Edward DeRuiter | Through the Shattered Lens

Climate change is a bitch!

And so are sharks!

Those are the two main things that I took away from watching Ice Sharks, which premiered on the SyFy channel on Tuesday.

Ice Sharks take place in the Arctic circle. A group of scientists have set up Oasis base so that they can observe what climate change is doing to the arctic sea life. The water’s getting warmer and, as a result, the ecosystem is changing. Greenland sharks are no longer content to just hang out around Greenland. Now, suddenly, they’re showing up in Antarctica and guess what? They have the ability to not only jump through ice but also to use their dorsal fins to saw through glaciers…

Well, you can probably guess what happens.

First, it’s just sled dog after sled dog getting eaten. Then it’s an Eskimo who is so thoroughly eaten that only a bloody fingernail is found lodged in the ice. Next thing you know, a scientist makes the mistakes of investigating the world outside of Oasis and a shark ends up biting off his leg. The scientist lies on the ice and briefly attempts to tie a tourniquet around his bloody leg stump. It doesn’t do him much good.

One thing about Greenland sharks — they’re mean but they’re also surprisingly intelligent. As soon as they come across Oasis station, they use their dorsal fins to saw through the ice. Soon, Oasis is sinking to the bottom of the ocean with the surviving scientists inside.

And, as our surviving (and fortunately, physically attractive) scientists try to figure out how they are going to survive, the sharks are outside, banging against the station walls…

Ice Sharks is a surprisingly dark little movie. Don’t get me wrong. It’s an Asylum film so, of course, Ice Sharks has an appropriately macabre sense of humor. But, especially when compared to Sharknado 3, Ice Sharks is rather grim. Director Emile Edwin Smith does a good job of creating and maintaining a claustrophobic atmosphere inside the sunken Oasis station. And when the sharks attack, it’s never pretty. Greenland sharks apparently do not share the charm of their home.

Ice Sharks was a grimly effective little creature rampage film. Personally, I will never look at Greenland the same way again.

Looking forward to seeing who @LisaMarieBowman kills next with her tweets #megasharkvskolossus

— Kelly Thul (@kellythul) July 19, 2015

It was while watching Mega Shark vs. Kolossus that I discovered that, apparently, I have the power to kill fictional characters with my tweets. As soon Dr. Sergie Abramov (Patrick Bauchau) first appeared on screen, I tweeted out my prediction that he was “doomed,” largely because he was “eccentric and old.” 15 minutes later, a group of gun-toting mercenaries showed up and gunned Dr. Abramov down.

AGCK!, I thought, I didn’t really mean to kill him…

Now, normally, I would have to admit that discovering that I possessed that much power would lead to a lot of thought and reflection on my part. But you know what? I was enjoying myself way too much to really feel that bad about getting Dr. Abramov killed. That’s the type of film that Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is. It’s a lot of fun and, if the cost of that fun is that Dr. Abramov had to die … well, so be it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f78-ga4bgs

Produced by the Asylum and directed by Christoper Douglas-Olen Ray (who also directed A House Is Not A Home and Shark Week), Mega Shark vs. Kolossus premiered on SyFy right after Roboshark. I have to admit that, when the film began, I wasn’t sure that anything could successfully follow the brilliance that was Roboshark.

But, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus proved my doubts wrong.

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is not only a good SyFy film and a worthy entry in the Mega Shark franchise but it’s also a lot of fun. If I could only pick a handful of movies to justify my love of SyFy and Asylum films, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus would definitely be right there with End of the World and Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Mega Shark vs. Kolossus has everything — from the knowing humor to the over-the-top action to the flamboyant monsters — that you could possibly want from a SyFy film.

At heart, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is a delirious homage to the old school Godzilla films where Godzilla would have to reluctantly save humanity from yet another giant monster. (Kolossus is even reminiscent of the robotic Godzilla from Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla.)

As the film starts, the world has been thrown into chaos as the result of all of the previous Mega Shark attacks. Admiral Jackson (Ernest Thomas) is determined to track down and destroy Mega Shark but Dr. Alison Gray (Illeana Douglas) argues that if we would just leave Mega Shark alone then Mega Shark would leave us alone. Billionaire Joshua Dane (Brody Hutzler) claims to agree with her but is it possible that he has ulterior motives of his own? Well, consider this: has there even been a truly benevolent billionaire in an Asylum film?

Meanwhile, in the Ukraine, Kolossus — a giant robot that was created during the Cold War — has accidentally be activated. Can secret agent Moria King (Amy Rider, who totally kicked ass and who deserves to appear in every subsequent Mega Shark film) and CIA analyst Spencer (Edward DeRuiter, who also wrote the film’s script) figure out how to control Kolossus?

And, finally, will Kolossus and Mega Shark meet and fight? Well, the answer to that one is right in the title of the film.

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is delirious fun, a surprisingly well-acted and entertaining homage to the great monster movies of the past. Obviously, Mega Shark is the top-billed star here but, for me, the film is really stolen by Kolossus. This behemoth of robotic mayhem dominates almost every scene in which he appears and hopefully, he’ll return for a future movie. Could Sharktopus vs. Kolossus or Roboshark Meets Kolossus be in the future? I certainly hope so!

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is terrific and entertaining. If you missed it the first time, keep an eye out for a future showing. You will not be disappointed!