The Eric Roberts Collection: If I Can’t Have You (dir by David DeCoteau)


In 2023’s If I Can’t Have You, Michelle (Bailey Kai) is the host of the hottest late night radio show in town but she’s been getting creepy phone calls from someone identifying himself as Curtis.  Michelle and her producer (Gina Haraizumi) can’t get get any help from the cops (played by Jackee Harry and Tracy Nelson) so they decide to investigate on their own.

Who is Michelle’s stalker?  Could it be the creepy guy (Michael Pare) who lives next door?  Could it be their geeky engineer, Keith (Phillip McElroy)?  Could it be Stan (Eric Roberts), the owner of the radio station who seems to be really determined to get them to change their time slot?  Or could it be just some other random guy with too much time on his hands?

To give credit where credit is due, director David DeCoteau does manage to generate some suspense as to who the stalker actually is.  I wouldn’t say I was exactly shocked when the stalker’s identity was revealed but DeCoteau still did a good job of giving us plenty of suspects to consider.  That said, this is still a David DeCoteau film and the real pleasure of the film is spotting all of the standard DeCoteauisms.  In this case, Joe’s Restaurant — previously seen in The Wrong Mr. Right — makes a return appearance.

In the end, this one isn’t as much fun as DeCoteau’s “Wrong” films.  There’s no Vivica A. Fox saying, “Looks like you suspected the Wrong Stalker.”  Still, it’s entertaining enough and Eric Roberts appears to have been in a good mood during filming.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  13. Sensation (1994)
  14. Dark Angel (1996)
  15. Doctor Who (1996)
  16. Most Wanted (1997)
  17. The Alternate (2000)
  18. Mercy Streets (2000)
  19. Tripfall (2000)
  20. Raptor (2001)
  21. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  22. Strange Frequency (2001)
  23. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  24. Border Blues (2004)
  25. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  26. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  27. We Belong Together (2005)
  28. Hey You (2006)
  29. Depth Charge (2008)
  30. Amazing Racer (2009)
  31. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  32. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  33. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  34. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  35. The Expendables (2010) 
  36. Sharktopus (2010)
  37. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  38. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  39. Deadline (2012)
  40. The Mark (2012)
  41. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  42. The Night Never Sleeps (2012)
  43. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  44. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  45. Lovelace (2013)
  46. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  47. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  48. Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End (2013)
  49. Revelation Road 2: The Sea of Glass and Fire (2013)
  50. Self-Storage (2013)
  51. Sink Hole (2013)
  52. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  53. This Is Our Time (2013)
  54. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  55. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  56. Eternity: The Movie (2014)
  57. Inherent Vice (2014)
  58. Road to the Open (2014)
  59. Rumors of War (2014)
  60. So This Is Christmas (2014)
  61. Amityville Death House (2015)
  62. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  63. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  64. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  65. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  66. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  67. Enemy Within (2016)
  68. Hunting Season (2016)
  69. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  70. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  71. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  72. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  73. Dark Image (2017)
  74. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  75. Black Wake (2018)
  76. Frank and Ava (2018)
  77. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  78. The Wrong Teacher (2018)
  79. Clinton Island (2019)
  80. Monster Island (2019)
  81. The Reliant (2019)
  82. The Savant (2019)
  83. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  84. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  85. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  86. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  87. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  88. Hard Luck Love Song (2020)
  89. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  90. Top Gunner (2020)
  91. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  92. The Elevator (2021)
  93. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  94. Killer Advice (2021)
  95. Megaboa (2021)
  96. Night Night (2021)
  97. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  98. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  99. Red Prophecies (2021)
  100. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  101. The Wrong Mr. Right (2021)
  102. Bleach (2022)
  103. Dawn (2022)
  104. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  105. 69 Parts (2022)
  106. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  107. The Wrong High School Sweetheart (2022)
  108. The Company We Keep (2023)
  109. D.C. Down (2023)
  110. Aftermath (2024)
  111. Bad Substitute (2024)
  112. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  113. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  114. Space Sharks (2024)
  115. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  116. Broken Church (2025)
  117. Shakey Grounds (2025)
  118. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

The Eric Roberts Collection: The Wrong High School Sweetheart (dir by David DeCoteau)


In 2022’s The Wrong High School Sweetheart, Mea Wilkerson plays Danielle, a real estate agent who dated Danny (Alex Trumble) in high school.  (Dani and Danny!  How cute!)  Danielle and Danny broke up when Danny went off to college on a baseball scholarship.  Now, Danny has returned home and he’s eager to start things up again with Danielle.  Danielle’s wimpy fiancé, Tod (Doug Rogers), isn’t happy about that.

“You just had the wrong high school sweetheart,” Vivica A. Fox says once it’s become obvious that Danny is psychotic.  Vivica plays the high school principal.  For some reason, she is best friends with her former student, Danielle.  Vivica A. Fox appears in all of the “Wrong” films and she’s usually cast as an authority figure.  It almost always falls on her to say the film’s title.  Sometimes, she’s a bit judgmental.  If she says you “picked,” the wrong person, you know everything is your fault.  In this once, she makes it clear that Danielle is not to blame because she “just had” the wrong person in her life.  It’s always a fun to see Vivica in these films.

The “Wrong” films are almost always entertaining.  The Wrong High School Sweetheart certainly is.  David DeCoteau’s campy sensibility is uniquely suited to these films.  The Wrong High School Sweetheart features Danny chanting, “Stronger than steel/Hotter than the sun/Danny Brooks won’t stop/Til he gets the job done!” while exercising in his underwear.  Alex Trumble throws himself into the role of Danny and good for him.

As always with the “Wrong” films, some familiar faces show up in small roles.  Tracy Nelson plays a therapist.  And, of course, Eric Roberts shows up as a detective.  Hopefully, we’ll get a sequel called The Wrong Detective.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  13. Sensation (1994)
  14. Dark Angel (1996)
  15. Doctor Who (1996)
  16. Most Wanted (1997)
  17. The Alternate (2000)
  18. Mercy Streets (2000)
  19. Tripfall (2000)
  20. Raptor (2001)
  21. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  22. Strange Frequency (2001)
  23. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  24. Border Blues (2004)
  25. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  26. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  27. We Belong Together (2005)
  28. Hey You (2006)
  29. Depth Charge (2008)
  30. Amazing Racer (2009)
  31. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  32. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  33. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  34. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  35. The Expendables (2010) 
  36. Sharktopus (2010)
  37. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  38. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  39. Deadline (2012)
  40. The Mark (2012)
  41. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  42. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  43. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  44. Lovelace (2013)
  45. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  46. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  47. Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End (2013)
  48. Revelation Road 2: The Sea of Glass and Fire (2013)
  49. Self-Storage (2013)
  50. Sink Hole (2013)
  51. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  52. This Is Our Time (2013)
  53. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  54. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  55. Eternity: The Movie (2014)
  56. Inherent Vice (2014)
  57. Road to the Open (2014)
  58. Rumors of War (2014)
  59. So This Is Christmas (2014)
  60. Amityville Death House (2015)
  61. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  62. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  63. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  64. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  65. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  66. Enemy Within (2016)
  67. Hunting Season (2016)
  68. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  69. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  70. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  71. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  72. Dark Image (2017)
  73. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  74. Black Wake (2018)
  75. Frank and Ava (2018)
  76. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  77. The Wrong Teacher (2018)
  78. Clinton Island (2019)
  79. Monster Island (2019)
  80. The Reliant (2019)
  81. The Savant (2019)
  82. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  83. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  84. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  85. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  86. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  87. Hard Luck Love Song (2020)
  88. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  89. Top Gunner (2020)
  90. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  91. The Elevator (2021)
  92. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  93. Killer Advice (2021)
  94. Megaboa (2021)
  95. Night Night (2021)
  96. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  97. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  98. Red Prophecies (2021)
  99. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  100. Bleach (2022)
  101. Dawn (2022)
  102. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  103. 69 Parts (2022)
  104. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  105. The Company We Keep (2023)
  106. D.C. Down (2023)
  107. Aftermath (2024)
  108. Bad Substitute (2024)
  109. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  110. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  111. Space Sharks (2024)
  112. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  113. Broken Church (2025)
  114. Shakey Grounds (2025)
  115. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

Let’s Talk About Megalodon (dir by James Thomas)


Right now, the SyFy channel is counting down the days to the premiere of The Last Sharknado by not only rebroadcasting some classic shark films from the past but by also premiering a new movie each night.  Monday’s premiere was Megalodon and what can I say other than it was one of the most brilliant SyFy films of all time?

Produced by the Asylum (the same company behind the Sharknado franchise), Megalodon takes place out in the middle of the ocean.  An American military vessel is searching for the remains of a mysterious submarine.  In command of the mission is the tough and no-nonsense Captain Streeper (Dominic Pace).  Second-in-command to Streeper is Commander Lynch (Caroline Harris), who is literally fearless.  Observing is Streeper’s mentor, Admiral King and the fact that the Admiral is played by Michael Madsen is just one of the things that makes Megalodon one of the best Asylum films ever!

Anyway, the Americans eventually find the submarine, just to discover that it’s full of Russians!  Ivanov (Dimitry Rozental) and Popov (Aimee Stolte) may claim that they were just doing scientific research on sharks and whales but both Streeper and Lynch know better.  And when the Russians claim that there submarine was attacked by a giant shark, everyone laughs at them.

Until, of course, the giant shark shows up….

Now, you probably think that you know what’s going to happen.  If you think the shark is going to end up attacking the American vessel, you’re right.  If you think that a bunch of random fisherman are going to show up and get promptly swallowed by the shark, you’re right again.  And if you think those dastardly Russians have something up their nefarious sleeves, well again, you’re right…

But then there’s all the things that you don’t expect.  For instance, a good deal of the movie actually takes place inside of the shark as the crew of a diving bell try to figure out how to get back outside of it.  And then there’s the scenes of Streeper and the Russians debating global politics.  And, as I previously stated, there’s Michael Madsen as Admiral King.  Madsen only has a few minutes of screen time but he makes the most of them.  He delivers his lines with a self-mocking gravity, letting us know that he’s as in on the joke as we are.  He even gets a scene where he gets to talk to the shark while smoking a cigar and you better believe that he totally knocks it out of the park.  A lot of people on twitter pointed out that no admiral would have hair as long and unruly as Michael Madsen’s but they’re missing the point.  Michael Madsen’s job isn’t to convince us that he’s a career Naval officer.  In this film, Michael Madsen’s job is to be Michael Madsen and nobody does it better.

In the best tradition of the Asylum, Megalodon is a wonderfully self-aware movie.  It’s cheerfully and unapologetically over-the-top.  The entire cast seems to be having a blast and they’re all a lot of fun to watch.  Dominic Pace gets to deliver the Independence Day “We’ll Never Stop Fighting” speech towards the end of the film and he delivers it with just the right combination of sincerity and humor.  Caroline Harris brings a lot of authority to the role of the determined Lynch and both Dimitry Rozental and Aimee Stolte are wonderfully arrogant and villainous as the Russians.  And then there’s the shark, which is big and intimidating and who attacks boats and eats sailors with a panache all of its own.  Megalodon is pure entertainment and it all works wonderfully well.  Watch it with a group of your snarkiest friends and have a blast!

Megalodon gives us evil Russians, a giant shark, and Michael Madsen.  How can you not enjoy that?