Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, Cory helps a man who can’t remember how lame this show is.
Episode 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”
(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on December 15th, 1996)
Alec Cooper (Markus Flanagan) gets amnesia after he falls off the balcony of his hotel room while trying to escape some mysterious men with guns. Cory tries to help Alec figure out who he actually is and she starts to fall in love with him in the process. Alec admits that there seems to be something familiar about Cory.
Well, that means there are only two possibilities.
Cory and Alec are either meant to be together
or
Alec is married to someone who looks just like Cory!
It turns out the latter is true. Alec eventually get his memory back and Cory meets his wife, who indeed looks a lot like her. Cory goes back to being single. Interestingly, Chris spends this entire episode telling Cory that she needs to date more but she doesn’t approve of Cory dating someone who has amnesia. Then again, Chris doesn’t really approve of anyone doing anything.
Meanwhile, TC’s girlfriend makes the decision to leave Santa Monica so that she can attend a graduate program and become a counselor for rape victims. This is the sort of storyline that would have been touching if TC has any personality or if he and his girlfriend had any sort of chemistry. But they don’t.
It probably sound like I hated this episode. Actually, I think it’s one of the better episodes of season 2, if just because the bike riding was kept to a minimum. The bikes would have made this awful. Without all of the bike nonsense, it was merely forgettable. That’s progress!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, the Daystalker stalks wherever it is that this show takes place.
Episode 2.2 “Daystalker”
(Dir by Don Michael Paul, originally aired on August 24th, 1996)
After his girlfriend Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl) is assaulted by a serial rapist, TC becomes obsessed with tracking the so-called Daystalker down. Detective Bonnie Wilson (Gwen McGee), sent to the beach to head up the investigation, thinks that the Daystalker is going to eventually move on from rape to murder. She also thinks that TC is a loose cannon who is going to spook the Daystalker into moving to another city before he can be captured and prosecuted for his crimes. Cory is set up as a decoy and soon finds herself being followed by the Daystalker. Meanwhile, the terribly traumatized Sandy struggles with PTSD.
And, while that’s going on, Elvis and Victor try to get a Rastafarian to take a hex off of them!
This episode epitomizes one of the things that really bugs me out PacificBlue. On the one hand, we have a very serious storyline about a serial rapist and one of his traumatized victims. A scene where Sandy has to leave a self-defense class because it’s triggers a flashback is a powerful and honest moment, certainly more powerful than anything you would expect to see on a show like PacificBlue. On the other hand, we have this totally cartoonish subplot about a random Rastafarian putting a hex on Elvis and Victor. At a time when the entire bike patrol is supposed to be out looking for a serial rapist who has assaulted their best friend’s girlfriend, Victor and Chris are laughing because Elvis thinks the hex is making his hair fall out. Never mind the stupidity of the hex plot. Tonally, the two plots don’t go together. With this episode, PacificBlue reveals that it still doesn’t know if it wants to be a gritty crime drama or just Baywatch on bicycles.
This could have been a very strong episodes. There were moments and lines of dialogue that really stood out for being considerably more thoughtful than one might expect from this show. But it was still an episode of PacificBlue, which means that the camera still lingered on random women in bikinis and way too much time was spent on TC saying, “I have to do something!” Only TC could make his girlfriend’s rape about himself and only PacificBlue would let him get away with that.
Even when they’re dealing with a serious issue as they did for half of this episode, it’s hard to escape the fact that these people are bicycle cops. The bicycles, the crisp white shirts, the shorts …. it just makes it hard to them seriously. This was yet another episode where a lot of time was spent with Palermo and TC explaining that bike cops are real cops. We’re at the start of the second season here. If you’re still having to justify your existence at this point, you’re never going to do it.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
Let’s start season two of this stupid show!
Episode 2.1 “Lights Out”
(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on August 17th, 1996)
It’s time for season 2 of Pacific Blue!
Elvis, the mechanic played by David L. Lander, is no longer a member of the cast but the rest of the ensemble is there and still trying to convince us that they’re real cops despite the fact that they ride bicycles and wear shorts. The episode opens with Palermo telling everyone that they have new bicycles. In fact, it’s the same type of bicycles that are used by the Secret Service!
See, the show tells us, bicycle cops aren’t dorky!
Okay, PacificBlue, whatever, It’s the start of the second season and you’re still trying to justify your existence.
A mad bomber named Wilson Dupree (Robin Sachs) is planting bombs all over …. Malibu? Santa Barbara? Where does this show take place again? Anyway, we know that Wilson is a bad guy because he speaks with a British accent. Whenever he plants a bomb, he calls ahead and specifically asks for someone from the bike patrol to come and defuse it. Why is Wilson picking on the bike patrol? Hey, who wouldn’t? The bike patrol is dorky as Heck!
TC and Victor are soon finding bombs. TC and Victor turn out to be rather incompetent when it comes to defusing bombs. A lifeguard tower explodes. A car explodes. There’s an unintentionally funny scene where the entire bike patrol chases after a taxi that they’ve been informed is carrying a bomb. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to call the real cops so that they could send a patrol car with its lights flashing and sirens going? The taxi driver doesn’t even realize he’s being followed.
The FBI sends down Agent Stone (David Lee Smith) to head up the investigation. As soon as Stone arrives, Palermo starts in with usual “We’re real cops!’ spiel, even though Stone hasn’t suggested that they aren’t. Palermo is apparently so used to people not taking bike cops seriously that he just starts ranting as soon as he meets anyone new. Stone asks Chris to be his liaison and Chris, as usual, is like, “Anything to get off this stupid bicycle!”
Stone thinks that Wilson is an anti-technology, eco-terrorist, like the Unabomber. Palermo has his doubts because Palermo always has to try to convince everyone that he knows everything. In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Wilson’s main goal is just to blow everything up. The whole argument over motives feels like it has more to do with Palermo’s insecurities than anything else.
Is the town saved from the mad bomber? Yes. Good work, bike patrol! You all still look silly on those bikes though.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
Last month, we finished up Baywatch Nights. For our next show, we have Pacific Blue, which was often described as being Baywatch On Bikes. Before watching the episode reviewed below, I had only seen one previous episosde of Pacific Blue. I was in Rome and the episode was dubbed into Italian.
As I sit here typing this, it is currently 32 degrees and windy outside. On Thursday, we’re supposed to get hit with ice and snow. Fortunately, on Pacific Blue, it’s forever summer! Let’s dive right in with the first episode!
Episode 1.1 “Pilot”
(Dir by Ralph Hemecker, originally aired on March 2nd, 1996)
Welcome to Santa Monica in the 90s!
The skies are sunny, the ocean is blue, everyone’s wearing a bikini or a swimsuit, and the cops are on bikes!
The pilot for Pacific Blue opens with Officers Victor Del Toro (Marcos A. Ferraez) and Cory McNamara (Paula Trickey) riding their bikes down the boardwalk and talking about how criminals and even citizens often don’t pay them enough respect because they’re on bicycles. And, to be honest, they do look pretty silly riding their bicycles with their grim “I am the Law” facial expressions. Judge Dredd would never be caught dead on a bicycle.
When Victor and Cory catch a couple of graffiti-spraying vandals, they get to show off what they can do with their bicycles. “They can run but we can fly,” Victor says as he takes off after the fleeing vandals. And …. no, sorry. The bikes still look dorky. I don’t care how many bad guys the bike cops capture. The dark shorts and the crisp white t-shirts and the Schwinn bicycles, none of it is intimidating.
Chris Kelly (Darlene Vogel) was once a hotshot Navy pilot until her eyesight dipped below 20/20 and she was discharged. (You have to have 20/20 eyesight to fly a plane? Well, I’ll add that to my list of things that I will never be allowed to do!) Chris joined the Santa Monica police force and found herself assigned to tell kids not to go off with strangers while wearing a milk carton costume. After Chris catches some drug dealers (again, while dressed up like a milk carton), she is transferred out of public relations and over to …. BIKE PATROL!
Her new boss, Tony Palermo (Rick Rossovich), explains that Chris will require three days of bicycle training before she’s officially a member of Bike Patrol. In one montage, Chris learns how to ride a bike like a …. well, I would say like a “badass,” except for the fact that she’s on a dorky Schwinn. She is then partnered up with TC Callaway (Jim Davidson), who orders her to lose the attitude when it comes to riding her bike. No one is too good for bike patrol!
TC’s girlfriend, Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl), thinks TC should get a job working for his wealthy father. TC’s younger brother agrees. But TC loves the beach. He loves chasing criminals. He loves riding his bike! TC was born to work with ocean in the distance and sand getting stuck in the spokes of his bike,
Speaking of criminals, someone has stolen Mayor Mickey Dolenz’s car. (Mickey Dolenz appears as himself.) The Bike Patrol takes down a bunch of car thieves and closes down their chop shop. It’s a standard cop show plot but keep in mind that this is just the first episode. The purpose of a first episode is to introduce all the characters and explain the premise of the show. And that’s what this pilot did so technically, this episode has to be considered a success.
The only problem — and I have a feeling that I’ll be coming back to this point frequently over the next two years or so — is that the Bike Patrol looks incredibly dorky. Pacific Blue was obviously meant to capitalize on the success of Baywatch but the thing with Baywatch is that, as incredibly dumb as that show could be, the slow motion running looked cool. The members of the Bike Patrol riding their bikes up and down the beach just look silly.
That said, the beach scenery was nice to look at and this show does seem like it might have the potential to be fun in a so-bad-it’s-good sort of way. So, we’ll see what happens. By the end of this month, I’ll either be happy that I picked this show to review or I’ll be cursing my terrible judgment. We’ll find out soon enough.
Wally Sparks (Rodney Dangerfield) is a talk show host with a program that is so raunchy that even Jerry Springer says, “At least this isn’t The Wally Sparks Show!”
Despite being a huge hit amongst teens and college students, the show is on the verge of being canceled by the head of the network, Mr. Spencer (Burt Reynolds, wearing a fearsome toupee). He is tired of Wally’s antics and he tells Wally and his producer, Sandy Gallo (Debi Mazar), that they have a week to make the show respectable.
Wally doesn’t know what to do. Wally Sparks act respectable? Wally’s a guy who don’t get no respect, no respect at all. Then Sandy finds a letter inviting Wally to attend a party at the home of Georgia Governor Floyd Patterson (David Ogden Stiers), a noted critic of the show. Hoping to get the interview that will save the show, Wally and Sandy head down south.
At the party, Wally acts like Wally and scandalizes all of the politicians and socialites. He also shares a bottle of whiskey with a horse and then rides the horse through the mansion. The party is a disaster but, after Wally claims that he can’t walk because of a spinal injury he suffered when he fell off the horse, the Governor allows him to recuperate in the mansion. Wally causes more chaos while also teaching the Governor’s wife (Cindy Williams) how to play strip poker and eventually exposing a scheme to blackmail the Governor into building a Confederate-themed amusement park.
Rodney Dangerfield playing a talk show host sounds like a great idea and there are a lot of talented people to be found in Meet Wally Sparks. Debi Mazar is an actress who should have appeared in a lot more movies and she and Rodney Dangerfield make a good team. The movie actually gets off to a funny start, with a montage of actual talk show hosts talking about how much they hate Wally Sparks and his show. Gilbert Gottfried has a cameo as a manic guest and Wally repeats some of Rodney Dangerfield’s classic jokes.
Unfortunately, the movie starts to fall apart as soon as Burt Reynolds threatens to cancel the show for being too lowbrow. No network executive has ever threatened to cancel a show that’s bringing in the ratings, regardless of how lowbrow it might be. Things get even worse after Wally goes to Atlanta and ends up staying there. The movie tries to recreate the Snobs vs. the Slobs dynamic of previous Dangerfield films but the Governor comes across as being such a decent man that there’s no joy to be found in watching his life get turned upside down. The movie has a surprisingly large number of subplots, including one about Wally’s son (Michael Weatherly) falling for the Governor’s daughter (Lisa Thornhill), but most of them go nowhere and just distract from the man who should have been the film’s main attraction, Rodney Dangerfield. By the end of the movie, even the usually irrepressible Dangerfield seems to have been neutered.
Rodney Dangerfield was a national treasure but Meet Wally Sparks was not the best showcase for his persona or his style of humor. Fortunately, Caddyshack and Back To The School are available to watch anytime that we need a good laugh and we want to show Rodney Dangerfield a little respect.
Through the Shattered Lens 