrator.  We smash to the first of many odd smash cuts: a scarecrow on fire.

Mike heads home and briefly talks to his mom.  She’s concerned that he is looking into the murders.  He lies and says no.  Mike goes to the Sheriff’s office and it’s a bit of exposition time, but not too bad.  We learn that Mike’s buddy has become Sheriff and that the Sheriff’s son is a bit of a misfit.  Mike wants the files on the murders.  Mike dissembles that he’s writing a book about the murders.  Sheriff wants to makes sure the book will be respectful and mentions that the victims were missing their teeth. YEECH!  Sheriff is worried that his son is a weirdo and offers to trade files for some free psychoanalysis…. as you do.  We also get a clue as to weirdness: there are reports of a person breaking into homes, but not stealing anything.  Yikes!

Dinner Party:  They discuss how the kids are watching too much tv.  Mike checks in on Katie – the Sheriff’s daughter – who is watching a creepy puppet show.  Mike mentions this when he returns to the dinner table.  The show was called Candle Cove.  The same show that they watched as children in 1988. It has a super creepy host called Jawbone – a puppet skeleton.  The adults discuss the show some more and Mike leaves abruptly.

 

Mike has a flashback to bullies messing with his brother and he does nothing.  They go home and the tv turns on and it’s the creepy puppet show Candle Cove.  This show really ratchets up the creep factor.  Seriously, you will be scared.  We flashback back to Mike’s childhood room.  He wakes and sees Jawbone in his room and Mike approaches him. When he touches Jawbone, he wakes in a field looking out at the woods.  He notices a man in the woods as well.

Diner:  Mike runs into his old English teacher and she quizzes him on grammar.  We cut away to Katie’s room.  She’s vanished.   This show’s creep factor really goes up and up and up.  A search party forms to look for Katie.  Katie’s mom Jessica confronts Mike because she’s learned that he was not home for five hours the previous night.  We learn that he was in psych ward a week ago.  He begins to rave that it’s the show that somehow took Katie away.  She rationally calls for help and he disappears.  Mike is convinced that he can find Katie.

Mike goes to the Sheriff’s house and sees Dane the Sheriff’s son.  Dane says, “She said you would ask”  Taking a moment. This is becoming The Ring, Ju-on, When a Stranger Calls levels of creepy.  Mike is convinced that he knows where Katie is.  He flees into the woods towards a place called “Crow’s Nest”.  We see a number of cutaways of burying bodies and hooks to the chest.  Yep, hooks to the chest.

Mike sees Jawbone and reaches to touch it.  Jawbone flees and leads him to Katie.  Mike rescues Katie and when they leave, we see the MONSTER: a Thing Covered in Teeth.  The Tooth Monster reaches out where Katie was sitting and takes away two bloody teeth.  You wanna be scared, watch this series!

They have thrown Mike in jail because he rescued Katie…come again?  Well, he’s in jail and gets released.  When he gets home, he mentions Candle Cove to his mom.  She responds that show was just static.  We cut to all of the children of the town watching Candle Cove.

This show is absolute gooseflesh inducing.  Where Stranger Things was dripping with nostalgia and gothic horror, Channel Zero taps into sheer Hitchcock suspense and Rod Serling terror.  It’s a great show for October and just a great Thriller!