Holidays on the Lens: A Christmas In Tennessee (dir by Gary Yates)


2018’s A Christmas In Tennessee tells a story that’s as old as time.

In a snowy Tennessee town, Allison (Rachel Boston) and her mother (Patricia Richardson) run a bakery.  When a developer named Matthew (Andrew W. Walker) shows up in town, he seems charming enough.  Except … oh no!  He’s planning on buying the town and turning it into a ski resort!

Can love save Christmas?  Only in Tennessee!

Oh, stop being cynical!  It’s a cute movie that takes place in a nice small town and everything works out for the best in the end.  It’s simple and it’s cozy and it’s just right for the holidays.

Holidays On The Lens: Snowed Inn Christmas (dir by Gary Yates)


It’s Christmas!

Tis the season that hardworking New York reporters find themselves stranded in snowy middle America and end up falling in love while saving historic inns!  In 2017’s Snowed Inn Christmas, the two reporters are played by Bethany Joy Lenz and Andrew W. Walker and the inn is located in Santa Claus, Indiana.

Yes, it’s predictable.  Most of these films are.  That’s actually a huge part of their appeal.  They take place in a much more innocent world and they celebrate the holiday season without shame or snarkiness.  The important thing is that Bethany Joy Lenz and Andrew W. Walker eventually make for a cute couple and the snowy scenery is really nice to look at.

Enjoy a Snowed Inn Christmas!

Holiday Film Review: Finding Mrs. Claus (dir by Mark Jean)


Mrs. Claus (Mira Sorvino) has left the North Pole and is living it up in Las Vegas!

Now, don’t panic.  The plot of 2012’s Finding Mrs. Claus does not involve the Kringles going to divorce court.  Can you imagine how traumatic that would be?  It would ruin Christmas for everyone and I have a feeling that Santa probably wouldn’t put much effort into his job afterwards.  Or, even worse, the court might award the Workshop to Mrs. Claus and she might let her new boyfriend, Tony the Gigolo, take over the business.  If that ever happens, I hope everyone’s okay with their chimneys smelling like Axe body spray on Christmas morning.

Fortunately, Mrs. Claus and Kris (Will Sasso) are still very much in love.  It’s just that Mrs. Claus gets upset when she sees how exhausted Kris is at the end of the day.  When she comes across a letter from a little girl in Las Vegas who wants her mom to find a new husband for Christmas, Mrs. Claus decides to give her husband a break and take care of it herself.  With the help of Calvin the Elf (Geoff Gustafson), she loses his white wig and her old German clothes and she is transformed into …. well, Mira Sorvino.  Mrs. Claus heads to Las Vegas, intent on spreading Christmas cheer.

Kris, when he wakes up, is not happy to discover that his wife is missing.  Grabbing Calvin, he heads down to Vegas to find her.  (He loses the beard on the way to America.)  If Kris can’t find Mrs. Claus before Christmas, there’s going to be a lot of disappointed children in the world.  While Mrs. Claus tried to find a husband for Noelle (Laura Vandervoort), Kris tries to find his wife.

And yes, as you probably already guessed as soon as I mentioned that this movie takes place in Las Vegas, there is an Elvis impersonator sight gag.  It happens quickly but seriously, it’s a Lifetime Christmas film that’s set in Vegas.  There has to be an Elvis impersonator somewhere!

What’s that?  Do I hear you being cynical out there?  Well, stop it!  It’s a cute movie!  It’s a holiday movie that features Mira Sorvino being glamorous as Mrs. Claus and Will Sasso being cheerfully clueless as Santa.  Both Sorvino and Sasso really throw themselves into their roles and the fact that both of them are so well-intentioned but yet so naive about life outside of the North Pole actually make their story a rather sweet one.  While Mrs. Claus understood the importance of blending in with Las Vegas, Santa never seemed to get why anyone would doubt him when he explained what he did for a living.

In the end, this is the type of silly, sentimental, and earnest film that works nicely during the holidays.  The holiday season is a good time to be reminded that not everything has to be dark and depressing.  Towards the end of the film, a character spots a shooting star and makes a wish and it’s hard not to feel that it’s a moment that the film has earned.

I enjoyed it.  It’s a merry film.

The Eric Roberts Horror Collection: 2 Bedroom 1 Bath (dir by Stanley Yung)


In this 2014 shocker, a young couple moves into what seems like a perfect 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment.  Rachel (Michele Hooks) and Kevin (Andrew W. Walker) are hoping to start a family in their new apartment.  Their landlady (Dee Wallace) is very happy to hear that.  In fact, it’s hard not to feel that she’s a bit too happy to hear it….

In many ways, 2 Bedroom 1 Bath is a typical “is it haunted or not?” thriller.  From the minute that they move into the apartment, Kevin starts to have strange and nightmarish visions.  He imagines himself trying to pick up a baby, just for it to fall to the ground and shatter like a doll.  Dark shadows move in the background while pale faces are reflected in the windows.  After taking a shower, Rachel doesn’t notice that ghostly figure in the mirror behind her.  Things get creepier and stranger after Rachel gets pregnant and Kevin finds himself not only tempted by student but also taunted by mysterious messages that appear in the mail box.

It’s a bit predictable but Hooks and Walker both give strong performances and director Stanley Yung does a great job of creating an ominous and dream-like atmosphere.  This is a film that features several dozen jump scares and just about everyone of them is effective.  It’s an effective piece of haunted apartment horror.

As for Eric Roberts, his role is a small one.  He plays the fertility specialist and he has three scenes with Rachel and Kevin.  When Roberts first appeared, I assumed his character was going to be revealed to be a part of the supernatural conspiracy but no.  He was just a well-intentioned doctor with two patients who had no idea how much trouble they were about to face.  To be honest, I’m so used to seeing Eric Roberts playing villains that it was kind of nice to see him playing a sympathetic professional for once.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  13. Sensation (1994)
  14. Dark Angel (1996)
  15. Doctor Who (1996)
  16. Most Wanted (1997)
  17. Mercy Streets (2000)
  18. Raptor (2001)
  19. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  20. Strange Frequency (2001)
  21. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  22. Border Blues (2004)
  23. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  24. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  25. We Belong Together (2005)
  26. Hey You (2006)
  27. Depth Charge (2008)
  28. Amazing Racer (2009)
  29. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  30. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  31. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  32. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  33. The Expendables (2010) 
  34. Sharktopus (2010)
  35. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  36. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  37. Deadline (2012)
  38. The Mark (2012)
  39. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  40. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  41. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  42. Lovelace (2013)
  43. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  44. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  45. Self-Storage (2013)
  46. Sink Hole (2013)
  47. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  48. This Is Our Time (2013)
  49. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  50. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  51. Inherent Vice (2014)
  52. Road to the Open (2014)
  53. Rumors of War (2014)
  54. Amityville Death House (2015)
  55. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  56. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  57. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  58. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  59. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  60. Enemy Within (2016)
  61. Hunting Season (2016)
  62. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  63. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  64. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  65. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  66. Dark Image (2017)
  67. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  68. Black Wake (2018)
  69. Frank and Ava (2018)
  70. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  71. Clinton Island (2019)
  72. Monster Island (2019)
  73. The Reliant (2019)
  74. The Savant (2019)
  75. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  76. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  77. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  78. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  79. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  80. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  81. Top Gunner (2020)
  82. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  83. The Elevator (2021)
  84. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  85. Killer Advice (2021)
  86. Megaboa (2021)
  87. Night Night (2021)
  88. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  89. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  90. Red Prophecies (2021)
  91. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  92. Bleach (2022)
  93. Dawn (2022)
  94. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  95. 69 Parts (2022)
  96. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  97. D.C. Down (2023)
  98. Aftermath (2024)
  99. Bad Substitute (2024)
  100. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  101. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  102. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  103. Broken Church (2025)
  104. When It Rains In L.A. (2025

Lifetime Christmas Movie Review: A Christmas in Tennessee (dir by Gary Yates)


How do they celebrate Christmas in Tennessee?

With a lot of down home love!

Or, at least, that’s what I learned from watching this Lifetime Christmas movie.

A Christmas In Tennessee is the latest in a long line of Lifetime Christmas movies that make a big deal about where they’re set.  In the past, we’ve had Christmas in Mississippi and a Christmas in Vermont and I imagine that, at some point, we’ll have a Kansas Christmas or an Iowa Christmas.  The thing that these films always have in common is a strong sense of nostalgia.  These are films that tell us, “You can run off to New York, California, or Toronto but your heart will always remain in either the South or one of the smaller New England hamlets.”

In the case of the film, it’s Alison Bennett (Rachel Boston) who attempted to leave town, heading off to the big city so that she could become a big time French pastry shop.  However, when she became pregnant, she moved back home and got a job working in her family’s bakery.  Now, years later, it appears that the bakery is about to go out of business and her daughter, Olivia, is writing letters to Santa in which she begs Santa for money.  Since the town traditionally publishes all letters to Santa in the newspaper, Alison is worried that everyone is going to realize how bad her situation is.

Meanwhile, Matthew (Andrew W. Walker) has come to town.  Matthew is charming and handsome and actually rather nice but he works for a real estate developer who wants to buy the town square.  Matthew is ambitious.  He wants a promotion.  The only way he’s going to get it is to get his hands on that property.  However, to do that, he has to convince Alison to sign over the land to him.  Alison could really use the money but there’s no way that she’s going to betray the town that she calls home.  That’s not the way things are done in Tennessee!

And then …. okay, let me stop to catch my breath here.  There’s a lot going on in this movie.

*breathes*

Okay …. and then, two mysterious strangers stop by the bakery.  One of them has a white beard and a jolly manner.  The other is his wife and is played by Caroline Rhea.  Olivia takes one look at these two strangers and decides that 1) the man is Santa Claus and 2) Santa loves her mother’s cookies!  It’s time to write another letter to Santa.

Well, of course, Olivia’s letter about Santa’s favorite cookies goes viral.  (It even appears as a story on “Buzz News.”)  So, can Alison use her new found fame to save the town?

A Christmas in Tennessee is okay.  How you react to it will probably have a lot to do with how you feel about Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas films in general.  If you like them, you’ll like this one.  At heart, it’s a sweet movie and both Rachel Boston and Andrew W. Walker give sincere performances.  It’s an idealized version of Christmas and who doesn’t love that this time of year?

I look forward to discovering which state we’ll visit next year.

Cleaning Out The DVR: Snowed-Inn Christmas (dir by Gary Yates)


(Hi there!  So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR.  Seriously, I currently have 193 things recorded!  I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not.  So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR!  Will I make it?  Keep checking this site to find out!  I recorded Snowed-Inn Christmas off of Lifetime on December 16th!)

Oh, Christmas movies on Lifetime!

Seriously, Lifetime totally changes during the Christmas season.  For one month, everything that we normally associate with Lifetime disappears.  Gone are all of the films about being stalked by my doctor or betrayed by my lover or deceived by my house guest.  Suddenly, Eric Roberts is no longer plotting to kill Haylie Duff.  No one’s daughter is getting abducted and sold into slavery.  The houses remain grand and the clothes are still often to die for but, otherwise, Lifetime changes during Christmas.  Suddenly, it’s safe to fall in love with that handsome stranger.  The internet is no longer the root of all evil.  Instead, it’s now become a place where a harried single mother can find a handsome single father and hire him to play Santa Claus at a department store.  Lifetime changes for Christmas and we all love it.

Of course, there’s never anything surprising about Lifetime Christmas movies.  They pretty much all follow the same plot and that’s one reason why we love them.  The holidays can be stressful, especially when you can’t go on twitter without being implored to “take it to the streets.”  Lifetime films (and Hallmark films) provide an escape from all that.  They’re a trip into a much more innocent past.

Take Snowed-Inn Christmas for, example.  That’s not a typo.  While this film does deal with people being snowed in, it also largely takes place in an inn.  The inn is located in Santa Claus, Indiana.  It’s owned by Carol (Belinda Montgomery) and Chris (John B. Lowe).  Yes, they both wear red.  Yes, Chris has a white beard and an infectious laugh.  Did you expect any less?

Evil developers want to tear down the inn.  If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from watching Christmas Lifetime films, it’s that land developers never have the holiday spirit.  They always want to kick people out of their homes right before Christmas.  They always want to build a ski resort or a luxury condo or something.

The only thing that can save the inn is if proof is found that the inn is a historical landmark.  Fortunately, two online journalists, Jenna (Bethany Joy Lenz) and Kevin (Andrew Walker), are staying at the inn.  Kevin is the type of guy who eats a slice of pizza for breakfast.  Jenna uses an electric toothbrush.  That’s really all of the character development that they get but that’s okay.  Walker is handsome.  Lenz is pretty.  Both of them can deliver potentially silly lines with sincerity.  They’re likable and that’s all a film like this really requires.

Anyway, at the start of the film, neither Jenna nor Kevin have the Christmas spirit.  They’re not in love with each other, either.  How much you want to bet that will change as they work to save the inn from being bulldozed?  How much do you want to bet that their burgeoning relationship will be encourages by Carol and Chris, both of whom always have a twinkle in their eye regardless of how close their inn is to being destroyed.

Online, some critics have pointed out that Snowed-Inn Christmas is basically a remake of The Flight Before Christmas.  That may be true but who cares?  All of these Lifetime Christmas films are essentially remakes of each other.  That’s why we love them.  Snowed-Inn Christmas delivers exactly what it needs to deliver.  It’s a silly but sweet little movie.

Hallmark Review: Appetite For Love (2016, dir. David Mackay)


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It doesn’t happen every time, but this time they did it. If you came here just with the hopes that I might know some of the songs that were used in the movie, then you can scroll to the end of this review. Hallmark actually included the songs in the credits this time. I’ve added the screenshot that shows them there.

Unfortunately, they also come right out and tell you in the credits the exact cities where they filmed the movie. Darn it, Hallmark! That takes out all the fun of trying to figure it out.

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Note: Notice the Asian and black lady. I think this is the first Hallmark movie I’ve ever seen with so many people who aren’t white.

We open up with shots of a city which is supposed to be Chatham, Georgia. Seems like a nice place to live. The coffee truck comes right out and tells us that there are “No Bad Days”. Oh, and that’s Mina played by Taylor Cole who’s about it to have a bad day.

That’s when text boxes appear onscreen to tell us what text messages are going on between Mina and her boyfriend Reed played by Marcus Rosner. I’m sorry but these text boxes…

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are no replacement for the computer and text overlays you get in Hallmark movies directed by Kristoffer Tabori. These look like they belong in a cartoon or something.

Mina works at a place called ICB, which stands for International Corporate Brands. Mina goes into the office building and has a short talk with Zoe played by Morgan Taylor Campbell…

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who looks like she’s on her way to a Laura San Giacomo lookalike contest.

Before we setup the plot of the film we take a short trip to the boardroom.

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This scene actually exists to super early tell us that Mina’s boyfriend is a jerk.

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Now her boss (Michael Kospa) who sits at a desk in front of a poster with a butcher’s knife on it tells her she needs to go to Sycamore Springs, Tennessee. The reason she has to go there is when the plot confusion starts. Her boss named Larry actually says that “ICB recently purchased a small regional chain [restaurants] that corporate wants to re-brand and expand.” Apparently, all the stores except the flagship one have made the appropriate changes. She has to go there and make them fall in line. They aren’t responding to calls or emails. Oh, and she’s from that town because Hallmark. What’s confusing here is that later Mina will tell us that ICB is a brand management company. That would mean they don’t actually own anything. They are a go between for other firms who actually own this “small regional chain” of restaurants. Believe me, that may seem like it’s a small thing, but it does make the plot seem a little weird at times as things don’t quite add up.

Moving on, we have a short conversation with her friend Zoe to make sure we know that Mina left Sycamore Springs over a dude. Then it’s off so that Marcus Rosner can be just as much of a jerk boyfriend without having to stoop to alluding to bestiality like the guy in Christmas Land. Kudos to the cinematographer Eric Goldstein for this shot.

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He made sure to keep the top part of the phone enough out of focus so that we can’t read the Canadian cellphone providers name. They will screw it up later, but credit where credit is due.

The way this boyfriend talks about a five-year plan and only having one baby it made me think of China or something. Just kind of weird, but we don’t have time to discuss that because now Mina is off to Tennessee. We know she’s getting close because the radio is playing nothing but country music.

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Must be a bit of a Twilight Zone too seeing as 97.7 out of Jackson, Tennessee plays R&B and Old Skool according to their website. Apparently, also 95.3 has magically stopped playing rock and pop from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s. Weird. Anyways, I’m going ahead and turning on country/rock/pop mixture artist Ryan Adams.

I would give you A Kiss Before I Go by Ryan Adams and The Cardinals instead, but some of the videos I embed have a magical tendency to disappear on reviews of Hallmark movies when I don’t like the film. It’s magic, I tell you!

Now Mina nearly runs into some cows before getting out of the car and stepping in poop. Could be worse, Mina. You could be threatened with two years in jail for dancing to country music, being from the city, and getting a drink thrown at you like in Valentine Ever After.

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Of course she immediately runs into her childhood friend that she left town to get away from. That’s Clay played by Andrew W. Walker. After Bridal Wave, I guess he became a cowboy. He deals with the cows, and drops the info that she was known as Willy in town. I love how everyone will keep calling her by that name and won’t stop no matter how many times she tells them too. It’s like they don’t actually care at all what she thinks or wants to do with her life.

Now she pulls into town and goes to the Sycamore Springs Inn. I love that the lady (Fiona Vroom) seems to be disappointed that Mina doesn’t recognize her. Of course we get the popularity line, but we also find out she was a year behind her in school. I grew up in a small town. A year ahead or behind in school usually means you basically exist in a separate universe. Don’t really know what her problem is here. She also tells us of the upcoming Sweetheart Festival. She now checks her PDF file…

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and finds that they are booked solid. That means it’s off to her Aunt’s (Alley Mills) place. It was either that or a roll-away at the Squirrel’s Nest Inn.

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Hey, it’s Norma Arnold from The Wonder Years! That’s all to that really. She’s just there to remind Mina that none of them are going to call her by the name she wants to be called. Off to the restaurant called Hart’s Country!

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It’s at 23904 Fraser Highway in Langley, British Columbia, Tennessee. She’s showed up during United States appreciation month so the Canadian flag that is usually up was taken down. Inside, it looks like a nice diner.

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I think my favorite sign there is “Soup & Sarcasm: Now Served All Day”. That could almost be the tagline for all of my reviews. Of course Clay runs the restaurant. We find out that Clay’s Dad died three months ago. That’s sad, and they will never explain why he sold the restaurant so if you were hoping for some logic there, then you’re out of luck. She informs him that Hart’s was bought by ICB even though they can’t buy anything being a brand management company.

As I seem to do a lot with my reviews, this is as good a time as any to mention something about this movie I don’t know where else to include.

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I really did like the character of Lucien played by Antonio Cayonne who works at the restaurant. He always seemed to be nice and had a kind face throughout while never seeming wasted or a complete cutout of a character. Just wanted to point him out cause he’s a bright point in the film.

Let’s speed things up here since there really isn’t much to this story and you’ve got the setup now. She’s there to make sure they fall in line. It’s how she’s gonna spend time with Clay. Nobody is going to show a shred of dignity by simply calling her by the name she prefers without her reminding them to do it. But most importantly, the restaurant will sort of fight the changes. They kind of compromise, but still prefer to get their ingredients from local sources. It’s like they gave Damon Hill and Howard Chesley some sort of Hallmark movie writing bible and they wrote something quite generic and lazy. Let’s try to hit the main points.

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While I had to use the crib notes credits about the locations, this scene does reveal that this part of the movie was shot in Abbotsford, British Columbia. Also, this scene is one of the very very few times you’ll see Mina check-in with headquarters. It winds up making the final boardroom presentation she gives seem a little weird since you’d think they would have already known this stuff was in the works. That is unless they really trust her that much, which would contradict her boss telling her he thinks “it’s time you took the lead on your own project.” Just another hole in the script. None of these holes ruin the romance part really, but they do make the film needlessly confusing.

We get a conversation now that makes it clear Clay’s Dad did make a deal to sell his place and it included all the changes she is asking of him. That would mean it wasn’t like Hart’s was a public company that was bought out. Yet someone will tell Clay that his Dad would be spinning in his grave if he knew what was going on.

Now we get yet another scene to confuse matters more. Clay goes to the local bar to vent to his friend. We will ultimately find out that Clay took a big loan out to help his friend who runs the bar and Mina will tell him that’s a reason he has violated the agreement, but then that plot point seems to magically disappear from the story and return in a weird way near the end of the movie.

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The next notable scene is one where Mina says that Hart’s will serve Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, and Chicken among other things. One of the people says “it’s not actual food.” Another line that really doesn’t quite make sense at the time it’s uttered. Later we will find out that “actual food” according to her is homegrown which is really the restaurant’s main point of contention with being bought. The rest is small stuff that they can realistically all work out, but using only homegrown ingredients is expensive. This is also the part where we actually find out ICB only manages brands. They don’t actually own the brands in question. And scene! Seriously, as soon as she drops that bit of information so that future parts sort of make sense, it just cuts to Clay fishing.

This is now when Clay suddenly pulls a will out that says his father left the title to the restaurant to him. He says that means ICB owns the brand, which they don’t since they are just a management firm, but that he owns the restaurant itself. What? That just sounds like someone had an afterthought when writing this script. Also, this will not lead the movie to a conclusion of them giving up the Hart’s brand name and keeping the restaurant. That would end the film too soon and make too much sense.

Now we have a brief scene where they complain about uniforms and name tags. Why? The point of a uniform and/or a name tag is so you know who works there when you eat at a restaurant and so you can be polite by calling them by their name rather than “waiter” or “hey you”. It just makes the restaurant sound like they deliberately don’t want anyone from outside their small town coming to this restaurant. It’s weird and out of place.

Then we get the Sweetheart Festival scenes. It’s like they finally decided to stop heavily focusing on this re-branding stuff and give us some fun back and forth between the two leads. People still keep calling her Willy though. Yes, I know that it’s mentioned over and over because it’s supposed to represent that she has been re-branded herself with the new name, but it just makes the locals seem mean. This is especially noticeable with her Aunt.

My favorite part of this festival is when they have a race where they have to stop at stations and eat food from the restaurant. Sounds like a recipe for a lot of people throwing up to me. However, I love when they come to the station that has The Pecan Tsunami on the table.

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The looks they get on their faces when they realize they have to eat that much desert this far into the race are pretty funny.

After the race, both of them start to loosen up and the movie winds down pretty quickly. The two spend some more time together. We find out more about how Clay is going to use local resources even more in the restaurant. The ex-boyfriend shows up and disappears pretty fast. But he doesn’t leave us before giving us two cellphone screen screw ups and a little more plot confusion. He’s not totally selfish.

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You can see the Canadian cellphone provider Bell at the top. The rest of the screen looking weird may be just because I caught the screenshot while the screen itself was changing, but probably not because this likely is just a screenshot given the next thing we see.

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Anyone who has ever used a cellphone knows that thankfully they turn off the screen when you put it to your ear so you don’t accidentally hit buttons. It wouldn’t do that, like it doesn’t here, unless he is simply talking to a cellphone with a screenshot displaying on it.

Now Reed tells Clay at the festival that the agreement Clay’s Dad made prohibits transferring of the property meaning Clay doesn’t own anything. He also says that the $100,000 loan he took out against his business to help his friend’s bar means that “the mortgage and entire property being turned over to ICB.” Wait…what? So first the will is invalid meaning Clay doesn’t own anything, but the loan he took out to help his friend is going to cause the property to be turned over to ICB that owned it in the first place. Did he mean that the bar was going to be turned over to ICB who again doesn’t own anything themselves? I don’t know. It ultimately doesn’t matter, but just adds needless confusion to the story which should be simple.

Now Mina goes back to ICB to tell them they shouldn’t turn Hart’s into “just another cookie-cutter chain”. She shows some photos that she has been taking with her iPad during the movie to show them what she is talking about. But then she starts to talk down to these people. She starts off with some reasonable things about having a place where they serve fresh food and everything. That sounds nice. I mean they have made it clear up to now that the business has close ties to the local farmers that supply them with the ingredients for the food, which the farmers in turn come to eat. They even can get the water locally. Sounds like that could bring down costs a bit and it seems like a neat idea to have a flagship store that is unique in a chain of stores. To my knowledge, this is something businesses do in real life. But of course there’s also the bit about “relentless advertising”, “60-inch TVs”, and “pictures of little league teams”. She also says, “We don’t need to re-brand Hart’s, sir. We should be using Hart’s to re-brand ICB.” Then this happens.

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She says that it would be nice for restaurants to go back to being a place where people “actually talked while they ate”. Not a bad point were it not for the fact that we saw her talking to her friend in a coffee shop just fine at the beginning. We also saw her and many other people talking in a restaurant at the beginning of the movie too.

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Aside from being insulting even though some of her points make sense, again, ICB DOESN’T OWN ANYTHING. At the end of the day, it’s not their decision to make.

Well, of course after Jimmy Mina Stewart gets done with her speech we found out that it works, and in short order she winds up back with Clay. Cut to One Year Later and the business seems to be doing better than before. Must have been the relentless advertising and selling their own bottled water.

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Then they do something I never thought I would see in a Hallmark movie.

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They break the fourth wall for the final shot. Oh, and she’s pregnant.

My final thoughts on this one. The pros are the more ethnically diverse cast, the beautiful outdoor areas in Canada, and definitely actor Antonio Cayonne. The cons are the incessant it’s Mina not Willy thing, the confusing plot with ICB that didn’t really need to be that way, and the usual small towns are the bastions of the real America nonsense. The cons were too much for me this time around. I can’t recommend this one. Out of the recent crop of Valentine’s Day Hallmark movies, I would say it goes like this:

1. Anything For Love
2. Dater’s Handbook
3. Appetite For Love
4. All Things Valentine
5. Valentine Ever After

Here are the songs:

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Hallmark Review: Bridal Wave (2015, dir. Michael Scott)


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Sorry if I forget some things, but last night after watching this movie I lost cellphone reception and thus went into a severe panic attack. Just kidding, I just said that to make the point that the losing cellphone reception thing to show how shallow and disconnected someone is in a movie is a cliche that is getting really really old. Also, I’ve been quite surprised. I can drive many miles out into the middle of nowhere and still get near perfect LTE where I live. In fact, I only know of two places where I lose cellphone reception. A room that is basically a bunker and one of my favorite parks that is in a canyon. At least this movie didn’t have people in wide flat open spaces losing GPS signals because the writers don’t know how that works.

With a title like Bridal Wave you might imagine that there must be some surfing going on here. That maybe someone is going to end up in a wedding dress on a surfboard. No such luck. This movie opens up at plastic surgeon’s office. We meet Dr. Phillip Hamilton (David Haydn-Jones) and his assistant Georgie Dwyer (Arielle Kebbel). Wait…that means!

Now we meet a girl who for her 21st birthday has just received a nose job. I’ll have to take this movie’s word at that because I look at this girl and think she has had some work done on her eyes instead.

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As I’m sure you’ve guessed already, Georgie and Phillip are closer than just colleagues and are going to be married. Now we meet the parents. It’s not worth your time introducing them. All you need to know is that all the scenes with the parents make you think this is the first time either of them have met the other’s parents. And given a conversation at the end of this movie, I think that was done on purpose. That you are supposed to read it that way. This is a movie that has some uneven writing. This bit about the parents and two conversations at the end of the movie make perfect sense and are based in reality. However, the stuff in between falls back on stupid stereotypes yet again.

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Of course that means we need to introduce the right guy. His name is Luke Griggs (Andrew W. Walker). How do we know he’s the right guy? Because we see him mention that he doesn’t own a cellphone anymore. While we are talking about cellphones. Kudos to this movie for not screwing up the fake video chat scenes the way A Ring By Spring did by accidentally leaving the the bit at the top of the screen that shows what we are seeing is a pre-recorded video.

The setup is that Phillip and Georgie have come to an island that has a hotel which is a popular place to have weddings. In other words, they see wave after wave of brides come through their place. Hence the title Bridal Wave. Griggs is an architect who lives right next door to the hotel and is a little teed off about it because of the loss of the natural beauty of the island. However, up until the end of the movie he kind of comes across like an angry old man waving his cane at the modern world. My favorite part of this is when to explain his point about how imperfections in a person are what make them perfect, he compares them to an outcropping of rocks. Yes, because human beings are exactly like inanimate objects.

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This part happens during Luke and Georgie’s nature excursion. Phillip was called away to perform some surgeries because it was too hard to have both him and Luke in the movie at the same time and have Georgie still pick Luke. During this scene is when we get the ridiculous cellphone reception thing. We also get Luke being confused as to who might want to get their ears pinned back. I totally can’t think of anyone who might want that procedure done.

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Everything else is standard stuff except for two conversations at the end of the movie. The first is when Georgie and Phillip finally sit down and talk about that they probably shouldn’t get married. The reasons they bring up make absolute perfect sense and don’t rely on BS. They do have feelings for each other and they work together so much and so well that marriage just seemed like the next logical thing for them. That’s why they really hadn’t met each other’s parents because they are so busy all the time that they kind of wind up in their own world. Makes sense!

The second conversation is when Luke sits down with the owner of the hotel. Luke basically says the hotel and the marriages don’t bother him, but what bothers him is that the design of the place robs people coming there of the beauty they should be getting by coming to this island. He wants to sell off his place next door, tear it down, and restore it to the way it looked before as a natural grotto to hold weddings in. Again, makes perfect sense!

Why couldn’t the whole movie be like that? Although just to pander to people who want one last laugh at Phillip because he must be superficial and shallow since he does plastic surgery.

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After they cut to one year later to show Georgie and Luke getting married in the grotto, we see that Phillip is with a girl he gave a nose job.

This one is far far better than A Country Wedding, but it still uses too much stereotype BS. You can do better in general, and even from Hallmark.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #115: Kept Woman (dir by Michel Poulette)


Earlier, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Kept Woman!

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Why Was I Watching It?

Well, why not?  First off, it was on Lifetime.  Secondly, the commercials made it look really creepy.  Third, I checked on the imdb and I discovered that this film was made in Canada and everyone knows how much I love Canada.  And finally, I read a very misleading article on Bustle that insinuated that this film was based on the Ariel Castro case.

What Was It About?

One night, after an evening at the theater, Jessica (Courtney Ford) and her fiancée Evan (Andrew W. Walker) return to their apartment and discover that they’re being robbed by a guy who looks like Jack Black’s younger, thinner brother.

Jessica says, “Enough of this city living!  We’re moving to the suburbs!”  Evan agrees to use his life savings to purchase a house in the suburbs.  It’s here that Jessica will work on her book while skyping with her true crime-obsessed friend Oscar (Jesse Camacho).

From the minute he first shows up and offers them a bottle of wine as a welcoming gift, it’s obvious that there is something off about their new neighbor, Simon (Shaun Benson).  For one thing, he dresses like he’s in a community theater production of The Music Man.  He’s a professor of Men’s Studies at the local university and, when he comes over for dinner, he’s clearly both offended and aroused by the sight of Jessica’s visible bra straps.  Also, he’s likes to wear bowties and we all know that, in a Lifetime movie, bowties often equal evil.

Of course, the main clue that there’s something wrong with Simon comes when he kidnaps Jessica and locks her in his basement.  There’s another woman already living in the basement.  Her name is Robin (Rachel Wilson) and she’s been down in the basement for so long that she’s now in love with Simon.

And did I mention that the basement is specifically made up to look like the 1950s?

Because it so totally is!

What Worked?

Oh my God!  Shaun Benson was sooooo creepy!  Seriously, he gave a great over-the-top psycho performance in this film.  Rachel Wilson did a good job too, poignantly portraying just how brainwashed her character had become.  As well, whoever designed and decorated that basement deserves some sort of award.  It was truly a creepy location.

What Did Not Work?

This is one of those films that should have been an insane masterpiece but, somehow, it never worked quite as well as I wanted it to.  The film could never seem to quite decide whether it wanted to be an over-the-top melodrama or a serious look at abduction, abuse, and brainwashing.  Courtney Ford and Andrew W. Walker did not have much chemistry as the endangered couple and, for the film to work, characters often had to behave in the stupidest way possible.  Even the film’s ending, which was obviously meant to be a big “You go, girl!” moment, felt forced.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Jessica, I am totally obsessed with true crime and I enjoy trying to solve real-life unsolved mysteries.  I also imagine that, much like Jessica, I would probably break into my neighbor’s house to investigate whether he was a potential murderer.

Lessons Learned

Creepy neighbors should be handled with extreme caution.