Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.5 and 4.6 “The Great 5K Star Race and Boulder Wrap Party”

Posted on July 28, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we have a two-hour episode of CHiPs!

Episodes 4.5 and 4.6 “The Great 5K Star Race and Boulder Wrap Party”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on December 7th, 1980)

There’s a big boulder sitting on a mountain and it’s threatening to roll down onto the highway, where it could not only damage cars but also destroy the home of comedian Milton Berle. Berle calls the cops and generally gets annoyed with everyone who comes by his house. They all want to make jokes while the boulder hangs over him like death from above. I would be annoyed as well!

Ponch and Baker arrange for a demolition crew to come in and try to destroy the boulder. As Ponch is also in charge of the annual CHP charity fundraiser, Ponch recruits Berle to be a part of it. Ponch wants a bunch of celebs to take part in a bicycle race. Berle motions with his cigar and says he’ll play touch football instead.

This two-part episode attempts to recapture the fun of the previous season’s Roller Disco. A lot of celebrities show up for the fundraiser and Harlan provides a breathless commentary that basically amounts to continually repeating, “There’s George Peppard talking to Johnnie Ray! Nancy Kulp’s standing in a doorway! There’s Robert Mandan! Conrad Bain’s wearing an ascot! Look at Todd Bridges get down!” It’s not as much fun this time because there’s no roller skating and there’s no disco music. Instead, it’s celebs playing the type of dreary games that high schools and church youth groups have used for years to build up team work. You know that terrible game where people try to move an orange down a line without using their hands? They play that game. (My speech and debate coach had us play the game at a sleepover and I’ll just say that having an orange fall into your cleavage is not as much fun as it sounds, especially when you’re the only girl standing in the line.) An ascot-wearing Conrad Bain runs around in circles while balancing a wine bottle on a tray. The crowd loves it but I think it would be kind of boring to watch. There’s also a dunking booth so that the celebrities can send the members of the CHP into a tub of water. Baker does not participate but Ponch does and you better believe he flashes the biggest smile in the world after he goes down.

There are some other storylines going on, of course. Alex Rocco and Ken Berry are two racers who supplement their income by robbing homes and trucks. There’s a freeway pileup that features some slow motion car jumps. Hey, that truck has “EXPLOSIVES” written on it! Do you think it will explode!? Baker helps a kid who needs better parents. It’s typical CHiPs stuff but the majority of the episode is just a collection of television actors participating in silly games. “There’s Marcia Wallace talking to Chuck Woolery, having a good time!” It needed more disco.

The Wild Pair (1987, directed by Beau Bridges)

Posted on July 26, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

A police detective named Benny Avalon (Bubba Smith) and an FBI agent named Joe Jennings (Beau Bridges) are assigned to work together to take down a drug dealer named Ivory Jones (Raymond St. Jacques). Avalon and Jennings don’t immediately get along. Avalon is tough and streetwise while Joe is a good example of what used to be called a yuppie. When they discover that Ivory is connected to a white supremacist gang led by Col. Hester (Lloyd Bridges), Avalon and Jennings have to set aside their differences and work together.

The Wild Pair starts out as a standard buddy cop film until things take a sudden serious turn and it instead becomes a violent and blood-soaked revenge thriller. It tries to mix comedy and action in the style of Beverly Hills Cop but it doesn’t work. Beverly Hills Cop understood that you could only take the violence so far without losing the laughs. The Wild Pair has the bad guys killing several innocent (and likable) people and also murdering Avalon’s cat. Maybe Walter Hill could have pulled off what this film was going for. He certainly managed to do so with 48 Hours. But this film was the directorial debut of Beau Bridges, a good actor who, as a director, was no Walter Hill. As for Bubba Smith, he was always more of a personality than an actor. That served him well in the Police Academy films but here he’s actually supposed to be playing someone other than Bubba Smith and his limitations of an actor become especially glaring once the film turns serious. Lloyd Bridges also seems miscast as the villain but that may just be because I’ve watched Airplane! and Hot Shots too many times.

The pair may be wild but they’re also forgettable.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.17 “E.M.T.”

Posted on April 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Ponch and Baker go to school!

Episode 3.17 “E.M.T.”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 19th, 1980)

Thinking that it will be an easy class and a chance to meet female college students, Ponch convinces Baker to attend a special EMT course at UCLA. Ponch also thinks that they’ll get paid overtime for taking the class but it turns out that he didn’t read the fine print. No one gets paid for going to the class. Oh well. At least he and Baker will get a chance to relax, right? Nope! The instructor, Michael Adams (played by veteran screen bad guy William Smith), is someone who Ponch and Baker earlier stopped for a minor traffic violation. He takes an immediate dislike to Ponch and Baker and basically spends the entire class accusing them of just wanting to show off. And, considering everything that we know about Ponch, he’s probably right.

Michael Adams is bitter because his son, Warren (Pat Petersen), was in an accident and, due to the cops not knowing how to handle someone with a spinal injury, Warren now has to use crutches to get around. Michael is so bitter that he almost seems to be embarrassed by his son’s disability. Boo, Michael, boo! Seriously, what an unlikable creep. And yet, I get the feeling that we’re supposed to understand and respect Michael, even if he is a jerk. Part of the problem is that William Smith was one of those actors who always came across as being naturally sinister. Smith played a lot of bikers and corrupt cops over the course of his career. He was someone who just looked menacing and perpetually annoyed. In this episode, I kept expecting him to try to kill Baker and Ponch. Don’t get me wrong. William Smith was a good actor but, in this episode, he just seems miscast.

Ponch and Baker do put their training to good use, especially when a makeshift cave collapses on two boys who were using it as a hideout. Ponch and Baker also use their skills to save a man who fell out of a truck. In one of those weird coincidences on which CHiPs thrived, Ponch and Baker just happened to be hang gliding nearby when the accident with the truck happened. Oh, Jon and Ponch! Don’t ever let anyone say that you guys spend way too much time together.

(Seriously, does Baker have no friends outside of the police force? At least Ponch seems to know his neighbors.)

Eventually, Ponch and Baker win Michael over, especially when Michael himself needs to be rescued. Later, they visit Michael in the hospital and everyone has a good laugh as the end credits roll. Good for them! As for this episode, I actually liked getting to see Ponch and Baker doing something other than riding their motorcycles on the highway. To me, this show’s main worth is as a time capsule and this episode allowed us all to see what UCLA was like back in 1980. It was pretty nice!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.16 “Vintage ’54”

Posted on February 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the key words on the highway of California are “team work!”

Episode 1.16 “Vintage ’54”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired on January 26th, 1978)

It’s a three-day weekend and that means the California Highway Patrol even more mayhem to deal with than usual!

For instance, two car thieves are driving up and down the highway, searching for classic cars. One stolen car belongs to 85 year-old Margaret Downey (Marjorie Bennett), who proceeds to go down to the station and personally demand that Sgt. Getraer find her car. The thieves are eventually caught, thanks to the entire Highway Patrol working as a team and keeping an eye out for stolen cars. The emphasis here was on teamwork, which Ponch and Baker just doing their part as opposed to be singled out.

It’s also teamwork that reunites a baby with the family that accidentally left her behind at a rest stop. Ponch and Baker are the ones who take the baby to the station and they’re the ones who nickname the baby “Princess” and buy her toys but, in the end, it’s the entire Highway Patrol working together that eventually brings the baby back to her grateful parents.

Baker and Ponch do get a moment in the spotlight when a skydiver ends up getting tangled up and hanging from a highway overpass. Baker is the one who grabs hold of her legs to keep her from falling while Ponch is the one who recruits a crane to help rescue her. But again, Baker and Ponch are not working alone. Instead, there are other motorists who help out, some by holding onto Baker and another by allowing Ponch to use his crane.

My point is that this episode was all about people working together to make the world a better and a safer place. That’s not a bad message and the show delivers it with a good deal of sincerity. With the exception of the scenery-chewing Marjorie Bennett, everyone is on their best behavior with this episode, with even Erik Estrada toning down his usual overacting. And, of course, there’s two exciting motorcycle chases, both of which are very well-filmed. There was nothing particularly amazing about this episode. It was pretty much a typical hour of CHiPs but it was still very well-done.

Next week, Ponch and Baker have an important lesson to teach about hitchhiking!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.11 “Carnival/The Vaudevillians”

Posted on February 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles everyone! Smiles!

Episode 2.11 “Carnival/The Vaudevillians”

(Dir by Georg Stanford Brown, Originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

Tattoo has come up with a new way to become a millionaire! He’s invented a sleeping bag that he claims can hold two people. Mr. Roarke is a bit skeptical that the small roll of material that Tattoo is holding could possibly be big enough to hold two people. Tattoo tells him that all he has to do is remove a key and the material will inflate. Roarke removes the key and several feathers explode into the air. Tattoo shrugs and says that he obviously has to get back to the drawing board.

“Inventor indeed,” Mr. Roarke says, in a tone that suggests that the only he reason he’s not physically killing Tattoo is because it’s time for them to greet their guests.

(Why is Tattoo always trying to make extra money? Does Fantasy Island not pay well?)

This week, the fantasies are all about reliving the past. Charlie Parks (Phil Silvers) and Will Fields (Phil Harris) used to be stars on Vaudeville but, like so many of the old time entertainers, they’ve now found themselves forgotten. Charlie’s even been put in a nursing home. Still, he manages to make the trip to Fantasy Island, where his fantasy is to be reunited with Will so that they can try to bring Vaudeville back to life.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work. Tattoo loves their corny old jokes but when they perform for a larger audience, they only get a few pity chuckles. Dejected, Charlie plans to return to his retirement home when he and Will are approached by a man who claims that he works for the city of Baltimore. (Oh no! Run!) The man explains that he wants to hire Charlie and Will to perform at nursing homes, where their old-fashioned routines will enliven the golden years of people who don’t like loud music and R-rated movies. Charlie and Will agree. Yay!

Meanwhile, Dorothy Weller (Carol Lynley) is a woman who has spent the past few months in a coma. Now, she’s not sure if the man she thought she loved really existed or if he was just someone she dreamed up while she was in the hospital. Mr. Roarke arranges for her to travel to a recreation of the same Mexican town where she met the mystery man. She finds her former lover, Tom Parnell (Stuart Whitman), on the beach. Tom explains that he is real and he is in love with her. He’s also a spy and there’s an international assassin (an appropriately sinister Luke Askew) after him!

This episode was kind of a mixed bag. The Vaudeville fantasy featured charming performances from Phil Silvers and Phil Harris but their jokes were never quite as funny as Tattoo seemed to think that they were. The spy fantasy was not helped by the casting of the reliably dull Stuart Whitman but the story itself was intriguing and Carol Lynley gave a believable and emotional performance as Dorothy. The end result was a thoroughly pleasant but not altogether memorable trip to Fantasy Island. But really, when it comes to Fantasy Island, hasn’t the appeal always been just how pleasant everything is?

Well, except for the relationship between Tattoo and Mr. Roarke, of course. I still suspect Tattoo is secretly plotting to kill Mr. Roarke and take over the island. Who knows? Maybe that’ll be a future episode. We’ll find out soon!

A Movie A Day #267: Satan’s Princess (1990, directed by Bert I. Gordon)

Posted on October 2, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Lou Cherney (Robert Forster) was a top police detective until a perp with a shotgun shattered his leg. Now, Lou’s a private investigator with a limp, a girlfriend (Caren Kaye), and a learning disabled son named Joey (Philip Glasser). When Lou is hired to track down a missing girl, he discovers that she is now the lover of Nicole St. James (Lydie Denier), the head of a modeling agency. Nicole seduces Lou within minutes of meeting him but, when Lou attempts to return the missing girl to her family, Nicole reveals that she is actually an ancient demon and she possesses Joey. Soon, Joey is carrying an ice pick and throwing people out of windows.

An example of the type of movies that Robert Forster was stuck making before Quentin Tarantino engineered his comeback with Jackie Brown, Satan’s Princess is also noteworthy for having been directed by Bert I. Gordon. Gordon is best known for making cheesy giant monster movies, like The Amazing Colossal Man, Beginning of the End, and Empire the Ants. There are not any giant monsters in Satan’s Princess, which instead emphasizes lesbian sex scenes, possessed children, and Robert Forster using a blowtorch to take on a demon. Satan’s Princess also features the spectacle of a demon fleeing the scene of a crime by stealing a car. Why a demon who can possess people and do almost anything would need to steal car in order to make escape is a question that Satan’s Princess never answers.

Satan’s Princess is even dumber than it sounds but Robert Forster delivers. There is no real reason for Lou to be crippled so I like to think that, one day, Forster announced that if he was not allowed to carry a cane in all of his scenes, he wouldn’t do the movie. Watching Forster give a good performance in even a piece of dreck like Satan’s Princess makes me all the more grateful that Tarantino cast him in Jackie Brown and allowed Forster the chance to once again appear in movie worthy of his talents.

Bert I. Gordon’s career as a filmmaker began in 1954. Satan’s Princess was his 23rd movie and, for over 20 years, it was also his last. In 2014, Gordon finally returned to directing with Secrets of a Psychopath.