Briana Evigan | Through the Shattered Lens

Horror can make a political statement, it can make you reflect on your status in society, or it can just entertain. The first two types are good, but it’s also nice to just have fun! “Sorority Row” written by Josh Stolberg & Peter Goldfinger and directed by Stewart Hendler is a 1990s throwback. It had a real “I Know What You Did Last Summer” feel to it. Honestly, the reviews are not fair to this film. A lot of people want horror to be all things, but it’s supposed to be fun too. So, just relax and have a good time. Also, it doubled its money, which is what a movie is supposed to do- especially horror. It’s one of the few genres left that can produced by mere mortals.

What I liked mostly about the film was the writing. It had a lot of great humor without it being campy. I’ve gotten to know Josh Stolberg on twitter the script has quite a bit of his personality: clever and quick-witted. I especially enjoyed Jessica (Leah Pipes). As a man who went a Greek dominated college, she was very realistic. Her character and one-liners gave the story a mix of comic relief and reality. I practiced Criminal Law for waaaaay too long and I can tell you that even honest people can turn to something wicked if they feel threatened. People will invariably choose themselves over a possible life ending punishment.

The plot is similar to the original House on Sorority Row: a prank run a muck. The girls belong to Theta Pi and they to love to party, prank, and get murdered. Garrett a brother of the Sister “Chuggs” cheated on Megan another Theta Pi, which is not okay! So, the sisters have her fake an overdose so that Garrett believes he killed Megan. The sisters: Jessica, Ellie, Cassidy, Claire, Megan, and Chugs are all in on the prank are a little too convincing because they make Garrett believe that they need to hide Megan’s body in a mine shaft or their lives will be ruined. The sisters say they have to get rid of the air in Megan’s lungs or she’ll float back up. So, Garrett takes the initiative as a true go-getter and uses a tire iron to stab Megan to death. Jessica decides very quickly that they need to hide Megan’s body for real. When Cassidy refuses to participate, they wrap the corpse in Cassidy’s coat and throw it down the mine shaft. Jessica really thinks fast on her feet.

I don’t know about you, but I think Jessica would be good marriage material. Hear me out: she’s determined, quick-thinking, has a college degree, and is ruthless to protect her goals. Also, Cassidy tried to be all above it, but as Jessica said- “you could’ve called the police, but you didn’t!” Agreed. You don’t get to benefit from something wicked and then look down on everyone else. Jessica made her choice and stuck to it. She made a good point as to protecting everyone’s future and ran with it. Cassidy kept Hamletting over her bad choices. Do it or Don’t. Jessica, don’t listen to the haters.

All seems fine a year later. They’ve all moved on except for Garrett who has become a wreck over his humiliation and accidental murdering. Then, they all receive a threatening group text on their very old timey looking phones- 2009 was just ten years ago and these phones look like museum pieces.

This technology allowed for some extra suspense because reception and tech wasn’t that great then; therefore, the characters can be cutoff from help. I really think horror shouldn’t be set any time after 2009 because it’s just too easy to get help now. This lack of tech added a nice layer of suspense. The text sender stalks and murders them one by one.

The kills were pretty clever: an electrocution, death by chardonnay, tire iron throwing, and a good ol’ fashioned stabbing or three. It also had a fun twist at the end like the 1990s horror films of my youth. I recommend this film. Read my past reviews- I don’t just recommend anything. I’m an iconoclast and can tell you that this was a lot of fun. Happy Horrorthon!

(I am currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR! It’s going to take forever because I’ve got over a 150 movies to watch! Anyway, I recorded The Good Nanny off of Lifetime on May 15th.)

Poor Summer Pratt (Briana Evigan).

No sooner has she gotten engaged to Clint (Ben Gavin) then she suffers a miscarriage, losing the baby that she didn’t even know that she was carrying. Before she has even had a chance to emotionally recover from her loss, Summer is offered a job. Lilly Walsh (Ellen Hollman) wants hire Summer to be her interior designer. Summer doesn’t particularly like Lilly, who drinks a bit too much, has a controversial past, and tends to come across as being just a little bit fake. In fact, Summer would rather not take the job at all but Lilly just happens to married to Clint’s boss (Peter Porte). Mostly in order to help Clint’s career, Summer takes the job.

While Clint goes out of town on business, Lilly moves into the Walsh mansion. (As one would expect from a Lifetime movie, the house is absolutely gorgeous.) It turns out the Walshes need more than just an interior designer. Their nanny has quit and they need a new one immediately. Summer takes the job and that’s where things start to get strange.

The Walshes insist that their daughter, Sophie (Sophie Guest), has borderline personality disorder and is accident prone. Summer, however, suspects that they are abusing Sophie and even comes to believe that they might not actually be Sophie’s parents. When she sees that Sophie’s shoulder is scarred, Summer grows even more concerned. And, of course, there’s the fact that Summer regularly talks about a mysterious girl named Sasha and she also sleeps with a pair of scissors.

(Admittedly, I used to do the same thing but that was just because I was sixteen and I was pretending that I was in a horror movie.)

Is Summer right? Are the Walshes abusing their daughter? Or, are the Walshes telling the truth about Sophie? Could Sophie be one of those crazy children who always seem to show up in Lifetime movies? Or could it be that Summer, herself, is imagining things? Has the loss of her own child left hrt susceptible to delusion? Are her frequent nightmares evidence of her own instability or do they mean something else?

I really liked The Good Nanny. It was enjoyably weird and over the top, featuring some memorably off-center performances, especially from Kym Jackson, who gives a ferocious performance as a character who I can’t say too much about. Particularly for a Lifetime film, The Good Nanny is gorgeously shot, with Summer’s nightmares being appropriate creepy and full of shadows and there’s a wonderful harshness to the look of the film’s beach-set finale. The film’s twisty plot will keep you guessing. Just as in real life, you’ll never be sure who is crazy or who is just obnoxious.

The Good Nanny is definitely one to keep an eye out for!