Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

It’s SAT time!

Episode 5.15 “An SAT Carol”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

It’s SAT time!  Cassidy is paranoid about getting into a good acting school.  Dawn declares that she will be a total failure if she doesn’t get into Harvard pre-med.  Dawn, do you know anyone at Harvard?  Do you have any family connections at Harvard?  Is your family secretly rich?  I’m just saying that, unless you have an inside track, it’s kind of silly to not have a second choice for when Harvard rejects you.

Everyone is cramming for their SATS but, after missing a few questions while attending study group at the Manhattan Diner, L-Train announces that he’s not going to take his SATs and he’s not going to go to college.  The audience groans in disappointment but the audience should not fear because this is a Peter Engel-produced show.  No one gets away with blowing off college as long as Peter Engel’s around!

That night, L-Train goes to bed but is woken up by the spirit of Ms. Noble, who is doing the Hustle in his bedroom.  Ms. Noble explains that L-Train is having a dream and that she’s come to his room to show him the paths that his life can take depending on whether or not he takes the SATs.

(Personally, I think it’s kind of creepy that L-Train is dreaming about his principal disco dancing….)

Ms. Noble takes L-Train to his 10-year high school reunion, which is, of course, taking place on the roof of Manny High.  Dawn, Ms. Noble explains, has become a doctor.  Cassidy is married to Chris and is an actress on the show V.E.R.  (“Veterinarian Emergency Room,” Ms. Noble explains.)  Al took his SATs, went to business school, and opened up a furniture store.  Chris is a DJ on New York radio, which, as we all know, is a job that is only given to people who have taken their SATs.  Jamal, meanwhile, has opened up a chain of successful Mexican restaurants.  And L-Train …. well, he took the SATS, went to college, studied music, and became a very successful record producer!  Future L-Train shows up at the reunion and gives his friends tickets to the Grammys.

“This is all because you took the SATs!” Ms. Noble announces before a disco ball descends from Heaven and transports her and L-Train back to his bedroom.  However, when Ms. Noble asks L-Train if he’s going to take the SATs, he says no because his mind always goes blank whenever he has to take a test.

“That’s just your fear talking,” Ms. Noble replies.

“I’m afraid of fear!” L-Train replies.

Ms. Noble takes L-Train to a future where he didn’t take the SATs.  In this future, L-Train walks into Manhattan Diner and complains to Al and Jamal that his latest business, a car washing business, is going out of business.  He mentions that all of his other businesses have failed as well.  (So, in other words, L-Train didn’t take the SATs but still had enough money to go into business for himself.)  Later, on the night of his class reunion, L-Train stays in bed, watches TV, and laments that he doesn’t even have a girlfriend.  L-Train watches an episode of V.E.R, starring Cassidy and then a commercial for Al’s furniture store.  It’s all painfully unfunny so L-Train turns on the radio and hears Chris interviewing Jamal.

“I’m a loser, Ms. Noble!” L-Train says.  Ms. Noble agrees.  L-Train finally wakes up and realizes that he still has time to take the SATs!

This was an annoying episode.  The fact of the matter is that some people succeed without going to college and others go to college and end up going nowhere.  There are no guarantees in life.  Obviously, Dawn does need to go to college if she’s going to become a doctor and going to business school worked out for Al.  But Cassidy has already starred in commercials and appeared in several off-Broadway plays so is it really a good idea for her to put her career on hold for four years?  Jamal obviously inherited his restaurant business from his father and I imagine that would have happened whether Jamal went to college or not.  Chris, meanwhile, was first offered his own show as a New York DJ when he was in high school so did the SATs really have anything to do with his future career?  If anything, it sounds like Chris is in a career rut and that he basically peaked in high school.  In the real world, everyone follows their own path.  I went to college.  I loved it.  Sometimes, I wish I was still in college.  But just because that was right for me, that doesn’t mean that it’s right for everyone.

Anyway, let’s move on!

Episode 5.16 “Mock the Vote”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

This is another episode that is missing from YouTube so here’s the Wikipedia plot description:

Dawn is running for Senior Class President against a pompous and overconfident student named Thane Watkins. Jamal and Chris contribute to Dawn losing out on the position when they make a mockery of the whole election on their radio show which affects the voter turnout. In turn making Thane win by a landslide and unwittingly giving him the power to mess with many Manny High programs and to act on his distaste of their radio show by canceling it and dismantling the radio booth. Now Chris, Jamal, Al, and L-Train must work with Dawn to veto this decision. Meanwhile, Cassidy receives letters from a fan who has seen her in a commercial and he writes that he is flying to New York to visit her. She becomes a paranoid and nervous wreck when she believes that this fan and a crazed stalker that has escaped who are both from the same town is one and the same person.

Obviously, I can’t review this episode because it’s not streaming anywhere.  From the plot description, it sounds like a typical TNBC student council episode.  It’s always funny to me how big a deal the student council was in these old Peter Engel-produced shows.  When I was in high school, the student council was a joke and we made fun of anyone dumb enough to run for it.  I will say that it’s hard for me to believe that Thane Watkins could be that bad of a guy when he apparently doesn’t like Chris and Jamal’s radio show.  Seriously, I cringe anytime I hear those two going, “Good morning, Manny High!”  As for Cassidy getting a stalker, that’s really nothing to joke about.  I’m sure that everything turned out okay, though.  No serious lessons were ever learned from the B-plot.

Next week: L-Train becomes a poet and we get another clip show.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s a trip to the rec center with a stop off at the Manhattan Diner.  There’s only a few more episodes left and this show cannot end soon enough.

Episode 5.13 “Weight on Jamal”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description, according to Wikipedia:

Jamal wants to get into USC, but his coach tells him that he isn’t in shape enough to be considered for the team. He starts working out and is offered steroids at the health club. Meanwhile Dawn, Cassidy, Chris and Al have to deal with a cruel pottery teacher. Ms. Hotz scares the students and they eventually fight back. She reveals that she is only mean because most people take her class due to her sexy looks.

Seriously, the pottery teacher is named Ms. Hotz?  Considering that L-Train apparently didn’t take the pottery class, I’m going to guess that he was busy convincing Jamal to give up the steroids.  Since when has Jamal wanted to go to USC?  Plus, didn’t he already get a baseball scholarship?

Eh, who cares?  I’m glad this episode isn’t on YouTube.

Episode 5.14 “Basket Case”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)

God, this episode is stupid.

Jamal’s father is out-of-town and he’s left Jamal with a big responsibility.  Jamal has to run the diner, hire some new waitresses, and impress a food critic.  Here’s my problem with this.  Why is the food critic wasting her time with a generic hamburger place that seems to be exclusively used by the students of Manny High?  With all the restaurants in New York, why review that one?  As well, how irresponsible and stupid is Jamal’s father to leave Jamal in charge of the diner when something this important is about to happen?  When has Jamal ever shown that he can handle that type of responsibility?

Anyway, to the surprise of no one, Jamal screws everything up, misidentifies a friend of Ms. Noble’s as the food critics, and can only watch in horror as the actual food critics leaves in a huff due to not even getting a glass of water while waiting for someone to take her order.  Desperate to get the food critic to give the diner a second chance, Chris calls the food critic and pretends to be Jamal’s father.  (It’s just as cringey as it sounds as Chris lowers his voice and laughs heartily at his own jokes.)  The food critics agrees to give them a second chance.  As soon as Chris hangs up, Ms. Noble wanders by and informs Chris, Jamal, and Cassidy that the food critic is in her tango class and that she loves to dance.

This leads to perhaps the stupidest moment ever in the history of this show and that’s saying something.

The food critic returns to the diner.  She has a bowl of soup as Jamal and Cassidy watch.  She tells them that the diner’s food is some of the best that she had ever had.  Now, at this point, Jamal and Cassidy should be happy because the food critic has just told them that she loves the food.  There’s no need to do anything else, right?  Instead of just taking the victory when they can, they decide bring out “the chef.”  The chef turns out to be Chris, wearing a fake mustache.  Chris says that he loves to tango and then spins the food critic right out of the diner.  WHY!?  SHE WAS ALREADY GIVING THE PLACE A GOOD REVIEW!  HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE!?  Anyway, Ms. Noble then enters the diner and says that actually, the food critic was not in her tango class but in her Bible study class.  WHAT!?

Anyway, the food critic still gives the diner a good review.  She recommends that anyone who likes to tango ask for the chef.  Except, of course, Chris isn’t actually the chef so anyone who asks is going to be massively disappointed.

GOD, THAT WAS STUPID!  And it was only the B-plot!

The A-plot dealt with a rec center, which we’ve never seen before despite the fact that everyone on the show acts as if it’s a huge part of their lives.  Dawn has a crush on the 50 year-old head of the center and when he says that the Rec Center may have to close down due to lack of money, Dawn decides to hold a fund raiser.  Her plans involves a basketball shoot out and apparently, it’s imperative that both L-Train and his new girlfriend, Kianna, compete.  (I’m not sure why.)  However, L-Train worries that competing against his girlfriend will lead to them breaking up.  Kianna reluctantly agrees not to take part in the shoot out but then, at the last minute, L-Train realizes he’s being a jerk and asks her to compete.  And, of course, she wins.

Why did L-Train have a change of heart?  I have no idea but the important thing is that the Rec Center stays open.

This was a dumb episode, all-around.  Graduation cannot come soon enough!

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Despite the fact that the Neat Guys haven’t been neat for a while, it’s time to review two more episodes of City Guys!

Episode 5.11 “Cassidy Couch”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2001)

Chris’s dad is investing in a play being written and directed by Derek Wagner, one of Broadway’s hottest directors!  (Oh yeah, Chris is rich.  It’s kind of funny how that aspect of Chris’s character kind of got pushed into the background.)  Cassidy thinks that she would be perfect for the lead role of an innocent pilgrim girl.  Chris offers to ask his dad to pull a few strings but Cassidy says that she wants to get the job based on nothing but her ability.

When Chris and Cassidy go to the auditions, Chris is surprised to see that Cassidy is dressed up like a pilgrim.  Cassidy explains that you should always dress for the role you want.  Chris spots another actress waiting to try out and says that apparently, she’s planning on auditioning to be a hooker.  (Boooo!  Way to be judgmental, Chris.)  Cassidy sees that the actress is wearing a short skirt and a tank top and she throws a fit.  “Excuse me!” Cassidy snaps, before demanding why the actress is dressed like me on a warm day.  The actress informs Cassidy that the director only casts attractive women and that her pilgrim outfit isn’t going to get the job done.  Cassidy rips off her pilgrim outfit and auditions in her pajamas.

(Personally, I’m more interested in whether or not Cassidy is a member of Equity because I doubt Broadway’s hottest director is going to be working on a non-union show.)

Cassidy does get a part in the show, though it’s not the starring role.  When Chris takes Cassidy to her first rehearsal, he overhears Derek Wagner having an argument with the actress he did cast in the lead role.  The actress tells Derek that he’s a pig and then she quits.  Derek then goes into the rehearsal hall and, after Cassidy approaches him and thanks him for giving her a small role, he promotes Cassidy to the lead role!

Chris is worried that Derek is “going to put the moves” on Cassidy.  Cassidy is offended at Chris’s suggestions that Derek wouldn’t just cast her for her talent.  But then, one night at rehearsals, Derek does exactly what Chris said he would do.  Cassidy quits the play.  Determined to expose Derek for being a predator, Chris and Jamal invite him onto their radio show and Derek agrees.  Why would Derek agree to go on a high school radio show?  It’s because the show needs Derek to do something illogical so it can end the story without having to leave the roof of Manny High.  If Derek had refused to appear on the show, Cassidy wouldn’t get a chance to confront in the booth and expose him to the handful of students who are actually dorky enough to listen to Chris and Jamal’s show.

This episode dealt with a real issue so let’s give it some credit.  Unfortunately, all the credit in the world isn’t going to make up for concluding the episode with Derek getting exposed on a high school radio program.  Derek is a Broadway director who is busy putting together his latest show.  He’s not going to appear on the Manny High Morning Show and he’s certainly wasn’t going to appear on a show hosted by the boyfriend of the actress who he just sexually harassed and then fired.  Not everything can be resolved on the roof of the school, City Guys!

Don’t even get me started on the B-plot, which featured L-Train getting psychic powers and having a premonition of Ms. Noble’s impending death.  Jamal, Al, and Dawn were really worried that Ms. Noble would die because apparently, these high school seniors who are on the verge of graduating don’t have a life outside of obsessing on their principal.  Fear not.  Ms. Noble did not die.  The most interesting thing about the B-plot was that Al and Dawn were dating, despite having broken up several episodes earlier.  Again, it would appear that this episode was meant to air earlier in the season but NBC aired it later, continuity be damned.

Episode 5.12 “Brother From Another Mother”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2001)

Here is the plot description of this episode, courtesy of Wikipedia:

There is a heat wave going through New York, Dawn convinces Ms. Noble to allow a small waiting pool on the roof of Manny High. Instead Al and Chris secretly set up a large swimming pool for the whole school to enjoy and relax. Ms. Noble later finds out about the pool when one of the many interruptions preventing her from having a peaceful lunch break is leaking water coming from the ceiling. She tells Al to get rid of the pool. Before he does this, Al attempts to conquer his fear of the pool and learn how to swim, but in the process he almost drowns. Ms. Noble comes in the nick of time to rescue him and decides to teach Al how to swim before she gets rid of the pool. Meanwhile, Jamal’s father and El-Train’s mother develop an attraction for each other while attending a parent-principal conference. They set up a date and have the time of their lives. Jamal freaks out and doesn’t know what to think of this blossoming relationship, the possibility of someone else being his mother, and the future of a new family. While El-Train is ecstatic that his mother is finding some happiness in her life and he is looking forward to a possible future of Jamal becoming his brother and Mr. Grant his father.

Wow, that sounds terrible!  This kind of makes me glad that this episode is one of the many from season 5 that has not been uploaded to YouTube.  How exactly could they put a large swimming pool on the roof with Ms. Noble noticing?  And why does everything have to be on the roof?  Wouldn’t it actually be hotter on the roof than it would be if they put the pool in the courtyard or something?  Add to that, how many times could Jamal freak out over the possibility of his father dating someone.  Grow up, Jamal!

Next week, this show will be two episodes closer to being over.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Dawn finally get another date and L-Train gets a van.  Life is never less than exciting for the neat guys.

Episode 5.9 “Dawn Don’t Know Jack”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 13th, 2001)

At the Manhattan Diner, L-Train tells Jamal and Al that he’s spent the past three years going to a junkyard and fixing up a van — the L-VAN!  And now that the L-Van is ready to be driven, L-Train has no problem giving his friends a ride to the DMX concert in New Jersey.  Even though Al and Jamal agree that L-Train’s van is kind of a mess (and it really is — just because you found the van in a junkyard doesn’t mean you can’t clean it out, L-Train!), they agree to allow L-Train to drive them to the concert.  However, when L-Train picks up a hitchhiker, the three of them end up getting robbed and tied up in the back of the van.  Fortunately, Ms. Noble just happens to be driving by so she …. wait a minute, what?  L-Train, Jamal, and Al are tied up in a van that’s parked off the side of the road in freaking New Jersey and their high school principal just happens to be driving by and decided to stop and explore an unwashed van?

I think we all know what happened here.  Ms. Noble set the boys up to be robbed.  Of course, the show doesn’t admit that.  The show would have use believe that it would be totally normal for L-Train’s high school principal to suddenly show up and untie him.  But we all know what really happened….

While that’s going on, Dawn has a new boyfriend!  Yay!  His name is Jack and he is an old friend of Chris’s.  It turns out that Jack is big into community service projects.  Dawn, because she has a crush on him, helps him build a house.  For some reason, Chris and Cassidy also help.  (When I was in high school, the last thing I ever wanted to do was help someone build a house.)  Anyway, Jack and Dawn go out on a few dates but Jack lets Chris know that he’s also seeing a girl named Jenna.  Chris tells Cassidy and then Cassidy tells Dawn and Dawn …. well, not surprisingly, Dawn refuses to believe it.  But then, at the party to celebrate the completion of the house, Dawn walks in on Jack giving Jenna jewelry.

Poor Dawn.  Dating Al really destroyed whatever self-esteem she once had.

This episode perhaps would have been more effective if not for the fact that the exact same cheating boyfriend storyline was also used on Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, Hang Time, One World, Saved By The Bell: The College Years, Saved By The Bell: The New Class, USA High, Sk8te, and every other show that Peter Engel ever produced.  Seriously, has Dawn never watched television before?

Let’s move on.

Episode 5.10 “Rosie O’Diner”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 13th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description, according to Wikipedia:

Jamal falls for and after some mistakes in introducing himself, he hooks up with and starts dating one of the waitresses at the Manhattan diner named Rosie. She is very independent and not afraid to speak her mind, which proves to be trouble when she begins to offend customers who get on her nerves at the diner. After numerous complaints, Mr. Grant gives his son the uncomfortable job of firing her.

I had to go with the Wikipedia description for this episode because it hasn’t been uploaded to YouTube.  It sounds pretty stupid, from the silly title to the fact that apparently, Mr. Grant can’t fire his own employees but instead puts the responsibility on his teenaged son.  As far as Rosie offending the customers …. it’s New York.  People in New York can get away with being rude.  It’s a part of their charm.  That’s why we all secretly want to live there.

I’m kind of glad I had an excuse not to watch this one.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Al and L-Train get a job and Jamal and Chris screw over yet another charity.

Episode 5.7 “Just For The Record”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 6th, 2001)

Upset that the Manny High courtyard is so loud that she can’t even study for her midterms, Dawn tells Ms. Noble that she needs to do a better job as principal.  Dawn actually has a point.  Ms. Noble really is the worst and she proves that by deciding to teach Dawn (and, for some reason, Cassidy) a lesson by appointing them assistant principals.  I’m not really sure how that would work, especially in New York where the schools are notoriously unionized and promotions are rarely given to people who haven’t even graduated from high school.  Do Dawn and Cassidy get paid to work as principals?  Is Ms. Noble still getting paid despite the fact that she’s not doing anything?

Before Ms. Noble steps down as principal, she informs Al and L-Train that they need find an internship before they graduate.  (Do high school students usually get internships?)  Al and L-Train end up working at a record company.  L-Train works hard.  Al doesn’t.  L-Train gets a lot of responsibility and praise.  Al gets fired.  Al says that he’ll never forgive L-Train for not warning him that he was about to lose his job.  L-Train points out that he couldn’t tell Al because Al was never at work.

Anyway, it all works out in the end.  Because no one wants to spend any time with them now that they’re principals, Dawn and Cassidy suggest to Ms. Noble that students with bad grades should be publicly humiliated in the school courtyard.  Ms. Noble fires Dawn and Cassidy.  Meanwhile, Al miraculously realizes that he made a mistake and apologizes to L-Train.  What led to Al’s change of heart?  Probably the fact that the episode was nearly over and the conflict had to be resolved before the Peter Engel title card could flash on the screen.  As the episode ended, a really boring girl group performs while the audience goes crazy.

Eh.  Who cares?  This whole episode was dumb.  Let’s move on.

Episode 5.8 “Skips, Lies, and Radiotapes”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 6th, 2001)

It’s Senior Ditch Day!  Al, L-Train, and Cassidy are going bungee jumping but Ms. Noble has decided that Chris and Jamal will not be joining them.  She has decided that Chris and Jamal will spend Cut Day doing a radio fundraiser for charity.  Chris and Jamal decide to try to fool Ms. Noble by placing plastic dummies in the radio booth and playing pre-taped recordings of their show.  It doesn’t work, of course.

Yep, this is yet another episode of City Guys where Chris and Jamal prove themselves to be the worst people in New York.  But you know what?  At this point, Ms. Noble deserves most of the blame.  How many times has Ms. Noble ordered Chris and Jamal to help out with a charity?  And, every single time, what’s happened?  Chris and Jamal have come up with a stupid plan to get out of it.  At this point, why does Ms. Noble waste her time with them?  And why do they still have a radio program, despite all of the trouble that it’s caused at Manny High over the years?  How incompetent is Ms. Noble?

The only two students to not skip school are Dawn and her rival, Kitty Collins.  Dawn and Kitty are competing to be valedictorian, which at this school apparently has less to do with maintaining good grades and more to do with kissing up to Ms. Noble.  Ms. Noble orders Dawn and Kitty to work on a presentation together and they learn an important lesson about team work and not trying to sabotage each other.  At the end of the presentation, Dawn says that Kitty should be valedictorian.  Kitty replies that Dawn deserves it.  “Okay,” Dawn say, “see ya.”  Again, it would seem like whoever has the top GPA should be valedictorian but I’ve noticed that’s rarely the case in these Peter Engel-produced high school shows.  Everyone is always turning down the honor or stepping aside to allow someone else to give the speech at graduation.  This just doesn’t seem like something that would happen in real life.

Anyway, Chris and Jamal hold a carnival on the roof of Manny High and raise money for the charity.  Ms. Noble hits them both in the face with a pie.  The whole thing just feels lazy.

Again, this was a dumb episode.  If Ms. Noble really cared about all of these charities, she wouldn’t continually be putting Chris and Jamal in a position where they could easily screw everything up.  Seriously, Ms. Noble’s the worst.

Next week, we’ll be one step closer to the final episode of this show.