The Crush (1993, directed by Alan Shapiro)

Posted on October 4, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

Darien or Adrian? Adrian or Darien? Who does Alicia Silverstone play in The Crush? It depends on which version you saw.

When the movie came out in theaters, she was named Darien because she was based on a real girl named Darien who writer/director Alan Shapiro claimed was obsessed with him. When the real-life Darien saw the movie and saw that she was portrayed as a psycho stalker, she was understandably pissed off and she sued Shapiro. As a result, when the film was re-edited for TV and later released on video, Darien suddenly became Adrian.

Whether Silverstone’s playing Adrian or Darien, the movie is still fairly lackluster. This movie came out when Alicia was still known for playing the lead in several sexually-charged Aerosmith videos and it features her doing the whole Lolita thing, which was very popular in the 90s. She becomes obsessed with her neighbor, Nick (Cary Elwes). Nick tries to be nice but when it become obvious that he’s not going to risk going to jail even if the the girl next door does look like Alicia Silverstone, Adrian/Darien starts trying to make his life Hell. She also tries to kill Nick’s girlfriend with a bunch of bees. Nick’s girlfriend is played by Jennifer Rubin, who was one of the best of the straight-to-video actresses of the 90s.

(Unlike Alicia’s other pre-Clueless starring turn, The Babysitter, The Crush was not straight-to-video but probably would have been if not for those Aerosmith videos. The Babysitter is also not very good but it’s an unsung classic when compared to The Crush.)

The Crush is one of those movies that got a huge push when it came out. MTV was all over it and the commercials were edited to make it look like a steamy thriller starring the girl that every boy had a crush on in 1993. I can’t remember if the movie got an R-rating or a PG-13 but I do know that my friends and I were bummed out when we were told we weren’t allowed to see it. Later, we rented it on video and discovered, not for the first time, that we were misled. The movie itself is really tame and Alicia’s miscast. She actually seems too level-headed to be the type who would try to kill Jennifer Rubin. Cary Elwes goes through the whole movie with a pained expression on his face, like he’s wondering how he went from The Princess Bride to this. Kurtwood Smith plays Alicia’s father and he was always good as a bad parent. It’s also always good to see Jennifer Rubin, even if her role here doesn’t allow her to show off the wicked playfulness that made her a late night Cinemax favorite. She definitely should have been a bigger star.

The main lesson to learn from The Crush? If you are going to portray an acquaintance as a murderous psycho, at least be smart enough to change the name. It will save you a lot of money and trouble.

The Films of 2020: Valley Girl (dir by Rachel Lee Goldenberg)

Posted on December 25, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Valley Girl is a remake of the 1983 film of the same name. The original Valley Girl was a sweet but occasionally edgy comedy that starred Deborah Foreman and, in one of his first starring roles, Nicolas Cage. Foreman played a popular rich girl who fell in love with a quirky punk rocker (Cage, of course). Full of interesting characters and very much attuned to what it’s like to be a teenager in love, the original Valley Girl was fun and funny but it also had a serious subtext and the film, as whole, holds up surprisingly well.

The remake of Valley Girl tells basically the same story. Jessica Rothe plays Julie Richman. Josh Whitehouse plays Randy. They meet. They fall in love. They both have to deal with the fact that they’re from different parts of Los Angeles. Their friends say that they don’t belong together. The story still has potential but the remake falls flat.

A huge part of the problem is that the Valley Girl remake is a jukebox musical. In the style of Rock of Ages, it features characters expressing themselves by singing songs from the 80s. Like many jukebox musicals, Valley Girl picks the most obvious songs and then deploys them in the most literal way possible. For instance, Julie’s jock boyfriend is named Mickey, just so the cheerleaders can perform Mickey during a pep rally. When Randy and his punk friends show up for the first time, it’s time to sing Bad Reputation. When it appears that his relationship with Julie is doomed, it’s time for Randy to offer up a rather wan version of Boys Don’t Cry. When Julie and her friends go to the beach and start to talk about how they want have to fun …. well, can you guess what song they start singing? The film does make good use of Kids In America but, for the most part, the song choices are too predictable and the cast performs them with a notable lack of enthusiasm.

As for the cast, Jessica Rothe has a few good moments and she at least bring some playful energy to her role. Unfortunately, Josh Whitehouse is perhaps the least convincing punk rocker that I have ever seen. There’s nothing quirky, angry, or dangerous about Whitehouse’s Randy. Instead, he’s a nice young man who has some eccentric friends. He’s the punk who you can take home to meet your parents. He’s like the one jock who hangs out with the nerds and, as a result, everyone’s decided that he must be deeper than he actually is.

Speaking of jocks, Julie’s boyfriend — named Mickey, of course — is played by Logan Paul. Yes, that Logan Paul. Yes, he’s terrible in the role. Josh Whitehouse may have not been a convincing punk rocker but Logan Paul gives a performance that’s so bad that he’s not even a convincing human being. He comes across like an animatronic Disneyland character. He should be in the Hall of Presidents, standing next to George Washington and stiffly nodding whenever Lincoln starts talking. Logan Paul is a huge reason why the film doesn’t work. He’s also a huge reason why Valley Girl sat on the shelf for about three years before finally being released, as Paul’s YouTube controversies led the studio to be weary about releasing a film featuring him.

I guess one reason why I got so annoyed with Valley Girl is that I wanted to like it. Jessica Rothe was great in the Death Day films. I love 80s music. I wanted this to be a good film but it’s just not. Like, sorry.

Cinemax Friday: The Babysitter (1995, directed by Guy Ferland)

Posted on August 28, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Teenager Jennifer (Alicia Silverstone, shortly before she starred in Clueless) is hired to babysit Jimmy (Ryan Slater), the son of Denise (Lee Garlington) and Harry Tucker (J.T. Walsh) while the Tuckers attend a party over at the the home of Bill and Bernice Holstein (played by George Segal and Lois Chiles). Harry spends the night drinking and fantasizing about Jennifer while Denise spends the night fantasizing about Bill. Who does Bernice fantasize about? The movie doesn’t say.

The adults aren’t the only ones fantasizing. Bill’s son, Mark (Nicky Katt), is also obsessed with Jennifer and, while his parents are holding their party, he hangs out with his friend Jack (Jeremy London), who also happens to be Jennifer’s bitter ex-boyfriend. Jack and Mark both start to discuss their own fantasies about Jennifer and they make plans to head over to the Tucker House and surprise Jennifer. (Mark has even more in mind.) Meanwhile, even little Jimmy is having fantasies of his own.

Today, it can be easy to forget just what a big deal Alicia Silverstone was in the early to mid-90s. Even before she landed her star-making turn in Clueless, Silverstone achieved fame as the star of three videos from Aerosmith, all of which featured her playing roles that personified male fantasies. Her role in The Babysitter fits right in with those Aerosmith videos as the entire film is devoted to men fantasizing about her. Not much is revealed about who The Babysitter is and her name isn’t even revealed until the end of the movie. Instead, the movie is about how every male in town, except for George Segal, is obsessed with her. (What makes George Segal so special?) Fortunately, Silverstone had the right mix of innocence and sultry beauty to be believable as everyone’s object of lust. She does a good job playing both the normal teenage girl who just wants to make some extra money babysitting and also the exaggerated caricature who appears in everyone’s fantasies. (Some of the fantasy scenes are ridiculous but most fantasies are.)

Especially after the release of Clueless, The Babysitter was advertised as being a softcore thriller and it used to show up frequently on late night Cinemax, playing alongside films like Body Chemistry. Actually, it’s a satire of the suburbs that follows all of the men as they have too much to drink and make fools of themselves. Thematically, it has more in common with movies like American Beauty, The Ice Storm, and The Virgin Suicides than it does to anything that’s ever been made by Shannon Tweed. While many viewers were undoubtedly disappointed that Silverstone remained clothed for the majority of the film (and that even the scene where she took a bath was carefully shot to suggest more than it showed), The Babysitter was not a bad movie and it provided the great J.T. Walsh with a rare leading role. The Babysitter is a better-than-expected mix of Nabokov and Cheever.

Back to School #50: Clueless (dir by Amy Heckerling)

Posted on September 13, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

By their very nature, teen films tend to get dated very quickly. Fashions, music, and cultural references — all of these serve to make a film popular when it’s first released and occasionally laughable just a few years later. Take 1995’s Clueless for instance. Watching it now, it’s impossible not to get a little snarky when Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) refers to a hot guy as being a “Baldwin.” When heard today, it’s hard not to wonder if Cher is thinking of beefy rageaholic Alec or ultra-religious realty TV mainstay Stephen. (Personally, I prefer to think that she was thinking of Adam Baldwin.)

Clueless is one of those films that I always remember watching on TV and loving when I was little but, whenever I watch it now, I always find myself feeling slightly disappointed in it. It’s never quite as good as I remember and, with each viewing, I’m just a little bit more aware that, while both were very well-cast in their respect roles, Alicia Silverstone and Stacey Dash weren’t exactly the most versatile actresses of their generation. There’s a reason why Dash is now a political commentator and Silverstone is best known for that video of her spitting food into her baby’s mouth. As well, watching the film now, it’s hard not to think about how the talented Brittany Murphy would tragically pass away 14 years after its initial release.

And yet, I can’t help it. I still enjoy Clueless. I could spend hours nitpicking it apart and pointing out what parts of it don’t quite work as well as they should but ultimately, Clueless is a fun movie that features and celebrates three strong female characters, which is more than you can say for most teen films.

Directed and written by Amy Heckerling (who earlier directed the classic Fast Times At Ridgemont High), Clueless is based (quite directly) on Jane Austen’s Emma. In this version, Emma is Cher, the spoiled 16 year-old daughter of a lawyer (played, very well, by Dan Hedaya), who lives in Beverly Hills and who is happy being superficial, vain, and popular. In fact, the only person who ever criticizes Cher is her stepbrother, Josh (Paul Rudd), who is studying to be an environmental lawyer and is visiting during a break from college.

When Cher plays matchmaker and deftly manages to pair up two of her teachers (played by Wallace Shawn and Twink Caplan), she realizes that she enjoys helping people. (Though, it must be said, the only reason she helped her two teachers wass because they were both taking out the misery of being single on her…) So, Cher and her best friend Dionne (Stacey Dash) decide to help another student, new girl Tai (Brittany Murphy), become popular. After giving Tai a makeover, forbidding her to date skater Travis (Breckin Meyer, who is adorable), and trying to set Tai up with rich snob Elton (Jeremy Sisto), Cher is shocked to discover that Tai has become so popular that she is now challenging Cher’s social status. Even worse, Tai decides that she has a crush on Josh right around the same time that Cher realizes the same thing.

Plus, Cher still has to pass her driving test…

As I said before, Clueless is hardly a perfect film but it is a very likable movie. Director Amy Heckerling creates such a vivid and colorful alternate teenage universe and the script is full of so many quotable lines that you can forgive the fact that the story sometimes runs the risk of getting almost as superficial of Cher. It may never be quite as good as I remembered it being but Clueless is still an entertaining and fun movie.