The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Chopper Chicks in Zombietown (dir by Dan Hoskins)


An all-women motorcycle gang called the Cycle Sluts roars through the desert. Why are they called the Cycle Sluts? As their leader puts it, they know what people are going to call them so they’re reclaiming the term for themselves. Nobody tells the Cycle Sluts what to do and nobody but the Cycle Sluts decides or defines who the Cycle Sluts are. They’re rebels and they’re singers, making music and fighting the patriarchy as they make their way through the dusty corners of America.  Go, Cycle Sluts, go!

When the Cycle Sluts drive into the small desert town of Zariah, the residents are not happy to see them. Zariah is a peaceful and boring town and the citizens would like to keep it that way.  The citizens are happy having a town where there’s only a few buildings, next to no businesses, and only a few residents.  It’s a town where not much happens and everyone can live in peace, far away from all the evil temptations of the big city and corrupt civilization.  However, the town becomes a lot less peaceful when the local mortician starts to bring the dead back to life. Soon, zombies are wandering through the desert on their way back to their former home and only the Cycle Sluts and a bus full of stranded blind kids can save the town!

That slight plot description probably tells you all you really need to know to get a feel for what type of film 1989’s Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is. It was released by Troma, which means that the humor is crude, the zombie attacks are bloody, and the film’s aesthetic is undeniably cheap. That said, the film itself is enjoyable when taken on its own dumb terms. The action moves quickly, the members of the cast perform their silly roles with an admirable amount of dedication, and the whole thing ends with a message of peace and equality. The townspeople learn how to be tolerant and the Cycle Sluts learn how to trust other people. It’s about as dumb as a movie about about bikers fighting zombies can be but it’s a surprisingly fun movie.  It’s hard not to cheer a little when the Cycle Sluts and the towns people and the blind kids finally set aside their differences and do what has to be done.  They even manage to save the life of a baby and anyone who has seen any other Troma films knows how rare that can be.  In its way, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown serves as a reminded that not every Troma film is as bleak as Combat Shock or Beware!  Children at Play. The Cycle Sluts do a good job and so does the film.

Speaking of doing a good job, keep an eye out for Billy Bob Thornton, making an early appearance as the unfortunate boyfriend of one of the residents of Zariah. Billy Bob seems to be having fun with this early job and his appearance here serves as a reminder that everyone started somewhere.

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #1: Unwanted Guest (dir by Fred Olen Ray)


(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR!  It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet.  So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR!  She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Thanksgiving, November 24th!  Will she make it?  Keep checking the site to find out!)

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The first film that I watched in my latest quest to clean out my DVR was Unwanted Guest, a Lifetime film that I recorded off of the Lifetime Movie Network on October 22nd.

Unwanted Guest tells a familiar Lifetime story.  A seemingly innocent and deceptively mousey college student, Amy (Kate Mansi), is invited to spend the holiday break at the home of her best friend, Christine (Valentina Novakovic).  It seems like a nice thing to do, right?  After all, Amy says that her family is in Europe and Christine is still struggling to adjust to having a new stepfather.  Amy gets a place to stay and Christine gets a friend.  It’s a win win, right?

Well, no, not quite.

When we first meet Amy, she’s wearing glasses, no makeup, and seems to be kind of meek.  It doesn’t take a psychic to know that Amy will soon take off her glasses, let down her hair, and start wandering around in lingerie.  However, even beyond that, Amy is soon drugging Christine, tricking Christine’s mother into falling off a stool, and seducing Christine’s stepfather.

(When he asks her why she’s wandering around the house in just a t-shirt, Amy replies, “If my shirt bothers you, I can take it off.”)

Of course, Amy’s not just manipulative.  She’s also a murderer.  In fact, it’s surprising the amount of people that she kills over the course of one holiday break.  I always find it kind of odd how skilled people in Lifetime movies are when it comes to killing people.  I mean, Amy even knows how to disable the brakes on someone’s car!  I wouldn’t even know where to begin!  I mean, how do you learn stuff like that?  Wikipedia, I guess.

Of course, Amy doesn’t just kill people.  There’s also a really icky scene where she kills a hamster.  If you didn’t already dislike Amy, you will after the hamster scene.

Unwanted Guest is not just a Lifetime film.  It’s also a Fred Olen Ray film and, even by his standards, it’s deliriously and wonderfully over-the-top.  One thing that I always like about Fred Olen Ray’s films is that they make no excuses for what they are.  Unwanted Guest is so unapologetically melodramatic and joyfully tawdry that it’s impossible not to enjoy it.  This is one of those films that you watch and you think, “Surely, they’re not going to go there…” and then, suddenly and without apology, they do!  It’s a lot of fun.

Add to that, Kate Mansi does a really good job in the role of Amy.  If there’s a Hall of Fame for Lifetime movie psychos, Amy deserves to be included!