Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.25 “The Prisoner”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Johnny goes to prison!

Episode 2.25 “The Prisoner”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on June 5th, 1989)

After Johnny Ventura’s father is killed by an invisible man….

Wait, what’s Johnny doing here?

No, don’t get me wrong.  I understand why Johnny’s there, mostly because I have the benefit of hindsight.  I know that Johnny is going to replace Ryan during the third season and this episode was obviously designed to get the audience used to the idea of Johnny being a part of the show.  The majority of the episode follows Johnny as he’s sent to prison, having been framed for murdering his own father.  The culprit is another prisoner, Dayton Railsback (Larry Joshua).  Dayton has a kamikaze pilot’s jacket that allows him to turn invisible whenever blood is spilled on it.  Whenever Dayton’s invisible, he sneaks out of the prison and searches for some money that he stole ten years earlier. Johnny is the only person in the prison who knows what Railsback is doing so soon, he’s being targeted by the invisible man.

While Johnny is dealing with life in prison, Micki, Ryan, and Jack are attempting to prove that Railsback is the murderer.  It’s a bit odd because the three of them — our stars! — are barely in the episode and, when they do appear, they’re just hanging out in the antique shop.  They talk about all of the investigating that they’ve been doing but we don’t actually see them doing it.  Watching the episode, one gets the feeling that John D. LeMay, Robey, and Chris Wiggins all shot their scenes in one day and then left on an extended vacation.  They showed up just long enough to establish this as being an episode of Friday the 13th, despite the fact that almost the entire episode is about Johnny.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a disjointed episode.  The show kept jumping from Johnny in prison to Railsback killing people outside of prison to everyone hanging out in the antique shop and it was a bit difficult to keep track of who was planning what.  Myself, I was surprised at how quickly the show went from Johnny’s father being murdered to Johnny getting tossed into prison.  We don’t even see Johnny’s trial.  Johnny was passed out when his father was shot and, quite frankly, it seems like he could have made a very credible argument that he was framed.  (The invisible Railsback puts the gun in Johnny’s hands but he doesn’t manipulate Johnny into pulling the trigger so it’s not like there would have been any powder residue on Johnny’s fingers.)  Johnny and his father appeared to have a pretty good relationship so you really have to wonder what type of case the prosecution made.  The episode ends with Johnny killing Railsback and then being released from prison.  So, is Johnny going to have to on trial again?  I mean, he just stood there while Railsback burned to death.

Weird episode.  It didn’t do too much for me.  I’m going to miss Ryan once season 3 starts.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th The Series 2.3 “And Now The News”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Jack is on vacation so Ryan and Micki try to retrieve an antique on their own.  Near disaster ensues.  I swear, why is Jack always running off?  How can you take a vacation when your job is to literally save the world?  You know who never got a decent vacation?  Atlas.

Anyway, onto the episode….

Episode 2.3 “And Now The News”

(Dir by Bruce Pittman, originally aired October 14th, 1988)

With Jack on vacation, it falls to Micki and Ryan to track down the latest antique, a cursed radio that will reveal information to its owner as long as the owner uses the radio to kill a certain number of people.  (The radio brings people’s greatest fears to life.  So, if you’ve got a thing about snakes, watch out!)  Micki and Ryan discover that the radio is currently in the possession of Dr. Avril Carter (Kate Trotter), who works at the local mental hospital and who is murdering patients so that the radio will help her with her research.  Dr. Carter really wants to win that Nobel Prize.

Ryan and Micki really probably should have waited for Jack to come back because their attempts to get the radio back leads to one disaster after another.  Ryan even manages to get electrocuted while trying to climb over the hospital’s security fence.  Micki, meanwhile, does manage to get into the hospital but she is soon reminded that the majority of the patients are serial killers and perverts.

The best thing about this episode is that radio actually has a voice.  Henry Ramer provides the voice of the “radio announcer,” who says stuff like, “And now the news …. after this murder” and such.  At the end of the episode, it even taunts Dr. Carter when she fails to kill the required number of people and announces that Carter will never win a Nobel Prize.  (The radio then proceeds to electrocute her.)  In a nice touch, the announcer continues to talk to Ryan and Micki even when they’re taking it down to the vault.  It offer to help them out in their quest, in return for a certain amount of murders.  Micki and Ryan end up tossing the radio back and forth between the two of them.  The episode even ends with a freeze frame of the radio in the air.  Hopefully, they got it into the vault eventually.

This was a fun episode.  The mental hospital was a atmospheric location, the radio was an inspired antique, and Kate Trotter gave a good performance as the villainous Dr. Carter.  After two less than enthralling episodes, And Now The News was a definite return to everything that worked about the first season.

A Movie A Day #237: Detention (2003, directed by Sidney J. Furie)


It’s Die Hard in a school!

A group of gun-wielding drug runners have broken into Hamilton High so that they can use it as the base of operations for a huge drug deal.  With the Vice President scheduled to be traveling through town that weekend, they figure that the school will be deserted and no one will be paying attention to what’s going on.  What they failed to consider is that not every student goes home after the final bell rings.  One paraplegic student is still in the library, doing research.  Two more are in the auditorium, getting high.  There’s even a few “bad” kids in detention, including one of whom is pregnant.  Even worse, for the drug dealers, is that Sam Decker (Dolph Lundgren!) is in charge of detention.  He may teach phys ed and history but before he decided to help broaden young minds, Sam was an army ranger.

Of all of the performers who starred in direct-to-video action movies in the 90s and early aughts, Dolph Lundgren was the best actor.  When considering that his competition largely came from Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme, that may sound like damning with faint praise but the fact that Lundgren could actually memorize his lines and hit his marks actually did make a difference.  It is easy to imagine Detention with Lundgren and the results are not pretty.  Steven Seagal would have been too busy whispering his lines and waiting for his stunt double to show up.  Jean-Claude Van Damme would have gotten too caught up in doing the splits to waste his time worrying about the kids trapped in the auditorium.  Not Lundgren, though.  Dolph Lundgren’s too busy getting shit done to worry about any of that.

Though the action sequences are top notch, Detention would work better if the villains were Lundgren’s equal but they’re not.  One reason why Die Hard worked was because Alan Rickman and his men always seemed like they were capable of killing Bruce Willis.  In Detention, the main villains are three Hungarian punks and a flamboyant American, Chester Lamb (Alex Karzis), and none of them seem like they could even carry Dolph Lundgren’s shoes, much less defeat him in a combat situation.  Scenes where Chester pretends to be an innocent bystander seem like they were included to remind us of the first meeting between Alan Rickman and Bruce Willis in Die Hard but Chester Lamb is no Hans Gruber.  There is just no way that Dolph Lundgren is going to lose to someone named Chester Lamb.

Even with the underwhelming villains, Detention is a gloriously stupid action movie that is entertaining because Lundgren gives it his all.