Category Archives: Film Review

10 Films For The Weekend (6/28/25)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is the last weekend of my vacation!  I’ll be back on Monday.  Here are a few film recommendations, inspired by both my vacation and the upcoming patriotic holiday!

Keeping The World Safe

Whenever anyone asks me what the best film ever made about Hawaii is (and it happens all the time, let me tell ya), I always reply with From Here To Eternity.  Then I smile and say, “Or maybe it’s Hard Ticket To Hawaii!”  Directed by Andy Sidaris, Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) has it all.  A mutant snake, a sex doll-carrying assassin on a skateboard, a killer frisbee, the Molokai cops, a single-engine airplane, and Ridge from the Bold and the Beautiful!  This is the film that taught me that the proper way to reply to a guy saying, “Nice ass!” was to smile and say, “You too, Pilgrim.”  Hard Ticket To Hawaii is one of the most deliriously strange and entertaining films ever made and you can view it on Tubi!

After viewing Hard Ticket to Hawaii, be sure to check out Andy Sidaris’s other great film, Guns (1990).  Guns not only features a tropical paradise but it also stars Erik Estrada, giving a totally over-the-top performance as the villain.  Guns can be viewed on Tubi.

As a resident of Dallas, I will always have a soft place in my heart for Sidaris’s Day of The Warrior (1996), in which it is established that the world’s most evil secret organization is headquartered on top floor of the Bank America Plaza and that the evil mastermind lives in “North Dallas.”  You probably have to be from Dallas to get the joke but it’s a good one.  Day of the Warrior can be viewed on Tubi.

Finally, The Dallas Connection (1994) was directed by Andy’s son, Christian Drew Sidaris.  I have to recommend this one because it not only takes place in Dallas but it’s actually named after the city as well!  Filmed on location, this film features plenty of action and exploding toy boat.  The Dallas Connection can be viewed on Tubi.

If you want your action stars to have a bit more of a social consciousness, Born Losers (1967) features Billy Jack (Tom Laughlin) in his first film appearance.  In three subsequent films, Billy Jack would go on to fight for pacifism and Native American rights and would eventually becomes a U.S. Senator but, in this film, he just kills a bunch of bikers who have been harassing tourists in California.  Born Losers can be viewed on Tubi.

God Bless America

Next Friday will be the Fourth of July.  USA!  USA!  USA!

Invasion USA (1952) takes a look at what happens when a bunch of people take America for granted.  Fortunately, Dan O’Herlihy is on hand to hypnotize everyone and force them to experience what life would be like if the communists took over America.  Thank you, mysterious hypnotist!  This film can be viewed on Tubi.

Years later, those commies were still trying to invade and divide America.  Fortunately, Chuck Norris was available to stop them.  Invasion U.S.A. (1985) features one of Richard Lynch’s greatest performances and it can be viewed on Tubi.

I Was A Communist For The FBI (1958) claims to tell the true story of a man who spent years working undercover as a communist.  His family rejected him.  His neighbors scorned him.  This film is a real time capsule of the time it was made.  That said, it’s portrayal of communists as being a bunch of upper class bigots who manipulate a working class that they have no interest in being a part of still feels relevant today.  I Was A Communist For The FBI can be viewed on YouTube.

Odds and Ends

Cold In July (2014) is one of the best neo-noirs of the best ten years and it features an excellent performance from Don Johnson, whose weathered toughness gives him a gravitas that he was occasionally lacking in his younger years.  It can be viewed on Tubi.

Finally, Jeff and I watched Smokey and the Bandit (1977) earlier this week.  It’s one of Jeff’s favorites and, whenever I watch it, I’m always surprised to re-discover how much I enjoy it myself.  Fast cars, a truck that looked a lot like the one my Dad used to drive, Southern scenery, and a theme song that gets stuck in your head, what’s not to like?  I related to Sally Field’s confusion as to why anyone would want to eat at a “choke-n-puke.”  It’s available on Netflix!

(Check out last weekend here!)

 

A Father’s Revenge (1988, directed by John Herzfeld)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

After his flight attendant daughter is taken hostage by a group of German terrorists, basketball coach Paul Hobart (Brian Dennehy) grows frustrated with government red tape and heads to Germany to track her down and save her himself.  Realizing that he doesn’t have the experience necessary to do it all on his own, Paul hires Vickers (Anthony Valentine), a shady and ruthless former SAS man who will do whatever is necessary to get the job done.  Joanna Cassidy plays Paul’s wife.  Ron Silver plays the journalist who sees the opportunity to break a great story as Paul searches for his daughter.

A Father’s Revenge is a slow-moving thriller.  I was surprised to discover that it was actually given a theatrical release because everything about it feels like a made-for-television movie.  It’s a predictable movie.  At first, Paul is reluctant to embrace Vickers’s more extreme methods but then he sees that those methods are the only ones that work when dealing with terrorists.  As usual, Dennehy is ideally cast as a beer-drinking, blue collar American and the underused Joanna Cassidy has a few good emotional scenes as his wife.  The movie is stolen by Anthony Valentine, who brings a note of ambiguity to Vickers’s motivations.  The main problem with the movie is that it spends too much time on scenes of people debating what they should do and not enough time showing them actually doing it.  The finale is exciting but it takes too long to get there.

Brad reviews FAMILY OF COPS III: UNDER SUSPICION (1999) – Charles Bronson’s final film! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Legendary actor Charles Bronson ended his five-decade career by starring in a series of made-for-TV movies, FAMILY OF COPS (1995), BREACH OF FAITH: A FAMILY OF COPS II (1997), and FAMILY OF COPS III: UNDER SUSPICION (1999). I was in my mid-twenties as this series played out, and I enjoyed each of the installments. Today, I’m going to take a look at the final film in the series, and the final film in Charles Bronson’s career.

FAMILY OF COPS III: UNDER SUSPICION opens with Milwaukee Police Inspector Paul Fein (Charles Bronson) and his detective son, Ben Fein (Joe Penny), investigating the double murder of a wealthy banker, Phillip Chandler, and his wife. Their initial suspect, the couple’s son Evan Chandler (Greg Spottiswood), is later found murdered, so they have to keep digging. They eventually uncover a money laundering scandal involving the current Chief of Police (Sean McCann) that may go all the way up to the Mayor (Art Hindle)! As usual, this series includes additional storylines involving other members of the family. One of the subplots involves Paul’s youngest son Eddie (Sebastian Spence), who’s racked with guilt over a S.W.A.T. raid gone wrong. Unable to open the warehouse door at the appropriate time, Eddie blames himself for the deaths of two cops. The other primary subplot involves Paul’s oldest daughter Kate (Barbara Williams), who finds herself pregnant with the child of her social worker boyfriend. Determined to have the baby whether her boyfriend hangs around or not, Kate must navigate their relationship and all the family drama while preparing for the possibility of being a single mother. 

As far as I’m concerned, the fact that this is Charles Bronson’s final film should make it a must watch for any person who considers themselves to be a fan of the icon. Making his debut in 1951 in the Gary Cooper film YOU’RE IN THE NAVY NOW, because he could “belch on cue,” Bronson’s final film would debut on CBS on January 10th, 1999, when he was 77 years old. At such an advanced age, Bronson still commanded the screen even though he was at the end of his career, and as time would tell, near the end of his life. He would be diagnosed in 2001 with Alzheimer’s disease and would pass away on August 30th, 2003. I savor every moment of this film, and while it makes me sad in some ways, in other ways I consider it my favorite of the series. Joe Penny steps up and takes a co-lead role in the film. He’s tough and sensitive, which adds another layer of depth to the foundation that Bronson had established in the first two movies. The series wouldn’t get another movie without Bronson, but I would have definitely been down for a Joe Penny led follow-up! This movie has a stronger sense of humor than we’ve seen in the earlier films, and I also like the main story as Paul Fein and his son take on systemic corruption in Milwaukee. While it’s still formulaic, I found the primary storyline to be more interesting than the generic crime stories in the first two installments. The subplots involving Eddie and Kate add some depth to the Fein family dynamics, but other than the fact that Kate is determined to keep her baby with or without her boyfriend’s help, the subplots didn’t make much of an impact for me. Also, there is one major departure in this installment, as Angela Featherstone does not return as the youngest daughter, Jackie Fein. Nicole de Boer steps into the role, and while she’s cute as a button, the character isn’t given much to do.

Overall, while FAMILY OF COPS III: UNDER SUSPICION is not in the same league as the great films made during Charles Bronson’s prime, it’s still a respectable close to his iconic career. It features good, committed performances, especially from Bronson and Joe Penny. The final shots of Charles Bronson looking over his movie family and smiling as they enjoy each other and share a meal together is a fitting end to his movie career, and one final celluloid glimpse into the man underneath the legendary facade.

Casualties of War (1989, directed by Brian DePalma)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Private Max Eriksson (Michael J. Fox) is a new arrival in Vietnam, a young infantryman who is called a “cherry” by his fellow soldiers.  No one wants to get close to Eriksson because everyone knows that it’s the new guy who is most likely to make a mistake and get himself killed.  The only person who seems to care whether Eriksson lives or dies is Sgt. Tony Messerve (Sean Penn), a squad leader who is so tough and battle-worn that it is easy to forget that he is only 20 years old.  After a member of Messerve’s squad is killed in a firefight and Messerve’s squad had been denied leave despite all of the stress and pressure that they’ve been under, Messerve decides that, during their next mission, the squad is going to kidnap a woman from a village and take her with them.

Eriksson, who is still naive enough to sincerely say, “We’re supposed to be here to help these people,” is horrified by Messerve’s actions.  At first, only he and Diaz (John Leguizamo) refuse to take part in raping the terrified woman (Thuy Thu Le).  Diaz soon caves to the pressure from the rest of the squad and joins in.  Only Eriksson continues to refuse but his attempt to help the woman escape fails when the members of the squad murder her during a firefight with the Viet Cong.  After the battle, the wounded Eriksson discovers that no one in command wants to hear about what happened.  Messerve’s second-in-command, Clark (Don Patrick Harvey), targets Eriksson, trying to shut him up permanently.

One of the many Vietnam films to come out after the success of Platoon, Brian De Palma’s Casualties of War is an intense and disturbing recreation of a true story.   After years of being accused of making misogynistic and exploitive films, De Palma made an effective and sensitive anti-war film, one that did not exploit the suffering of the kidnapped woman but instead portrays the depravity of war and the courage it takes to do the right thing when everyone around is ordering you not to.  While it always takes a while to get used to Michael J. Fox in a serious role (and, at the start of the film, he really does seem to be miscast), he eventually gives the best performance of his career in Max Eriksson and, by using a framing device of Eriksson back in the United States after completing his tour, both De Palma and Fox show how the Eriksson, like countless other veterans, is still haunted by what he saw in Vietnam even after he returns home.  Sean Penn is equally impressive as Messerve, playing him as someone who sacrificed his soul in order to survive in Vietnam.  Messerve has come to view the entire country with contempt and, in his twisted way, he sees kidnapping the woman as a way to reward his squad for all that they’ve endured.  The rest of the cast is also strong, with John C. Reilly making his acting debut as a member of the squad.

Not surprisingly, the dark and disturbing Casualties of War was a box office disappointment.  It’s still one of most harrowing films made about Vietnam and one of De Palma’s best.

Brad reviews BREACH OF FAITH: FAMILY OF COPS II (1997), starring Charles Bronson!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Legendary actor Charles Bronson ended his five-decade career by starring in a series of made-for-TV movies, FAMILY OF COPS (1995), BREACH OF FAITH: A FAMILY OF COPS II (1997), and FAMILY OF COPS III: UNDER SUSPICION (1999). I was in my mid-twenties as this series played out, and I enjoyed each of the installments. Today, I’m going to take a look at the second film in the series.

BREACH OF FAITH: A FAMILY OF COPS II picks back up with the Fein family a couple of years after the first installment. The main storyline follows Police inspector and family patriarch Paul Fein (Charles Bronson) as he supervises the investigation into the murder of a popular local Catholic priest. Of course, the investigation is a family affair, as his eldest son Ben (Joe Penny) is the lead detective on the case. Paul and Ben follow the clues that lead directly to the Russian mafia. As the investigation closes in, members of the Fein family find themselves targeted for beatdowns by Russian henchmen in order to get Paul to drop the case. Other storylines include the widower Paul’s blossoming relationship with detective Anna Meyer. Her “moves” on Paul, which began in the first installment, seem to finally be paying off. Paul’s eldest daughter Kate, the public defender, has her own set of problems when she successfully advocates for the parole of a 12-year-old criminal. On the little psychopath’s first night out, he robs a store, shoots and kills Eddie Fein’s partner, and then gets killed himself when Eddie fires back. Meanwhile, Paul’s youngest daughter Jackie (Angela Featherstone), who seems to be getting her life back on track after the events of the first film, decides she’s going to join the police academy against her dad’s wishes. Finally, Paul’s sister Shelly (Diane Ladd) visits the family, tells stories about her brother, shares a lot of wisdom, and even finds herself caught up in the crossfire of the Fein family / Russian mafia feud!

Charles Bronson was 75 years old when BREACH OF FAITH: FAMILY OF COPS II premiered on CBS on the night of February 2nd, 1997. He still handles the emotional scenes with his family well, gets to throw a couple of punches, and even gets to shoot some people, but the younger men (Joe Penny and Sebastian Spence) handle more of the action this time around. Charles Bronson is still the main reason to watch, but after all of these years, you can finally tell that he is slowing down. There is only one departure from the original cast, and that’s Joe Penny replacing Daniel Baldwin as the eldest son, Detective Ben Fein. I don’t think it hurts the film in any way, and to be completely honest, I prefer Joe Penny in the role. Sebastian Spence and Barbara Williams get to do a little more heavy lifting as Eddie Fein and Kate Fein deal with the aftermath of the young criminal, that Kate helped get released, shooting and killing Eddie’s partner. There is one exchange between Paul and his daughter Kate, who’s dealing with extreme guilt over the situation, that I always found unintentionally funny. It goes something like this:

Paul: “It’s not your fault.”

Kate: “Of course, it is.”

Paul: “Okay! So it is!”

Thanks a lot, Dad! Angela Featherstone, whose Jackie was the most interesting character in the first film, doesn’t have as much to do in this installment. She and Bronson have a great scene together when he tries to talk her out of becoming a cop, but once she heads to the academy, she pretty much disappears from the last half of the film. And finally, I like Diane Ladd as Bronson’s sister in the film. Her character brings another layer of warmth to the family dynamics and helps us get to know her brother Paul a little better.       

As was the case with the original film, the central police investigation into the death of the priest at the hands of the Russian mafia isn’t all that interesting. The bad guys come right out of central casting for TV movies of the era, and the subdued violence and reduced action due to its TV roots can’t help but be compared negatively to the explosive action films that Charles Bronson once headlined. I never felt like the family was really in danger. And this is a completely personal preference, but I don’t care for the romantic relationship that develops between the characters played by Bronson and Kim Weeks. Bronson was dating Weeks in real life at the time of this movie, and they would be married the following year. Although I do hope that they were happy together in real life, I’m just not a fan of Weeks as an actress, and it’s hard for me to accept anyone but Jill Ireland as his on and off-screen love interest.

With BREACH OF FAITH: FAMILY OF COPS II being the penultimate film in Charles Bronson’s career, I definitely recommend it to his fans and to anyone else who enjoys TV movies of the era. While Bronson may be slowing down due to his age, Paul Fein is a perfect character for the icon that allows him to be tough and tender in equal measure. The final sequence of the film always brings a tear to my eye. The entire family is sitting down together to celebrate the weekly “Shabbat” meal when a misty-eyed Paul Fein raises a glass and says, “I’m proud of every one of you… my family.” I know just how much Bronson’s family meant to him, and I can’t help but see that come through in his performance.   

Brad reviews FAMILY OF COPS (1995), starring Charles Bronson!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Legendary actor Charles Bronson ended his five-decade career by starring in a series of made-for-TV movies, FAMILY OF COPS (1995), BREACH OF FAITH: A FAMILY OF COPS II (1997), and FAMILY OF COPS III: UNDER SUSPICION (1999). I was in my mid-twenties as this series played out, and I enjoyed each of the installments. Today, I’m going to take a look at the first in the series.

In FAMILY OF COPS, Charles Bronson stars as Police Inspector Paul Fein. Paul, a widower as we enter this story, leads a family who is heavily involved in law enforcement in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. His oldest son Ben (Daniel Baldwin) is a detective on the force. Ben is a family man in a loving marriage with several wild kids. Paul’s younger son Eddie (Sebastian Spence) is a patrol cop. Eddie’s single, has a beautiful girlfriend, and seems to be a nice guy with a well-adjusted life. Paul’s oldest daughter Kate (Barbara Williams) is a local public defender. She seems to be dedicated to her work, not leaving much time for a social life. And then there’s Paul’s youngest daughter Jackie (Angela Featherstone), who has moved out to California and refers to herself as “the family curse.” This story opens with Jackie reluctantly coming back to Milwaukee to attend her dad’s birthday party. All Paul wants for his birthday is for his family to be together. We soon learn that neither Ben or Kate care much for Jackie and her irresponsible life choices. As a matter of fact, the reason she ran off to California in the first place was to get out from under her family’s disapproval. It’s not long after she gets back that the family wishes she would have stayed away. Sneaking out of her sister’s house late at night to drink and party, she meets the prominent local businessman Adam Novacek (Simon MacCorkindale), eventually going to his home and engaging in sexual intercourse. Sadly, the next morning she wakes up to Novacek’s recently deceased corpse, and she’s arrested as the prime suspect in his murder. Convinced of her innocence, Paul, Ben, and Eddie set about trying to clear her name and find the real murderer. Besides Jackie, other suspects begin to emerge, including Novacek’s current wife Anna (Lesley-Anne Down), his former wife Laura (Kate Trotter), who’s now confined to a looney bin, and a local gangster named Frank Rampola (John Vernon), who has a vendetta against Paul for recently busting his grandson. How far will Paul Fein go to protect his family in his search for a killer?!!

FAMILY OF COPS is a perfect example of what I would refer to as entertainment for the “older person crowd,” and I don’t mean this as a put-down in any way as I enjoyed the movie. I just mean that it fits a type of entertainment that was popular in the 80’s and 90’s. These types of shows would depend greatly on the charisma or reputation of a veteran actor or actress, would contain simple production values, and would usually follow formulaic plots. Examples of the types of shows I’m referring to include MURDER, SHE WROTE with Angela Lansbury, MATLOCK with Andy Griffith, DIAGNOSIS MURDER with Dick Van Dyke, and WALKER: TEXAS RANGER with Chuck Norris. A combination of my dad, mom and grandma loved all of these shows. I’m a big fan of MATLOCK myself. In this case, FAMILY OF COPS leans heavily on Charles Bronson’s five decades as a tough guy icon to anchor a somewhat formulaic crime film and family melodrama. The role of Paul Fein fits a 73-year-old Bronson like a glove. He’s still in good physical shape, and the movie gives him a couple of opportunities to punch the shit out of some much younger thugs and henchmen. That was fun for me.

The supporting cast of the film is solid. Daniel Baldwin and Angela Featherstone make the biggest impact. Baldwin is good as the oldest son, a hothead, tough guy on the job who is constantly being humbled at home. Featherstone has the most beautiful eyes, and her rebellious character seems to have a good heart, but she just can’t seem to keep herself out of trouble. Paul Fein’s love for his troubled daughter Jackie is a sweet part of the story and provides something that most of us can relate to. She told me that she “loved Charles,” and I think you can see that in their scenes together. Sebastian Spence and Barbara Williams don’t have a lot to do in this first installment, but their characters will get their own moments to shine in the sequels. I also enjoy seeing John Vernon and Lesley Anne-Down show up in the movie as various persons of interest throughout the story. Bronson and Lesley Anne-Down had recently worked together in DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH (1994) and were reportedly good friends in real life. Ted Kotcheff directed FAMILY OF COPS, which I find kind of disappointing. The same guy who directed movies like NORTH DALLAS FORTY (1979) and FIRST BLOOD (1982) didn’t bring anything special to the table in this film. I know it’s a modestly budgeted made-for-TV movie, but the best that can be said for the direction is that it’s workmanlike, and you would never suspect that the director had once helmed the original Rambo movie.

Ultimately, I enjoy FAMILY OF COPS because it stars Charles Bronson. Even as an older man, Bronson still dominates a scene, and the ratings success of the movie proved that Bronson still had an audience who wanted to see him on screen. And even though the story isn’t very unique and the central mystery isn’t very exciting, just the fact that Bronson is leading a solid story that includes action, crime, mystery and family melodrama will always provide some moments of joy for his fans like me. This is far from Bronson’s best work, but the old workhorse still knows how to entertain!

Heaven Is A Playground (1991, directed by Randall Fried)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

In the projects of Chicago, Byron Harper (Michael Warren) runs a nonprofit basketball farming system and helps black kids, many of whom would have no other prospects other than a live of poverty or crime, to find a home in college basketball programs.  Byron is passionate about what he does but he’s also a stern taskmaster and not quick to forgive.  When one of his best players, Casey (Nigel Miguel), developed a drinking problem, Byron kicked him off his team.  Byron’s main concern is his stepson, Truth (Victor Love).  Truth is a great basketball player but also has an addiction to cocaine and an attitude problem.

For reasons that are never made clear, white lawyer Zack Telander (D.B. Sweeney) shows up on the court and says he wants to play one-on-one with Byron.  Everyone assumes that Zack is a drug dealer and they tell him to get lost.  But when one of the players is shot, Zack is the only person at the court who has a car.  Zack rushes the player to the hospital and he wins Byron’s trust.  Byron needs Zack to look over a professional contract that is being offered to Truth by sleazy sports agent David Racine (Richard Jordan).

For reasons that are again never made clear, Byron tells Zack to coach some of the more troubled players on the court, including Casey.  At first, Zack isn’t much of a coach but eventually, he gets the players to trust him and start playing like a team.  He also tries to get burned-out Matthew Lockhart (Bo Kimble) to start playing the game again.

Heaven Is A Playground is a mess of a movie that doesn’t really seem to be sure what it wants to say about basketball, the projects, or race relations.  The main problem is that a lot of the decisions made by Byron and Zack don’t make any sort of logical sense.  Moments of broad comedy are mixed with moments of high drama and it makes for an unconvincing and overly melodramatic sports movie.

Heaven Is A Playground had a long pre-production phase.  At one point, a young Michael Jordan agreed to play the role of Matthew Lockhart.  By the time the film actually went into production, Jordan was a superstar and had neither the time (nor, probably, the desire) to co-star in a low-budget sports movie.  After the movie flopped, director Randall Fried sued Jordan for breach-of-contract, claiming that he caused the film’s box office failure by refusing to appear in it and, as a result, Fried’s directorial career stalled.  In the suit, Fried claimed that he was on the verge of being “the next Steven Spielberg” until Jordan refused to do his film.  The jury found Jordan not liable and awarded him $50,000.

(Trying to sue Michael Jordan was a terrible idea in 1998 and it’s probably still a terrible idea today.  People love Jordan!)

Personally, I have to say that Mike made the right decision.

Desert Phantom (1936, directed by S. Roy Luby)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

In a frontier town, rancher Jean Halloran (Sheila Bromley) has a big problem.  Someone is shooting and killing all of her ranch hands and sending her notes in which he tells her to give up her ranch and leave town.  When an ammunition salesman and trick shooter named Billy Donavon (Johnny Mack Brown), Jean hires him to serve as a bodyguard and to track down the mysterious Phantom.  Billy, however, has a secret of his own.

Desert Phantom is a remake of an old Harry Carey film.  I don’t know why Poverty Row did remakes since all of their films pretty much had the same plot regardless.  A stranger comes into town and gets involved with a female rancher and a bad guy who is trying to hide his actual identity.  In this one, Nelson McDowell gets to supply the comic relief as a befuddled veterinarian while familiar faces like Ted Adams and Karl Hackett are there to keep us guessing about how the Phantom could actually be.  If you’ve watched enough of these movies, though, you’ll always be able to guess who the bad guy is.

This isn’t the best of Johnny Mack Brown’s movies.  The Phantom’s story seems like it could have been interesting but that would have meant taking more risks than most of the Poverty Row studios were willing to do.  Johnny Mack Brown is as convincing a cowboy as always and is the film’s saving grace.  Brown was a western star precisely because he could make even something like Desert Phantom watchable.

The Hong Kong Film Corner – WE’RE GOING TO EAT YOU (1980), directed by Tsui Hark! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

WE’RE GOING TO EAT YOU (1980) is the story of Agent 999 (Norman Chu), an agent of the Central Surveillance Agency, who has come to a remote island to catch a notorious criminal who goes by the name of Rolex (Melvin Wong). Once he gets there, he discovers that the island is overrun by crazed cannibals and is ruled over with an iron fist by a power mad Chief (Eddy Ko). Chief hoards the human meat of unsuspecting travelers who happen upon the island for himself and his soldiers, leaving the villagers at the point of starvation. As Agent 999 continues his investigation and tries to avoid becoming lunch, he finds out that the repentant criminal Rolex has become the Chief’s aid in order to expose the evils of the island to the authorities on the mainland without having to go back to jail himself. When Rolex’s plans don’t work out, Agent 999 must then team up with a goofy thief (Hon Kwok-Choi) to fight off the cannibals, save his newfound love (Michelle Kim), and get the hell off of the island in one piece!

The second film to be directed by Hong Kong icon Tsui Hark, WE’RE GOING TO EAT YOU is a wild hybrid of a film that leans heavily into horror, comedy and martial arts. It’s a rather odd mix that contains jarring shifts in tone, a staple of Hong Kong Cinema of the 80’s. One minute we’re watching men have their arms cut off and their guts ripped out, only to immediately shift to slapstick rape humor, before shifting to badass martial arts / roller skating kung fu action choreographed by a young Corey Yuen. Completely unpolished in terms of production values, it’s nonetheless acquired somewhat of a cult classic status due to its raw energy, gory subject matter, directorial pedigree, and anti-communist political themes. I thought Norman Chu was good as Agent 999, even if his charismatic agent isn’t always as observant as we’d hope he’d be. Eddy Ko, who is in one of my favorite Hong Kong films THE MISSION (1999), can be both menacing and goofy as the Chief who will pretty much do anything to preserve his power and supply of meat. The island village puts off its own scary vibes with its creepy slaughterhouse and masked cannibals, always at the ready to hack off a body part. It all adds up to a rather unique viewing experience. 

While WE’RE GOING TO EAT YOU is certainly not for everyone due to its subject matter, those who appreciate the frenetic action of Hong Kong cinema will enjoy this film. It will also fit the bill for those who like kung fu action mashups served with sides of gory gore and silly giggles. Just don’t expect it to have the polished look of Hark’s later films such as PEKING OPERA BLUES (1986) and ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA (1991). 

Ricky Nelson: Original Teen Idol (1999, directed by Sturla Gunnarsson)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

It’s a story as old as time.

Ricky Nelson (Greogry Calpakis) is a star on his parents’s TV show but what he really wants to be is a rock and roll singer.  Ozzie (Jamey Sheridan) and Harriet Nelson (Sara Botsford) don’t know much about the strange rock and roll music but they do know that girls love it when Ricky plays the guitar and sings.  Ricky becomes a star and a teen idol but chafes at his parents’s attempts to control his music and his image.

This is another one of those behind-the-scenes entertainment biopics that were all the rage of television for a while.  This one was made for VH-1 instead of the any of the major networks and, as a result, it’s a little bit explicit in its depiction of Ricky’s sex life and his later drug use.  Ricky goes from being a teen idol to being a long-haired proto-hippie, getting booed by all the squares who only want to hear the oldies.  Not surprisingly, it’s a pretty shallow movie.  Ricky is played by Gregory Calpakis, who appears to be the same age of Jamey Sheridan, who plays his father.

Movies like this will never go out of style.  It’s inevitable that eventually, there will be biopics of Cobain, Bradley Nowell, Mac Miller, and all the rest.  They’ll be AI-generated which will make them seem even worse.

Again, a story as old as time.