Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: The Rachels (dir by Michael Civille)


(Hi, everyone!  I’ve been cleaning out my DVR and reviewing the films that I’ve recorded.  Here’s my final review of the day.  I recorded The Rachels off of Lifetime on January 29th!)

I want to tell you about The Rachels but it’s not going to be easy because, at the same time, I don’t want to tell you too much.  The Rachels is a whip-smart and wonderfully snarky little satire and, because of the non-linear narrative style that the first half of the film employs, there’s very little I can tell you about the plot without spoiling the movie.

Don’t be put off by its origins as a Lifetime film.  Don’t judge the film just because the title was obviously inspired by Heathers.  How good is The Rachels?  It’s so good that I’m tempted to call it nifty.  That’s how good it is.

It tells the story of two teenage girls named Rachel.  They’ve been best friends forever.  They do the morning announcements together, always ending things by reminding the school, “We’re the Rachels.”  Rachel Nelson (Madison Iseman) is blonde and popular, a track star who is loved by everyone.  Rachel Richards (Caitlin Carver) is brunette and she’s slightly less popular than Rachel Nelson.  Rachel Richards is almost always in the shadow of Rachel Nelson.  While Rachel Nelson is praised by her track coach, Rachel Richards is consistently told that she could do better.  And then there’s Roxie (Daniela Bobadilla), a photographer who seems to be slightly obsessed with Rachel Nelson but is disliked by Rachel Richards.  Roxie claims that she was once one of the Rachels but she is continually told, by one of the Rachels (I can’t reveal which one), that she was never really a Rachel.

At a late night party, one of these three girls will fall off of the roof and plunge to her death, the result of an apparent suicide.  The film, in its non-linear fashion, holds off an immediately revealing which one of them fell from the roof and I will do the same.  What I can tell you is that the entire school soon becomes a shrine to the dead girl and the two survivors both use her death to their own advantage.  Both of them, by linking themselves to the now sainted dead girl, become very different types of celebrities.

It makes for a very sharp satire, one that perfectly skewers today’s culture of instant fame and internet grieving.  All three of the main actresses — Maidson Iseman, Caitlin Carver, and Daniela Bobadilla — are perfectly cast and give pitch perfect performances.  This is one of those films where no one turns out to be exactly who you thought they would be.  Well-written, well-directed, and wonderfully acted, The Rachels keeps you thinking and guessing.

That’s really all I can say about the movie without giving away too much.  Keep an eye out for it.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #125: Perfect High (dir by Vanessa Parise)


Last night, I watched the first post-Deadly Adoption Lifetime movie, Perfect High!

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime and it was about a dancer, of course!

What Was It About?

Amanda (Bella Thorne) is a suburban teen who loves to dance.  But, after an injury, she gets hooked on prescription pills.  She also becomes best friends with druggie Riley (Daniela Bobadilla), Riley’s boyfriend Nate (Ross Butler), and Carson (Israel Broussard).  Soon, Carson and Amanda are dating and they become perhaps the most boring couple in history.  Of course, since this is Lifetime, the prescription drug abuse quickly leads to heroin, death, and a minute-long rehab scene.

What Worked?

The film did a good job of capturing both the excitement of dancing and the sheer terror of being injured and knowing that, as a result, you can’t do what you love.

What Did Not Work?

The whole movie was just so predictable and so slow.  Don’t get me wrong.  I understand that a Lifetime film about teenagers using drugs isn’t going to exactly be unpredictable.  From the start of the film, I knew that one of the four friends was going to have to die and I easily guessed which one it was going to be.  That’s just the way it works, somebody always has to die in these films.

But the problem is that we are now living in a post-Deadly Adoption age.  After seeing every single Lifetime convention skewered last week, it’s hard to go back to taking any of those conventions seriously.  The whole time I was watching the film, I kept expecting Will Ferrell to suddenly show and start bellowing, “SHE NEEDS HER MEDICINE!”

As well, Perfect High moved way too slowly for its own good.  As characters, Amanda, Riley, Nate, and Carson all fell flat.  Even before they ended up as drug addicts, they seemed like they wouldn’t be that interesting of a group to hang out with.  Before doing drugs, they spent all their time laying on the couch.  After doing drugs … well, that couch became even more comfortable.  For an anti-drug film to really work, you have to mourn what the character could have been if not for their addictions.  But, in Perfect High, everyone seemed to be just as dull regardless of whether they were high or not.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!”  Moments

The movie was about a red-haired dancer who popped too many pills in high school.  Oh my God, just like me!

Lessons Learned

Stay away from that heroin, kids.  Of course, I already knew that.  Even when I was going through my phase where I wanted to experiment with and try everything, I still knew better than to ever use heroin.  (Actually, to be honest, I should say that if I had ever had the opportunity to try heroin, I would have politely declined.  Fortunately, I never even had to deal with being offered heroin, which I guess is the benefit of going to both a high school and a college where everyone was too busy smoking weed to worry about harder drugs.)  Whenever I see a movie like Perfect High, I always wonder how the characters involved have never seen any other movies about heroin abuse.

I mean, don’t they watch Lifetime!?

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What Lisa Watched Last Night #92: The Cheating Pact (dir by Doug Campbell)


Late last night, I watched an original Lifetime movie called The Cheating Pact.

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Why Was I Watching It?

It was on Lifetime.  How could I not watch it?

What Was It About?

The Cheating Pact is yet another Lifetime movie about upper middle class high school girls murdering each other.  The girls also refuse to appreciate or listen to the advice offered up by their mothers and, in typical Lifetime fashion, the movie doesn’t seem to be certain whether it’s worse to be a murderer or a spoiled brat.

(Personally, I was occasionally accused of being a spoiled brat when I was in high school and I turned out just fine…)

Heather (Daniela Bobadilla) and Kylie (Laura Ashley Samuels) are both feeling pressured to get high scores on the College Entrance Test.  Fortunately, Heather’s former best friend Meredith (Laura Wiggins) is a genius.  (Just in case anyone is doubting Meredith’s intelligence, she wears glasses.  So there.)  Meredith agrees to take their tests for them and soon, she’s getting paid thousands of dollars to help her peers get into college.

However, Kylie isn’t happy with her score and feels that Meredith deliberately did poorly on the test.  And so, as often happens in these films, Kylie shoves Meredith to her death and then tries to frame Heather for the murder,

What Worked?

Whenever you watch a Lifetime movie about a teenage girl doing something wrong and then not going to her mom for advice (or, even worse, ignoring her mom’s advice), you always know that the worst possible thing is going to happen as a result.  In these uncertain times, a film like The Cheating Pact is so predictable that it’s actually rather comforting.

I also love how Lifetime movies always present high school as being ruled by an erratic matriarchal society that’s dominated by secret organizations and melodramatic conspiracies,  If anything, I think Lifetime movies probably offer the most realistic depictions of high school that I’ve ever seen.

What Did Not Work?

Hey, it was a Lifetime movie.  Therefore, it all worked.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Kylie, I once accidentally shoved someone over a stairway railing.  But shhhhhh …. don’t tell anyone.

Lessons Learned

I missed the opportunity to make a lot of easy money in high school.