Tag Archives: Bernard L. Kowalski

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Episode 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”

(Dir by Bernard L. Kowalski, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

Someone is putting on a dress and a rubber Richard Nixon mask and attacking drag performers!  After one performer is pulled out of the ocean (“It’s a wig!” a lifeguard shouts after pulling off the performer’s blonde hair), Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are hired to discover what’s going on.

They suspect that the attacker could be Duncan Valentine (Stuart Fratkin), the son of a former sitcom star who is trying to put together a movie about her life.  (His mother’s catchphrase was, “Wait until your father comes home!”)  Needless to say, someone is going to have to go undercover as a drag performer to catch the killer.  Which means that it’s time for Ryan to give Mitch a makeover!

Garner also goes undercover as Whoopi Goldberg but we don’t really get to see much of him in his red dress and wig.

While Mitch is performing a song, the assailant in the Richard Nixon mask shoots him!  No worries.  Mitch is wearing a bullet-proof vest.  What does worry me is that the assailant then heads to the dressing room but no one bothers to call the police or follow him down there.  Are they trying to catch this guy or not?  Instead, everyone gathers around Mitch to make sure that he’s okay.  Eventually, Ryan does say, “Call 911,” but I’m not sure why you would wait so long to do that when there’s a gun-toting maniac in the same building as you.

Anyway, it turns out that Duncan is innocent.  Instead, the assailant is revealed to be a drag performer who is upset that he wasn’t cast as Duncan’s mother in the biopic.

This episode was …. actually, considering that it’s from the 90s, it could have been worse.  Yes, a good deal of the show is taken up with scenes of David Hasselhoff struggling to walk in heels and revealing that no one has ever taught him the right way to sit down while wearing a short skirt.  (Ryan really should have given him some advice as far as that’s concerned.)  And yes, Mitch’s girlfriend did happen walk in on Mitch while he was wearing a dress.  (Fortunately, she’s thrilled to discover that Mitch is getting in touch with his feminine side.)  And yes, the villain did turn out to be a deranged drag performer who apparently believed that he actually was Duncan Valentine’s mother.  However, for the most part, the show did treat the other drag performers with respect and it didn’t attempt to play the attacks on them for laughs.  Mitch, Garner, and Ryan treat them like they would any other clients.  In 1995, that was probably the best anyone could expect.

Next week, the show undergoes the first of many format changes!

Retro Television Reviews: Terror In The Sky (dir by Bernard L. Kowalski)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1971’s Terror In The Sky!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

On a flight heading from Minneapolis to Seattle, several passengers suddenly start to get ill.

Luckily, there’s a doctor on the plane.  Sporting sideburns and wearing a turtleneck, Roddy McDowall is quite chic in the role of Dr. Baird, the dedicated medical professional who comes to realize that the passengers are suffering from food poisoning.  As Dr. Baird explains it to head flight attendant Janet Turner (Lois Nettleton), everyone who had the chicken for dinner is about get severely ill.  Uh-oh …. both of the pilots had the chicken!

Is there anyone on the plane who has any flying experience?  George Spencer (Doug McClure) flew a helicopter in Vietnam but, as George explains, it’s an entirely different type of flying all together.  George has no confidence about his ability to land the plane but he’s the only chance the passengers have.

On the ground, gruff Marty Treleavan (Leif Erickson) has been summoned to the airport so that he can help to talk George through the landing.  Marty explains what all of the instruments do to George.  He tells George that he needs to stay in the air for a few hours so that he can get comfortable with the plane.  But the people on the plane are getting more ill and George says that he might be ding things up a little but he’s going to land this plane!

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

As I watched this film last night, I found myself saying, “Oh my God, this is just a serious version of Airplane!”

And actually, it is.  Terror In The Sky was based on Zero Hour, the 1957 film that also served as the basis for Airplane!  (The directors of Airplane! even bought the rights to Zero Hour so that they freely borrow whatever they wanted to from the film.)  Indeed, much of the dialogue in both Zero Hour and Terror In The Sky also shows up in Airplane!  Even the musical cues in Terror In The Sky and Airplane! are similar.

Terror In The Sky is not a bad film.  It’s an efficient made-for-TV film that features several made-for-television veterans, including Keenan Wynn and Kenneth Tobey.  Doug McClure grimaces heroically in the role of George Spencer and Roddy McDowall is as likable as ever as the doctor who hates to fly.  It’s a very earnest movie about a group of people doing everything that they can to save hundreds of lives.  They’re doing the right thing!

But it’s also totally impossible to take the film seriously because you spend the entire movie waiting for Roddy McDowall to say, “Don’t call me Shirley,” or for Leif Erickson to say that he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.  Every moment and every line makes the viewer think of something funny from Airplane!

Personally, I think they bought their tickets.  They knew what they were getting into.  I say …. well, you get the idea.

And yes, I did rewatch Airplane! as soon as I finished up Terror In The Sky.

The Woman Hunter (1972, directed by Bernard L. Kowalksi)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Recovering from a traffic accident and having being recently acquitted on charges of vehicular manslaughter, wealthy socialite Diane Hunter (Barbara Eden) heads down to Acapulco with her businessman husband, Jerry (Robert Vaughn).  Diane wants to get away from the publicity of her case and relax but all Jerry seems to care about is business.  When she meets another American named Paul Carter (Stuart Whitman), Paul presents himself as being an artist.  But as Paul seems to be growing more and more obsessed with Diane and Jerry, Diane becomes convinced that Paul may have more sinister motives.  Is Diane right or is she having another breakdown?

The Woman Hunter is a quickly paced made-for-TV thriller that would probably have worked better if the two men in Diane’s life had been played by different actors.  Stuart Whitman and Robert Vaughn were both good actors but they were also so often cast in villainous roles that, as soon as they appear, everyone will know better than to trust either one of them.  The film’s big twist can be guessed just by the fact that Robert Vaughn is playing Diane’s husband.

Whitman seems bored with his role while Vaughn does his usual sleazy businessman routine.  He’s good at it but it’s a role that he played so often that it’s impossible to be surprised when it’s revealed that he’s less than trustworthy.  Barbara Eden gives a good performance and is really the main reason to watch this movie.  After being typecast as a genie in a bottle, Eden goes out of her way in The Woman Hunter to show that she was capable of doing so much more and, for the most part, she succeeds.  She’s sexy, sympathetic, and does just a good enough job portraying Diane’s mental instability that it does at least seem believable that she could be imagining all of the danger around her.  (Or, at least, it would be believable if the men in her life weren’t all portrayed by veteran screen villains.)

The Woman Hunter is forgettable but it was shot on location in Acapulco so at least everyone involved got a nice trip out of the deal.

Women In Chains (1972, directed by Bernard L. Kowalksi)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Sandra Parker (Lois Nettleton) is the world’s most dedicated parole officer.  After one of her parolees is sent back to prison and then dies under mysterious circumstances, Sandra decides to investigate on her own.  For Sandra, this means changing her name to Sally Porter and arranging to be sent to prison on a phony charge.  For some reason, Sandra/Sally only tells one other person what she’s doing.  The plan is for Sandra to spend two weeks undercover and then her friend, fellow parole officer Helen (Penny Fuller), will reveal the truth to the proper authorities and get Sandra sprung from prison.  It doesn’t work out that away, as Helen is killed in the line of duty shortly after Sandra finds herself behind bars.

The prison is run by the tyrannical Claire Tyson (Ida Lupino!), a matron who is more interested in exercising power than in rehabilitation.  Claire’s main enforcer is a butch prisoner named Dee Dee (Jessica Walter!!).  As soon as she enters the prison, Sandra gets on Tyson’s bad side.  Sandra asks too many questions and makes the mistake of demanding that her fellow prisoners be treated humanely.  Sandra even demands that a prisoner be given aspirin for a migraine, which is the type insubordination that leads to a stay in solitary.  (What’s strange is that, in solitary, Sandra ends up sharing a cell with another prisoner which I would think would defeat the purpose of being in solitary.)  With Tyson openly plotting to kill her and the only person who knows where she is dead, Sandra has to figure out a way to escape the prison and reveal the truth about what goes on behind bars.

Compared to most women-in-prison films, Women in Chains is pretty tame.  This is a women-in-prison film that you could safely watch with grandma.  This one was made for early 70s television, so there’s no nudity, no strong language, and even the required prison riot is restrained.  The film asks us to believe that Sandra would not only be stupid enough to only let one person know that she was going undercover but also that a parole officer could somehow walk around the prison without running into any prisoners who she previously dealt with. Obviously, the film’s plot is not its strong point but viewers with an appreciation for camp will undoubtedly enjoy the performances of Ida Lupino and Jessica Walter.  They rule that cell block with an iron fist and are entertaining to watch.