Lisa Marie Picks The 16 Worst Films of 2013


A lot of people are saying that 2013 was a great year for movies.  And I guess it was.  An unusually large number of memorable films were released last year.

However, by that same token, a huge number of truly terrible films were released in 2013 as well.  With that in mind, here are my personal picks for the 16 worst films of 2013.  Why 16?  Because Lisa doesn’t do odd numbers, that’s why.

16) Carrie

15) Getaway

14) After Earth

13) Broken City

12) The Company You Keep

11) See Girl Run

10) Would You Rather

9) Lee Daniels’ The Butler

8) Identity Thief

7) Movie 43

6) Disconnect

5) A Dark Truth

4) Freeloaders

3) Unhung Hero

2) Tyler Perry’s Temptation

And finally, my pick for the worst film of 2013…

1) Man of Steel

It’s only been recently that I’ve come to realize that Man Of Steel was the worst film of 2013.  When I first saw it, I thought it was bombastic and rather silly but I also thought it was just another mediocre action film.  However, the more that I’ve thought about the film, the more I’ve come to realize that Man of Steel truly represents everything that I dislike about mainstream film.  Beyond the fact that it took itself way too seriously, Man of Steel spent millions of dollars to celebrate the destruction of a major city but couldn’t find five minutes to devote to character development or memorable dialogue.  Two years ago, a lot of people disagreed with me when I announced that Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch was one of the best films of 2011.  I wonder how those same people feel about Man of Steel.

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Tomorrow, I’ll continue my look back at the year that was with my 10 favorite songs of 2013.

(You can see my picks for the worst films of 2010, 2011, and 2012 by clicking on the links in this sentence.)

2013: What Type of Year Has It Been So Far?


2013

We are now at the halfway mark as far as 2013 is concerned.  This is the time of year that self-important film critics (both online and elsewhere) tell their readers what type of year it’s been so far.

So, without further ado — what type of year has 2013 been so far?

(By the way, you can also check out my thoughts from last yearJuly of 2011 and July 2010 as well.)

(Also, please understand that my opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the any other contributor here at TSL.  And I reserve the right to change my opinion.)

Upstream Color

Best Film Of The Year (So Far): Upstream Color (with The Bling Ring, This Is The End, Spring Breakers, Before Midnight, Frances Ha,  Iceman, and Much Ado About Nothing as close runner-ups.)

Best Male Performance Of The Year (So Far): Michael Shannon in Iceman (with James Franco in Spring Breakers as a close runner-up).

Best Female Performance of the Year (So Far): Greta Gerwig in Frances Ha (with Emma Watson in The Bling Ring as a close runner-up.)

Best Voice Over Performance Of The Year (So Far): Steve Carell in Despicable Me 2.

Best Ending of the Year (So Far): Upstream Color

Best Horror Film Of The Year (So Far): Maniac

Most Underrated Film Of The Year (So Far): The Last Exorcism Part 2

Best Bad Film Of The Year (So Far): Safe Haven

Worst Film Of The Year (So Far): Tyler Perry’s Temptation, which was a guilty pleasure up until it turned out that Tyler Perry is apparently a messenger from God.

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Biggest Example Of A Missed Opportunity For This Year (So Far): Man of Steel, which started out so strong before it became just another series of mind-numbing CGI sequences.

The Get Over It Already Award For The First Half of 2012: Disconnect.  Hey, everyone, did you know that the Internet makes people feel disconnected from others?  If this is news to you, then you’ll probably think Disconnect is a really profound movie.

The Cameron/Fincher Bandwagon Trophy (Awarded To The Upcoming Film That, Regardless Of Quality, Will Probably Be So Violently Embraced By People Online That You’ll Be Putting Your Life In Danger If You Dare Offer Up The Slightest Amount Of Criticism): Elysium

The Trailer That Has Most Outgrown Its Welcome: Elysium

The Sasha Award (Awarded To The Film That I Am Predicting Will Be The Most Overrated Of The Year): August: Osage County

The Stone Award (Awarded to the upcoming film that will probably get  positive reviews based on the film’s political context as opposed to the film itself): The Butler

The Roland Emmerich/Rod Lurie Award For The Film That I’m Predicting Will Be The Worst Of 2012: Could any film possibly be worst than Tyler Perry’s Temptation?

Films I’m Looking Forward To Seeing In The Future (An incomplete list): American Hustle, Anchorman: The Legend Continues, Carrie, Dallas Buyers Club, Foxcatcher, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire,  Inside Llewyn DavisInsidious Chapter 2, Nebraska, Only God Forgives, Oldboy, Pacific Rim, Thor: The Dark World, The Wolf of Wall Street

Let’s hope that the second half of 2013 is better than the first.

Seriously, just because the Mayans were wrong, that’s no excuse for bad cinema.

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Disconnected From Disconnect


Disconnect, the feature film directing debut of award-winning documentarian Henry-Alex Rubin, has been getting some fairly positive reviews.  According to Rotten Tomatoes, the film has a critical score of 71 while audiences have been even more impressed.  The last time I checked, it had an audience score of 83%.  If you’ve seen any of the commercials for this film then you’ve undoubtedly heard it referred to as being “the best film of the year.”

That’s high praise for a film that’s essentially Crash with better acting.

Much like Crash (which, incidentally, I consider to be the worst film to have ever won the Oscar for Best Picture), Disconnect is an ensemble film that tells several different stories.  For whatever reason, first-time directors seem to have a weakness for movies with ensemble casts and multiple-story lines.  When done well, an ensemble film can say something profound about the way that people in a society relate to one another.  When done poorly (like in Crash or Disconnect), they just feel trendy.  Watching Disconnect, I felt as if the filmmakers couldn’t come up with a way to tell one compelling story from beginning to end so, instead, they just tossed together fragments of three separate stories and then desperately tried to come up with a theme to connect them all.

That theme, by the way, is that our reliance of modern technology has created a society where people are Disconnected from one another.

Gee, you think?

Disconnect tells three separate, inter-connected stories.  In one story, Paula Patton and Alexander Skarsgard are a married couple who are struggling to deal with the recent death of their child.  Skarsgard deals with his grief by going on long business trips and getting addicted to online gambling.  Meanwhile, Patton joins an online support group and finds herself tempted to have affair another member (Michael Nyqvist).  Patton’s activities leads to identity theft and bankruptcy.  With the help of a sleazy private investigator (Frank Grillo), Patton and Skarsgard try to track down the man who stole their identity.  This story falls apart once Patton and Skarsgard find the man and both characters suddenly start acting in the most inconsistent ways conceivable.  It really should be impossible t0 make charismatic performers like Alexander Skarsgard and Paula Patton seem  bland and boring but somehow, Disconnect manages to do it.

In the film’s best storyline, Grillo’s teenage son (Colin Ford) catfishes and cyber-bullies an alienated classmate (Jonah Bobo).  When Bobo hangs himself as a result, Ford is wracked with both guilt and fear.  Ford’s attempts to cover-up his involvement leads to him meeting and briefly befriending Bobo’s father (Jason Bateman), who has no idea what led to his son attempting suicide.  In this story, Bateman proves that he’s as good with drama as he is with comedy and Ford’s complex and multi-layered performance is more than award-worthy.  This was probably the most powerful part of the film and, if the filmmakers had simply concentrated on this story (as opposed to diluting it by making only one part of a multi-part film), Disconnect would fully deserve the high-praise that it’s currently receiving.

In the film’s third (and most flamboyant) storyline, Andrea Riseborough is a cynical and opportunistic reporter who does a story about a cocky teenager (Max Thieriot) who performs on an adults-only site and who recruits other teenagers for a manipulative pimp (played by none other than Marc Jacobs).  Riseborough finds herself charmed by the teenager (and who can blame her because, after all, he’s played by Max Thieriot) and soon she’s having an affair with him.  However, her news story captures the attention of the F.B.I. and soon both Thieriot and Riseborough find themselves in danger.

At first, I thought I was going to enjoy this storyline because I love Max Thieriot.  He’s ideally cast here and he gives a good, sympathetic performance. For that matter, so does Andrea Riseborough and even Marc Jacobs brings a certain reptilian charm to his role.  However, this story falls apart as it quickly becomes obvious that the filmmakers, having set up a potentially interesting situation, have no idea what to do with it.  Instead, much as with the characters played by Skarsgard and Patton, Riseborough ceases to behave with anything resembling logic or consistency.  Both she and Thieriot go from being interesting, well-rounded characters to being mere plot devices.

That, ultimately, is the main reason why Disconnect fails.  With the exception of the characters played by Bateman and Ford, nobody in this film feels real and, again with the notable exception of Bateman and Ford’s storyline, very little that happens feels genuine.  The film is watchable because of the talented cast but, otherwise, it’s a melodramatic and predictable mess that seems to think that it’s a lot smarter than it actually is.

Perhaps that’s why so many people over on the imdb have been praising this film as “the best of the year.”

Some people will always enjoy feeling like they’re thinking without actually having to do it.