Dennis Dimster | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch and Baker go to school!

Episode 3.17 “E.M.T.”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 19th, 1980)

Thinking that it will be an easy class and a chance to meet female college students, Ponch convinces Baker to attend a special EMT course at UCLA. Ponch also thinks that they’ll get paid overtime for taking the class but it turns out that he didn’t read the fine print. No one gets paid for going to the class. Oh well. At least he and Baker will get a chance to relax, right? Nope! The instructor, Michael Adams (played by veteran screen bad guy William Smith), is someone who Ponch and Baker earlier stopped for a minor traffic violation. He takes an immediate dislike to Ponch and Baker and basically spends the entire class accusing them of just wanting to show off. And, considering everything that we know about Ponch, he’s probably right.

Michael Adams is bitter because his son, Warren (Pat Petersen), was in an accident and, due to the cops not knowing how to handle someone with a spinal injury, Warren now has to use crutches to get around. Michael is so bitter that he almost seems to be embarrassed by his son’s disability. Boo, Michael, boo! Seriously, what an unlikable creep. And yet, I get the feeling that we’re supposed to understand and respect Michael, even if he is a jerk. Part of the problem is that William Smith was one of those actors who always came across as being naturally sinister. Smith played a lot of bikers and corrupt cops over the course of his career. He was someone who just looked menacing and perpetually annoyed. In this episode, I kept expecting him to try to kill Baker and Ponch. Don’t get me wrong. William Smith was a good actor but, in this episode, he just seems miscast.

Ponch and Baker do put their training to good use, especially when a makeshift cave collapses on two boys who were using it as a hideout. Ponch and Baker also use their skills to save a man who fell out of a truck. In one of those weird coincidences on which CHiPs thrived, Ponch and Baker just happened to be hang gliding nearby when the accident with the truck happened. Oh, Jon and Ponch! Don’t ever let anyone say that you guys spend way too much time together.

(Seriously, does Baker have no friends outside of the police force? At least Ponch seems to know his neighbors.)

Eventually, Ponch and Baker win Michael over, especially when Michael himself needs to be rescued. Later, they visit Michael in the hospital and everyone has a good laugh as the end credits roll. Good for them! As for this episode, I actually liked getting to see Ponch and Baker doing something other than riding their motorcycles on the highway. To me, this show’s main worth is as a time capsule and this episode allowed us all to see what UCLA was like back in 1980. It was pretty nice!

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 2 comes to a close as we take another trip to the other side of the island!

Episode 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 13th, 1979)

Oh crap, it’s another Fantasy Island Sunday Special!

Apparently, in 1979, Aaron Spelling wanted to do a Fantasy Island spin-off for children, one that would have aired on Sunday nights. The spin-off would have taken place on “the other side of the Island,” which was apparently designed to be very family-friendly. The previous Sunday Special featured Kimberly Beck as Mr. Roarke’s assistant on the other side of the island. In the second Sunday Special, Kimberly Beck is nowhere to be seen and the hosting duties are handled by Roarke and Tattoo.

As usual, Tattoo starts the episode by revealing his latest scheme. He’s read a book on Sherlock Holmes and has decided that he wants to be a master of disguise. He begins the show by disguising himself as Sherlock Holmes.

Later, he sneaks into Mr. Roarke’s office while disguised as a one-eyed, hook-handed pirate.

By the end of the episode, Tattoo has been reduced to dressing up like a chicken.

Mr. Roarke sees through all the disguises and, as usual, he comes across as being more annoyed than amused by his assistant. It’s often been said that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could not stand working together on Fantasy Island and, having spent nearly a year watching this show, I can say that it’s pretty obvious that was the case. Even while trading jokes, there’s an undercurrent of hostility to all of their interactions.

But what about the fantasies? Well, they’re a bit childish but let’s get to them. As with the previous Sunday Special, the children arrive via hot air balloon. No, Tattoo does not yell, “The balloon! The balloon!” In fact, the whole thing with the balloon seems to be silly and incredibly impractical. I mean, where is the balloon taking off from?

Departing from the balloon are the Collins Family. Robbie (Scott Baio), Willie (Jimmy Baio), Scooter (Keith Coogan), and Jodie (Jill Whelan) have come to the Island because Robbie has a fantasy about all of them becoming rock stars. Upon arrival, Mr. Roarke tells them that he has already taken the demo that they sent him and turned it into an album. They’re a big hit in the UK and on Fantasy Island. But can they impress the American record executive that Mr. Roarke has invited to hear them?

It’s going to be difficult because, as Robbie discovers, the album features a remastered version of their demo, one that makes them sound like better musicians than they actually are. Robbie panics. “How are we going to sound like that?” Mr. Roarke tells them to figure it out. Robbie’s solution is to just lip-sync to the album.

Now, to be honest, this seems like not only a practical solution but it’s also what a lot of bands do in real life. But Mr. Roarke is scandalized to discover that the kids paid Tattoo ten dollars to play the album back stage while they pretended to perform. Robbie’s conscience gets the better of him and he confesses his crime to the record exec. The record exec doesn’t care. He hires the kids on a songwriters, because who wouldn’t want a bunch of pre-teen songwriters on the payroll?

However, the Collins Family has another problem. It turns out that they’re runaways! After their parents were lost at sea, the Collins kids were sent to four different orphanages. The kids escaped to Fantasy Island but now, Mrs. Ridges (Joanna Barnes) has come to the Island and is planning on taking the kids back. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke explains that he is the ruler of Fantasy Island and that the law doesn’t apply in his domain. Even more fortunately, a telegram suddenly arrives, informing the kids that their parents did not drown but instead washed up on an isolated beach in Mexico. Their parents have been rescued and the kids are no longer wards of the state! Yay!

(That’s some incredible Dues ex Machina there, no?)

While this is going on, Darius (Jarrod Johnson) wants to run the Fantasy Island Amusement Park.

Wait …. Fantasy Island has an amusement park?

Yep, and it’s kind of a dump. Seriously, the park looks like it reeks of spilled beer, stale weed, and lost dreams. It’s a true nightmare alley.

Darius’s main reason for wanting to run the park is so he can give his dad, motorcycle stunt driver The Great Scott (Ted Lange), a job. The Great Scott is hired to jump over the Fantasy Island lagoon but, when he sees Darius nearly fall off the Ferris wheel, he realizes that it’s more important to be there for his son than to risk his life. (That said, The Great Scott does risk his life by climbing up the Ferris wheel to save Darius.) Mr. Roarke then offers The Great Scott a new job, as the manager of the amusement park. Of course, I watched this whole fantasy thinking to myself that The Great Scott already had a great job, working as a bartender on the Love Boat.

That said, let’s give some credit to Ted Lange, who actually gives a pretty emotional and kind of touching performance as The Great Scott. Lange may be best known for playing Isaac but he’s also a graduate of London’s Royal Academy and I’ve heard that he was a wonderful Othello on stage. My point is that, even if he is best known for the way he would point at people while serving drinks, Ted Lange can act and this episode certainly proves that.

Overall, this episode was clearly meant to appeal to kids and, as a result, it felt a bit childish. This was not only the last episode of season 2 but it was also the last of the Sunday Specials and that’s probably a good thing.

Next week, we start season 3!